Ready to quit RCIA

[utah_rose]

Don’t quit. It is already All Saints and the time will fly. Does your husband go to RCIA with you? Set your sights on the Lord and Easter Vigil. (BTW it is early this year) It’s not that long. Turn away from thoughts about “the group”. and your personal feelings about them and listen to our Lord. I believe that He is talking to you, maybe just not the way you recognize or think that He should. Organize interesting adventures together with your husband. Visit a Cathedral, Sacred Concert, Shrine, Monestary, film. (The Way, For Greater Glory, and discuss it with your husband.) There is a WEALTH of info out there. Go online www.instituteofcatholicculture.org and listen to the free lectures or live lecture streaming to beef up your knowlege. The time will fly.

I came into the Church this year and have not regretted it one day. In my RCIA there was no discussion. We hardly spoke to one another for the whole time. Just our Pastor speaking for 2 hours. I never saw anyone at mass until Lent!

Many faithful cradle catholics who attend mass every week aren’t Bible wizzes either. I am sure many don’t even read the Bible in their spare time! That is something that we new catholics and old catholics have to work on. We are all wanting in that catagory! When you are at mass with your husband pray for our Lord to open your eyes, ears, and heart to what He is saying to you during each and every day. Ask Him if you can walk with him, help him and be a part of His day. Read! I recommend Conversations with God which are daily meditations. Sounds corny, but pray the Rosary. I started 1/12 years ago to pray the rosary everyday, not just recite it but give time after the Mysteries to listen for guidance before continuing. You will be surprized at the result! Have faith. This is the year of Faith! God bless you and your husband. Welcome Home!

Sorry, this DOESN’T sound like a good RCIA class. While studying the Bible is fine, it seems to me that the Catholic Catechism should be THE most important thing, as you learn exactly what the Church teaches. If you decide to stay in this class, I’d advice you to purchase a Catechism if you don’t already own one, and speak up to whoever is teaching this class. I think maybe if it was me I’d find a good Catholic priest and receive the instruction from him. The Church is more than just a community. Just saying.

 

[Hmgbrd]

Sorry, this DOESN’T sound like a good RCIA class. While studying the Bible is fine, it seems to me that the Catholic Catechism should be THE most important thing, as you learn exactly what the Church teaches. If you decide to stay in this class, I’d advice you to purchase a Catechism if you don’t already own one, and speak up to whoever is teaching this class. I think maybe if it was me I’d find a good Catholic priest and receive the instruction from him. The Church is more than just a community. Just saying.

Hi,I think that you mixed me up with the OP! But just for clarification,I should qualify that our Pastor Priest talked exactly about the Catechism. We had reading assignments from the CC that were coodinated with his lectures. In addition we were required to read Christopher West’s “Good News about Sex and Marriage”, Scott Hahn’s"A Father who keeps his Promises" and “An Outline of the Catholic Faith” We also took a day retreat to the National Shrine with 2 of our Priests and a trip to the Franciscan Monestary. The extra things that I suggested to the OP were in addition to anything that she will be getting in the Catechism and her regular classes. Pax

 

[yellow8yellowM]

I just finished RCIA this last Easter and I had a similar experience as you. Hang in there and get the most out of it as you can. The church is filled with social people, monks, nuns, priests, lay people, and hermits. RCIA is just the beginning–you have an exciting, blessed life ahead of you!

 

[Prairie_Rose]

Heather, I encourage to you stick with RCIA - even if you don’t feel exactly connected to the group. I was that way BEFORE I started RCIA - I attended Mass with my cradle Catholic husband for over 20 years and always felt like an outsider. Even tho’ the people in my husband’s Church were all very nice - I just never felt like one of them. I even ridiculed the Catholic faith at times because I never felt like I belonged.
It took a friend’s death from Cancer to open my eyes to what I was missing, so I visited our Priest and signed up for classes.

