Questions about sterilization

[chasingcars]

Is it sinful to get a sterilization if you’re 100% sure that you won’t ever want to get married and have children? I’m an unmarried woman in my late teens and I’m pretty sure that I’ll never find a man who I’d love so much that I’d want to get married with him and most importantly I think there’s no way I’d be a good mother. I have kinda bad genes too so I think it’d be a huge favour for everyone if I got my tubes tied.
I mean, I don’t want children, I don’t want to get married, I wouldn’t be a good mother and the humankind doesn’t need my genes. I’m not planning to have sex outside of marriage and that’s not the reason why I want the sterilization I just feel like it’d be better for me to be completely infertile and I’m also scared that I’d be raped and get pregnant from it. So is there any problem with that?

 

[D0UBTFIRE]

Is it sinful to get a sterilization if you’re 100% sure that you won’t ever want to get married and have children? I’m an unmarried woman in my late teens and I’m pretty sure that I’ll never find a man who I’d love so much that I’d want to get married with him and most importantly I think there’s no way I’d be a good mother. I have kinda bad genes too so I think it’d be a huge favour for everyone if I got my tubes tied.
I mean, I don’t want children, I don’t want to get married, I wouldn’t be a good mother and the humankind doesn’t need my genes. I’m not planning to have sex outside of marriage and that’s not the reason why I want the sterilization I just feel like it’d be better for me to be completely infertile and I’m also scared that I’d be raped and get pregnant from it. So is there any problem with that?

If you’re a teenager, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a doctor that would perform that surgery for you.

 

[chasingcars]

If you’re a teenager, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a doctor that would perform that surgery for you.

I know Sterilization is legal in this country only if one has three children or is over 30. So I’m gonna have to wait over 10 years or get the sterilization abroad.

 

[frizzgrig]

Is it sinful to get a sterilization if you’re 100% sure that you won’t ever want to get married and have children? I’m an unmarried woman in my late teens and I’m pretty sure that I’ll never find a man who I’d love so much that I’d want to get married with him and most importantly I think there’s no way I’d be a good mother. I have kinda bad genes too so I think it’d be a huge favour for everyone if I got my tubes tied.
I mean, I don’t want children, I don’t want to get married, I wouldn’t be a good mother and the humankind doesn’t need my genes. I’m not planning to have sex outside of marriage and that’s not the reason why I want the sterilization I just feel like it’d be better for me to be completely infertile and I’m also scared that I’d be raped and get pregnant from it. So is there any problem with that?

There are an awful lot of “I”, “I”, “I”, “I am”, “I am”, and "I think"s in your post. A lot of predicting future events you have no way of knowing too.

I would have to say yes, having yourself sterilized as you propose would be sinful. Your sole reason for contemplating this act is to avoid becoming pregnant. That is intentionally frustrating the act, should it occur. Many people think in their late teens and even mid to late twenties they will never get married, and will never be parents. Much to their surprise they meet someone, fall in love, get married, and find soon enough they are parents and all of this is a wonderful, unexpected gift from God who gives them the grace necessary, when it becomes necessary, to be a good spouse and parent.

If you have a very real reason to fear rape due to where you live, there are other precautions you can take for your personal safety that would not be sinful.

Trust in God. The rest will take care of itself.

Peace,

Deacon Patrick

 

[Regina7]

In my teens and early 20s, I was adamant that I’d NEVER get married or have kids. Ever. I said this after great thought. And when people said I’d change my mind, I knew they were wrong.

I’ve been married 13 years and have 5 children. And I couldn’t be happier with that.

Bottom line, you have no idea what you’ll feel in 5. 10, 15 years.

As others have said, yes, it is a mortal sin.

 

[Kelfa28]

It is sinful.

Getting any kind of procedure…for the sole purpose of preventing children…is sinful.

That being said.

I’m confused as to why you’d even consider something like this if you aren’t planning on ever being sexually intimate.
Being totally abstinent means a higher chance of never having children then a sterilization procedure anyway…so why bother?

