Questions from a newlywed

[OldAgeGuru]

Anything is a sin that does not end in copulation.

Oh no, I’ve been doing everything wrong my entire life. To think how many times I’ve eaten breakfast, bought shoes, taken a shower or watched tv and not had it end in sex. I must get to a confessional post haste!

 

[TC2]

Thanks a lot, Guru.
My monitor will never be the same!

(though what an interesting life we’d have if that worked out, eh?)

 

[OldAgeGuru]

anytime

That was my one zing of the day, and I’m happy to have supplied it to you guys!

 

[Pastor_Jim]

Please don’t let Pastor Jim hijack this thread.

There are plenty of threads about Sola Scriptura, Pastor Jim, please take it there.

Ruthie

I think you have me confused with someone else. I didn’t say anything about sola scriptura.

How ironic that the Catholics here keep on telling me how the Bible is a “Catholic” book, but the very idea that it might be the source of God’s answers for our questions about morality sends all of the Catholics here into a panic.

 

[Pastor_Jim]

…

The Bible, the World of God in the words of men, does not cover this issue completely,

Well then, I guess you must believe that 2 Tim 3:15-17 is wrong.

So if you can read into the Bible using private interpretation and think that your private interpretation is binding on all, go for it; but we Catholics follow what the Bible says is the Pillar and Foundation of the Truth: the Church.

OK. You follow your church. I’ll follow God.

 

[Lee_M]

I think you have me confused with someone else. I didn’t say anything about sola scriptura.

How ironic that the Catholics here keep on telling me how the Bible is a “Catholic” book, but the very idea that it might be the source of God’s answers for our questions about morality sends all of the Catholics here into a panic.

Do you have something against Catholics? You are on a Catholic forum. You do know that right? No one is saying don’t read the bible, but some people need clarification on topics to help them prevent the occassion of sin. The answer may not always be easily found in the bible. Excuse us for asking for help from others Pastor Jim.

 

[Lee_M]

I think you have me confused with someone else. I didn’t say anything about sola scriptura.

How ironic that the Catholics here keep on telling me how the Bible is a “Catholic” book, but the very idea that it might be the source of God’s answers for our questions about morality sends all of the Catholics here into a panic.

Your generalization of Catholics concerns me. Do I detect a sense of animosity toward Catholics in general from you?

 

[Pastor_Jim]

Your generalization of Catholics concerns me. Do I detect a sense of animosity toward Catholics in general from you?

No, I’m just pointing out the irony that the same Catholics who keep telling me how the Bible is supposed to be a “Catholic book” pitch a fit everytime I suggest that we defer to it’s teachings.

 

[HouseArrest]

The Bible.

reclaimed doesn’t feel like looking in the Bible right now. He wants to ask us.

Now let’s continue, I’m busy learning here.

 

[thomfra]

No, I’m just pointing out the irony that the same Catholics who keep telling me how the Bible is supposed to be a “Catholic book” pitch a fit everytime I suggest that we defer to it’s teachings.

Oh Jim. What *are *we going to do with you?

Just wondering. Is there anything in their which will tell me why my refridgerator is leaking water? It’s driving me insane.

 

[Argh]

I hate to do this, I really do, I’m not even married, but…

I do declare, on this Wednesday, July 30, 2008 that this thread has been officially hijacked.

 

[Cat]

Back to the topic.

If it is a sin to start the sex act, and then not finish it, every parent of babies and toddlers commits this sin several times a week! The lines for Reconciliation should be out the door!

I can’t tell you how many times over the years my husband and I were really getting into it when we heard, “Mommeee! Daddieeee! What are you doing in there?”

And once this happens, it usually puts a real damper on the sex act. Even if you want to finish, the body just won’t let you, if you know what I mean.

Serious now. I am a woman, and I am going to respectfully and tenderly suggest that your wife could be using “thyroid” problems instead of admitting that she is scared of or embarrassed by sex. In other words, it is possible that her problem is not physical, but psychological/emotional.

I would recommend that she first see her doctor, and that YOU go along with her.

If the problem is physical, then it will be taken care of, hopefully. But there could still be problems. If a woman has experienced displeasure or pain from sex, she may still feel it even after the physical reason is gone.

So ask the doctor to refer you to a good Catholic counselor who is experienced in helping couples achieve sexual satisfaction.

Don’t settle for a Christian counselor who is not a Catholic. My husband and I grew up evangelical Protestant, and the Protestant Christians believe differently about sex and teach things that Catholics believe are sins (e.g., it’s OK to have an orgasm outside of intercourse).

Pastor Jim, you can disagree all you wish, but Catholics must listen to their Church, headed up by Jesus, and not listen to you or the Bible. The Catholic Church will not disagree with the Bible, but the Catholic Church does not rely solely on the Scripture for all teaching, either. Go to other threads if you want to debate about that. Leave this thread for those who are trying to help the OP.

OP, if your doctor cannot give you a referral to such a counselor (perhaps because your doctor is not a practicing Catholic), go talk to your priest and ask him for help and if necessary, a referral. It’s possible that your priest might be able to help you, yes, even with sexual issues. If he can’t help you, I’m sure he will be able to refer you to someone who can help. He might even refer you to another older couple in your parish (and that would be good because it would not cost anything).

Everything will work out. Don’t stop loving each other and keep working hard on this. Don’t just put it aside and pretend everything’s OK. You will have to work hard, but you will be glad you did. Sex is great, a very important part of married life. Don’t settle for anything less than the best.

