Raging sex drive...help!

[Aruevsman963]

Just do it.

 

[warpspeedpetey]

Just do it.

unfortunately fornication is disallowed by the Holy Scriptures, it is an offense to our G-d.

it is a misuse of the gift. thats pretty bad advice

 

[sseason]

Medication to alleviate SIN. Thats a new one.

And thats about all I have to say about that.

(to any new readers-I’m not ignoring the problem at hand, I gave my suggestions on pg. 3)

 

[George14]

Early on in my Catholic life I came across a concept that would seem to be in conflict with “virtue,” and that was that it was not out of the question that God would WITHHOLD the means or strength for someone to avoid a sin - to let them “get in over their heads” - as a lesson in humility - in order to take away any self-sufficiency or self-dependence they might imagine they possess, to let them fall so that they would REALLY reach out to him.

There are millions of people who go to AA meetings daily or frequently every week. Why? If you avoid sin, do you not “have it licked?” Aha, Charlie: the FIRST step in the program, without which you may not undertake their help, is to acknowledge you have a problem that you CANNOT handle on your own. Aha!

Millions. Daily or frequently every week. Alcoholism is an addiction, which is for some an extremely compelling attraction. Perhaps the chemistry of the body was at birth or has become extremely vulnerable to even “one drink.” Whether from fault or not, the attraction is much greater than in someone gifted with no interest in alcohol, who could quite easily stand by and shake a finger at ‘those weak people.’

Anyway, I do believe I read it in the lives of some saint, perhaps St. Augustine, that God will intentionally allow someone to fall when he wants to “get his attention” and convert some belief or instinct deep inside that person that has him seeking to lift himself up by his own bootstraps to an attitude and knowledge - hard core knowledge, that “without Me you can do nothing.” “What have you that you have not received?” refers much more importantly to moral virtues than to material goods. “Unless I wash you, you shall not be clean.”

Again, back to AA - The sheer numbers of 12-steppers (AA is only one of many programs of a similar kind existing to address addiction, and sexual addiction is one of them) is adequate evidence that “there is something to this.”

Were it so simple --“just don’t sin” - we’d all be saints and could drive God around the neighborhood all by ourselves!

 

[warpspeedpetey]

Early on in my Catholic life I came across a concept that would seem to be in conflict with “virtue,” and that was that it was not out of the question that God would WITHHOLD the means or strength for someone to avoid a sin - to let them “get in over their heads” - as a lesson in humility - in order to take away any self-sufficiency or self-dependence they might imagine they possess, to let them fall so that they would REALLY reach out to him.

There are millions of people who go to AA meetings daily or frequently every week. Why? If you avoid sin, do you not “have it licked?” Aha, Charlie: the FIRST step in the program, without which you may not undertake their help, is to acknowledge you have a problem that you CANNOT handle on your own. Aha!

Millions. Daily or frequently every week. Alcoholism is an addiction, which is for some an extremely compelling attraction. Perhaps the chemistry of the body was at birth or has become extremely vulnerable to even “one drink.” Whether from fault or not, the attraction is much greater than in someone gifted with no interest in alcohol, who could quite easily stand by and shake a finger at ‘those weak people.’

Anyway, I do believe I read it in the lives of some saint, perhaps St. Augustine, that God will intentionally allow someone to fall when he wants to “get his attention” and convert some belief or instinct deep inside that person that has him seeking to lift himself up by his own bootstraps to an attitude and knowledge - hard core knowledge, that “without Me you can do nothing.” “What have you that you have not received?” refers much more importantly to moral virtues than to material goods. “Unless I wash you, you shall not be clean.”

Again, back to AA - The sheer numbers of 12-steppers (AA is only one of many programs of a similar kind existing to address addiction, and sexual addiction is one of them) is adequate evidence that “there is something to this.”

