RC Daughter dating GO, Our relationship strained

[dianeusa]

I have posted before about my college age (19) sophomore daughter dating a GO man who is 23.He graduated from her college last year and they have been dating since the fall. I feel like their relationship is moving very fast. She had met all of his relatives (there are a lot) over the Xmas holiday as she went to various parties. We have a very small family so not a lot of parties here! He is also very involved with his church and yes I fear the loss of her faith should this really go far as his father was Catholic and converted to GO.

Anyway, I feel as those they and he are trying to draw her in to their family, faith, culture. He gave her a ring for Christmas which was not an engagement ring, but I would call it a promise ring! She played it down and put it on her right hand but I told my daughter that things were going way too fast and she has 2.5 yrs left at school. I don’t fear her quitting but I do fear this relationship will become more serious. I did find a card he gave her along with the ring whereby he professed his love in writing. (She does not know I saw that). I told her my concerns about him but she told me she really likes him and “do I want to see her unhappy?” Ugh!

It kinda got ugly between us and I told her I do not want our relationship to suffer because of him so I am trying to back off. His sister bought both of them dance lessons as he likes to dance and she used to dance. I almost feel like this is way too much and his family is pushing this along. She did not want to tell anyone about her ring , meaning her grandparents as she knows how they too would react. My husband feels as though they are just dating and its no big deal! Am I jumping the gun or should I be concerned?

Oh yes, one more thing, I had him for dinner and I felt like he was somewhat feminine…his gestures etc. seemed more gay to me than not??? Was I reading into this, I am not sure, is he gay wanting to be straight? I said nothing to my daughter about that either! I just feel like I should do something but don’t want to hurt my relationship w my daughter but the longer this goes on, the more I feel she will be drawn into this.

She is now back at school, which is not far from here and he lives in the area so now I really won’t know what is really going on as I only saw a snipet of their relationship with her being home over break.

Please help and give me much needed advice!! Thanks!

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

Well first, please don’t be afraid of the Orthodox! Your daughter would still be receiving the Eucharist and be apart of a true Church should she convert. It really shouldn’t be a huge issue. Please don’t force your views on her though…she is an adult and will make her own decisions. The Catholic Church holds that the Orthodox teach no heresy. Yes, there is a schism and there are things that both sides disagree on but the Catholic position is that the Orthodox churches are true Apostolic Churches.

As far as her boyfriend being effeminate…well, maybe he is a bit more in touch with his sensitive side than other guys? My DH is like that…it’s one of the reasons I started to like him. It’s true that he could be gay and trying to hide it but honestly there are lots of straight, sensitive guys out there .

 

[Ral91]

Please be careful with how you handle this. My fiancés mother does not approve of me because I am not Catholic. He has not spoken to her in months because of how she spoke to him about me. I am not saying don’t raise your concerns but please be careful how you do it. My fiancés mother has never hid her disapproval of my faith (Presbyterian) and in all honesty all it has done has brought me and him closer together. If your daughter wants to be with this man then she will be. Please do not be too harsh of you may push her away.

As for their relationship moving too fast, in my opinion, that’s not your business. I understand that you care for your daughter but she is an adult. My grandparents married after 6 months and were married for almost 60 years. Only they truly know what is going on in their relationship and how they want to proceed with it.

And it’s up to them when/if/how they meet each other’s families. Just because he has a large family who throw parties does not make them bad people. I don’t understand the issue with family members inviting another family members gf/bf to a party? Isn’t that the polite thing to do?

 

[Annie39]

Well first, please don’t be afraid of the Orthodox! Your daughter would still be receiving the Eucharist and be apart of a true Church should she convert. It really shouldn’t be a huge issue. Please don’t force your views on her though…she is an adult and will make her own decisions. The Catholic Church holds that the Orthodox teach no heresy. Yes, there is a schism and there are things that both sides disagree on but the Catholic position is that the Orthodox churches are true Apostolic Churches.

As far as her boyfriend being effeminate…well, maybe he is a bit more in touch with his sensitive side than other guys? My DH is like that…it’s one of the reasons I started to like him. It’s true that he could be gay and trying to hide it but honestly there are lots of straight, sensitive guys out there .

Greek Orthodox are not part of the true Church, the Catholic Church which is the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. It is true that they have valid orders and their Eucharist is valid but they are in schism.