 

[teme]

Wait, did the OP say they’ve been married a little over as week? If so, give it time. It sounds like one or both of you have an impression of what sex should be, or how it was in the past.

Take time to learn each other, try things out, and don’t stress about whether you are doing it right. Her past poor experience could be very much that the man wasn’t caring about her feelings, or just plain not good… You and she need to understand that you are not him, and your relationship is different, and shouldn’t be compared to previous. It takes time to learn each other’s “trigger points”, and you need to be comfortable. No matter what your friends say, or you read in Cosmo, every sexual experience isn’t mind-blowing, window shaking, wake-the-neighbors lovin’ - especially not in the first week.

Stop stressing about what is allowed, when it should happen, etc. God doesn’t fault a child if he or she mispronounces a word and issues an expletive while learning to speak, and a person who drops a book on someone else’s foot isn’t sinning. One is a result of learning, and the other merely a mistake. You and your wife are learning something new, and will try and fail, and make a mistake or two about knowing when you’re at your climax (still happens to those married veterans here as well sometimes). Take time to explore each other, and worry less about what you think should happen, and more about finding out what is happening.

It never hurts to consult a doctor when you think there is something wrong. But, with less than a week of marriage under your britches, let go of your preconcieved notions and spend some time naked with each other without trying to hurry and climax.

 

[teme]

No, I’m just pointing out the irony that the same Catholics who keep telling me how the Bible is supposed to be a “Catholic book” pitch a fit everytime I suggest that we defer to it’s teachings.

Jim, the Bible doesn’t say we can use the internet. So why are you here?

 

[Pastor_Jim]

Pastor Jim, you can disagree all you wish, but Catholics must listen to their Church, headed up by Jesus, and not listen to you or the Bible

BINGO!

 

[lizaanne]

I think you have me confused with someone else. I didn’t say anything about sola scriptura.

How ironic that the Catholics here keep on telling me how the Bible is a “Catholic” book, but the very idea that it might be the source of God’s answers for our questions about morality sends all of the Catholics here into a panic.

“Pastor” Jim - I suggest you list your credentials and your denomination in your profile. Your user name is a bit much if you ask me. We have no idea who you are. Going around calling yourself “pastor” and telling Catholics how to think is going to get you a great deal of backlash here.

Anyway - to the OP - I suggest you take it slow. You have the rest of your lives to learn each other, what pleases you, what works, what doesn’t work. You are so new in your marriage, don’t sweat this so much. You don’t need the added stress that comes with being newlyweds to begin with! Keep asking good questions, there are plenty here who can give you good advice. Not everyone will give you a hard time for asking.

Congratulations on your marriage, and may God bless you both for wanting to do the right thing.

~Liza

 

[jwashu]

BINGO!

LOL… as any good Protestant would, lets take a verse (sentence) out of context to make our point.

You going to remove James and Hebrews as well like Luther?

Her point, as has been everyone else’s in regards to your suggestion is that the Bible gives us guidelines but it will not answer every specific question.

Christ IS the Word made flesh, we believe this and teach this. We also look at the Bible as a whole rather than take bits an pieces to prove our point.

We believe that every Christian should read and study God’s word AND that He will open your eyes and the Spirit can give you private revelation… but that revelation is meant for you. Not so that you could go start another Denomination and split the Body further.

God loves you Pastor Jim, perhaps He has lead you here because you have learned what you needed to know and are ready for the Fullness of Truth found through His Sacraments. Pray about it.

To the OP, get her a medical checkup as suggested.

And I agree with the tread about intentions, sometimes things happens when you start out with the best intentions. You guys are probably young though with no kids so just make sure the intention is correct

Prayerfully,
Joe

PS - I use to be a Protestant (38 years, born and raised), even some ministerial work, and it was actually reading God’s Word and a lot of prayers that lead me home to the Catholic Church.

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

If she was chaste before your marriage, perhaps she’s having feelings of nervousness. I hope you’re encouraging her that what she’s doing is fine and that you’re happy…

I agree about the Dr visit, and I would add that it could be that she has trouble ‘getting out of her head’. For me, that was an issue. I was self conscious, and therefore not focusing on feeling and relaxing…I did take a drink or two to help me unwind a few times, and that helped - seriously…obviously I didn’t get drunk - that would be counter-productive. But a glass or two and taking things slowwwwwly helped.

 

[wifenmommy]

The Bible.

…For that specific question, I dont think it would be found there. Hmmmmm…could someone please pass the TROLL repellent?? Pastor Jim. I think you are throwing loaded comments out there to provoke mess…

Back to the OP:
Could it be that she is exhausted from all the wedding hoopla? Maybe she is kinda “let down” now that after all the planning and excitement for the wedding is over? Getting a thorough physical would be a good idea, just to be sure. Good luck and give it time, and things will “kick in”!

 

[Pastor_Jim]

“Pastor” Jim - I suggest you list your credentials and your denomination in your profile. Your user name is a bit much if you ask me. We have no idea who you are. Going around calling yourself “pastor” and telling Catholics how to think is going to get you a great deal of backlash here.

And when did I tell anybody how to think?

I notice you have evaded the suggestion and have not updated your profile.

Quite telling.

And I notice that you still haven’t said where I told anybody what to think.

Quite telling.

I think you are throwing loaded comments out there to provoke mess…

I’m sorry you think that suggesting that somebody who’s claiming to be a Christian might go to the Bible for his answer is such an outrageous thing.