No doctor would agree to this anyway. They very rarely do sterilization procedures for anyone who hasn’t had children.
They’ll do the procedure if their is a serious medical necessity for it. But they are risking their license if they perform a procedure like that on a women who has never had children before.
They don’t want to risk you changing your mind one day.

Plus…the younger you are…the much less likely a doctor would ever consider something like this.

If you don’t plan on getting married or having children…then keep the single vocation and remain abstinent.

 

[chasingcars]

It is sinful.

Getting any kind of procedure…for the sole purpose of preventing children…is sinful.

That being said.

** I’m confused as to why you’d even consider something like this if you aren’t planning on ever being sexually intimate.
Being totally abstinent means a higher chance of never having children then a sterilization procedure anyway…so why bother? **

No doctor would agree to this anyway. They very rarely do sterilization procedures for anyone who hasn’t had children.
They’ll do the procedure if their is a serious medical necessity for it. But they are risking their license if they perform a procedure like that on a women who has never had children before.
They don’t want to risk you changing your mind one day.

Plus…the younger you are…the much less likely a doctor would ever consider something like this.

If you don’t plan on getting married or having children…then keep the single vocation and remain abstinent.

I’m of course planning to stay abstinent the best I can but it’s not always possible because a huge amount of men are rapists. If I got a sterilization it’d protect me from getting pregnant from rape. Besides, why should I stay fertile if I plan to stay single for my whole life? I don’t need my fertility, it’s completely useless.

 

[chasingcars]

There are an awful lot of “I”, “I”, “I”, “I am”, “I am”, and "I think"s in your post. A lot of predicting future events you have no way of knowing too.

I would have to say yes, having yourself sterilized as you propose would be sinful. Your sole reason for contemplating this act is to avoid becoming pregnant. That is intentionally frustrating the act, should it occur. Many people think in their late teens and even mid to late twenties they will never get married, and will never be parents. Much to their surprise they meet someone, fall in love, get married, and find soon enough they are parents and all of this is a wonderful, unexpected gift from God who gives them the grace necessary, when it becomes necessary, to be a good spouse and parent.

If you have a very real reason to fear rape due to where you live, there are other precautions you can take for your personal safety that would not be sinful.

Trust in God. The rest will take care of itself.

Peace,

Deacon Patrick

What kind of precautions are you talking about? I live in a neighborhood where live men so yes, I have a very real reasons to fear rape.

 

[Regina7]

What kind of precautions are you talking about? I live in a neighborhood where live men so yes, I have a very real reasons to fear rape.

Rape is a very real threat, especially in certain areas. But it almost seems like you think getting pregnant from rape would be the worst part of a rape…and it’s not. It’s the rape itself. Statistically, it’s a small percentage of women who become pregnant from rape. Part of that may be mental trauma may prevent pregnancy.

For years I was a rape crisis counselor, and I rarely (but I did) encounter women who became pregnant. One I worked with for months. Her rape traumatized her- getting pregnant did not (though it wasn’t easy to be sure). She put her daughter up for adoption and keeps in contact.

You say you want sterolization to prevent pregnancy. You’re looking at this the wrong way. Instead of trying to prevent pregnancy, try to prevent rape. Make sure you are never alone, especially at night (travel in groups), learn self-defense, keep your doors locked, etc. Doing these things may make you feel stronger and in more in control.

However, understand that you can only control yourself. By taking precautions, you may reduce the chances of becoming a victim, but you can’t control anything else. But you can also control your fear. Why spend energy fearing something that MAY happen? How is that helping you? It’s not. It’s just causing anxiety, which is useless. Spend your energy on my previous suggestions and have trust in God.

There is a very real chance that I’ll get in a car accident today. Perhaps my children will die. Is that real possibility going to affect me? No. When my son was very ill as a baby, I learned that worry is useless. So, to reduce the likelihood of crashing, I’ll wear a seatbelt, be alert (no phones, loud music, etc), make sure car is in good repair, etc. and then I just trust in God that he will take care of us. And if something bad does happen, I’ll deal with in then. But worrying will only make me miss the joy in life, like listening to my kids sing in the car.

