T
tinamn
Guest
Many of you have read, commented and prayed for me in my situation with my husband, and I appreciate it all very much. I am hoping that maybe some of you have some advice to give regarding another tricky situation in my life regarding a different family member.
My sister has had troubles her whole life - she was bounced around foster care for 18 months before being adopted by my parents. She had troubles in grade school, got into drugs and sex in middle and high school, and basically bounced around to different treatment centers until she graduated HS.
Things seemed to be better - she became an LPN, got married, had 3 kids… everyone was under the impression that things were going well, but with each child she had, things got just a little bit more shaky. She had c-sections with all of her kids, and ended up addicted to painkillers (she told me this, so it’s not me just guessing/accusing).
She started having really sporadic behavior - massive ups where she would be awake for days, the house would be spotless, etc etc. followed by incredibly crazy outburst of attacking people around her verbally about anything and everything. She accused her husband of cheating - turns out her evidence was that she thought he was calling a woman (the mother of their oldest daughter’s friend) after midnight, but it was after noon (she switched up AM and PM). This would be followed by her sleeping for hours… sometimes even 24 hours, waking up and being “normal” and acting like nothing had gone wrong at all.
Well, without getting into sticky details (mostly because it could literally be a BOOK), in one of her crazy outburts, she threw a bunch of tools at her husband and told him to leave (on Father’s Day, no less). He went out and sat in his car because the kids were inside and he was worried about them being with her - I believe he called the police at this point. She came outside and told him he better stay there because she had called the police on HIM, and “Oh, by the way, you just hit me. Enjoy jail for assault and battery on your wife.”
So this started off what has turned into months of just crazy behavior, a drawn out custody battle and divorce (because he was told that if he didn’t file for divorce, he would have no way to get the kids away from her). During this time, she has had at least two boyfriends that she has lived with (that we know of) and she insists that we treat these boyfriends and their children as part of our family. She has attacked both my husband and myself verbally (and through texts and emails) going as far as contacting my husband’s work and threatening to tell everyone she knows about my past (because of course my husband told her).
She gets mad if we see the kids while their dad has them. She gets upset if we talk to him at all (mostly because she tells him different things than she tells us, and she hates that we find out about her lies).
So, after all of the above, I guess my question would be - since she is my sister, do I need to, out of Christian love for family, continue to associate with her? Do I need to abide by her wishes to not talk to her husband (not her ex yet), or not see her kids when they are with him (she won’t let us see them when she has them either)?
I feel like we are “taking his side” in this, but she has a long history of lying, manipulating, and just being all out hideous to all of us. He has been nothing but nice in the 12 years they have been married, and has never told me something and said “well don’t tell your sister.” I don’t believe he cheated on her, and I don’t believe a lot of the stuff she says about him (mostly because I’ve seen paperwork that proves what she’s saying is a lie to get us to hate him)… but I feel guilty, like I should be on her side and supporting her.
Sorry this is so long. Family stuff is complicated.
Side note: yes, I do feel the kids should not be with her - from things he has said, from things my mom has said, and from things I’ve witnessed. It apparently takes a lot to have your kids removed from your custody if there are no outward signs.
My sister has had troubles her whole life - she was bounced around foster care for 18 months before being adopted by my parents. She had troubles in grade school, got into drugs and sex in middle and high school, and basically bounced around to different treatment centers until she graduated HS.
Things seemed to be better - she became an LPN, got married, had 3 kids… everyone was under the impression that things were going well, but with each child she had, things got just a little bit more shaky. She had c-sections with all of her kids, and ended up addicted to painkillers (she told me this, so it’s not me just guessing/accusing).
She started having really sporadic behavior - massive ups where she would be awake for days, the house would be spotless, etc etc. followed by incredibly crazy outburst of attacking people around her verbally about anything and everything. She accused her husband of cheating - turns out her evidence was that she thought he was calling a woman (the mother of their oldest daughter’s friend) after midnight, but it was after noon (she switched up AM and PM). This would be followed by her sleeping for hours… sometimes even 24 hours, waking up and being “normal” and acting like nothing had gone wrong at all.
Well, without getting into sticky details (mostly because it could literally be a BOOK), in one of her crazy outburts, she threw a bunch of tools at her husband and told him to leave (on Father’s Day, no less). He went out and sat in his car because the kids were inside and he was worried about them being with her - I believe he called the police at this point. She came outside and told him he better stay there because she had called the police on HIM, and “Oh, by the way, you just hit me. Enjoy jail for assault and battery on your wife.”
So this started off what has turned into months of just crazy behavior, a drawn out custody battle and divorce (because he was told that if he didn’t file for divorce, he would have no way to get the kids away from her). During this time, she has had at least two boyfriends that she has lived with (that we know of) and she insists that we treat these boyfriends and their children as part of our family. She has attacked both my husband and myself verbally (and through texts and emails) going as far as contacting my husband’s work and threatening to tell everyone she knows about my past (because of course my husband told her).
She gets mad if we see the kids while their dad has them. She gets upset if we talk to him at all (mostly because she tells him different things than she tells us, and she hates that we find out about her lies).
So, after all of the above, I guess my question would be - since she is my sister, do I need to, out of Christian love for family, continue to associate with her? Do I need to abide by her wishes to not talk to her husband (not her ex yet), or not see her kids when they are with him (she won’t let us see them when she has them either)?
I feel like we are “taking his side” in this, but she has a long history of lying, manipulating, and just being all out hideous to all of us. He has been nothing but nice in the 12 years they have been married, and has never told me something and said “well don’t tell your sister.” I don’t believe he cheated on her, and I don’t believe a lot of the stuff she says about him (mostly because I’ve seen paperwork that proves what she’s saying is a lie to get us to hate him)… but I feel guilty, like I should be on her side and supporting her.
Sorry this is so long. Family stuff is complicated.
Side note: yes, I do feel the kids should not be with her - from things he has said, from things my mom has said, and from things I’ve witnessed. It apparently takes a lot to have your kids removed from your custody if there are no outward signs.
)