Quite odd Confession experience today

[Lady_Marchmain]

I believe the current rite does allow for the imposition of hands.

There is an option, but it is like a blessing, the priest’s hands on your head. Not holding hands or him taking your hands.

He does either that or blesses with sign of cross while you cross yourself.

I just checked with one of my priest pals and told him this situation and he was a bit shocked. He said this priest must have devised this on his own, thinking it’s comforting to people, but it’s not the right way, and it is never wise to deviate from a sacrament. I said yes, he is one of these innovators because of how he started the confession. I said maybe he’s gay. He said, you may never know, but anything irregular like that could be a dangerous situation. The penitent is entitled to the proper form of the sacrament, not emotional and potentially distressing physical contact.

 

[Elizabeth502]

The priest also started the Confession instead of me. He introduced himself then turned the conversation over to me saying “So what’s weighing on your mind tonight?” expecting me to say my sins. I went ahead and did the traditional start to Confession (“Bless me father for I have sinned…”) anyway.

When he did the absolution he took my hands and folded them one on top of the other. Then he said the formula (which was valid). But the hand folding/grabbing was really strange. And he made the sign of the cross over me instead of me crossing myself.

In previous face-to-face confessions, priests have made the sign of the cross over me, and also laid hands on each penitent’s head (during individual confessions at the end of a Reconciliation service). I do think priests take the opportunity to be more direct and “personal” on those occasions, and as long as it’s tasteful and authentic, I have no complaint.

However, for me, I prefer the formality and predictability of the anonymous confessional, because I find it to be more focused. The “surprise” and fluidity of face-to-face confession takes away from that focus, for me, and thus I no longer choose this format any more. The only surprise & variability I welcome is in the priest’s spiritual counsel, which I take very seriously and look forward to. I would rather remember that than any oddities – however appropriate – that come with a more personal encounter.

Jesus touched a lot during his earthly ministry, especially during all those healings, and most definitely this is a healing sacrament; thus, it is not inappropriate for a confessor to touch hands or head, or even a shoulder (some put both hands on both shoulders, for example, during the absolution). I’m sure that that’s what motivates these sincere priests: to be in persona Christi physically, as well as verbally. I’m glad that there is that option for those priests, and for those who want that. But of course, we should all do what’s most spiritually beneficial for us individually.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

What is this anonymous you all speak of. Throughout history there has been no real anonymous confession. Have you seen the old confessionals? There are no walls around them, they are basically a big chair for the priest with kneelers on either side. Possibly a curtain in front of the chair, but not around the penitent.

Interestingly enough, it is really only in recent years that anyone was too worried about being anonymous anyway. When we all lived in small town, villages, or close ethnic neighborhoods in bigger cities, everyone knew what you were up to and you all went to stand in the confessional line together anyway. The priest very likely recognized your voice, or figured it out after the 2nd or 3rd child from your family went up in a row. Not that he cared. He is trained to counsel and then forget. I’m sure after even just an hour or two listening to confessions nonstop, that they all run together anyway.

 

[Elizabeth502]

What is this anonymous you all speak of. Throughout history there has been no real anonymous confession. Have you seen the old confessionals? There are no walls around them, they are basically a big chair for the priest with kneelers on either side. Possibly a curtain in front of the chair, but not around the penitent.

I believe that CAF posters are knowledgeable and intelligent enough to know their Catholic history.

I’m sure after even just an hour or two listening to confessions nonstop, that they all run together anyway.

Well I am not “sure,” because I take care to locate confessors who treat me not as if mine is “running all together with all the others,” and the clear sign of that is the quality of the priest’s response to the obvious effort & preparation I myself put into it.

I don’t share in your cynicism.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I believe that CAF posters are knowledgeable and intelligent enough to know their Catholic history.

Well I am not “sure,” because I take care to locate confessors who treat me not as if mine is “running all together with all the others,” and the clear sign of that is the quality of the priest’s response to the obvious effort & preparation I myself put into it.

I don’t share in your cynicism.

Elizabeth, I’m not being cynical. I am speaking of historical realities - where people stood in line to receive confessions from priests staked out at various points along the streets leading up to St Peter’s square. I saw similar ‘confessionals’ when Pope Benedict was in the US and at World Youth Day in Madrid. This is not saying that we shouldn’t expect the contents of our confessions to remain confidential, just that the fact of us going to confession isn’t and shouldn’t be “annonymous.”

I don’t expect a priest to spend time in confession giving me spiritual direction. I do expect that he will forget what I said after I have received absolution. Confession and counselling are not the same thing and we do well to realize that. Confession and absolution are amazing gifts of grace that God gives us, we should cherish it.

 

[Orleans_Attny]

. . . and if he did the Bishop would have a letter on his desk the next day detailing the situation.

Of course, because in America we’ve long ago abandoned the idea of first and foremost directly approaching the person with whom one has a problem.

I would hope that if you wrote such a letter the Bishop’s reply would be to ask, “Well, what did your priest say when you approached him with your concerns?”

. . . If 40% of US priests are gay, a confessional is a perfect place and we already said his attitude was overly casual.

A perfect place for what? What about the 60% (your numbers) of priests who are heterosexual and hear confession from women? Do we also assign impure agenda to those priests?

The entire episode sounds to me repulsive, unprofessional and weird. I would avoid being alone with that priest.

Unclench. It was a priest who heard a face-to-face confession and placed a comforting hand on the penitant during the absolution; neither of those things are highly uncommon. Would it be better to place the hand on the head? shoulder? Heaven forbid after the grant absolution the priest were to give the troubled man or woman or child a hug (like Fr. Larry Richards - a practice he adopted from an older experienced priest).