 

[Kelfa28]

I’m of course planning to stay abstinent the best I can but it’s not always possible because a huge amount of men are rapists. If I got a sterilization it’d protect me from getting pregnant from rape. Besides, why should I stay fertile if I plan to stay single for my whole life? I don’t need my fertility, it’s completely useless.

It’s statistically minimal, at best, that you should actually fear being raped.

Especially where you’re from…Northern Europe. The rape statistics are small.

Why?

Well, the statistics do say that a woman has about a 25% chance of being raped…but of that 25%…about over 70% of those rapes are from men that you’d already be in a relationship with, extremely close to or married to.

Add…another 10% that says you’re likely to be raped by a male acquaintance…and it drops to less then 4% of rapes that occur (out of the overall number of 25%) and that number is exceptionally small. Add to that the chances of actually becoming pregnancy from said rape…and the chances are even more miniscule.

Meaning…it’s totally irrational to fear to want to sterilize yourself because you fear rape.

This might be different if you lived in places like Africa…particularly South Africa.

No physician would ever consider letting you be sterilized…let alone the Church…because of an irrational fear of rape.
In fact…if he/she knew exactly why you wanted to be sterilized…he/she would ask why a very young adult would want such a procedure…they’d probably highly recommend counseling.

The vast, vast majority of men are good and kind and respectful towards women. They would never dream of raping a woman.

You would do far more for yourself by keeping yourself out of bad situations.

Never walk alone at night. Do not go to parties where lots of alcohol will be served. Avoid alcohol yourself.
Arm yourself with pepper spray.
Don’t date (this along would probably cut down a vast, vast majority of the chances you’d be raped).

 

[thistle]

Is it sinful to get a sterilization if you’re 100% sure that you won’t ever want to get married and have children? I’m an unmarried woman in my late teens and I’m pretty sure that I’ll never find a man who I’d love so much that I’d want to get married with him and most importantly I think there’s no way I’d be a good mother. I have kinda bad genes too so I think it’d be a huge favour for everyone if I got my tubes tied.
I mean, I don’t want children, I don’t want to get married, I wouldn’t be a good mother and the humankind doesn’t need my genes. I’m not planning to have sex outside of marriage and that’s not the reason why I want the sterilization I just feel like it’d be better for me to be completely infertile and I’m also scared that I’d be raped and get pregnant from it. So is there any problem with that?

Any form of artificial contraception (that includes female sterilization or male vasectomy) is a grave sin. The reason for wanting it is irrelevant.

 

[chasingcars]

It’s statistically minimal, at best, that you should actually fear being raped.
Especially where you’re from…Northern Europe. The rape statistics are small.
Why?
Well, the statistics do say that a woman has about a 25% chance of being raped…but of that 25%…about over 70% of those rapes are from men that you’d already be in a relationship with, extremely close to or married to.
Add…another 10% that says you’re likely to be raped by a male acquaintance…and it drops to less then 4% of rapes that occur (out of the overall number of 25%) and that number is exceptionally small. Add to that the chances of actually becoming pregnancy from said rape…and the chances are even more miniscule

But the chance still exists. You know, every man is potential threat because you never know who’s a rapist and who’s not.

Meaning…it’s totally irrational to fear to want to sterilize yourself because you fear rape.
This might be different if you lived in places like Africa…particularly South Africa.

I live in a country which’s population is 5,5 million and about 135 000 (=5% of men) of the people are rapists. So the fear is not irrational. People often think that Northern Europe is a safe place but for example Sweden has the highest rate of rape in the whole Europe.

