I am a relatively recent convert- in my 5th year. I love the Latin Mass, go to Eucharistic Adoration, and have a strong feeling about the meaning and significance of the liturgy. As a married man I am obviously not able to become a priest, but I’ve been considering the diaconate and would like to know from permanent deacons on here how they feel about it- the daily experience, your relationship to your priest and bishop, and the role of the deacon’s wife. From a practical standpoint, I’m wondering how a man becomes a deacon if he is not financially in a position to retire from the business world. I believe there is no salary for a deacon.
You bring up many points for comment; I’ll give it a try in an attempt to help paint a picture.
First off, recent converts are not typically accepted into formation because of the dangers of over zealous energy which could cause issues. However, as with my home diocese, many use a basic time frame of five years after being brought into the Church as a sufficient waiting period so in your case here in my diocese that would not disqualify you.
Having strong feelings and full knowledge of the Liturgy is very important. The deacon’s role in the life of the Church is not centered on Liturgy; however, when the deacon is involved in the Liturgy it is of utmost importance he do it well and not be a distraction to the faithful. This is where many formation programs are lacking. We deemphasize Liturgy so much that the deacon candidates are not taught Liturgy completely as to allow them to competently serve in the Liturgy. This is changing thankfully.
As far as you statement, “As I am a married man I am obviously not able to become a priest”; this would be the most critical part of your discernment and that of the diaconal committee who will accept you or reject you as an aspirant. Being a deacon is not similar to being a priest, it is a true and distinct calling. We are not “priests light”. It is not a consolation prize and the permanent diaconate is not a stepping stone to anything but the diaconate, service. I’m sure this is not what you meant by your statement, but if I were your mentor/spiritual director this would be a cause for concern and much attention before saying yes I agree to enter formation.
This is not a bad thing, it is an opportunity to learn fully what the diaconate is and especially an opportunity to fully discern if your calling is true both for you and the Church. This calling to the clerical state is a calling from God to you and also a calling discerned by the Church for you, both must be satisfied if the calling is true.
I am a married 47 year old deacon ordained almost three years ago. I have three kids, son 21, daughter 19, and a son who is 18. All are in college, the oldest in his 3rd year of Seminary College. God willing, I will have to call him Father in about 6 years. My daughter just got married and is quite independent. I am a full time employee of a large utility company in management which gives me a flexible schedule and I have a very understanding Baptist boss who allows me freedom, praise God.
My wife is the youth minister in my parish where I am assigned and we work youth ministry together. I am the youth ministry deacon for the diocese I guess you can say as most of my ministry time is spent with teens. In my spare time I visit parishioners in hospitals and homes occasionally. The role of your wife will be to keep you grounded and to assure a balance in your life. These are the most critical points in your life as a deacon. Remember you were a husband and father much earlier than a deacon; it takes work to keep these priorities in line. If they are lost, your marriage and family will pay the price and a divorced deacon will not be an active deacon in public ministry.
There is no need to be retired to operate as a deacon. You just need to be good at organizing time and allow ministries to develop through the Holy Spirit, I do not and have not built ministry except through the Holy Spirit. My wife and I are always discerning opportunities and needs. She has (name removed by moderator)ut on everything I do as a deacon; if she says no Gary this is not good, I do not do it. My spiritual director always repeated this little anecdote, “Always remember obedience to the abyss.” He is a former Benedictine Monk and refers to our wives as our “abysses”; so in all things one must be obedient to the abyss!
Hope this helps. Please feel free to PM me if you have questions you’d rather keep private.
:thumbsup: