Question for people in their twenties

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Aurelia

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I have a twenty-year old son who is depressed about finding a good girl to marry. He told me that girls these days are either not interested in marriage, or they want to marry rich guys and have no children. How widespread is this attitude?
 
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Aurelia:
I have a twenty-year old son who is depressed about finding a good girl to marry. He told me that girls these days are either not interested in marriage, or they want to marry rich guys and have no children. How widespread is this attitude?
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Well I’m a 22 year old female and I don’t agree with your son’s assessment of women - I don’t believe any practicising Catholic girl who is “into” her faith would have that attitude. Therefore I would advise him to join or get involved in a group (e.g. prayer group) that Catholic girls go to.
Also, it’s not just about finding “a good girl to marry”, it’s also about being a “good guy” that a “good girl” would want to marry. If I were him I would start novena prayers to St. Joseph to ask that HE becomes the guy that will attract “a good girl” to him. If he made out a list of things that he thinks a future wife would want in him and start working on those virtues then that would be a very good thing.
At the end of the day though, God has his plan for our lives so perhaps instead of focussing on “finding a good girl” he should concentrate more on discerning what God wants him to do with his life and allow the Lord to bring a Godly girl into his life (going to a prayer group with like-minded Catholics is part of allowing God to bring someone into our lives I think).
Dem’s me gems:)
 
very.

(Though no woman I know would say it out loud)

And as a “late twenties” gal who claims no association with the aforementioned thoughts, I have a hard time finding men who do not flit around the same immaterial thoughts as the girls your son dates.

You can remind him though, that his future spouse is somewhere walking the earth right now. And that he needs to continue to make good decisions for her and their future life.

And, if marriage is not for him- there are many wonderful ways that God calls people who are single to live out the single life vocations. (And no they aren’t all priests and nuns.)
 
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dublingirl:
Well I’m a 22 year old female and I don’t agree with your son’s assessment of women - I don’t believe any practicising Catholic girl who is “into” her faith would have that attitude. Therefore I would advise him to join or get involved in a group (e.g. prayer group) that Catholic girls go to.
Also, it’s not just about finding “a good girl to marry”, it’s also about being a “good guy” that a “good girl” would want to marry. If I were him I would start novena prayers to St. Joseph to ask that HE becomes the guy that will attract “a good girl” to him. If he made out a list of things that he thinks a future wife would want in him and start working on those virtues then that would be a very good thing.
At the end of the day though, God has his plan for our lives so perhaps instead of focussing on “finding a good girl” he should concentrate more on discerning what God wants him to do with his life and allow the Lord to bring a Godly girl into his life (going to a prayer group with like-minded Catholics is part of allowing God to bring someone into our lives I think).
Dem’s me gems:)
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I agree with dublingirl. Those faithful Catholic women will have the right attitude. Tell him to get busy helping out at the Church!

😉
 
It’s very difficult, if not impossible nowadays to meet anyone who is first of all, interested in marriage or even commitment and second of all who is a faithful Catholic who lives their faith. People don’t even go out on dates anymore, they “hang out”, then have casual sex, and then maybe after many hook-ups might start calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend. Personally, with my standards for my future husband coupled with where I live (Boston) I have serious doubts sometimes about if I will ever find a good man to marry. Please pray for me and everyone who is looking for someone to marry.
 
Okay, I’m going to jump in here, even though I’m 51. Just consider me the Voice of Experience.

I can tell you how some men in my family found their future spouses–nice Catholic girls.

One of my great-grandfathers complained to the parish priest that he couldn’t find a nice Catholic girl. It just so happened that a nice Catholic girl had complained to the same priest that she couldn’t find a nice Catholic boy. So the priest introduced them to each other.

My father found my mother at church. He offered her a ride home so she wouldn’t have to take the bus.

My father-in-law met his future wife on the steps outside church.