No physician would ever consider letting you be sterilized…let alone the Church…because of an irrational fear of rape.
In fact…if he/she knew exactly why you wanted to be sterilized…he/she would ask why a very young adult would want such a procedure…they’d probably highly recommend counseling

It’s impossible to get a legal sterilization here in where I live before I turn 30 but I could travel abroad (Eastern Europe, Russia) to get it so I don’t think it’d be hard to find a physician who would do it without asking anything. And they wouldn’t recommend counseling because I don’t need it.

The vast, vast majority of men are good and kind and respectful towards women. They would never dream of raping a woman

No. Though “only” about 5% of men are rapists, most men think rape is either ok, funny or the victim’s fault so they’re obviously not “good and kind and respectful towards women”. That’s because one in 20 men is a rapist so almost every man has a family member, relative or a friend who is rapist.
Also, raping a woman is a very common fantasy among men judging by the amount of rape porn on the web (I googled it and got 64 500 000 hits).

You would do far more for yourself by keeping yourself out of bad situations.
Never walk alone at night. Do not go to parties where lots of alcohol will be served. Avoid alcohol yourself.
Arm yourself with pepper spray.
Don’t date (this along would probably cut down a vast, vast majority of the chances you’d be raped).

I don’t drink much and I will never date. Pepper spray would be a good idea but it’s not legal here…

 

[1ke]

because a huge amount of men are rapists

Perhaps some counseling on why you believe this to be true would be a better course of action than sterilization. It sounds like you have some fear based issues that may not be rooted in reality, both pertaining to rape and to marriage and children.

 

[chasingcars]

Rape is a very real threat, especially in certain areas. But it almost seems like you think getting pregnant from rape would be the worst part of a rape…and it’s not. It’s the rape itself. Statistically, it’s a small percentage of women who become pregnant from rape. Part of that may be mental trauma may prevent pregnancy.
For years I was a rape crisis counselor, and I rarely (but I did) encounter women who became pregnant. One I worked with for months. Her rape traumatized her- getting pregnant did not (though it wasn’t easy to be sure). She put her daughter up for adoption and keeps in contact

I’d like to know if you’re a man or a woman? If you get pregnant from rape and give up the child for adoption you’ll be stuck in that situation for the rest of your life. No matter how many years passes by, how many years you go to therapy, how many different kinds of medications you take, how many counsellors you work with… The situation doesn’t change at all. Birthmothers have to live the rest of their lives with a terrible social stigma, they’re treated as second class citizens and some people even think they’re monsters who abandoned their children. It’s forever. Add the pain of rape/pregnancy into that and you’ll understand why I want the sterilization so bad.

You say you want sterilization to prevent pregnancy. You’re looking at this the wrong way. Instead of trying to prevent pregnancy, try to prevent rape. Make sure you are never alone, especially at night (travel in groups), learn self-defense, keep your doors locked, etc. Doing these things may make you feel stronger and in more in control.

I already do all that. I don’t feel any stronger more in control.

*However, understand that you can only control yourself. By taking precautions, you may reduce the chances of becoming a victim, but you can’t control anything else. * But you can also control your fear. Why spend energy fearing something that MAY happen? How is that helping you? It’s not. It’s just causing anxiety, which is useless. Spend your energy on my previous suggestions and have trust in God.

Exactly. No matter what I do, there are still a lot of men around me and because there’s no way to tell who’s a rapist and who is not, all of them are a potential threat for me. Every single one of them. Controlling my fear won’t stop men from existing so it’s useless.

There is a very real chance that I’ll get in a car accident today. Perhaps my children will die. Is that real possibility going to affect me? No. When my son was very ill as a baby, I learned that worry is useless. So, to reduce the likelihood of crashing, I’ll wear a seatbelt, be alert (no phones, loud music, etc), make sure car is in good repair, etc. and then I just trust in God that he will take care of us. And if something bad does happen, I’ll deal with in then. But worrying will only make me miss the joy in life, like listening to my kids sing in the car.

I’d rather get hit by a car than raped/pregnant. And if I got in a car accident and died, I’d be in God’s hands and wouldn’t have to be scared anymore but if I got raped/pregnant, I’d have to suffer for decades.

