Question on marriage

[sadie2723]

Hey all!

I have a question on marriage. My future wife and I are having a small problem. She is a recent convert to the Catholic Church (YEAH!) and we would like to get married in a Catholic Church. But, there is a problem. Her family is very Evangelical and very anti-Catholic. So, we have a problem. While they have been willing to discuss a Catholic wedding, they have some significant issues. Her sister, in particular, is very outspoken on the issue. So, we are considering doing something, and I need to know the rules.

Would it be possible to have a marriage outside the Catholic Church performed by a Protestant minister but not in a Protestant church? If so, can we consummate the marriage prior to having it convalididated by the Church?

This is some of that heavy cannon law stuff, and I do not know the rules on this one.

Thanks for your help.

 

[Mommyof02green]

You need to talk to your priest…. my OPINION is no…

I see that you and your future wife are both Catholic. However seeing that the people attending the wedding are NOT Catholic you can ask your priest to have a Catholic Wedding with NO Mass.

It would be the readings, gospel, homily done by the priest, and exchange of vows. There would be NO Eucharist. So that would help with some of those issues that could arise.

Just talk to your priest.

Here is an outline of generally what happens at the Catholic Wedding.
svfparish.org/weddings/rcweddingrite.pdf

Talk to your priest and see about having the wedding without NO Mass. (i.e. No communion). That may help.

God Bless.

 

[Brenda_V]

Great advise in the previous post.

We can give you all the Canon laws surrounding your specific case but until you sit down and talk to your Priest I wouldn’t even start planning a Wedding!

I like the suggestion of just having the Nuptial Ceremony, no Mass. I did that as I married a Lutheran and over half of the people who would be in attendance at our Wedding would be non-Catholic (many of my own friends were not Catholic either).

My prayers are with you as you two figure out what to do.

Brenda V.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Talk to your priest. He can let you know what your options are in your particular situation. Personally, I strongly recommend against changing your original wedding plans to suit her sister. Certianly a Catholic wedding without a Mass (communion) is possible, but I wouldn’t suggest without a priest.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Hey all!

I have a question on marriage. My future wife and I are having a small problem. She is a recent convert to the Catholic Church (YEAH!) and we would like to get married in a Catholic Church. But, there is a problem. Her family is very Evangelical and very anti-Catholic. So, we have a problem. While they have been willing to discuss a Catholic wedding, they have some significant issues. Her sister, in particular, is very outspoken on the issue. So, we are considering doing something, and I need to know the rules.

Would it be possible to have a marriage outside the Catholic Church performed by a Protestant minister but not in a Protestant church? If so, can we consummate the marriage prior to having it convalididated by the Church?

This is some of that heavy cannon law stuff, and I do not know the rules on this one.

Thanks for your help.

You can ask your pastor to obtain the Bishops dispensation from having the wedding take place in a Catholic church and also from requirements of a Catholic priest or deacon present. However the Catholic church still requires that the wedding take place in a church. The Marriage with these dispensations and permissions would be valid from the exchange of vows and would not need to be convalidated. Your pastor will need to obtain the Bishops permission for you to Marry a non-Catholic anyway.

 

[sadie2723]

Thanks everyone. I should explain that the main issue is not the Mass but the fact that it is in a Catholic Church at all. That, it seems is the problem. I am serious when I say that it would not shock me to see several of her family members confront the priest verbally in the middle of the ceremony.

 

[bilop]

Thanks everyone. I should explain that the main issue is not the Mass but the fact that it is in a Catholic Church at all. That, it seems is the problem. I am serious when I say that it would not shock me to see several of her family members confront the priest verbally in the middle of the ceremony.

As you are both Catholic, I can’t see how you could be married by a Protestant minister. I believe that dispensation is only for a Catholic marrying a Protestant.

In any case, this is an opportunity to witness your faith to her relatives. By not having your wedding in the Catholic Church, you would be confirming them in their view that it is not the true Church.

You need to stand up for your Faith, not hide from it. If they make a scene, that is on their soul not yours. Anyway, I’m sure the Priest can handle them

God Bless you and your marriage

 

[cameron_lansing]

Would it be possible to have a marriage outside the Catholic Church performed by a Protestant minister but not in a Protestant church?

