Question On Changing Parishes

[Revert2015]

Hello -

Please forgive me for asking a question that may rub some the wrong way, but I just don’t know where else to go for an answer to this. My wife and I recently moved to a new area in November 2015. We are both revert Catholics , but have not officially re-joined the church as far as Adult Confirmation or RCIA goes. Basically, one year ago, we decided that the Catholic Church is where we belong and we have committed to that for us and our children (one 3 year-old, another due on May 6th). We immediately began searching for a parish once we moved here, and for some reason or another, had difficulty making that decision. I was torn between two parishes for different reasons. I had some concerns about some of the things being offered at one parish, and so ultimately opted to attend choice 2. We have been attending choice 2 for several months and it is a nice place. All along I’ve had some doubts that this is actually the better fit for us, but we have enjoyed it and have reached out by attending some of their events. I met with the Adult Formation coordinator about the process of RCIA, baptism, etc, though we haven’t officially initiated any process of any sort.

There are a couple things at play, I guess. One, we have a 3 year old who is extremely hyper and who will not sit through a mass without basically screaming and having a fit. It is just fighting a losing battle to have him in there with us for mass, and it isn’t beneficial for any of us. They occasionally offer a staffed nursery, but is very sporadic, so what we’ve been doing is taking turns every sunday with being with him in the nursery room even though there’s no staff in there. So, we’ve been attending mass separately since the start. It just doesn’t feel right, and it feels disjointed. Choice 1, offers a staffed nursery every week, along with a men’s group and more opportunities to get connected, outreach, etc. I hate to even mention this because I’m totally sounding like a consumer, but we are just trying to find the best fit for us as a family and settle down. We’ve already registered at choice 2, so now I’m feeling like it would be wrong to check out another parish that may be the better fit. I would love to hear people’s thoughts on this? Can I check out another parish once registered at Choice 2? Also, if we discover that this nagging feeling all along about the other place being the better fit is correct, is it okay to start attending there instead and then eventually registering there. We’ve been attending the current church for 3 months, somewhat sporadically and we don’t currently have any commitments there. Are we now committed to the place we have registered, which I feel that we were a bit hasty in doing.

Lastly, I have since met one on one with the priest of choice 1 and he addressed my concerns I had with two of their offerings there. I felt like he addressed my concerns and answered my questions to where I understood better, and I felt like I could lay it down.

Thanks in advance for your comments and advice.

 

[pianistclare]

Pick the one that serves your family the best and stop fretting over it.
God doesn’t expect the impossible when dealing with toddlers.
Go where there is a nursery where you can worship peacefully.
Welcome home. God bless you.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

You can attend Mass at any Catholic parish. The important thing is to go. Don’t make too much out of being registered at one parish vs. another. The Church is** One**, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic. [Note the first word: **One] There is no need to feel guilty about attending a different parish that fits your/your family’s needs better. The parishes are all on the same team. It is important to know and communicate with your pastor and have your children in the religious education programs.

 

[runningdude]

Hello -

Please forgive me for asking a question that may rub some the wrong way, but I just don’t know where else to go for an answer to this. My wife and I recently moved to a new area in November 2015. We are both revert Catholics , but have not officially re-joined the church as far as Adult Confirmation or RCIA goes. Basically, one year ago, we decided that the Catholic Church is where we belong and we have committed to that for us and our children (one 3 year-old, another due on May 6th). We immediately began searching for a parish once we moved here, and for some reason or another, had difficulty making that decision. I was torn between two parishes for different reasons. I had some concerns about some of the things being offered at one parish, and so ultimately opted to attend choice 2. We have been attending choice 2 for several months and it is a nice place. All along I’ve had some doubts that this is actually the better fit for us, but we have enjoyed it and have reached out by attending some of their events. I met with the Adult Formation coordinator about the process of RCIA, baptism, etc, though we haven’t officially initiated any process of any sort.

