Questions from a newlywed

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Hi everyone, my wife and I have been married for little over a week. It seems she has a problem getting aroused. This we knew because she had a previous relationship a few years ago. She thinks it may be thyroid related. So she has a problem getting aroused and therefore a problem feeling sensations during sex. It’s been a little hard to deal with. I feel bad and she’s going to try and have a good attitude, but what is a good Catholic to do? We’re practicing NFP, but it is hard to know what to do - are there Catholic sex therapists out there? Is it different during fertile periods/pregnancy?

Is it also a sin to use sensation enhancing lubricant? Also, if both parties are going through foreplay and both decide it’s not going to work, is it OK to call it quits if its a mutual decision even though you’ve gone pretty far?

I know there are a lot of questions, but I know I can turn to good Catholic resources on this forum.
 
Anything is a sin that does not end in copulation. Any act of sex can only end in copulation, and absolutely anything else is a sin.
 
Why does she think it’s thyroid related?
Has she had it checked?

If she hasn’t, I highly recommend her doing
so. I have hypothyroidism (low thyroid) and
take synthroid for it, and my levels are now
normal, and I feel fine.
 
Starwynd said:
Anything is a sin that does not end in copulation. Any act of sex can only end in copulation, and absolutely anything else is a sin.
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I believe the sex must end in copulation before climax if any sex has taken place (ie. oral sex). Any climax outside of copulation would be a sin. Foreplay (kissing, embracing, etc.) without sex is not a sin.
 
I go with the suggestion to get her a complete physical. It may be her thyroid, or it maybe something else. Getting a check up might reveal the problem. If no physical problem is shown, then a good catholic counselor might be of good use. 👍
 
You must mutually intend to complete the marital act before you begin it. But if in the course of things you discover that – for whatever reason – things are not progressing then you can stop without sinning.

I suspect some will object to what I wrote. (“Absolutely every act… anything else is absolutely a sin” — that kind of thing.)

Consider the couple who in the course of their intimacy, but before the conjugal act itself has begun, falls out of bed and suffers a cut on the scalp. They really can’t reasonably continue while the bloody head wound is open, and by the time they close it (maybe stitches?) the idea of resuming that single act is ridiculous. No sin has been done, because continuing and completing the act is not morally possible.

There are many other interruptions that are not as dramatic as a gaping head wound. Children having a nightmare, husband or wife feeling nauseous, et al. A lack of physiological response is in this vein.

Before they begin, the couple should mutually intend to complete the act. But if an unintended interruption takes place, they have not sinned.

YES, you can use a lubricant. Yes, even one that heats up or otherwise stimulates. Take the idea from the teaching on contraception: something that assists nature is acceptable; something that subverts or replaces nature is not. In this case, I see the lubricant as assisting, not replacing.

Regards,
Joe
 
Thank you all for your caring replies. With the Synthroid, do you have to take it forever? What if you stop? Is it pricey?
 
reclaimed said:
Is it also a sin to use sensation enhancing lubricant?
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I don’t see anything in scripture to suggest that it’s a sin.
Also, if both parties are going through foreplay and both decide it’s not going to work, is it OK to call it quits if its a mutual decision even though you’ve gone pretty far?
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Again, nothing in scripture to indicate that that’s a sin.

I wonder if your wife would appreciate you discussing such personal things in such a public place. Seems a little disrespectful to me.
 
Pastor_Jim said:
I wonder if your wife would appreciate you discussing such personal things in such a public place. Seems a little disrespectful to me.
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It’s an internet forum Jim. That’s the whole point. Nobody knows you. It’s not public…
 
This is a catholic answers forum. Where else are we suppose to go to get answers to life’s trouble? And that, of course, would include this sort of thing.
 
Reclaimed,

I’'ve been married 25 years, and yes, there are times when, for one or both of you, it just isn’t happening. It’s not a sin to stop instead of inflicting pain or suffering on the other person.

Be supportive. As has already been said - she needs to see her doctor. If everything checks out, contact Catholic Charities and inquire about counseling. Sometimes it’s really hard to shift gears from “Don’t ever have sex, you have to wait!” to “The waiting’s over!”
 
thomfra said:
It’s an internet forum Jim. That’s the whole point. Nobody knows you. It’s not public…
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That may be but it’s still disrespectful.
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ChristyBeth:
This is a catholic answers forum. Where else are we suppose to go to get answers to life’s trouble? And that, of course, would include this sort of thing.
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The Bible.
 
reclaimed said:
Also, if both parties are going through foreplay and both decide it’s not going to work, is it OK to call it quits if its a mutual decision even though you’ve gone pretty far?
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Here’s a recent thread that does a good job of dicussing this question. Personally, I think the original poster in this thread presents the best argument. In light of this, the answer to your question would be that it’s OK to quit in the middle of foreplay as long as ejaculation does not intentionally take place outside of the woman.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=243987
 
Reclaimed,

I’m not sure about the necessary duration of the use of Synthroid.
I have several problems, so most likely I will be taking it the rest of my life. It may not be her thyroid, but please encourage her to get a complete physical workup/blood tests. It could be a simple hormone problem, and easily fixed.

As to price, well, that depends on your ins. With ours, a 30 day supply of 30 is $18 at Walmart. Your prices may vary, however.

My prayers are with you both.
 
reclaimed said:
Thank you all for your caring replies. With the Synthroid, do you have to take it forever? What if you stop? Is it pricey?
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No. It’s readily available. Many women take this, especially if they are older.
This may or may not be the “problem.” A doctor might be able to determine that. Either way, did you guys get The Good News About Sex and Marriage during your engagement period? Lots of good answers to these and other questions in there.
jprioli said:
You must mutually intend to complete the marital act before you begin it. But if in the course of things you discover that – for whatever reason – things are not progressing then you can stop without sinning.

Regards,
Joe
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:yup: 👍
Starwynd said:
Anything is a sin that does not end in copulation. Any act of sex can only end in copulation, and absolutely anything else is a sin.
Click to expand...
That’s not what I have heard, read or have experienced.

We do have to be careful not to enter into an act with the only intention to be selfish pleasure. Even if it is mutual. Not all intimacy need to be limited to a kiss or hug. And it would be a lie to stop just short of orgasm, too. It’s somewhere inbetween but there is no official “line in the sand” that I know of. Some HAVE tried to draw it for others. If you are prayerful and sincere, you will know where to “draw the line.”
 
Please don’t let Pastor Jim hijack this thread.

There are plenty of threads about Sola Scriptura, Pastor Jim, please take it there.

Ruthie
 
Pastor_Jim said:
The Bible.
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…

The Bible, the World of God in the words of men, does not cover this issue completely, the posters are asking how to apply their faith in this particular instance, and the internet is a great way to ask these questions as it offers anonymity.

The Church does answer most of these questions, how to apply our faith to the modern world, but it doens’t getting into the “nitty gritty” details of sex so some clarification is needed to answer some of these specific details.

So if you can read into the Bible using private interpretation and think that your private interpretation is binding on all, go for it; but we Catholics follow what the Bible says is the Pillar and Foundation of the Truth: the Church.
 
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