You might be uncomfortable with what the OP described. That’s you’re right and I respect that. But I tend to think that it’s better to view the world in a manner that assigns the best possible motivations to everyone. I’d rather be live my life in a way where I am occassionally disappointed instead of hoping to be pleasantly surprised.

And let’s not overstate the ritualistic aspects of reconciliation. You don’t need to be on your knees, or in a church, or overly forumulastic. The sacrament only requires four basic parts: Contrition, Confession, Pennance (assignment of which is actually optional), and Absolution. That’s it.

So in the spirit of the great Dr. Seuss:
You can do it on a plane, or in a bus, or on a train.
You can do it in a car, and you could do it in a bar.
You could do it publically, or you can do it on your knees.
You can kneel or stand or sit,
You can weep or smile or figit
You can do it once a week, at your house or on the street.
You can do it face-to-face, you can do it any place.
You should know if the priest is there that you can do it anywhere!

Pax,
OA

 

[Elizabeth502]

Elizabeth, I’m not being cynical. I am speaking of historical realities - where people stood in line to receive confessions from priests staked out at various points along the streets leading up to St Peter’s square. I saw similar ‘confessionals’ when Pope Benedict was in the US and at World Youth Day in Madrid. This is not saying that we shouldn’t expect the contents of our confessions to remain confidential, just that the fact of us going to confession isn’t and shouldn’t be “annonymous.”

It appears that you’re not up on your canon law. Penitents may choose to have a face-to-face confession, but they are, in the modern era, entitled to an anonymous one. It has nothing to do with the “historical realities” that most well-educated Catholics on CAF are well-acquainted with. It has to do with now, today. Your statement that “going to confession isn’t and shouldn’t be anonymous” does not square with canonical requirements. The way most parishes handle this is by (often) having both kinds of available, if possible (such as confessionals which have room enough to allow for either), but if not, the usual way in the late 20th and early 21st centuries is that the screened confessional is the default.

In order to ensure modesty and discretion, Cardinal Borromeo mandated in 1564 that the confessionals in his diocese be closed on both sides with a grill between penitent and priest. Pope Paul V’s Roman Ritual adopted this provision, which helped spread its use, although it did not become a universal practice until the 17th century.

Anonymous confession remains the norm although current dispositions allow for the penitent who so desires to request face-to-face confession. And confessionals may be designed to allow for both options.

Although the penitent may request face-to-face confession, the priest is not obliged to accede to the request and may insist on the use of the grill.

If a penitent desires anonymity, the priest should respect this desire and in the vast majority of situations he should never have any need or right to inquire as to the identity of the penitent.

Even if the priest recognizes the penitent it is usually more prudent not to make personal references unless the penitent makes some form of self-identification or the circumstances warrant it, such as could be the case of a regular penitent well known to the priest.

More frequently there may be situations when, in order to determine the exact nature and gravity of the sin involved, the priest may make a general inquiry as to the penitent’s state in life, for example, if he or she is married, or a vowed religious, etc.

In some confessionals, where the penitent is almost invisible, it can happen that a priest may have to ask some detail of age, or even sex, in order to tailor his counsel to the penitent’s specific characteristics.

ewtn.comlibrary/liturgy/zlitur28.htm

I don’t expect a priest to spend time in confession giving me spiritual direction.

I do, although it was not I who introduced the term “spiritual direction.” You did. Every penitent can expect the priest to direct the pentitent spiritually, regarding his or her sins. (That is all that “spiritual direction” means.) It doesn’t have to be lengthy, but a priest’s function is not just to be a silent listener. The priest’s function is to help direct/re-direct the pentitent away from these particular stated sins, into better habits or practices which will tend to avoid those sins.

Confession and counselling are not the same thing and we do well to realize that.

No one has assumed that directing the penitent spiritually = “counseling,” except you. The priests I have met do not find it helpful to expect merely to listen to a dispassionate “list” of sins with the single purpose of the penitent “receiving absolution” and moving along as quickly as possible as if the sacrament is some kind of drive-through car wash. Priests I know would far prefer to hear a less thorough but more well-thought-out confession which acknowledges sorrow and motivation. It’s not a matter of a quantity of time for that confession. It’s a matter of quality, which needn’t increase the quantity of time.

Confession and absolution are amazing gifts of grace that God gives us, we should cherish it.

Why do you assume that your Catholic brothers and sisters who happen to value the spiritual training a priest has (as part of that sacramental experience), don’t “cherish” confessiion and absolution? Where do you get these assumptions?

 

[coco2]

Hmmmm. Your situation sounds strange indeed. Because you went to a different parish, you might want to check with the parish office to see if that is the way confession is traditionally heard there. I’m not sure if the priest was trying a different approach, but it didn’t seem to come off very well.

The part that bothers me the most is when the priest took your hands and actually folded your hands for you. I HAVE NEVER HAD A PRIEST TOUCH MY HANDS OR PERSON IN ALL THE YEARS I ATTENDED CONFESSION–EVEN FACE TO FACE.

Your concern over the matter is a legitimate one. While priests have a status that puts them “above the law”, know that they are just as human as you and I. And, priest or not–I don’t believe touching another person is okay, even in confession. Your instincts are telling you that something is not right here my friend, so I would go with it. You might think about calling the pastor or associate pastor of that parish (or your parish priest even) regarding this matter. The point is, even our priests sometimes fall from grace, and whether or not anything wrong occurred during confession, the matter certainly needs to be addressed.

Lastly, please call upon the Holy Spirit to guide you so that this issue may be dealt with as justly and compassionately as possible.

God Bless

Wait a minute. All the priest did was take his hands and put them one on top of the other , that is a far cry from falling from grace. I dare say that Jesus Himself might just do the same thing. As a matter of fact jesus DID touch people when he healed them and forgave them their sins.