Thank you for all the responses…
alright so I went to see a doctor, and now I’m in a lot of emotional pain.
I really felt like I would be more comfortable with a female doctor, but I went to see a walk in doctor for another issue, and my mom told me to bring it up then. She was there with me. The doctor was a man… I asked him about my problem, and he said he could take a look at it and tell me if there’s anything wrong. He did, and told me it’s not an illness.
But here’s what’s been happening to me since then… I feel completely violated, even though he wasn’t creepy at all and treated the matter very professionally. I didn’t get the sense that he was looking at me lustfully or anything, but in the way a doctor should.
But… well one of the things I felt so good about before, is that I’m trying to live a pure life and that I’m saving myself for my future husband. Even though I don’t have a perfect past at all, I felt that so happy that I’m living chastely now. But after the doctor’s appointment, I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself… I feel like i’ve lost my innocence in a way. He saw a part of me that I don’t want to show to anyone except my husband… and he touched me too, and he wasn’t wearing gloves. I also saw a wedding ring on his finger and now I feel so guilty and like I committed adultery.
I’ve decided that even though society says it’s alright for a woman to have a male GYN, I don’t know if it’s alright with God… even though he’s a doctor, he’s still a man… how do I know that an impure thought didn’t go through his mind? and even though the context wasn’t at all sexual, I still feel like no man should see that part of me if I’m not married to him,. If it was a female doctor, I wouldn’t worry.
I’m going through so much emotional turmoil right now… I feel like I’ve sinned, I no longer feel pure like I did before, it’s like I’ve lost something very special.
I mentioned this to someone and it was met with a lot of misunderstanding… and I think that many of you would disagree with me, probably for very valid reasons. But I really feel this strongly. I want to go to Confession for this. But I feel that even after Confession, I’d still feel the same way. I can’t take back what happened… I just feel SUCH a sense of loss. And it’s terrible because if this is a sin, then the doctor and my mom sinned too, because of me.
How can I ever get over this? by the way I’m never seeing a male doctor for anything like this again. I don’t care if they are more common or even if they are better. There are certain parts of us that only a spouse should see.