Raked Over the Coals in Confession

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Galnextdoor

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I live in a parish that has one priest that serves our parish and another one 40 miles away. This priest has in the past read me the riot act when I confess grave sin. I know I deserve it, but now I have problems going to confession when I have a grave sin to confess. The other close parishes are 40 or more miles away and have confession by appointment only (served by another priest covering two parishes) or in the middle of the day on Saturday. Saturday is not an easy time for me to get away and the cost of gas is another factor. I get so nervous at times I get sick when I have to go to confession. I’m very sensitive and left confession in tears on occasion. There are other people who have been angry over confession and they try to wait until a visiting priest comes. We end up having a visitor priest about every six weeks, but sometimes they don’t do confessions.
Another thing is he’s not real fond of the people who are not monetarily blessed, which I’m not. So that makes going to confession even more difficult to begin with.
Any suggestions about how I can make this easier on myself? Sometimes I wait a month and a half before I get up the courage to go to confession.
 
  1. Complain in writing to him. Hostility of the priest in the confessional, while not a clear abuse, is counter to the healing element of that ministry.
  2. CC the bishop. That is, send a copy of the letter to the bishop, with a cover note, saying something to the effect of “I feel you need to be aware of this issue.”
 
Galnextdoor said:
I live in a parish that has one priest that serves our parish and another one 40 miles away. This priest has in the past read me the riot act when I confess grave sin. I know I deserve it, but now I have problems going to confession when I have a grave sin to confess. The other close parishes are 40 or more miles away and have confession by appointment only (served by another priest covering two parishes) or in the middle of the day on Saturday. Saturday is not an easy time for me to get away and the cost of gas is another factor. I get so nervous at times I get sick when I have to go to confession. I’m very sensitive and left confession in tears on occasion. There are other people who have been angry over confession and they try to wait until a visiting priest comes. We end up having a visitor priest about every six weeks, but sometimes they don’t do confessions.
Another thing is he’s not real fond of the people who are not monetarily blessed, which I’m not. So that makes going to confession even more difficult to begin with.
Any suggestions about how I can make this easier on myself? Sometimes I wait a month and a half before I get up the courage to go to confession.
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"
Another thing is he’s not real fond of the people who are not monetarily blessed, which I’m not. So that makes going to confession even more difficult to begin with."

How is it possible for him to tell who you are? I’m sure “Confession by appointment only” is not permitted. Your other option is not commit the serious sin again or have a change jar for gas money.
 
The “screen” is clear like big bubble wrap and the parish is small. I can see him when he crosses his legs, sighs and shakes his head.
Also, I never got the hang of the new way to say the Act of Contrition. I’m probably the only person in the parish under the age of 50 who still uses the old Act of Contrition.
 
I too have born the brunt of a confessor who yelled at me and raked me over the coals, and it wasn’t even for a mortal sin. We cannot discount how much that affects a sensitive person. I stayed away from confession for 9 years after that incident. Thank God I finally found a wonderful priest who gently urged me to come back to confession and was gentle and kind. I hope you do not follow the path I took and can soon find a gentle and kind confessor
 
Unless you are so young that you depend on your parents for transportation, I would suggest that you look in a bigger area, say about 100 miles circular, using your home parish as the centerpoint. If you go once a month or once every other month, this should be do-able.
 
Please, please, just do without something to pay for the gas to go to the other parish.

Do not stay away from the Sacrament!

A prayer for you!
 
A woman I once worked with was the assertive type. She told of a priest yelling at her in confession. She promptly told him that she was confessing to Jesus not to him. Jesus was forgiving her and not yelling at her; so neither should he. I think that left him speechless. 👍
 
I went to a talk on “Why Catholics still need confession”, and the priest said that if the confessor is in any way abusive, the penitent is fully within bounds to say, “Father, I came here today for God’s mercy. I guess you don’t have any to offer. I’ll try somewhere else.” Then leave. He said, “Dealing with that is on his head.”

If you are afraid to deal with the priest directly (and I can see why you might be), call your diocese’s vicar for clergy, and ask him what to do. You don’t have to name names or tell him which parish you are from, unless he asks, but if he does ask, tell him. There is no reason to deal in guesswork. Ask the person who knows, and whose job it is to deal with this kind of thing.
 