Were it so simple --“just don’t sin” - we’d all be saints and could drive God around the neighborhood all by ourselves!

that is a cogent argument, i admire the adroitness of thought

that said, some people are addicts to drink or drugs
but everyone, without exception is subject to this addiction of lust.

i don’t know any 19 year old that isn’t a pile of raging hormones, i would hardly call that unusual or addictive behavior

there is nothing new to this particular situation, it is dealt with by every one.

it is important to fight for chasteness, yes you will fall, that is the nature of man. who does not want to satisfy their desires?

but when you sin you are offending G-d, sinning with the intent to confess later is called presumption, a sin itself.

sex is a gift meant for procreative and unitive purposes between a man and his wife. to misuse that gift, in self abuse, adultery or homosexuality is an unacceptable, disordered abuse of His beautiful gift.

we all fail at times, its the determination not to fail again that makes good confession.

drugs are not the answer, you sin with your heart long before you sin with the flesh.

 

[George14]

“drugs are not the answer, you sin with your heart long before you sin with the flesh.”

I have an issue with both of these comments:

Just as drugs are used for alleviating suffering–itself something as Christians we expect to bear in love for God–it is licit to use them; actually sometimes it is almost morally virtuous to do so.

And just as we FEEL TEMPTATION as humans and experience ‘raging hormones,’ there is NO sin in feeling these things. So we do not sin when the feelings are aroused. It is only in acting on them that sin can possibly be an issue. There is no “sin in the heart” to feel aroused.

I remember reading of some saint’s experience in this regard, who expressed her dismay to Our Lord in her prayer. He spoke to her: “What did you feel when you were aroused?” “I felt TERRIBLE.” “Good: that is evidence that you resisted and did not want to assent to the temptation. Had you NOT felt bad, that would be CONsent.” So the saint was relieved.

That was an example of my point: that feeling something is hardly sinful: actually, it is part of “the glory of God, a man fully alive!” It is action taken, decisions made, that constitute good or evil.

 

[Joe_5859]

I didn’t read through all the responses, so this might have been stated already, but one thing you definitely want to do is to stop the masturbation. If you’re doing that every day, it only makes sense that your passions are inflamed everytime you look at your fiance. I know that can be easier said than done, but it is something you definitely need to do (besides, masturbation is an intrinsically sinful act, so it’s always good to avoid those! ).

My best advice is (1) talk to a priest; (2) stop the masturbation; (3) do your best to avoid situations where you both are alone; and (4) keep busy with activities that will keep your mind off of sex.

 

[warpspeedpetey]

“drugs are not the answer, you sin with your heart long before you sin with the flesh.”

I have an issue with both of these comments:

Just as drugs are used for alleviating suffering–itself something as Christians we expect to bear in love for God–it is licit to use them; actually sometimes it is almost morally virtuous to do so.

And just as we FEEL TEMPTATION as humans and experience ‘raging hormones,’ there is NO sin in feeling these things. So we do not sin when the feelings are aroused. It is only in acting on them that sin can possibly be an issue. There is no “sin in the heart” to feel aroused.

I remember reading of some saint’s experience in this regard, who expressed her dismay to Our Lord in her prayer. He spoke to her: “What did you feel when you were aroused?” “I felt TERRIBLE.” “Good: that is evidence that you resisted and did not want to assent to the temptation. Had you NOT felt bad, that would be CONsent.” So the saint was relieved.

That was an example of my point: that feeling something is hardly sinful: actually, it is part of “the glory of God, a man fully alive!” It is action taken, decisions made, that constitute good or evil.

i think you miss the point,

drugs may inhibit the physical response to some degree, but their use will not stop where sin first takes place. in your heart

as the Good Book says
when you look at a woman with lust you have already sinned

in addition to the other reasons not use drugs to inhibit a universal urge.

it doesn’t effect the true problem at all, which is what you do in your heart. i.e. dwell on fantasies, self abuse, immodest media, etc

there is no easy way out , one must practice self-denial

 

[George14]

i think you miss the point,

drugs may inhibit the physical response to some degree, but their use will not stop where sin first takes place. in your heart

as the Good Book says
when you look at a woman with lust you have already sinned

there is no easy way out , one must practice self-denial

No, I did not miss the point. I do think your concept of sin “in your heart” is a leap in this girl’s case, and as it would apply to other addictions. Arousal can well be, and usually is, totally involuntary. Sin “in your heart” is about voluntary behaviors…intentions, purposeful arousal. It is meritorious, not sinful, to resist and seek help from involuntary arousal. And in some cases of immature faith (the bruised reed), or when God chooses to humble someone, the personal strength to “not do…” something is lacking.

