Questions regarding confession, scared looking for advice

[rf0808]

Thank you ahead of time fore reading and/or responding to this post. I’m sorry that it might be long.

I am a fallen away catholic who wants to return to the church. I was very lost rejecting virtually everything. I have not been to confession since I was 17 years old. I’m 32 now. I have many horrible sins I must confess. Some bring me to tears to even think about. I want to do a proper confession, but I am utterly confused about it all, as I realize how much I never knew I didn’t know. I have to completely re-catecise myself.

I am lost when I start trying to understand all the venial/mortal sins stuff. I’m looking as a examination of counciousness worksheet, and it seems like this confession will need to be a long one. I want to do it right, yet I’m feeling immense pressure from a good friend who will be bringing me to her church to rush this. I am dependant on rides at this point for I am in a very rural place, nothing is close to us and I don’t drive.

I was originally told by her that I could get an appointment with her priest to do this properly as it isn’t a short confession. Last week she told me that unfortunately the priest is booked until may for that. I said I can wait, or try to go to another church, but she is determined for me to only go to her priest. She is trying to convince me that I must go anyway as quickly as possible or she feels I will lose my nerve, so she wants to bring me tomorrow to the regular confession line before mass on sunday.

This is very terrifying to me. It is the first time in so long that I’ve done this and I have alot of grave matters to discuss. I get panic attacks thinking of doing this while people are literally waiting in line for thier turn. She said that it is always like that we will have to get there early and wait in line. I’m afraid I can’t do this with the pressure of people waiting. I get panic attack just thinking of it. I don’t know if I can do this properly while knowing I should not be using this parishes regular confession time when my list of sins from the examination of counciousness is close to full-that is how lost I have been.

My friend told me that I can do this very short and quick, just go down the list, yet I think she doesn’t get it, I can’t “just go down the list quickly” don’t I need to talk about why?
And some of the things hurt so deep( for example I have had an abortion due to an ectopic pregnancy) that I can’t bear the thought of just going down this list and not having time to talk about anything. She is afraid that if I don’t do this now that the devil will convince me to stay away. I feel trapped because I’m willing to go somewhere else to do this as soon as possible, but she stubbornly insists thatI have to go to her priest.

I don’t know what to do. Please, I would love some advice. Thank you for reading all this. I truly want to do the right thing.

 

[catsrus]

I went to my first confession at the age of 54. You can well imagine.
I discussed with my wonderful priest that I wasn’t sure where to start and that I needed at least a week of his time for this confession. He just laughed and said, “God is perfectly aware of the state of your heart and mind in this endeavor. Just hit the high notes.” It took only 1/2 hour and when I left, I was glowing. I felt the weight of the entire world had fallen from my back. No exaggeration!
Don’t worry! Follow the lead of your priest. He knows it’s your 1st one and will help you though.
If you feel the need, you can make an appointment with a spiritual counsler.
"Be not afraid! "

 

[Bookcat]

Jesus the Good Shepherd loves you and will take care of your many wounds and carry you on his shoulders …rejoicing!

It is up to you what Priest you go to. And any Priest is obliged to hear your confession…so no worries there. You can call the Priest yourself and make the appointment. It does not have to be months away! There was it seems some confusion…that you were seeking an appointment for Spiritual Direction or counseling of some sort…just call and make it clear that you have been away from the Church for many years and need to go to confession not at the regular time. One can call any Priest if this Priest is unable to see you due to say the rural nature of things there etc.

As for your confession…many things in examinations of conscience are mortal and venial matters mixed together. All you need to confess is your mortal sins. And while these need to be in number and kind: “murder 2x”. Adultery 3x, “Lustful thoughts many many times …I do not know more exactly”…one need not go into “unnecessary” detail. Just the circumstances that “change the mortal sin” such as “the person I murdered was my brother” …(and things that perhaps take away guilt…so I can see some circumstances being mentioned …but not every circumstance…only what is needed).

Now remember…yes make a diligent examination of conscience…but if you forget something…and were contrite…such is still absolved…one just is obliged to confess it in the next confession if you should remember it. (Hiding a mortal sin intentionally is a very different matter…such would invalidate the confession…and would need to be confessed as well as that sin and all the mortal sins again…for it was a “bad confession”…but one need not stress about such…your not seeking to hide any mortal sin…so your not going to be in this category).

So it may happen that you do your best…but later remember some mortal sin that you forgot…no worries…just remember it in the next confession.

