RC Daughter dating GO, Our relationship strained

[cfG25]

Please help and give me much needed advice!! Thanks!

Diane I have found these two articles on Orthodox-Catholic intermarriage (one from the United States Council of Catholic Bishops and the other by an American Cannon Law lawyer who teaches in Rome)

1)canonlawmadeeasy.com/2013/10/10/why-catholic-permitted-to-marry-in-an-orthodox-ceremony/
2)usccbpublishing.org/client/client_pdfs/7-050bi.pdf

and I quote

1. 
   *]Quote from link 1
   

   On the contrary, the Church’s position on Orthodox wedding ceremonies is totally consistent with its theological understanding of the status of the Orthodox Church.

   • 
     *]Quote from link 2
     

     From the Catholic point of view, the Orthodox churches
     occupy an exceptional place. In fact, the
     Decree on Ecumenism
     (a document of the Second Vatican Council concerning our
     relations with other Christians) says that these churches are
     special because they have preserved the ancient traditions that
     came down to us from the Apostles. Most importantly, they
     “possess true sacraments, above all—by apostolic succession—
     the priesthood and the Eucharist, whereby they are still joined
     to us in closest intimacy” (Decree on Ecumenism, no. 15).

     Long story short. Everything is fine if they get serious and marry.
     
     For the people on the distinction that needs to be made. I thought everyone knew that and didn’t think it had to be made.
     
     Second
     
     His gesture seemed more gay than not? That’s just an American thing and it seems you may not want her to be with him because of reasons outside of your faith. What you need to realize is that not all cultures are ultra macho like in North American society. The best example I can give you is the famous footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. One American made a comment of him being gay (as most Europeans are very metro) and a European replied “he’s not gay he’s European.” I’m Colombian myself and many members of my culture have been accused of acting gay when we are not. We just very expressive and like to take care of ourselves. I wear fitted clothing, get a haircut ever two weeks, eyebrows cut by a razor, talk with my hands (as most Colombians do) but I am in no way attracted to other men. I think you are being a little too harsh on him and most likely judging him based upon his differences and not through faith in God. If I’m wrong I’ll be the rist to admit that I’m wrong on those respects.

 

[Demetra2]

I was married in the Greek Orthodox Church. My husband was Catholic. A person of Greek Orthodox faith can only be married in the Greek church. If your daughter does marry this young man it will have to be in the Orthodox church. And she will not be allowed to receive communion in the Orthodox church unless she converts. She will likely be asked to raise the children in the Orthodox faith and most likely there will be a lot of pressure from the Greek in-laws. Although many Greeks are not regular church goers most Greeks are quite proud of their Greek heritage and insist on the faith being given to their grandchildren. It is also important to learn to speak the Greek language in some families. I would advise your daughter to get all of the facts concerning the expectations of the family and any religious differences. Don’t assume it is a variation of Catholicism. Some Greek families can be xenophobic concerning other religions and cultures so go into this with eyes open.

 

[adawgj]

Is it possible to find common ground in the Byzantine Catholic Church?

 

[retire_early]

I was married in the Greek Orthodox Church. My husband was Catholic. A person of Greek Orthodox faith can only be married in the Greek church. If your daughter does marry this young man it will have to be in the Orthodox church. And she will not be allowed to receive communion in the Orthodox church unless she converts. She will likely be asked to raise the children in the Orthodox faith and most likely there will be a lot of pressure from the Greek in-laws. Although many Greeks are not regular church goers most Greeks are quite proud of their Greek heritage and insist on the faith being given to their grandchildren. It is also important to learn to speak the Greek language in some families. I would advise your daughter to get all of the facts concerning the expectations of the family and any religious differences. Don’t assume it is a variation of Catholicism. Some Greek families can be xenophobic concerning other religions and cultures so go into this with eyes open.

This entry by Demetra sounds very accurate and based in reality.