In her journey, I am confident that “all of the above” posts contribute some elements that will help the young lady.

 

[warpspeedpetey]

No, I did not miss the point. I do think your concept of sin “in your heart” is a leap in this girl’s case, and as it would apply to other addictions. Arousal can well be, and usually is, totally involuntary. Sin “in your heart” is about voluntary behaviors…intentions, purposeful arousal.

you missed the point, and now you continue to miss that point

sexual arousal is not an addiction. its happens to everyone.

indeed if masturbation is not purposeful arousal than what is?
continual fantasizing is also purposeful arousal
i would call that “sinning in your heart”

further He said if you look at a woman with lust in your heart you sin. its not my concept its Christs

avoiding sin is meritorious, but drugs won’t affect the "sins of the heart, and are no panacea for the physical side either

further the application of psychosomatic drugs, meant for the treatment of mental illness, in order to cure a non-existent problem is irresponsible.

further the idea that G-d will circumvent someones free will in order to make them sin somehow is odious to say the least. a 19 year old girl is hardly Pharaoh.

 

[George14]

you missed the point, and now you continue to miss that point

sexual arousal is not an addiction. its happens to everyone.

ADDICTION to it is not common: it is a sickness that affects some people.

indeed if masturbation is not purposeful arousal than what is?
continual fantasizing is also purposeful arousal
i would call that “sinning in your heart”

AROUSAL is not purposeful unless fed and intended and not resisted: doing something about it is, and that is the sin-- and so is fantasizing about it: but those two things are exactly what the young lady wanted help with,

further He said if you look at a woman with lust in your heart you sin. its not my concept its Christs

YUP. But if you don’t know the difference between unintended arousal and the suggestions or beginnings of sexual arousal and the actions of rejecting and fighting its energies, you are simplistic and immature in that area of personal morality.

avoiding sin is meritorious, but drugs won’t affect the "sins of the heart, and are no panacea for the physical side either

Of course not. They are possible helps to diminish the raging hormonal reactions. I’ll use a comparison: anyone can pick up a heavy weight, say 50 lbs. But few can pick up 200 lbs. "Raging hormones is like 200 lbs. Someone else for whom the weight is only 50 lbs is unaware of the difficulty of 200.

further the application of psychosomatic drugs, meant for the treatment of mental illness, in order to cure a non-existent problem is irresponsible.

further the idea that G-d will circumvent someones free will in order to make them sin somehow is odious to say the least. a 19 year old girl is hardly Pharaoh.

Where did that come from?

I recommend a refresher in reading comprehension.

Subtlety and nuance are not in your basket, Petey. I take it you are young. FYI I wrote a book in the title of which I mention “critical details.” Your clumsiness and lack of understanding bring back to mind the very reason I used those words.

Good luck in your journey: I am sure if you maintain your strict obedience you will be most pleasing to God in that regard: do you have children? Pupils? Friends? And do you feel that the “seven times seventy seven” commentary was really unnecessary?

 

[George14]

“the idea that G-d will circumvent someones free will in order to make them sin somehow is odious to say the least”

As said, reading comprehension.

God makes no one sin. Without his help we WILL sin. “Without me you can do nothing.” My statement on this was that he PERMITS people to discover their weakness in which they DO sin–and as reported by saints, often for the purpose to draw them to humility.

Peter got smacked upside the head a couple times for that reason. We are free beings, we goof, and sometimes we actually sin. Every day-- if we are to believe scripture completely.

Perhaps you don’t, Petey.

When you DO get upsided the head, write back here and report your breakthrough.

 

[warpspeedpetey]

“the idea that G-d will circumvent someones free will in order to make them sin somehow is odious to say the least”

As said, reading comprehension.

God makes no one sin. Without his help we WILL sin. “Without me you can do nothing.” My statement on this was that he PERMITS people to discover their weakness in which they DO sin–and as reported by saints, often for the purpose to draw them to humility.