I must say I enjoyed RCIA immensly - I was soaking up everything Catholic and felt a big let-down when the Tuesday night after Easter came and I realized I didn’t have an RCIA class to go to

In a side note - my friend that died from Cancer was very involved in our Parish Education programs. I feel like I’ve taken up from where she left off because I’ve been working hard to establish some sort of continuing education/faith building program, for adults in our Parish. It was an area she felt we needed the most work, as too many of our young adults don’t attend faithfully and some of our older adults seem to be just lukewarm in their Faith. I truly believe the Pope’s declaration of this being the “Year of Faith” is my sign, that what I am doing is right and needed in our Parish.

So don’t be surprised at the results that may happen to you - the Journey of Faith is a life changing experience!!

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Thank you all so much. I am going to print out your messages and read them whenever I start to get discouraged.
I am not a super social person. I am married and have 3 teenage daughters and an almost teenage son. We are busy enough in our own family so trying to get out to be social with others is not a priority. I am also not a touchy feely feelings type of person. I am very matter of fact and say it like it is. I don’t “hear” meanings in things or feel things when I read a bible passage. I read and understand what I read. I get it all. I just don’t “feel” like most in my RCIA group do. A few of them seem to cry whenever a bible passage is read because it touches them. And that is fine. That is who they are. They are all about being a part of the community. It seems like that is part of their stories. Being part of the community and the parish and being a part of as many groups in the parish as they can. Which is wonderful…for them. They constantly want us to share our thoughts and feelings in class. I am not that type of person. So I end up saying what sounds right, but may not necessarily be what is right in my heart. But I don’t want to share all of my feelings and reasons for coming back to the Catholic church. They are very personal to me.
I just need to focus on my own journey. Just because it is not the same as their’s doesn’t mean it is not right. It is mine. Mine just happens to be very personal.

Thank You all again.

Heather

Don’t worry about not being a social person, it’s not a prerequisite. In fact, my wife is not a social person, and we pretty much live a semi-hermits life. We’d live a full hermits life, except that I am a social person.

So, come back home to the Catholic Church, and live a life of solitude in the Lord.

The Catholic Church is a very large tent for all personality types.

Jim

 

[bouncebanana]

I can relate to your situation so much I could have possibly wrote most of your post myself. I have no answers, but I’ll pray for you.

 

[tiuzzol]

I think others have made a good case for sticking with the RCIA you’re currently at so that you can receive the Sacraments sooner rather than later.

But if you’re not feeling at home in the Church, then visit other ones. I personally find community-focussed churches a turn-off, because I worry that they focus too much on the community aspect and not enough on Jesus or being true to the Catholic faith, and it all feels kind of fake to me sometimes even though with some parishes, I know there really is a community at heart. It’s also too touchy-feelly for me. But I’m not there to meet new friends, run an auction, play bingo or do car washes. I’m there for Jesus. If Jesus weren’t there, I wouldn’t be. It’s because I’m there for Jesus that I might meet some friends. Or I might not. It’s because I’m there for Jesus, that He might ask me to do something for his Church or the individuals there. Or He might not. And that’s ok with me.

As things are, I’m actually involved in three parishes right now, and it’s always been like that. My highest priority is to go to Mass, location is secondary. One parish is where we go to Sunday Mass, one is where my kids goes to school and they have Perpetual Adoration and a lot of prayer opportunities, and one is where I go to daily mass. I’m registered with the first two, but not the third, and it’s a little awkward to explain to the nuns and parents that my kids won’t be going to their school (reaalllly awkward–they’re nice people after all), but my “community” there is the daily mass crowd and I say rosary with them afterwards, and even though I don’t remember half of their names, I feel a strong bond to that small micro-community in the larger parish that I’m absolutely uninvolved in. I know it means a lot to the older crowd when someone younger is coming to daily mass.

Anyways, you should just ask Jesus to lead you where He wants you. See what speaks to your soul. Some churches and priests will inspire you, and others won’t. Don’t be afraid to look around and figure out where you’re going to grow the most in your faith.