My husband met me through a Catholic singles club. He was in the club for several years before I came along. We were both in our thirties and had about given up hope. However, our marriage is the kind that was worth every second of waiting for (and we will celebrate our 16th anniversary this week).

Twenty is far too young to give up on finding the right young lady. She is out there, somewhere (maybe at Sunday Mass!), and probably looking for him.
 
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Starsweeper:
It’s very difficult, if not impossible nowadays to meet anyone who is first of all, interested in marriage or even commitment and second of all who is a faithful Catholic who lives their faith. People don’t even go out on dates anymore, they “hang out”, then have casual sex, and then maybe after many hook-ups might start calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend. Personally, with my standards for my future husband coupled with where I live (Boston) I have serious doubts sometimes about if I will ever find a good man to marry. Please pray for me and everyone who is looking for someone to marry.
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I’m sorry but I have to disagree with you. There are many good spiritfilled single Catholic men and women serving the Lord in the Catholic Ministry CFC-Singles for Christ (link below). I would submit, the focus of the ministry is on the Lord and not on dating.
 
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Starsweeper:
It’s very difficult, if not impossible nowadays to meet anyone who is first of all, interested in marriage or even commitment and second of all who is a faithful Catholic who lives their faith. People don’t even go out on dates anymore, they “hang out”, then have casual sex, and then maybe after many hook-ups might start calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend. Personally, with my standards for my future husband coupled with where I live (Boston) I have serious doubts sometimes about if I will ever find a good man to marry. Please pray for me and everyone who is looking for someone to marry.
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As someone who also lives in Boston, I just want to say that I have not found it impossible to meet a faithful Catholic and get married. I my fiance after becoming involved with the Catholic Center at Boston University, and we will be married in just under six weeks. He is incredibly devoted to his faith, and I have met many other Catholic men and women through that community who are just as deeply committed to Catholicism.

I don’t think it’s ever easy to wait for God’s plan regarding our future spouse, but it certainly isn’t impossible to do.
 
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dublingirl:
Well I’m a 22 year old female and I don’t agree with your son’s assessment of women - I don’t believe any practicising Catholic girl who is “into” her faith would have that attitude. Therefore I would advise him to join or get involved in a group (e.g. prayer group) that Catholic girls go to.
Also, it’s not just about finding “a good girl to marry”, it’s also about being a “good guy” that a “good girl” would want to marry. If I were him I would start novena prayers to St. Joseph to ask that HE becomes the guy that will attract “a good girl” to him. If he made out a list of things that he thinks a future wife would want in him and start working on those virtues then that would be a very good thing.
At the end of the day though, God has his plan for our lives so perhaps instead of focussing on “finding a good girl” he should concentrate more on discerning what God wants him to do with his life and allow the Lord to bring a Godly girl into his life (going to a prayer group with like-minded Catholics is part of allowing God to bring someone into our lives I think).
Dem’s me gems:)
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i am a 29 year old male who is married. but i if i hadn’t already found the perfect girl…i’d be moving to ireland and pursuing dublin girl. this is such a great answer. too many men nowadays don’t want to take responsibility for their situations. if he becomes the man God wants him to be, he will find the woman God wants for him or find where he is supposed to be as a single man.
 
Well, I’m not quite in my twenties…I am nineteen, and close enough I think. My thoughts are that twenty is way too young to be freaking out. Now, granted, I met my boy friend when I was 16, and we are now seriously looking at marriage, so I may just be speaking from the standpoint that I’ve already found my guy, but still. I know what it feels like to not see any good people around who would make good marriage potential. I felt that way up until I met my b/f…and even awhile after because he was not Catholic at the time.
But do not give up. God has the perfect girl out there for you. Don’t spend your time right now searching for the girl you are to marry. If you do that you will become so one-track minded that you might not go to that retreat that you were going to meet your future wife…or do that service project that she was going to be at…just find the things that God wants you to fill your life with right now, and when the time is right you will see her, and know right away that your search is over.
 