As to the number…while we are obliged to confess all our mortal sins in kind and in number…one need not stress here. If one can not remember the actual number…one does the best one can…and approximates…like “it was around 2-3 times a month for 15 years” or it was at least 100 times…or more… or even if need be “several times” or “many times” or “many many times”…no worries. One who has been away for years will be often fuzzy here…

The Priest can also help you …just ask…

In the meantime be sorry for all your sins out of love of God and know that he loves you!

Welcome home!

Jesus the Good Shepherd loves you…

 

[rf0808]

Thank you both for your advice. I feel myself calming already. I struggle with an anxiety disorder, so sometimes fears get the best of me.

I think I’m going to start writing out the examination of consciousness. To just go down this list simply with just a short sentence about what or why. If it is written out I can get an idea of it is just in my head that i would need so much time, and would help me if I do go tomorrow, and panic. I can just read what I wrote if I freeze up and my mind goes blank

I think writing it this way will help me figure out if I can go tomorrow, or wait and talk to another church and try to find an alternate ride if I have to.

Thank you again.

 

[utah_rose]

Thank you both for your advice. I feel myself calming already. I struggle with an anxiety disorder, so sometimes fears get the best of me.

I think I’m going to start writing out the examination of consciousness. To just go down this list simply with just a short sentence about what or why. If it is written out I can get an idea of it is just in my head that i would need so much time, and would help me if I do go tomorrow, and panic. I can just read what I wrote if I freeze up and my mind goes blank

I think writing it this way will help me figure out if I can go tomorrow, or wait and talk to another church and try to find an alternate ride if I have to.

Thank you again.

And by the way what you considered an abortion wasn’t as the baby could not survive without being in the uterus.

Good luck! I returned to the church about 7 years ago after being away for 25 years. I had to make an appointment during Holy Week, and a kind priest was able to hear my Confession on Holy Saturday. Most of the priests will guide you as to what sins you may have committed, for example if you were a member of another Church, etc. But you will be glad you went.

Another possibility is some Churches have a Reconciliation service during Lent with many priests there to hear your confession. You may consider this if it is more comfortable, but if you are in a state of Mortal Sin I would try to get your Confession heard as soon as possible, as we don’t know what will happen to us today or tomorrow. And welcome back!

 

[Brooke449]

Good luck to you! I was in a similar situation a few months ago and I made an appointment with a priest and we met at his office where he heard my confession. It took about 45 minutes to go through the sins of about 30 years and there were plenty. He made me very comfortable and I was able to get through it. I brought notes too. It wasn’t exactly pleasant but it was a wonderful experience! Please don’t delay if you don’t have to, you’ll be so happy when it’s over.

 

[rf0808]

Thank you again.

I will try and call myself to see if there was some confusion about the appointment. I may be able to get an appointment sooner than may for this.

I struggle with the issue if it was really an abortion or not. I have been told that this is an instance where it isn’t considered it, as well as that it was. From the time that it was confirmed by our doctor that my husband and I were pregnant again ,to finding out something was wrong, to the “procedure” was a span of only five days. I think I was in shock. I woke up from the anesthesia already crying. I felt like I was lied to that it wasn’t wrong because I felt I ripped a hole into my soul. That was 7 years ago, I have been able to have another child. I have two beautiful girls. But the hole doesn’t go away, and up into very recently haven’t even spoken about it, not even my husband.

I feel I must have done something terribly wrong, and want to ask for gods forgiveness on this one, definitely.

 

[JRKH]

You already have much good advice and I do not wish to add any confusion but will share with you my experience returning to church after 35 years…
My first confession was poor. It was rather hurried and frankly sloppy. Not the priest’s fault but mine (long story). Anyway - Father was very understanding.

After a couple of months though I became to realize how poorly I had confessed and pondered over what to do about it…I mean 35 years worth of sin, with a number of interrelated biggies… And some that didn’t necessarily fit into neat “10 commandment” catagories…like substance abuse…

Anyway, long story short, I came across the “Seven deadly Sins” and thought - aha…Most of my individual sins (large and small) fit into these “root causes”. With this, I reviewed my life since I had left the church and could see how one deadly sin led to others. I then composed a summary of this which I used at my next confession after explaining to father how I had come to be convicted that my previous confession was - shall we say - incomplete.

After I had done this, I destroyed the summary. The closure I felt after this was tremendous, and while I still occasionally remember those old sins (with new remorse) I feel this is God’s way of helping me to stay firm and to move forward.

