I should clarify something that I said before, because I can see that my choice of words has communicated something different that what I intend.
When I say that we’re not peers, I’m not speaking about one person being superior to another. That’s silly to say such a thing. I was thinking of ministerial roles. Maybe an example will help. My doctor and I are not peers. When I go for an appointment, he is the doctor and I’m the patient. When I am served by a religious who is serving me in some pastoral capacity, we are not peers. She is serving me and I’m benefiting from her service.
There is another point that is equally important here. When one person ministers to another, both are enriched. Religious who serve God’s people, in the many apostolic activities that religious serve, they too are enriched by the blessings they receive through the people they serve. There is a reciprocal relationship here where both parties are benefiting from the love of God present in them and between them.
I believe that we must always look to the reciprical relationship of love between the laity, clergy and the religious, while maintaining the lines that mark our different vocations.
As to my irritation with the laity, I’m not irritated by the laity. I find constant complaining irritating, regardless of who is doing the complaining. I find rudeness irritating. Even perfectionism can be irritating, because we are all human beings trying to do the best we can with what we have. The perfectionist can frustrate the efforts of the less gifted, less holy and who are struggling more.
That being said, there ae people who complain because things are not the way that they believe it should be. The things that we believe are not always what should be. That’s why I strongly believe that questions are good, if the purpose is to understand. There are people who simply wag the finger in question form. That’s irritating, because nothing that you can say will make the person happy. For myself, what makes me happy is to be able to answer someone’s question to their satisfaction. They don’t have to agree with the answer. However, if they understand the answer, then I’m happy that I have been able to do something for them.
As I said in my post above, religious and lay people have to keep a balance. I believe that it is wrong for religious not to answer questions about our way of life, our ministries, our history, and our spirituality. We should be available to answer questions. We should welcome questions.
On the laity’s part, it is good to ask questions and to try to understand, especially the background behind many of the different traditions, ministries, structures and expressions of religious life. In fact, when I started this thread I was hoping to find more people who want to understand such things.
It is also important for the laity to maintain a balance. That is to remember that not all the answers are going to be comprehensible. Some are going to take us by surprise. Some answers are going to be different from what we expect. And there are many expressions of religious life; therefore, there are going to be some charisms and spiritualities that we find more akin to our personality and our journey than others. But the fact that there are spiritualities and religiuos communities that are not what we feel comfortable with, does not make them wrong or bad. If they were all the same, then we would have one religious family instead of thousands. One of the beauties of religious life is the diversity within it.
If I may offer an example of what I’m saying about balance. I have seen many posts on CA about the Jesuits and they are not all flattering. This is unfair. The Jesuits are Society of almost 20,000 men with hundreds of thousands of men since the time of St. Ignatius. In such a large family there is going to be diversity. There are going to be some interesting people. Others are going to be of our liking and some not at all. But when I look at the Jesuit spirit, their constitutions, their work around the world and their contribution to the Church, they have much to admire, even though Fr. Joe Jesuit may be a lose canon. Every family, not just religious families, has lose canons. Let us not judge an entire religious family by the few who are more known. Usually, the few wild cards get much more publicity than the larger number of saints.
I believe that Albert’s idea is a good one, when possible. Come and see what the local religious in our diocese do. Volunteer for a few day or go on retreat to their houses. Someone mentioned the Salesian retreat house in their area and how underutilized it is.
With the birth of the internet there is another good source of information. Many religious communities have websites. You can read about them, their life and their work. They usually have a contact link for more information where people can ask questions.
I want to thank everyone who has posted on this thread. This has helped me to see the questions that people have and where they’re coming from. If I may suggest to everyone, continue to ask questions and try to explain where your question comes from. No one is going to be upset by a legitimate desire to understand.
Let us always remember that without love between us: clergy, laity and religious, there is little hope for transforming the world.
Fraternally,
Br. JR, OSF