Joe_Kelley said:
A woman I once worked with was the assertive type. She told of a priest yelling at her in confession. She promptly told him that she was confessing to Jesus not to him. Jesus was forgiving her and not yelling at her; so neither should he. I think that left him speechless. 👍
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:rotfl:

That is sooo funny. Doing something like that never occurred to me.

I never thought of interrupting him when he was making me feel like pond scum.
 
I’m sorry to hear this, Gal. 😦

You’re not alone. I have been ‘raked over the coals’ before too…when I was back in college. I actually got into an argument with the priest…I replied…“You should be thankful I’m here.”😊

I’ll never forget, him turning a bit to see if he could see my face through the sheer curtain separating us. Probably thinking…‘I’ve got to see this girl!’:o He said…"I should be THANKFUL?’ I should have quit while I was ahead…but I retorted…“Yes, there are no young people like me coming for confession, and I’m sure God’s happy. Sorry you’re not happy about it.”

He laughed, and said…“Confession isn’t for you to walk away happy…but to walk away cleansed. Perhaps, I was too tough on you, so let’s being again.”

I’m not saying to argue with the priest!😛 No no no. I think I was just bolder back then, being 18 and all. I will say though, that I agree with others, that you try to write to him, or talk to him about his tone. You shouldn’t be afraid of this precious Sacrament!

I will pray that things get better for you on this front. :gopray2: :hug3:
 
I cannot even imagine being treated poorly in the confessional.

Last Saturday morning I woke-up dreading that I would have to go to confession later that day. After Mass, breakfast, some errands and chores it took everything I had to get into my car and drive to the neighboring town for confession.

I was sitting in the line, my face moist with cold sweat and heartburn blazing away. Some of the others in line looked to be in the same condition. Purgatory must be something like this.

As always though, Fr. Alphonse was kind, erudite and factual. He seems to sense those who have already beaten themselves up prior to entering the confessional.

I felt a lot better after confessing yet I still dread the next time…
 
Joe_Kelley said:
A woman I once worked with was the assertive type. She told of a priest yelling at her in confession. She promptly told him that she was confessing to Jesus not to him. Jesus was forgiving her and not yelling at her; so neither should he. I think that left him speechless. 👍
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:clapping: I sure admire someone that’s that brave!
 
Hey Gal? Just a quick question though…what did you mean by…that he doesn’t care for those who are not monetarily blessed? What???
 
This is scaring me from going to confession when I can finally go.😦 Just earlier on another thread, I said I was looking forward to it.:o
 
notsmart said:
This is scaring me from going to confession when I can finally go.😦 Just earlier on another thread, I said I was looking forward to it.:o
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Don’t worry at all. What the original poster experienced is VERY unusual. All the priests I have ever confessed to (and there have been many different ones) have been very understanding. And you already know that the priest you have met is very kind.
 
I have the opposite problem, my priests smoke and tell me not to worry about birth control etc.
 
notsmart said:
This is scaring me from going to confession when I can finally go.😦 Just earlier on another thread, I said I was looking forward to it.:o
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I agree with the previous poster…it’s an anomoly. Not the norm. But, it has happened to me …but eons ago. I think you will be happy you went, when it comes time for you to go. Good luck, and God bless!
 
I’ll just make sure when I am new I go to my guy first till I get the hang of it. I feel really bad for you OP. I wish you could go to my priest, at my parish. I bet he would be better for your spiritual needs while still being orthodox.

PS, what’s wrong with a priest smoking? anyone? I see no problem with it.🤷
 
notsmart said:
I’ll just make sure when I am new I go to my guy first till I get the hang of it. I feel really bad for you OP. I wish you could go to my priest, at my parish. I bet he would be better for your spiritual needs while still being orthodox.

PS, what’s wrong with a priest smoking? anyone? I see no problem with it.🤷
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I’m not sure if it’s a mortal sin per se, but anyone who smokes is clearly ignoring this article in the CCC:

2288 Life and physical health are precious gifts entrusted to us by God. We must take reasonable care of them, taking into account the needs of others and the common good.
 
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