 

[chasingcars]

Perhaps some counseling on why you believe this to be true would be a better course of action than sterilization. It sounds like you have some fear based issues that may not be rooted in reality, both pertaining to rape and to marriage and children.

I believe it’s true because it is true. I don’t have any fear based issues that may not be rooted in reality, I just have the facts so there’s no reason for counseling. I’m doing fine

 

[Regina7]

I’d like to know if you’re a man or a woman? If you get pregnant from rape and give up the child for adoption you’ll be stuck in that situation for the rest of your life. No matter how many years passes by, how many years you go to therapy, how many different kinds of medications you take, how many counsellors you work with… The situation doesn’t change at all. Birthmothers have to live the rest of their lives with a terrible social stigma, they’re treated as second class citizens and some people even think they’re monsters who abandoned their children. It’s forever. Add the pain of rape/pregnancy into that and you’ll understand why I want the sterilization so bad.

I already do all that. I don’t feel any stronger more in control.

Exactly. No matter what I do, there are still a lot of men around me and because there’s no way to tell who’s a rapist and who is not, all of them are a potential threat for me. Every single one of them. Controlling my fear won’t stop men from existing so it’s useless.

I’d rather get hit by a car than raped/pregnant. And if I got in a car accident and died, I’d be in God’s hands and wouldn’t have to be scared anymore but if I got raped/pregnant, I’d have to suffer for decades.

I will post more later, but to answer your question, I am a woman. And I was raped in college, so I can assure you that I do not take rape lightly.

And, while I’m certainly not glad I was raped (who is?) it’s part of who I am.

I am not afraid of becoming raped again. I survived it once and I’m still standing, stronger than ever.

And, another side note- one of my closest friends is a product of rape. Her father raped her mother in Mexico. Thank God she didn’t abort her- this world is a much better place with my friend in it.

Did something happen to perpetuate this fear? Has a close friend/family member been raped?

 

[D0UBTFIRE]

I’m of course planning to stay abstinent the best I can but it’s not always possible because a huge amount of men are rapists. If I got a sterilization it’d protect me from getting pregnant from rape. Besides, why should I stay fertile if I plan to stay single for my whole life? I don’t need my fertility, it’s completely useless.

I’m just throwing this out there…

If you’re okay with sterilization, and intend on remaining abstinent anyway, why not plan on emergency contraception incase you ever do get raped? Or even the pill? It’s less permanent, and allows for the huge possibility that you might change your mind.

Also, I don’t recommend asking on these forums “if it’s a sin” … You are only gonna get a bunch of opinions. What do you think? Is it sinful?

Ask your priest is probably the best advice I can give.

As far as I know, no, there is no official church teaching on sterilization for people who don’t intend on ever getting married.

 

[D0UBTFIRE]

Any form of artificial contraception (that includes female sterilization or male vasectomy) is a grave sin. The reason for wanting it is irrelevant.

I’m pretty sure that the church has only officially taught that contraception is intrinsically evil in marriage… They haven’t addressed fornication or rape. We kinda hashed this out in my thread “so what to do if I can’t stop contracepting?”

 

[Kelfa28]

You need counseling.

 

[chasingcars]

I’m just throwing this out there…

If you’re okay with sterilization, and intend on remaining abstinent anyway, why not plan on emergency contraception incase you ever do get raped? Or even the pill? It’s less permanent, and allows for the huge possibility that you might change your mind.

Also, I don’t recommend asking on these forums “if it’s a sin” … You are only gonna get a bunch of opinions. What do you think? Is it sinful?

Ask your priest is probably the best advice I can give.

As far as I know, no, there is no official church teaching on sterilization for people who don’t intend on ever getting married.

Isn’t emergency contraception a sin? I was actually thinking that the pill would be a good option for me until I’m able to get the sterilization. But something still keeps telling me that it’d be wrong and God doesn’t want me to do it. Thanks for your advice.