Well, good luck and God speed to you. You have my sympathy and prayer, but I’ll only answer your canonical question.

There is authentic interpretation of Church law given by the Pontifical Council for Legislative Texts and approved by the pope in 1985 that applies here: the diocesan bishop cannot, outside of urgent danger of death, dispense two Catholics from the obligation of the Catholic form of marriage when they wed one another.

It’s given in Latin under canon 87 § 1 at vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/intrptxt/documents/rc_pc_intrptxt_doc_20020604_interpretationes-authenticae_lt.html .

 

[Sarabande]

Thanks everyone. I should explain that the main issue is not the Mass but the fact that it is in a Catholic Church at all. That, it seems is the problem. I am serious when I say that it would not shock me to see several of her family members confront the priest verbally in the middle of the ceremony.

Oh dear… I hope that really wouldn’t occur. I do agree with the above posts. Speak with your priest first before making plans. I would say, though, that neither you nor your fiancee should have to sacrifice celebrating the holy sacrament of marriage because of some of her family members attitudes towards the Catholic Church. But I do understand your concern. I have some family who became born again Christians and we were a bit concerned about how they would be at our nuptial mass and at our reception, so some of my uncles volunteered to handle the situation if something controversial did occur. It didn’t, thank God. Just keep praying.

 

[Mommyof02green]

Thanks everyone. I should explain that the main issue is not the Mass but the fact that it is in a Catholic Church at all. That, it seems is the problem. I am serious when I say that it would not shock me to see several of her family members confront the priest verbally in the middle of the ceremony.

The only thing I would suggest is print that general outline of what happens and share it with your future in-laws.

They can see it would be just some Bible Readings, prayers, a sermon given by the priest, and exchange of vows (especially if you go with the NO mass option)

Also when you meet with your priest to discuss the wedding you and your bride will be given a list of reading to choose from and you and your bride will be picking out what readings would be read at your wedding.

You could let your in-laws know ahead of time what readings are being read at your wedding… seeing you and your bride picked them out.

I really can’t imagine how that would be an issue. (My in-laws are anti-catholic as well). When my husband and I married he was NOT catholic…so we had a wedding with NO mass.

I just wouldn’t do a protestant wedding just because of your in-laws… I would do a Catholic Wedding-No Mass because of them. Just because it would make them feel more included then excluded.

Think about it? Are you going to baptize your future babies in a protestant church just because your in-laws would object to a Catholic baptism?

The wedding is the uniting of you and your bride. It is the start to your marriage and your life as a couple, and a family. You are going to be faced with many objections to how you and your bride may handle things… This is only the beginning. You need to do what is right for you, your marriage, and your family that you will be building together.

 

[sadie2723]

Thanks to you all!

 

[ltbpoe43]

Looks like you are in for a bit of a rough road already. Family - what are you going to do.

You are both Catholic. It is your wedding. Get married in the church with a Catholic priest and celebrate the sacrament of matrimony as it should be in both of your faiths.

If you start trying to please others from day one - who knows how long or how far this will go. There may be other opportunities to make small concessions - your wedding day and its sacrament - shouldn’t be one of them.

You wouldn’t think of expressing your faith and will upon them at their non-Catholic weddings - how is it they feel compelled to make demands upon you and your wife at your wedding?

Good luck, congratulations, and God Bless.

 

[1ke]

While they have been willing to discuss a Catholic wedding, they have some significant issues. Her sister, in particular, is very outspoken on the issue. So, we are considering doing something, and I need to know the rules.

It’s not their wedding. They don’t get to discuss anything. They can come to the Catholic wedding or not, their choice.

Would it be possible to have a marriage outside the Catholic Church performed by a Protestant minister but not in a Protestant church?

No, this is highly unlikely as you are BOTH Catholics. You would need permission from the Bishop to marry outside the Catholic form-- and I see Deacon Cameron has already clarified that danger of death is the only allowable dispensation.

If so, can we consummate the marriage prior to having it convalididated by the Church?

Huh? An invalid marriage needs convalidation, not a marriage validly contracted. You’ve lost me here.

