Questions about marriage and baptism

[Rainalynn]

Hi there,
I am baptised and confirmed Lutheran, but since I was a small child, I’ve always felt a mysterious “pull” toward the Catholic Church. I have never gotten the courage to “take the plunge” until now. I do have a few questions, and I was hoping that someone on here could lead me in the right direction, before I bother a priest about it (and also maybe so I will know how to approach a priest with my issues).

I am divorced and have one child with my ex-husband. I wish to start annulment proceedings from him, before I start the RCIA process. He was abusive, and our marriage was defective on a couple levels (which I won’t go into here), so I shouldn’t have much of a problem getting annulled eventually.

I have a fiance who is also divorced. We have been living together for quite a while, and have one baby together.

My fiance is a lapsed Catholic, but with the birth of his child, has wanted to go back to his faith. He also wants to obtain an annulment.

We are planning on joining a church and having our baby baptised Catholic.

I hear that this may take a while, though, and I wanted him baptised asap! It’s very important to me to have him baptised soon.

I have been attending a Lutheran church off and on for a while, but because of my lifestyle (aka “living in sin”) I have felt guilty to go. But they said they will baptise my baby regardless.

My first question is about baptism: If we get our child baptised in the Lutheran church before we fully join the Catholic church, will our baby be considered Catholic? Or will he have to do something special to be recognised as a Catholic when we start attending?

My next question is about marriage. My fiance and I are planning on getting married by the Lutheran pastor early next year. If I start RCIA this fall, will it be a conflict if I’m planning a wedding concurrently by a Lutheran pastor? Or should a priest marry us?

Problem is, our annulments probably won’t be processed by then. Since we haven’t even started them yet, but already have been planning the wedding! And I know a priest won’t marry us if we aren’t free to do so by Catholic standards.

We only this week started talking about me converting, and he going back to the Catholic faith, and our baby being baptised Catholic. That’s why had already started with the wedding plans and such.

Any help from anyone would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

Rainalynn

 

[Chinamom]

As far as the baby’s baptism, you should be able to do that in a Catholic church. If you plan on raising your child as Catholic, why would you want to have them baptized as a Lutheran? Most parishes don’t require both parents to be confirmed Catholics before they will baptize a child. Just contact the parish… Our priest baptized our child when we were still in RCIA. All that matters is you agree to raise the child as Catholic. I’ll leave the marriage question to the experts…

 

[Liraco]

First off, welcome home! Even if you’re not formally Catholic yet, your intention to become one is a great first step so praise the Lord for that. I’ll try to answer things to the best of my abilities (but know that many others will come in to fill in the gaps and correct any errors).

My first question is about baptism: If we get our child baptised in the Lutheran church before we fully join the Catholic church, will our baby be considered Catholic? Or will he have to do something special to be recognised as a Catholic when we start attending?

Forgive my ignorance but would the baby get baptized “in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit”? If they use this trinitarian formula then the Catholic Church would recognize it as a valid baptism (though this doesn’t make him Catholic because it was in another church). In the case of a life-threatening emergency though, you can immediately go to a Catholic priest for baptism. As the previous poster says though, why not wait for the Catholic baptism if that’s your intention?

You should talk to a priest about this but I think most priests would baptize your child Catholic if he has the assurance that he/she will be raised in a Catholic home. Which ties to your second question…

My next question is about marriage. My fiance and I are planning on getting married by the Lutheran pastor early next year. If I start RCIA this fall, will it be a conflict if I’m planning a wedding concurrently by a Lutheran pastor? Or should a priest marry us?

Your intention for marriage outside of the Catholic Church would be a problem (there’s a conflict here with wanting to be Catholic and continuing going to your previous church, it sends a mixed message). Your husband is still Catholic and would need dispensation from the Bishop for the marriage to be done outside the Church and be validly recognized. A valid Catholic marriage would include the fact that your husband agrees to raise the children Catholic.

Of course this all goes ties back to the most important issue it seems: a declaration of nullity. Since you do have a new man in your life this constitutes a grave sin because until proven otherwise, the Church presumes your marriages valid which means you’re both committing adultery. HOWEVER, if you were both to agree that from this point on until the annulment process reaches its verdicts to live as brother and sister while trusting in God, then you’ll be heading in the right direction. That is because living in this way keeps you from further sin and respecting both of your original vows.

Doing so will mean that your husband will be able to go to confession and receive the Eucharist (since you both agreed to not commit any further sin), and you will be able to attend RCIA and be received into the Church. Then we can pray that your previous marriages are declared null and that will mean you’re both free to marry and can live as husband and wife. Marrying now and expecting to convalidate after you become Catholic will only hurt things, especially with your husband who cannot marry outside the church without permission. Remember that marriage is a sacrament, something holy and good instituted by God and not just a mere term to let the government grant you certain benefits and rights.