There are a couple things at play, I guess. One, we have a 3 year old who is extremely hyper and who will not sit through a mass without basically screaming and having a fit. It is just fighting a losing battle to have him in there with us for mass, and it isn’t beneficial for any of us. They occasionally offer a staffed nursery, but is very sporadic, so what we’ve been doing is taking turns every sunday with being with him in the nursery room even though there’s no staff in there. So, we’ve been attending mass separately since the start. It just doesn’t feel right, and it feels disjointed. Choice 1, offers a staffed nursery every week, along with a men’s group and more opportunities to get connected, outreach, etc. I hate to even mention this because I’m totally sounding like a consumer, but we are just trying to find the best fit for us as a family and settle down. We’ve already registered at choice 2, so now I’m feeling like it would be wrong to check out another parish that may be the better fit. I would love to hear people’s thoughts on this? Can I check out another parish once registered at Choice 2? Also, if we discover that this nagging feeling all along about the other place being the better fit is correct, is it okay to start attending there instead and then eventually registering there. We’ve been attending the current church for 3 months, somewhat sporadically and we don’t currently have any commitments there. Are we now committed to the place we have registered, which I feel that we were a bit hasty in doing.

Lastly, I have since met one on one with the priest of choice 1 and he addressed my concerns I had with two of their offerings there. I felt like he addressed my concerns and answered my questions to where I understood better, and I felt like I could lay it down.

Thanks in advance for your comments and advice.

You may attend any parish you wish, without any consequence whatsoever; you could alternate week to week if need be. Eventually, you’ll end up going to one out of habit; simply register there once you are comfortable.

Children are not required to attend mass until they are able to understand proper mass behavior. It is even acceptable for a parent to miss mass to care for a young child.

 

[svid2]

Pax Christi! And welcome home!

Here I’m no expert, but I always understood that we are to belong to, and financially support, one nearby parish. From week to week, attendance may vary.

For the sake of certainty, check with someone who knows for sure; talk with a priest. Another parishioner (like me) might be able to help, but it would be best to check with authority.

God bless!

 

[Don_Ruggero]

Hello -

Please forgive me for asking a question that may rub some the wrong way, but I just don’t know where else to go for an answer to this. My wife and I recently moved to a new area in November 2015. We are both revert Catholics , but have not officially re-joined the church as far as Adult Confirmation or RCIA goes. Basically, one year ago, we decided that the Catholic Church is where we belong and we have committed to that for us and our children (one 3 year-old, another due on May 6th). We immediately began searching for a parish once we moved here, and for some reason or another, had difficulty making that decision. I was torn between two parishes for different reasons. I had some concerns about some of the things being offered at one parish, and so ultimately opted to attend choice 2. We have been attending choice 2 for several months and it is a nice place. All along I’ve had some doubts that this is actually the better fit for us, but we have enjoyed it and have reached out by attending some of their events. I met with the Adult Formation coordinator about the process of RCIA, baptism, etc, though we haven’t officially initiated any process of any sort.

There are a couple things at play, I guess. One, we have a 3 year old who is extremely hyper and who will not sit through a mass without basically screaming and having a fit. It is just fighting a losing battle to have him in there with us for mass, and it isn’t beneficial for any of us. They occasionally offer a staffed nursery, but is very sporadic, so what we’ve been doing is taking turns every sunday with being with him in the nursery room even though there’s no staff in there. So, we’ve been attending mass separately since the start. It just doesn’t feel right, and it feels disjointed. Choice 1, offers a staffed nursery every week, along with a men’s group and more opportunities to get connected, outreach, etc. I hate to even mention this because I’m totally sounding like a consumer, but we are just trying to find the best fit for us as a family and settle down. We’ve already registered at choice 2, so now I’m feeling like it would be wrong to check out another parish that may be the better fit. I would love to hear people’s thoughts on this? Can I check out another parish once registered at Choice 2? Also, if we discover that this nagging feeling all along about the other place being the better fit is correct, is it okay to start attending there instead and then eventually registering there. We’ve been attending the current church for 3 months, somewhat sporadically and we don’t currently have any commitments there. Are we now committed to the place we have registered, which I feel that we were a bit hasty in doing.

Lastly, I have since met one on one with the priest of choice 1 and he addressed my concerns I had with two of their offerings there. I felt like he addressed my concerns and answered my questions to where I understood better, and I felt like I could lay it down.

Thanks in advance for your comments and advice.