Annie

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

Greek Orthodox are not part of the true Church, the Catholic Church which is the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. It is true that they have valid orders and their Eucharist is valid but they are in schism.

Annie

That is your opinion. They are indeed true Churches…the Catholic Church refers to them as Churches…she doesn’t refer to Protestants that way, instead calling them Ecclesial Communities. The Official name of the Orthodox Churches includes the word Catholic as well.

I’m not going to debate about the “validity” of the Orthodox here. I gave the OP my advice FWIW.

 

[JamesTheJust]

That is your opinion. They are indeed true Churches…the Catholic Church refers to them as Churches…she doesn’t refer to Protestants that way, instead calling them Ecclesial Communities. The Official name of the Orthodox Churches includes the word Catholic as well.

I’m not going to debate about the “validity” of the Orthodox here. I gave the OP my advice FWIW.

The Orthodox, though they are our sister church, are still in schism, however slight. It would not be appropriate to encourage, by silence or consent, anyone to convert from Catholicism to Orthodoxy.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

The Orthodox, though they are our sister church, are still in schism, however slight. It would not be appropriate to encourage, by silence or consent, anyone to convert from Catholicism to Orthodoxy.

I’m not encouraging anything. I’m simply telling the OP that it isn’t the worst thing in the world if her daughter joins the Greek Orthodox Church. ultimately the OP’s daughter will make her own decision and the OP will have to learn to deal with it somehow.

 

[Annie39]

I’m not encouraging anything. I’m simply telling the OP that it isn’t the worst thing in the world if her daughter joins the Greek Orthodox Church. ultimately the OP’s daughter will make her own decision and the OP will have to learn to deal with it somehow.

Well I’m the mother of someone who left the Catholic Church and it was indeed the worst thing in the world and I don’t know about the OP but I don’t intend to learn to “deal with it” somehow unless you mean praying every day for his return.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

Well I’m the mother of someone who left the Catholic Church and it was indeed the worst thing in the world and I don’t know about the OP but I don’t intend to learn to “deal with it” somehow unless you mean praying every day for his return.

I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then… I don’t consider the Orthodox to be outside the Church. I’m sorry for your situation… I grew up in a home that wasn’t united in faith and I understand how that can be hard.

 

[coachkfan1]

For 1000 years we were one with our Orthodox brothers and sisters. Frankly I could live with this scenario far better than if she was marrying someone from a Protestant background. Blessed John Paul II said that the Orthodox are the other lung of the Body of Christ, a far cry from what has come out of Protestantism. So my advice, tell your daughter your feelings and then support her in whatever decision she makes. Remember, even if she becomes Orthodox, life is long and she may return to her Catholic roots. God bless.

 

[JamesTheJust]

I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then… I don’t consider the Orthodox to be outside the Church. I’m sorry for your situation… I grew up in a home that wasn’t united in faith and I understand how that can be hard.

From the Catholic Encyclopedia:

"The technical name for the body of Christians who use the Byzantine Rite in various languages and are in union with the Patriarch of Constantinople but in schism with the Pope of Rome. The epithet Orthodox (orthodoxos), meaning ‘right believer’, is, naturally, claimed by people of every religion. It is almost exactly a Greek form of the official title of the chief enemies of the Greeks, i.e. the Moslems (mu’min, fidelis). The Monophysite Armenians called themselves ughapar, meaning exactly the same thing.

How ‘Orthodox’ became the proper name of the Eastern Church it is difficult to say. It was used at first, long before the schism of Photius, especially in the East, not with any idea of opposition against the West, but rather as the antithesis to the Eastern heretics — Nestorians and Monophysites. Gradually, although of course, both East and West always claimed both names, ‘Catholic’ became the most common name for the original Church in the West, ‘Orthodox’ in the East."

 

[Annie39]

I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree then… I don’t consider the Orthodox to be outside the Church. I’m sorry for your situation… I grew up in a home that wasn’t united in faith and I understand how that can be hard.

The thing is, we don’t get a vote on this. The Orthodox Church is in schism as a matter of objective truth and I would not support my offspring if he decided to convert to the OC.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

The thing is, we don’t get a vote on this. The Orthodox Church is in schism as a matter of objective truth and I would not support my offspring if he decided to convert to the OC.

obviously I’m in the minority here… I get that, I really do, and without further ado I’m bowing out of this conversation. I find it disrespectful to the Orthodox. OP, my prayers are with you and your daughter.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Being an Eastern Rite Catholic, I do not share your concerns.
If they get married at some point and settle somewhere, they can become Eastern Rite Catholics.