This is some of that heavy cannon law stuff, and I do not know the rules on this one.

The rules are: Catholics marry in the Catholic Church with a priest and two witnesses. That’s it.

Her parents are not the ones being married, she is. She needs to cut the apron strings. If they are holding money over your heads, then have a small wedding that you can afford to pay for yourselves.

 

[BlestOne]

Just my opinion here as a newly wed myself… we always project a worst case scenario. Even if our relatives are obnoxious (mine are and so are his), most of the time unless there is mental illness involved they will shut up and put up for the sake of the couple getting married. I too dreaded some of his relatives jumping up in the middle of mass and scream heretic… but guess what? Nobody did, they were all very well behaved and nice. My MIL actually waited until after the mass to ask about the holy family devotion… we were all in shock.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I can only echo what others have said, esp. BlestOne, and highly recommend Cameron Lansing’s post, as he is a genuine canon lawyer.

I had a stepgrandfather such as you describe your fiancee’s family. He was told at Catholic events not to show up if he was going to act up.

 

[DAWNCUROLE]

I don’t know if this helps or not but when a dear friend of mine married an evalgelical they had many of the same concerns about how the family would act. They did get married in a Catholic church with no Mass but had a deacon and not a priest witness the marriage. The deacon even spoke with the family before the ceremony (several weeks before)to review what would happen and why. I think a combination of a married man (deacon) performing the ceremony and the deacon being able to dispell many of the misconceptions made by the family helped and the service was beautiful.

 

[Seatuck]

Thanks to you all!

Perhaps you could get married in the Catholic church in a small ceremony with witnesses and then have a public renewal of vows or some ceremony of your own making for the family at the reception.
You two need to seriously discuss how things are going to go with the practice of your faith and in raising your children. If these are the type of people who can’t be trusted not to act rudely and disrespectfully in side a catholic church then most likely they will not be trustworthy people to leave your small children with without them attempting to undermine their innocent faith. Think this out and get in union together on how you will handle these types of situation.

Praying for you .

 

[puzzleannie]

Hey all!

I have a question on marriage. My future wife and I are having a small problem. She is a recent convert to the Catholic Church (YEAH!) and we would like to get married in a Catholic Church. But, there is a problem. Her family is very Evangelical and very anti-Catholic. So, we have a problem. While they have been willing to discuss a Catholic wedding, they have some significant issues. Her sister, in particular, is very outspoken on the issue. So, we are considering doing something, and I need to know the rules.

Would it be possible to have a marriage outside the Catholic Church performed by a Protestant minister but not in a Protestant church? If so, can we consummate the marriage prior to having it convalididated by the Church?

This is some of that heavy cannon law stuff, and I do not know the rules on this one.

Thanks for your help.

this is a matter for the CAtholic party to investigate, because this person must obtain a dispensation from the bishop, first to marry a non-Catholic, next to marry in a location other than a Catholic church, and to have the marriage wtinessed by a non-CAtholic minister. All of those are possible, and should be dealt with early in the marriage prep process (which must take place through the CAtholic parish) by explaining the situation to the pastor and following his advice. These dispensations are possible, but be advised are not automatic.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

You can ask your pastor to obtain the Bishops dispensation from having the wedding take place in a Catholic church and also from requirements of a Catholic priest or deacon present. However the Catholic church still requires that the wedding take place in a church. The Marriage with these dispensations and permissions would be valid from the exchange of vows and would not need to be convalidated. Your pastor will need to obtain the Bishops permission for you to Marry a non-Catholic anyway.

I’m in error. I did not read your original post correctly. I thought you said that she was going to become Catholic.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Perhaps you could get married in the Catholic church in a small ceremony with witnesses and then have a public renewal of vows or some ceremony of your own making for the family at the reception.
You two need to seriously discuss how things are going to go with the practice of your faith and in raising your children. If these are the type of people who can’t be trusted not to act rudely and disrespectfully in side a catholic church then most likely they will not be trustworthy people to leave your small children with without them attempting to undermine their innocent faith. Think this out and get in union together on how you will handle these types of situation.

Praying for you .

That would give the impression of two Marriage ceremonies. That is not allowed.