By the norms of canon law, your parish, and therefore the priest who has the mandate of your pastoral care, is determined by the boundaries of the parish in which you live, essentially…unless you qualify by some title to belong to a non-geographical personal parish erected by the bishop.

That said, I presume you are in the United States, where there is a much broader approach to de facto as opposed to de jure membership in a parish. And, of course, one may freely attend Mass in a parish that is not your own and even in a different rite, if you wished. So, in short, you should attend the parish that affords you the things that you need.

Forgive me, please, but I am a little concerned about how you have phrased a couple of things that you remark. You said that you and your wife are both “reverts” but you indicate that either one or both of you are not confirmed.

I am a priest not of the United States and I am aware that my American confreres will make allowances that would be atypical in other places. However, canon 1065 mandates that “Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.” Thus, where I am, the marriage of Catholics un-Confirmed could not happen in my diocese as we obviate any grave inconvenience in order to assure that those who marry have the help of the grace of the sacrament of Confirmation.

In the months of marriage preparation conducted by your priest, the issue of becoming confirmed should normally have been resolved – since you should have both presented your respective baptismal certificates, with the needed notations, to the pastor of the parish where the sacrament of marriage was celebrated before a priest or deacon who could lawfully witness the exchange of consent…according to canonical form. Hence the origin of my concern.

If the reversion, by chance, occurred after your wedding and the attempted marriage did not occur in the Church, you should bring that issue up with the priest with whom you are in conversation as a priority, since there are ramifications involving the other sacraments.

 

[Revert2015]

Pick the one that serves your family the best and stop fretting over it.
God doesn’t expect the impossible when dealing with toddlers.
Go where there is a nursery where you can worship peacefully.
Welcome home. God bless you.

HAHA! I love this, PianistClare. Yes, fretting is something I do very well. Alas, I’m just trying to make good decisions here as in the past I’ve not run things past others and it didn’t always turn out so well. I do tend to overthink things, but at the same time, I’ve gotten some funny reactions from other people at churches (protestant) that I’ve attended over the years over a myriad of issues. Being new to the Catholic Church, I guess I don’t know how things work, which is why I’m finding myself asking all kinds of questions. But, I thank you for snapping me out of my fretting mode, and I will just attend the parish with the nursery and move on. Thanks so much for your time!

 

[Revert2015]

You can attend Mass at any Catholic parish. The important thing is to go. Don’t make too much out of being registered at one parish vs. another. The Church is** One**, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic. [Note the first word: **One

] There is no need to feel guilty about attending a different parish that fits your/your family’s needs better. The parishes are all on the same team. It is important to know and communicate with your pastor and have your children in the religious education programs.

Thank you, PaulFromIowa. Makes perfect sense! So, the registered member thing is more of a formality of sorts? My very limited understanding is that once registered at a parish, you are committed to financially supporting that particular parish. I know that these things aren’t binding contracts or anything .

 

[Revert2015]

You may attend any parish you wish, without any consequence whatsoever; you could alternate week to week if need be. Eventually, you’ll end up going to one out of habit; simply register there once you are comfortable.

Children are not required to attend mass until they are able to understand proper mass behavior. It is even acceptable for a parent to miss mass to care for a young child.

Thanks, RunningDude. Thing is we’ve already registered at the first one, and we were just a little hasty in doing so. From the sounds of the responses I’ve received, it seems as though I’m making too much of the registered member thing. Would you agree?

First time I’ve heard someone say this about children’s attendance at mass. That’s why I’m glad I’m asking these questions. My perception has been that taking your little ones to mass is something that you just deal with and work through, regardless of the disturbance it causes you or others. But I’m relieved that you said this since we have felt that we’ve just not been trying hard enough with it. This is one significant difference between Catholic parishes and evangelical churches; every single evangelical church I’ve attended has a huge childcare operation going on during their services. I’m not saying that’s a good or bad thing, just that it’s a difference that we’ve noticed and that we’re adjusting to.

Thanks for your response, RunningDude.

 

[Revert2015]

Pax Christi! And welcome home!

Here I’m no expert, but I always understood that we are to belong to, and financially support, one nearby parish. From week to week, attendance may vary.