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dublingirl:
Well I’m a 22 year old female and I don’t agree with your son’s assessment of women - I don’t believe any practicising Catholic girl who is “into” her faith would have that attitude. Therefore I would advise him to join or get involved in a group (e.g. prayer group) that Catholic girls go to.
Also, it’s not just about finding “a good girl to marry”, it’s also about being a “good guy” that a “good girl” would want to marry. If I were him I would start novena prayers to St. Joseph to ask that HE becomes the guy that will attract “a good girl” to him. If he made out a list of things that he thinks a future wife would want in him and start working on those virtues then that would be a very good thing.
At the end of the day though, God has his plan for our lives so perhaps instead of focussing on “finding a good girl” he should concentrate more on discerning what God wants him to do with his life and allow the Lord to bring a Godly girl into his life (going to a prayer group with like-minded Catholics is part of allowing God to bring someone into our lives I think).
Dem’s me gems:)
Click to expand...
I agree with you… I am soon to be 19 and have never had a boyfriend so I can understand how he would feel that way…It is hard to find someone who shares your beleifs and that you are attracted to, but that’s where faith comes in. He needs to place all his trust in God and, if God wills it, he will find his calling in the right girl. I have learned to do this and I’m not really worried about trying to meet the right guy because I have faith that God will bring him into my life at some point…

I do believe that there are many good Catholic girls out there. I know so many just in my campus ministry which is rather small… So I’m sure there are many more out there! So like Dublingirl says, get invloved…maybe he could help serve the poor(I have met many people doing this), or go to a prayer group or bible study, retreats are also a blast…These things are a lot of fun and you make life long friends, and perhaps even meet your future spouse…😉
 
I’m sure there are plenty of faithful young Catholic women out there…but I have to admit I haven’t met too many. I’m 25, and most of my peers think it’s “shocking” that I’ve been married for four years and am about to have a baby. “I’m SOO not ready for that, yet. I want to focus on my career” they all say. And I just don’t see very many young women involved in Catholic ministry. Sure, they go to Church (sometimes), but God is not first in their lives. Many women my age are incredibly shallow, flaky and selfish, but maybe that just comes with the early 20’s. I’m sure if you were to take women from CFC, young-adult ministry, volunteer organizations, and other such places, you would find many faithful Catholics.

But I would tell your son not to worry. He’ll find a woman to marry. But he must pray, be patient, and just accept that it may take a while. My husband is quite a bit older than I, never married, and thought he would likely never marry. You just never know when you’ll meet that “special someone.”
 
Well, I’m not 20, I’m 18, but I like to think that I am a good guy, and I can guarantee you that my 18 yo gf is an amazingly faithful Catholic and generally a nice girl. There are people out there. But let me let you in on a secret I met her at church! Don’t let it get out that all the nice girls hang out there 😉

Eamon
 
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dhgray:
I’m sorry but I have to disagree with you. There are many good spiritfilled single Catholic men and women serving the Lord in the Catholic Ministry CFC-Singles for Christ (link below). I would submit, the focus of the ministry is on the Lord and not on dating.
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I don’t see how you can disagree with me. It’s just my own personal experience, and it’s an experience that many will testify to. I’m not denying that are some faithful Catholic young men out there but I have yet to run into any in my neck of the woods. I’m not saying that I never will, but at present it’s pretty much like finding a needle in a haystack. Add to that he may be religious but we may be incompatible in every other way. Also, the advice of looking for guys at church doesn’t help me out too much because where I live I have never seen a guy even remotely my age in church or in any other church in my area.
 
I would suggest for him to read 1 Corinthians 7…read the whole chapter, it only takes a couple of minutes.
 
I’m 26, almost 27…I met my husband at college, and while neither of us were particularly faith-filled at the time, we have grown to be…and we have grown together because of it. We’ve been married almost 3 years…we were together for about 5 almost 6 years before we married. This spring we were confirmed.