I hope this helps

Peace
James

 

[Sarahforgiven]

Thank you again.

I will try and call myself to see if there was some confusion about the appointment. I may be able to get an appointment sooner than may for this.

I struggle with the issue if it was really an abortion or not. I have been told that this is an instance where it isn’t considered it, as well as that it was. From the time that it was confirmed by our doctor that my husband and I were pregnant again ,to finding out something was wrong, to the “procedure” was a span of only five days. I think I was in shock. I woke up from the anesthesia already crying. I felt like I was lied to that it wasn’t wrong because I felt I ripped a hole into my soul. That was 7 years ago, I have been able to have another child. I have two beautiful girls. But the hole doesn’t go away, and up into very recently haven’t even spoken about it, not even my husband.

I feel I must have done something terribly wrong, and want to ask for gods forgiveness on this one, definitely.

I believe you may be experiencing grief over the ectopic pregnancy. But, it was most certainly not an abortion. A baby was growing in your fallopian tube, but it would have no way to reach your womb as a normal pregnancy does. Ectopic pregnancies eventually rupture a woman’s Fallopian tube which creates a medical life threatening emergency for the mother and because the baby is not in the womb it does not survive either. I heard this discussed today on Catholic Answers live as well as being familiar with this type of pregnancy because I work in the medical field.
I agree with the other posts, call the parish secretary yourself and explain you need to make your first confession since however many years it has been. They will make time for you.

 

[Bookcat]

I believe you may be experiencing grief over the ectopic pregnancy. But, it was most certainly not an abortion. A baby was growing in your fallopian tube, but it would have no way to reach your womb as a normal pregnancy does. Ectopic pregnancies eventually rupture a woman’s Fallopian tube which creates a medical life threatening emergency for the mother and because the baby is not in the womb it does not survive either. I heard this discussed today on Catholic Answers live as well as being familiar with this type of pregnancy because I work in the medical field.
I agree with the other posts, call the parish secretary yourself and explain you need to make your first confession since however many years it has been. They will make time for you.

There are permitted ways to address such pregancies …after waiting and seeing…

and those which are “abortions”

This is informative (he is on CA Live all the time)

ncbcenter.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=940

In any case the person should still bring it up with the confessor in confession…and confess what ever needs be confessed.

Also know that for all ones sins…Jesus came so you that you may be forgiven…and know true life! he loves you …he is the Good Shepherd

 

[rf0808]

I apreciate all of the advice.

No, there wasn’t any confusion about the wait for an appointment with the priest at this time for someone unknown in this parish. Once I’m known there might be more leeway for working in a sooner time for an extended audience at his discretion. They are the only church for quite a distance( as it is its around an hour away from my house) that does Latin mass , maybe they are just swamped. I’m going this Sunday. It will be the first time I’ve been to a Latin mass. I’m excited because I’ve heard how beautiful it is.

I am going tomorrow to confession. I will just do the best I can and if I need to do it again later then I will. I’m very calm about all this now, in fact I’m feeling very good about my decision. Thank you all for your help.

 

[Bookcat]

I apreciate all of the advice.

No, there wasn’t any confusion about the wait for an appointment with the priest at this time for someone unknown in this parish. Once I’m known there might be more leeway for working in a sooner time for an extended audience at his discretion. They are the only church for quite a distance( as it is its around an hour away from my house) that does Latin mass , maybe they are just swamped. I’m going this Sunday. It will be the first time I’ve been to a Latin mass. I’m excited because I’ve heard how beautiful it is.

I am going tomorrow to confession. I will just do the best I can and if I need to do it again later then I will. I’m very calm about all this now, in fact I’m feeling very good about my decision. Thank you all for your help.

One need not go to that Parish…there are many others…also make sure that this Parish is in full communion with the Church…there are those out there that are not (like Society of St. Piux X) you would not want to go to confession etc there.

 

[Alicewyf]

I am so glad you decided to go to confession sooner rather than later! I also returned to the Church last Easter season (actually just before Divine Mercy Sunday!) after seven + years away. After writing out my sins, they covered one sheet of printer paper, front and back! Even so, my confession was not very long (about 15-20 mins), and I lucked out by getting a great confessor. He gave me a wonderful penance and I have not had one like it before or since!

I just went to the closest church to my house at the time, and I went to regular confessional time. There are often not a lot of people at confession these days so he had a lot of extra time to hear mine. I think only one person was ahead of me. If there had been a lot of people waiting I probably would have gone back another day.

I really hope your confession went well today. Please update us!