At first, I thought to advise the OP to welcome the boyfriend and be happy if her daughter ended up marrying him. I seriously doubt if he is gay.

Mom and dad should throw a few parties / get-togethers / backyard barbeques, etc., herself, and invite some of the Greek family members in order to get to know them better. Don’t have to be huge affairs and she doesn’t have to compete with the Greek family as as far as the number of guests. The daughter can make better judgements about the prospective in-laws when she sees them interacting with her own relatives and friends in a social setting.

Heck, invite the Catholic pastor to the shindig and get some really interesting inter-religious dialogue going on. If mom shows openness to learning about boyfriend and his family and culture, she will have more credibility when giving opinions and advice to her daughter. Also, the daughter may have her eyes opened more clearly about possible obstacles if she feels her mom is open-minded not ignorantly prejudiced.

 

[AussieTrish]

You are very blessed that your daughter isn’t dating an atheist a person of non-Christian beliefs…things could be a whole lot worse. A lot of people who post in CAF over a period of time have considerably more to worry about in whom their son or daughter dates or who they marry. Just putting into context as quite often they’re dealing even with their children’s loss of faith, or the patter’s unbelief.
Really you are so blessed her boyfriend beomgs to a Greek Orthodox Church, not an unbelieving family or one hostile to any part of the Catholic faith. It’s also wonderful that your daughter has a warm welcoming family to become part of…
I say all this because much as we fear for our children and much as we love them, we have to be careful not to over react. Overreacting can cause huge problems and do not good at all.
God bless and help you through this time. Your husband sounds wise and kind, so I’ glad you have his support.

To clarify what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about Orthodox , specifically this:
" With the Orthodox Churches, this communion is so profound “that it lacks little to attain the fullness that would permit a common celebration of the Lord’s Eucharist.”

Quoting from the context…but reading the whole chapter could be helpful to you Diane

**"Who belongs to the Catholic Church?

836 "All men are called to this catholic unity of the People of God. . . . And to it, in different ways, belong or are ordered: the Catholic faithful, others who believe in Christ, and finally all mankind, called by God’s grace to salvation."320

837 "Fully incorporated into the society of the Church are those who, possessing the Spirit of Christ, accept all the means of salvation given to the Church together with her entire organization, and who - by the bonds constituted by the profession of faith, the sacraments, ecclesiastical government, and communion - are joined in the visible structure of the Church of Christ, who rules her through the Supreme Pontiff and the bishops. Even though incorporated into the Church, one who does not however persevere in charity is not saved. He remains indeed in the bosom of the Church, but ‘in body’ not ‘in heart.’"321

838 "The Church knows that she is joined in many ways to the baptized who are honored by the name of Christian, but do not profess the Catholic faith in its entirety or have not preserved unity or communion under the successor of Peter."322 Those "who believe in Christ and have been properly baptized are put in a certain, although imperfect, communion with the Catholic Church."323 With the Orthodox Churches, this communion is so profound “that it lacks little to attain the fullness that would permit a common celebration of the Lord’s Eucharist.”**324 "

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p123a9p3.htm

All the best to your family!

 

[Guernica]

I did find a card he gave her along with the ring whereby he professed his love in writing. (She does not know I saw that)

Tell me, how exactly did you “find” this card?

And why is it OK to be reading your daughter’s love letters on the sly, without her knowledge…? My mother used to read my journals when I lived at home, and, well, let’s just say that’s never done the relationship any good. Truth is, the more my mother snooped and pried, the more I distanced myself from her.

It sounds like you really are a bit obsessed with finding ANY reason to dislike this young man. It’s like you’re terrified that the big bad world is going to take your baby away from you.

I say: RELAX – she’s only 19. Unless you want her to live at home with you as an unhappy spinster forever, you’re going to have to cut the cord and let her live her own life. She’s not a child anymore, she’s a young woman. Plus the more the parents disapprove of a young couple’s love and persecute them, the more it tends to have a “Romeo and Juliet” effect, pushing them all the closer together.