I have visited both RC churches and the Orthodox in my city, and I have the feeling that she will be going to confession a lot more in the Orthodox church than the RC church, since around here, you have to make an appointment to go to confession at the RC church. Needless to say, no one is interested in going to confession and I was told, “We don’t have to do that anymore”. If you are worried about your daughter’s soul, the Orthodox will take good care of her. She may actually have her faith deepened.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi dianeusa,

Did your daughter mention “losing her faith” to you? I’m just curious, as this seems to be a concern of yours in your post.

In your thread title, you say that your relationship is strained. If I were you, I would be careful in how you continue to approach this situation. You have already mentioned that it “got ugly between the two of you.” The last thing that you would want to do is push her away from you.

Since you mentioned her age, she is an adult, and she is old enough to do what she wants.

My husband also is a very sensitive person and when I first met him he seemed to have more feminine traits and characteristics but that did not make him “gay.” Some men just happen to be like this.

 

[dianeusa]

Thanks for all replies. I know at this point I have to tread lightly but at age 19 may be considered an adult , she still technically lives under my roof and can’t even drink yet so the maturity and wisdom that comes with age is far from there yet! We pay for her schooling and more at this point. I know there is differences in our faiths and I am married to a Lutheran so I know what mixed interfaith marriage is all about. Yes I did it but was able to raise my children catholic. Knowing what I know now I would marry a catholic. However my hubby has been supportive 28 years. I just fear he would want her to convert and that would break my heart. I know I know it’s ultimately her life. But for now I think I should be able to voice my concerns - something she may not even think of due to her youth.

 

[coachkfan1]

The thing is, we don’t get a vote on this. The Orthodox Church is in schism as a matter of objective truth and I would not support my offspring if he decided to convert to the OC.

Yeah I get this too because they are in schism with the Church, but you would not support your “offspring” if they converted to Eastern Orthodox? They are not converting to Islam, or to Southern Baptist, both of which are far removed from the Catbolic Church. They are not having a “same sex marraige,” or so many far worse things in life such as atheism or hedonism. This is probably a good and decent youg person trying to walk their own spiritual journey , and come to know Christ in their own personal way, GETTING SAVED throughout this journey called life. For me to read your words regarding your support of your “offspring” just makes me sad.

 

[Annie39]

Thanks for all replies. I know at this point I have to tread lightly but at age 19 may be considered an adult , she still technically lives under my roof and can’t even drink yet so the maturity and wisdom that comes with age is far from there yet! We pay for her schooling and more at this point. I know there is differences in our faiths and I am married to a Lutheran so I know what mixed interfaith marriage is all about. Yes I did it but was able to raise my children catholic. Knowing what I know now I would marry a catholic. However my hubby has been supportive 28 years. I just fear he would want her to convert and that would break my heart. I know I know it’s ultimately her life. But for now I think I should be able to voice my concerns - something she may not even think of due to her youth.

I absolutely agree with you that you have a right perhaps even an obligation to voice your concerns. I voiced my concerns when my boys all of them married out of the Church and they didn’t even live at home. My oldest has returned to the Church and is a very strong in his faith and has even posted on CA.

Annie

 

[Peter_J]

Hi again Diana. I see this thread has been going off in different directions … not sure if I should address them or not, but for the moment I want to share with you this document about mixed marriages, from the USCCB’s website: usccbpublishing.org/client/client_pdfs/7-050BI.pdf

Especially this part:

The Catholic party should know that if—given the circumstances of the marriage—the children are brought up Orthodox, his or her relationship to the Catholic Church will not be jeopardized.

 

[JamesTheJust]

Yeah I get this too because they are in schism with the Church, but you would not support your “offspring” if they converted to Eastern Orthodox? They are not converting to Islam, or to Southern Baptist, both of which are far removed from the Catbolic Church. They are not having a “same sex marraige,” or so many far worse things in life such as atheism or hedonism. This is probably a good and decent youg person trying to walk their own spiritual journey , and come to know Christ in their own personal way, GETTING SAVED throughout this journey called life. For me to read your words regarding your support of your “offspring” just makes me sad.

Schism is a mortal sin which greatly impedes salvation.