Peter got smacked upside the head a couple times for that reason. We are free beings, we goof, and sometimes we actually sin. Every day-- if we are to believe scripture completely.

Perhaps you don’t, Petey.

When you DO get upsided the head, write back here and report your breakthrough.

if you have an argument separate from what i feel i have already shown to be unreasonable then please post it.

repeating the same arguments gives them no more weight than the first time,

if you cannot control yourself, than it might be a good time to for you retire from this discussion

if all you have in the face of reason is insults, than you may not be comfortable here.

good day

 

[sseason]

i think you miss the point,

drugs may inhibit the physical response to some degree, but their use will not stop where sin first takes place. in your heart

as the Good Book says
when you look at a woman with lust you have already sinned

in addition to the other reasons not use drugs to inhibit a universal urge.

it doesn’t effect the true problem at all, which is what you do in your heart. i.e. dwell on fantasies, self abuse, immodest media, etc

there is no easy way out , one must practice self-denial

And to the other poster… what does AA say about drinking? “Don’t take that first drink” . Is there more to it than that? Of course there is, one must work the 12 steps which is a spiritual program of recovery. (the 5th step-like a confession, ammend the harm done to others, prayer, and sacrafise i.e. giving things up to help others)

Now with sin…“don’t masturbate”. Is there more to it than that? Of course there is, one must live a spiritual life. Recovery for our souls, shall we say. We must stay close to the sacraments of Confession, the Eucharist, prayer and sacrafise.

 

[warpspeedpetey]

And to the other poster… what does AA say about drinking? “Don’t take that first drink” . Is there more to it than that? Of course there is, one must work the 12 steps which is a spiritual program of recovery. (the 5th step-like a confession, ammend the harm done to others, prayer, and sacrafise i.e. giving things up to help others)

Now with sin…“don’t masturbate”. Is there more to it than that? Of course there is, one must live a spiritual life. Recovery for our souls, shall we say. We must stay close to the sacraments of Confession, the Eucharist, prayer and sacrafise.

why thank, you… you have a lovely posting voice

i am curious as to what makes people so vehement on the issue?

could it be they feel guilty about their activities?

but the solution to that problem is self-denial, powered by the Grace of the Sacraments.

not denying that there is a problem.

 

[fms]

I am an 19 year old girl and, have always been a very conservative catholic. I have a severe problem that I have been trying to fix for a few years. I have an abnormally, ridiculously high sex drive that I can’t seem to overcome no matter what I do. I have been with a young man for 2 years now, who is now my fiancee. We lost our virginity to eachother when we first started going out, which we dreadfully regret, and we made a commitment to purity ever since then. But for some reason within the last few months I want nothing more but to have sex with him again. Sometimes all I have to do is look at him and I am overwhelmed with sexual desire. I masturbate almost every day and am constantly filled with impure thoughts. Recently, I nearly seduced him because I wanted it so bad. I have tried everything to make it go away, because I know its so sinful. I have prayed novenas, begged the Blessed Mother for help, and talked to a priest about it. I don’t want to be in Purgatory for 10,000 years because what I do, and I don’t want him to think I’m becoming a slut. I even cry when I’m praying because I can’t stop thinking about sex. I don’t know what else to do, I know I need to stop, but I don’t know how. I love God, and I love my fiancee very much and am doing everything to keep myself from bringing him down with my impurities. Is there any possible way to calm my sexual urge?? We arent going to be married for three more years, so its a long commitment. Feel free to pray for me as well!!!

Please follow this link

escrivaworks.org/book/the_way-chapter-4.htm

Recall the leper and Jesus, ‘Lord, if you will you can make me clean.’ and the Lord reached out touched him and said, ‘I will be clean.’

Avoid the occassions of sin (do not be with him or any other boy alone); pray; frequent the sacraments; guard the eyes; foster devotion to our lady…and wait…it is worhwhile!