Tim and I were lucky to find each other when we did, and when we look back on things, there were so many decisions that we each made to put us there together. Had either of us made a different decision we might never have found each other when we did.

Tell your son, to be patient…to be a good man, one that will treat a woman with respect, love and tenderness…I happened to be pretty sick when Tim met me, he treated me so kindly and with so much delicacy…he still does…and I am so thankful for the decisions we made that led us to each other…it was truly divinely inspired and we have been very blessed…

I wish him the best of luck, and that God will bless him!

Jamie
 
New Zealanders aren’t that impressed by wealth so few girls want to find a “rich guy” to marry, in my experience. There can be an attitude among twenty-somethings that it’s difficult to find the right person to date but I don’t think it’s as despairing as all that, despite ours being one of the most secular countries in the world. There are more men than women here until you get into your thirties and a lot of people are nice, even if they don’t share the same values. I’m personally not worried at this point (almost 19). In the past couple of years I’ve met a lot of mid-20’s Catholics who’ve just found their Catholic mates, particularly through a young adults Catholic summer school.
 
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MooCowSteph:
I’m sure there are plenty of faithful young Catholic women out there…but I have to admit I haven’t met too many. I’m 25, and most of my peers think it’s “shocking” that I’ve been married for four years and am about to have a baby. “I’m SOO not ready for that, yet. I want to focus on my career” they all say. And I just don’t see very many young women involved in Catholic ministry. Sure, they go to Church (sometimes), but God is not first in their lives. Many women my age are incredibly shallow, flaky and selfish, but maybe that just comes with the early 20’s. I’m sure if you were to take women from CFC, young-adult ministry, volunteer organizations, and other such places, you would find many faithful Catholics.

But I would tell your son not to worry. He’ll find a woman to marry. But he must pray, be patient, and just accept that it may take a while. My husband is quite a bit older than I, never married, and thought he would likely never marry. You just never know when you’ll meet that “special someone.”
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I agree with what Steph is saying…my friends from work who are not into their faith, are very interested in marrying a guy with money/not getting married at all/not having children at all. I’m 24 and have been married a year and a half and there’s a lot of surprise on their part when they hear that. People seem to think everyone under 30 these days needs to be immature and party to be normal.

On the positive side for your son, he should be able to “weed out” very easily who would and would not be someone he’d be interested in dating and getting to know. Solid Catholic young adults are a little bit more difficult to find, but they are out there. My husband and I were blessed to go to and meet each other at an excellent Catholic college. But where we live now there are several Catholic young adult groups and other faith formation groups and activities where there are faithful Catholics - you just have to find them.

Dublingirl’s advice is rock solid and most important, though. Worrying about finding a good Catholic woman is not going to help anything; praying and discerning the heart of God is what will give your son true joy no matter what God’s plan for him. In my experience, giving of self in service is usually rewarded ten times over and richly blessed by God as well - that would be an important part of discernment and a time to be around other Catholics as well. If he hasn’t already, I’d encourage your son to read “I Kissed Dating Goodye” by Joshua Harrison. Though I didn’t agree with everything in it, it was a great inspiration to me when I was single and discerning my vocation. It definitely teaches the right attitude we need to have as Christians.
 
Kay Cee

I loved your post!!
My husband and I met at mass when I was in College. We are going on five years now. I’m 25 now and he’s 23. We still recommend Mass for people who are looking for good Catholic girls and boys!

Danielle
 
20 is an early age to be depressed. He needs to be patient.

He probably knows everyone wants someone who has potential to raise a family (financially, spiritually) and to be able to take their spouse out to public functions.

Your son will probably also meet girls who want to marry rich, have children, and not work. He already knows to avoid them. Thank goodness! I understand his dilemma. But do not be deceived, there are some who appear to be dedicated Catholics, and they too want to marry rich, have children, and not work.

There is no gurantee the type of person he wants to marry will be attending the same parish. The community always welcomes new members!
 
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