For the sake of certainty, check with someone who knows for sure; talk with a priest. Another parishioner (like me) might be able to help, but it would be best to check with authority.

God bless!

Thanks Svid2. I think this makes sense to me?? Again, my experience at evangelical churches in the past has been that you financially support the church you actually attend. It sounds like what you’re saying is that I financially support the church I’m registered at, but I can attend any other parish I wish from week to week? I guess it kind of makes sense since all the parishes are part of one Big Church, so no difference where I send the money to. Just a little confusing; there’s certainly not this sense of unity amongst evangelical churches. Again, not saying that’s a bad thing, just that it IS a reality and not something I’m used to.

Thanks for your time in responding!

 

[Revert2015]

By the norms of canon law, your parish, and therefore the priest who has the mandate of your pastoral care, is determined by the boundaries of the parish in which you live, essentially…unless you qualify by some title to belong to a non-geographical personal parish erected by the bishop.

That said, I presume you are in the United States, where there is a much broader approach to de facto as opposed to de jure membership in a parish. And, of course, one may freely attend Mass in a parish that is not your own and even in a different rite, if you wished. So, in short, you should attend the parish that affords you the things that you need.

Forgive me, please, but I am a little concerned about how you have phrased a couple of things that you remark. You said that you and your wife are both “reverts” but you indicate that either one or both of you are not confirmed.

I am a priest not of the United States and I am aware that my American confreres will make allowances that would be atypical in other places. However, canon 1065 mandates that “Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.” Thus, where I am, the marriage of Catholics un-Confirmed could not happen in my diocese as we obviate any grave inconvenience in order to assure that those who marry have the help of the grace of the sacrament of Confirmation.

In the months of marriage preparation conducted by your priest, the issue of becoming confirmed should normally have been resolved – since you should have both presented your respective baptismal certificates, with the needed notations, to the pastor of the parish where the sacrament of marriage was celebrated before a priest or deacon who could lawfully witness the exchange of consent…according to canonical form. Hence the origin of my concern.

If the reversion, by chance, occurred after your wedding and the attempted marriage did not occur in the Church, you should bring that issue up with the priest with whom you are in conversation as a priority, since there are ramifications involving the other sacraments.

Thank you for your thoughtful response Don Ruggero. Thank you for your concern regarding the marriage issue as well. My wife and I weren’t married through any church of any kind. We were married prior to us deciding to come back to the Catholic Church. Neither one of us been a part of the Catholic Church since first communion, so I know there’s a process we need to go through. My understanding in talking with a few people (Adult Formation staff) is that we both need to do either RCIA or Adult Confirmation. We also need to have our marriage blessed, and then have our 3 year old baptised. With another child on the way in May, this is why it’s become urgent for me to just settle in at a parish and be done with it. Which in turn is what brings me to ask questions like of you fine folks. Thanks so much for your time!

 

[runningdude]

Thanks, RunningDude. Thing is we’ve already registered at the first one, and we were just a little hasty in doing so. From the sounds of the responses I’ve received, it seems as though I’m making too much of the registered member thing. Would you agree?

To some extent. When you start giving to the collection each Sunday, registration helps the parish keep track of who is donating; this is helpful if you wish to get a receipt for taxes. Registration also helps the parish keep track of your sacraments, so if you join RCIA/Adult Confirmation, they may ask you to register (if you haven’t). However, your primary records will be kept at the church of your baptism, so registration is not strictly necessary for this either.

First time I’ve heard someone say this about children’s attendance at mass. That’s why I’m glad I’m asking these questions. My perception has been that taking your little ones to mass is something that you just deal with and work through, regardless of the disturbance it causes you or others. But I’m relieved that you said this since we have felt that we’ve just not been trying hard enough with it. This is one significant difference between Catholic parishes and evangelical churches; every single evangelical church I’ve attended has a huge childcare operation going on during their services. I’m not saying that’s a good or bad thing, just that it’s a difference that we’ve noticed and that we’re adjusting to.

Thanks for your response, RunningDude.


One thing to always keep in mind is that the church never asks the impossible. If a parent cannot care for a child and attend mass for instance, the obligation to attend mass simply no longer exists.