 

[fms]

I am an 19 year old girl and, have always been a very conservative catholic. I have a severe problem that I have been trying to fix for a few years. I have an abnormally, ridiculously high sex drive that I can’t seem to overcome no matter what I do. I have been with a young man for 2 years now, who is now my fiancee. We lost our virginity to eachother when we first started going out, which we dreadfully regret, and we made a commitment to purity ever since then. But for some reason within the last few months I want nothing more but to have sex with him again. Sometimes all I have to do is look at him and I am overwhelmed with sexual desire. I masturbate almost every day and am constantly filled with impure thoughts. Recently, I nearly seduced him because I wanted it so bad. I have tried everything to make it go away, because I know its so sinful. I have prayed novenas, begged the Blessed Mother for help, and talked to a priest about it. I don’t want to be in Purgatory for 10,000 years because what I do, and I don’t want him to think I’m becoming a slut. I even cry when I’m praying because I can’t stop thinking about sex. I don’t know what else to do, I know I need to stop, but I don’t know how. I love God, and I love my fiancee very much and am doing everything to keep myself from bringing him down with my impurities. Is there any possible way to calm my sexual urge?? We arent going to be married for three more years, so its a long commitment. Feel free to pray for me as well!!!

Control this urge with the help of God or it will destroy you. And do not think by just getting married you will have the solution to the urge. What will happen when you and your future husband will be separated and you have yet to master yourself (a lifelong struggle but he/she who wins will be given the crown of life)? One may end up commiiting adultery with anyone…

Please read Sirach Ch 23 and see the progession of sexual sin and their gravity: personal, fornication, and adultery

usccb.org/nab/bible/sirach/sirach23.htm

 

[Cinette]

I am an 19 year old girl and, have always been a very conservative catholic.

Hi!

I came across the following article some years ago in a Catholic publication. I have read it many times and shared it with many people. It is very profound and I recommend you read it as often as possible. Here goes:

CHASTITY’S CHALLENGE

By Fr Ronald Rolheiser

*In her marvelous little book, Holy the firm, Annie Dillard describes how she once learned a fundamental lesson about life simply by watching a moth emerge from its cocoon. She had been fascinated watching the nearly imperceptible process of metamorphosis but, at a point, it became too slow for her. To speed up things a little, she applied a tiny bit of heat from a candle to the cocoon. It worked. The extra heat quickened the process and the moth emerged a bit sooner than it would have otherwise. However, because nature had not been able to take its full course, the moth was born damaged; its wings were not able to form fully.

What Dillard describes here is a violation of chastity. Properly understood, chastity is precisely a question of having the patience to bear the tension of the interminable slowness of things. To be chaste is not to prematurely force things, so that everybody and everything, each within its own unique rhythm, is properly respected.

That is normally not the way we think of chastity. Generally we relate chastity to sex, more particularly to the lack of it. For most of us, chastity means celibacy – and celibacy, in our culture, suggests an unenviable innocence, an ignorance really, a missing out on the most popular in our culture; partly because we conceive of it so badly. What is it?

Chastity is not first and foremost a sexual concept. It has to do with the way we relate to reality in general. In essence, chastity is proper reverence and respect. To be chaste is to stand before reality, everything and everybody, and fully respect the proper contours and rhythm of things.

To be chaste then means to let things unfold as they should. Thus it means, among many other things, not to open your gifts before Christmas, not to rush our own or our children’s growth, not to experience things for which we aren’t ready, not to lose patience in life or in sex because there is tension, not to violate someone else’s beauty and sexuality, not to apply a candle to a moth emerging from its cocoon because we are in a hurry and not to sleep with the bride before the wedding. To be chaste is to let gift be gift. Biblically, to be chaste is to have our shoes off before the burning bush.

Chastity is reverence and respect. All irreverence and disrespect is the antithesis of chastity. Chastity as a practical virtue is then predicated on two things; patience and the capacity to carry tension.

Patience is basically synonymous with chastity. To fully respect others and the proper order of things means to be patient. Something can be wrong for no other reason than that it is premature. To do anything too quickly, whether that be growing up or having sex, does what applying extra heat does to the process of metamorphosis. It leaves us with damaged wings.

