Thank you all for answering!
And, yes, Sister Amy, I would like to know more about the husband/wife conflict resolution.
Sure! I think you understand the gist of it, based on your earlier post. And you’re right, people tend to get hung up on some translations (like the word
scourge???). Here is a site with even more translations than the one that dolphinlove quoted:
searchquran.net/quran.php?q=4:34-35. Just click all the tabs (except for Images/Arabic/Transliteration unless you know Arabic.) My favorite is the Saheeh International because it is the closest to the Arabic, but other translators often add nuances which are absent from a straight translation.
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
The verses 4:34 and also 4:35 are talking about a husband and wife relationship, and it basically establishes that the man is the “head” of household as he is responsible for earning and providing for the family. (That’s what I like about “protectors and maintainers.”) It also establishes that the woman is supposed to be a sort of confidante for her husband. She is supposed to guard her modesty (and not flirt with other men) and also cover the flaws of her husband.
Now, if the couple is in a dispute because the woman’s bad behavior, the man is not supposed to react in an abusive fashion, hitting her and yelling at her, mocking her in public–but when a man gets angry at his wife for a serious offense, we have seen men act this way. Especially when men drink they’re likely to lose their tempers. But the Qur’an doesn’t tell men that they can just beat their wives like that, it gives them a procedure so they can guide the wife or separate from her. So first he has to tell her what she did was wrong. You see, maybe she didn’t know! And then if she persists he is to abandon her bed, to really demonstrate how serious the matter is. And if she still persists, there is the option for the man to “strike” his wife, although what that means exactly is debated by the scholars. One opinion is that it actually means he should return to having intercourse with her. It’s possible that this is included as a last resort even though a man shouldn’t even resort to it–in fact, Muhammad himself )pbuh) said that the men who beat their wives were not the best among his followers.
If that doesn’t work, and the woman persists, it might just be better off for the couple to separate. The following verse is about arbitration between the couple if they have problems with each other. Note that what is absolutely not allowed is persistent domestic abuse–either physical or emotional abuse. It would be forbidden for the man to insult his wife and mock her, to put her down, because he isn’t happy with her. And honestly, that can be much more destructive. I know women who have suffered from emotional abuse in marriages. Also, there is no place for physical abuse in this ruling–if a man has to resort to hitting his wife (which is clearly, based on that hadith, a weakness on his part) then if she does not change it would be better for them both to separate. So in this way the abuse is actually prevented. If a man does hit his wife based on this verse, there are a variety of other rulings which come in to play, like he is not allowed to leave a mark (a bruise) on her body, and he is not allowed to hit her face. So it more prevents abuse instead of encouraging or allowing or advocating it. It actually protects the wife, but in such a way that a man’s honor is not impugned.
Also, that thing about Mohammad marrying the 9 year old, I think it was she that reported when she had her period, he had her (and his other wives) put on a skirt and fondled them…what is the purpose of having this in the text (I would say Qaran, but, I don’t know that that is where it is located)? What is the deeper meaning of this/why is this significant?
Well this is definitely not in the Qur’an, it’s in a hadith. And there is debate among scholars as to the actual age of Aisha at the marriage, but they agree that when she went to the house of Muhammad (pbuh) after she had left childhood.
The significance of wearing the skirt and “fondling” her was actually demonstrative of the fact that even though a man is not permitted to have intercourse with his wife on her period, he is allowed to be intimate with her in other ways and isn’t supposed to shun or neglect her during that time. Some cultures do shun women during menstruation but Muslims have the example of Muhammad (pbuh) who remained close to his wives at that time.
I hope that explains things–again, kind of a long post but if you have any more questions or if any of this is confusing, please let me know!
