RCIA - Exploring the Church - Why I may not make it

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BTW, it sounds like God is using your wife to bring you home. I know of what I speak, since my wife brought me home. What an amazing gift you have been given!
 
Praying for you AzrealGelert.

BTW I was a prison Chaplain and there’s NOTHING you have done that I haven’t heard before. And I know that Christ has already died for you personally, knowing your name and your history.
 
Hi everyone,

I firstly would like to thank you all for your guidance and prayers. I think maybe the question I should be asking myself is how do I forgive myself for what i have done against God?
Now that is the million dollar question isn’t it…How do we forgive ourselves???
I sometimes wonder if we ever fully can. Our intellect says that God forgives us and so we should likewise forgive ourselves - but then our emotions, our sorrow, our contrition, our feelings of unworthiness and anger at ourselves, crowd in and get in the way.
I personally deal with the fact that my great blessing (my wife) is all tied up in some of my great sinfulness. It can become very confusing.
Maybe this combination of intellect and emotion is necessary for us to grow out of our past. Yes we are forgiven…but then we place upon ourselves the task of making amends, of changing into what God wishes us to become. We are stuck with these memories and the recollection of them convicts us anew and we must forgive ourselves again with heartfelt contrition…and then try to move on.

I dunno…I guess I’m not making a lot of sense…Hopefully when you meet with your priest he will be able to help you some.

The most important thing is to foster Love…
I have decided to return to RCIA, and actually had somewhat of a heart to heart with Christ today since reading all the responses. I’m not going to lie and say everything is fixed, but what i will say, I took the step of announcing to Him in prayer that I am willing to put my trust in Him and will attempt RCIA, and put a lll my effort into it.
👍 It takes a lot of courage to do this.
I also, have made an appointment to talk to my local priest, where, obviously he can’t sacramentally hear my confession, but has said that I can come in and i suppose make an unoffical confession? basically, the idea is maybe if i sit down, and actually get all these sins of my chest it may help!
It will - It most certainly will. And even though he won’t be able to give you formal absolution, I have no doubt but that you and he can pray together for your needs.
Thanks for being here for me everyone
You are welcome.

Peace
James
 
Friend,

I was still very much the doubting Thomas at around the time I was baptised. I had my intellectual faith in God squared away, but my emotional faith was, and to a significantly lesser degree than it once was still is, retarded. The way it had been described to me was that miracles would happen, that Baptism was like Exorcism, and that it would drive my inner daemons away and all this good stuff. Honestly, I didn’t believe it. I held hopes that something would happen. But I didn’t hold my breath as I had no great desire to suffocate before I was saved.

About three days before my Baptism I felt a strength I’d never had before, and a peace that came with it. I still submit that these were the blessings of the Holy Ghost. And when they rested my neck on the edge of the Baptismal Font and Baptised me, I felt a rush of cold, perhaps from the water, and perhaps not, but regardless, from that point on, something did change in me. It wasn’t an immediate change, mind you, and the changes that began at my Baptism continue to unfold.

What’s important is that I know that I have been reconciled to God by His holy Sacrifice. I feel it in the deepest marrow of my bones, and in the quietest parts of my soul. I’m not a fluffy man, nor am I prone to the kind of schmaltz promulgated by your fluffier religious types. Before I accepted the Existence and Divinity of Christ, I was a right awful blasphemer. I’ll not reproduce the filth that went on in my head nor attempt to even remember, but I strongly suspect it may have rivalled some of what you describe.

I strongly urge you to reconsider your doubts concerning RCIA, I will personally voichsafe, with my soul on the line, that there is nothing I have elected to do that has been more worthwhile, spiritually, emotionally, physically, than go through with the Rites of Initiation and be accepted into God’s Church. If you’re anything like me, than there will come a day when you will look back on the person you describe as yourself now, and see him as a stranger. Who I was both is and is not who I am now. Hopefully, the others here will be able to provde you with the necessary Witness to convince you.

God bless,
 
Hi everyone,

I firstly would like to thank you all for your guidance and prayers. I think maybe the question I should be asking myself is how do I forgive myself for what i have done against God?

I have decided to return to RCIA, and actually had somewhat of a heart to heart with Christ today since reading all the responses. I’m not going to lie and say everything is fixed, but what i will say, I took the step of announcing to Him in prayer that I am willing to put my trust in Him and will attempt RCIA, and put a lll my effort into it.

I also, have made an appointment to talk to my local priest, where, obviously he can’t sacramentally hear my confession, but has said that I can come in and i suppose make an unoffical confession? basically, the idea is maybe if i sit down, and actually get all these sins of my chest it may help!

Thanks for being here for me everyone
Thank God 😃 I am so happy to hear that you will move forward. May God grant you courage and joy in your journey!
 
Friend,

I was still very much the doubting Thomas at around the time I was baptised. I had my intellectual faith in God squared away, but my emotional faith was, and to a significantly lesser degree than it once was still is, retarded. The way it had been described to me was that miracles would happen, that Baptism was like Exorcism, and that it would drive my inner daemons away and all this good stuff. Honestly, I didn’t believe it. I held hopes that something would happen. But I didn’t hold my breath as I had no great desire to suffocate before I was saved.

About three days before my Baptism I felt a strength I’d never had before, and a peace that came with it. I still submit that these were the blessings of the Holy Ghost. And when they rested my neck on the edge of the Baptismal Font and Baptised me, I felt a rush of cold, perhaps from the water, and perhaps not, but regardless, from that point on, something did change in me. It wasn’t an immediate change, mind you, and the changes that began at my Baptism continue to unfold.

What’s important is that I know that I have been reconciled to God by His holy Sacrifice. I feel it in the deepest marrow of my bones, and in the quietest parts of my soul. I’m not a fluffy man, nor am I prone to the kind of schmaltz promulgated by your fluffier religious types. Before I accepted the Existence and Divinity of Christ, I was a right awful blasphemer. I’ll not reproduce the filth that went on in my head nor attempt to even remember, but I strongly suspect it may have rivalled some of what you describe.

I strongly urge you to reconsider your doubts concerning RCIA, I will personally voichsafe, with my soul on the line, that there is nothing I have elected to do that has been more worthwhile, spiritually, emotionally, physically, than go through with the Rites of Initiation and be accepted into God’s Church. If you’re anything like me, than there will come a day when you will look back on the person you describe as yourself now, and see him as a stranger. Who I was both is and is not who I am now. Hopefully, the others here will be able to provde you with the necessary Witness to convince you.

God bless,
Wow, very powerful testimony! Thank you for sharing it. And welcome home!
 
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