In the end I see that this whole process will require patience. So pray to the Holy Spirit to grant you both with lots of it (as I’ll be praying for you). Patience to do His will, patience to endure living as brother and sister, patience to WAIT for the marriage to do things right the first time instead of “my way” and “fixing it” later, and patience about RCIA. This seems like a big test but with faith in Him you’ll always prevail. Don’t rush anything, do what’s RIGHT and what you think is His will instead of just your own will (without Him).

Consider these things and talk to a priest in your local Church to see what can be done about your child’s baptism. Feel free to ask for any clarification.

God bless.

 

[SpaceNeedle]

A piece of advice from someone waiting still on a decision for her declaration of nullity…

Start now! Today! I put mine off for years (was married + divorced before I confirmed), and deeply regret I didn’t start sooner.

Your initial paperwork can reflect that you intend to join the church at Easter Vigil 2010.

It’s a long process, yes, but these days, nobody makes a face when you say you have a 1-2 year engagement period. It is kinda the norm.

Plus, if you do marry beforehand, it could conflict with your RCIA process.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Congrats on the little one!

 

[PhilotheaZ]

Hi, Rainalynn. God bless you as you try to follow the Holy Spirit’s promptings pulling you toward the Catholic Church.

Please know that what I am about to write is offered with the greatest sense of charity toward you and your “fiance.”

I am divorced and have one child with my ex-husband. I wish to start annulment proceedings from him, before I start the RCIA process. He was abusive, and our marriage was defective on a couple levels (which I won’t go into here), so I shouldn’t have much of a problem getting annulled eventually.

Yes, you should start annulment proceedings immediately. In the eyes of God, you are married to your “ex-husband” unless a decree of nullity determines that the marriage never existed. A married woman should not even be dating, much less engaged to, another man. You will not be received into the Catholic Church until your marriage situation is resolved. Whether or not you can begin the RCIA process is a question to be answered by the pastor of your local Catholic parish.

My fiance is a lapsed Catholic, but with the birth of his child, has wanted to go back to his faith. He also wants to obtain an annulment.

I can see the Holy Spirit is working on him, too. He should begin the annulment process immediately, too. And he should begin practicing his faith immediately, too, beginning with a good confession, return to Mass, and practicing the virtue of chastity (no sexual relations with someone to whom he is not married in the eyes of God and the Church). He needs the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but the priest will not be able to give him absolution until he indicates that he intends to live chastely.

We are planning on joining a church and having our baby baptised Catholic.

I hear that this may take a while, though, and I wanted him baptised asap! It’s very important to me to have him baptised soon.

I have been attending a Lutheran church off and on for a while, but because of my lifestyle (aka “living in sin”) I have felt guilty to go. But they said they will baptise my baby regardless.

My first question is about baptism: If we get our child baptised in the Lutheran church before we fully join the Catholic church, will our baby be considered Catholic? Or will he have to do something special to be recognised as a Catholic when we start attending?

You should have your baby baptized in the Catholic Church. Your “fiance” is morally obligated to raise his children Catholic, and if you plan to be Catholic, you should want this for your child too. It is wrong for a Catholic (or someone working on entering the Catholic Church) to seek sacraments in a non-Catholic ecclesial community. You can have your baby baptized in the Catholic Church before you marry, but the pastor would need to have good reason to believe that you will be raising your child in the Catholic faith — Mass attendance every Sunday by your husband (and you, I hope), age-appropriate education in the Catholic faith, etc.

My next question is about marriage. My fiance and I are planning on getting married by the Lutheran pastor early next year. If I start RCIA this fall, will it be a conflict if I’m planning a wedding concurrently by a Lutheran pastor? Or should a priest marry us?

Problem is, our annulments probably won’t be processed by then. Since we haven’t even started them yet, but already have been planning the wedding! And I know a priest won’t marry us if we aren’t free to do so by Catholic standards.

Whoa! You are putting the cart before the horse. There should be no marriage plans until both decrees of nullity are final. For your husband, a Catholic, to be “married” by a Lutheran pastor without the permission of the Catholic Church would not be a marriage at all. A Catholic is required to marry in the Catholic Church (not necessarily physically in a Catholic church building, but if married before anyone other than a Catholic priest or deacon, it must be done with proper dispensation from the Catholic Church). And for him and you to be “married” when you are quite possibly still married to someone else is a spiritual impossibility.

We only this week started talking about me converting, and he going back to the Catholic faith, and our baby being baptised Catholic. That’s why had already started with the wedding plans and such.

You need to take a deep breath, slow down, put all marriage plans on hold, get your lives back on track with God’s will for you (including following God’s marriage laws, i.e., living chastely and not considering yourselves engaged unless you both receive decrees from the Church that your prior marriages are invalid, and this is not certain until you go through the annulment process), and prayerfully determine what GOD’S plans are for you.

 

[kage_ar]

Sit down with your Priest and talk it all out. God will provide the grace to come home!