Allan Bloom, the renowned philosopher of education, in describing lack of chastity in today’s youth, puts things this way: premature experience is bad precisely because it is premature. In youth, for example, yearning is meant precisely for sublimination, in the sense of making things sublime, of orientating what aches in us towards great love, great art and great achievement. Premature experience, like the false ecstasy of drugs, artificially induces the exaltation naturally attached to the completion of some great endeavour – victory in a just war, mature consummated love, great artistic creation, real religious devotion and the discovery of deep truth. Premature experience has precisely the effect of clipping our wings in that it drains us of great enthusiasm and great expectations. Great longing then becomes little more than being horny. Only sublimination, tension and waiting (the proper definition of patience) allow for the sublime.

The capacity to carry tension is also an integral part of chastity. To properly respect others, to have the patience to not act prematurely, requires that we be willing and able to carry tension and to carry it for a long time, perhaps even for a lifetime. To wait in tension, in incompleteness, in longing, in frustration, in consummation and in helplessness in the face of the interminable slowness of things, especially in the face of how slow love and justice seem to appear in our lives, is to practice chastity.

When Jesus sweated blood in the garden of Gethsemane he was practicing chastity; just as when Mary stood under the cross, unable to stop its senselessness and unable even to protest Jesus’ innocence, she too was practicing chastity. Unless we are willing to carry tension in the same way we will, precisely, never wait for the wedding night.

Chastity’s challenge reads this way: Never short-circuit the process of metamorphosis. Whether you are dealing with sex or with life in general, wait for the wedding night for the consummation.*

 

[Cinette]

I think it’s often hard to turn back from something one has already done. It’s like eating a decadent cake, and then being told you can no longer eat it until ‘x’ time again. That being said, with God all things are possible, right? I would keep going to confession, keep praying, keep helping each other (not tempting one another) to stay pure. I agree with the above poster…maybe schedule a time to sit down to discuss things with your priest. You don’t have to give details, but say what your concerns are, and frankly, since this has become habitual, you might be less culpable for your actions. I AM NOT A PRIEST, of course, so I can’t give you any absolute answers on that, but from what I know that the CCC states about masturbation, it seems like this is something that has become a habit…

I also would try to find some books on sexual addiction. Not that you are ‘addicted’ but your story here seems to paint a picture of someone who is longing for sex for reasons that it really never was designed for. I would try Borders, or any regular book store, and see if there are some books that might help you get to the heart of why you are thinking frequently about sex. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a beautiful thing…and great. But, God wants you to wait…yet at the same time, you needn’t suffer the way you are. There is hope in this situation. I will keep you in my prayers–of course! Please feel free to pm me anytime if you need someone to listen.

God bless!

The problem with a secular book shop is that the books might recommend that you go ahead and do whatever you feel like doing!!

 

[Cinette]

For Emlif!

I have only read the first 3 postings so if someone else has offered this information I say “patience”

Here is something I only learned recently but is good stuff.

During intercourse a woman’s brain releases a hormone called oxytocin. This is nature’s way to make you bond with your lover. Oxytocin is also released when a woman gives birth and when she nurses her child. This is the GLUE which BONDS you with your husband and your child. God is smart and thought of SIMPLY EVERYTHING.

So unless you are with the right person ie the man you marry and with whom you are to spend the rest of your life you may may a serious “involuntary chemical commitment”!

I was married to a man 11 years my senior when I was 18 and we had 2 children. One Christmas Eve we were sitting in the lounge and I looked at him on the other side of the room and thought “Oh no - what have I done? We have NOTHING to say to each other!!!”

Now many years later and having been married to a wonderful man for 42 years and two more children I understand so well my error.

Sex is not for recreation. It is God given and if misused could lead you to serious error.

When I was still at school I would sometimes think of marriage and that one day I hoped to have children. I was terrified of marrying someone and then becoming bored with him. That is exactly what happened to me with my first marriage. I would recommend prayer and contemplation.

Offer it up Emlif! Offer it up! Imagine some people offer their sufferings to God. All you have to do is offer your your urges. God will give you many graces. This is a splendid opportunity.

I highly recommend a book called “Smart Sex” by Jennifer Roback Morse. There are also some CDs. Excellent.

You will thank me!
Blessings
Cinette