 

[bellrodt]

I sympathize. Churches always have organizers, and they mean well and do very good things. But for some of us, our relationship with God, through our Catholic Faith, is a very personal thing. I am not a joiner, and I prefer to concentrate my religious practice in a very personal way. I admit to not liking hand shakes after consecration and before I receive communion. After consercration I want to focus on receiving the body and blood of my Lord and not be distracted by others. With me it is personal and singular and a time for reverance.

I think each of us has our own way of approaching our Faith and the practice of it. We are each different, and God calls us in different ways. Absence of a feeling of direct communication is not a cause for feeling you are not part of this grand Faith we have - or that you have been rejected. (Mother Theresa had difficulty w feeling that Jesus was at arms length from her.)

Persevere in your journey. You will be fulfilled and happy.

Blessings and have a wonderful journey!!

 

[SophiaK]

Not Roman Catholic here, so I cannot speak to RCIA. Your post struck me because I recently had a conversation on this with the priest at my church. I’ve spent a good portion of my life hearing about how spirituality feels by people of many denominations. Togetherness and a supernatural connectedness, the feeling that God is in the room in not a human way but a Godly way. I never had that, and I felt very confused and like an alien.

I left the church for quite a few years and found myself wanting to come back after my daughter was born. Went to a few and heard the same stuff. I finally decided to go ahead and go back to the denomination I was baptized in because it seemed a little less weird somehow. And then I finally bothered to ask a clergy member about it.

I was told that I didn’t have the personality for the some of the day-to-day experiences like that of the people in my life, and spending some time reading the works of St. Aquinas and the Rule of St. Benedict might give me a little perspective. They are both nice and logical and not overly-emotional, which I absolutely love.

Just for the record, I am not trying to recruit, and I know your belief system is different. Your post struck a good chord with me, and I wanted to chime in. I’m glad you’re feeling encouraged, and I hope you continue. Group dynamics can be tough, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s at least one other person in there who might be thinking along the same lines as you.

 

[SophiaK]

Not Roman Catholic here, so I cannot speak to RCIA. Your post struck me because I recently had a conversation on this with the priest at my church. I’ve spent a good portion of my life hearing about how spirituality feels by people of many denominations. Togetherness and a supernatural connectedness, the feeling that God is in the room in not a human way but a Godly way. I never had that, and I felt very confused and like an alien.

I left the church for quite a few years and found myself wanting to come back after my daughter was born. Went to a few and heard the same stuff. I finally decided to go ahead and go back to the denomination I was baptized in because it seemed a little less weird somehow. And then I finally bothered to ask a clergy member about it.

I was told that I didn’t have the personality for the some of the day-to-day experiences like that of the people in my life, and spending some time reading the works of St. Aquinas and the Rule of St. Benedict might give me a little perspective. As it turns out, they are both nice and logical and not overly-emotional, which I absolutely love.

Just for the record, I am not trying to recruit, and I know your belief system is different. Your post struck a good chord with me, and I wanted to chime in. I’m glad you’re feeling encouraged, and I hope you continue. Group dynamics can be tough, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s at least one other person in there who might be thinking along the same lines as you.

 

[Parvana]

I am in RCIA right now too. I am also a former member of the 12 step group, Al-Anon, so let me give you some of the words that may help in your situation: Take what you like and leave the rest. It is okay to say that you are going to “pass” from sharing and that you just want to listen right now. Place principles above personalities–keep your eyes on the prize.

A spiritual community means that we love everyone as brothers and sisters in Christ and worship together. It doesn’t mean everyone has to be best friends. Be patient with yourself where you are, offer it up, spend time in prayer (pray especially the Rosary!). Some people look for “signs” that God is talking to them, but the important thing is just to be as open as you can to listening for his will in your life and following it as well as you can. I think contemplation is something that takes time to develop, and each person is at his or her own, personal level of faith. Feelings come and go, while love is a state of being. Be gentle on yourself. I will pray for you!

 

[Doug_Garrett]

Heather: Bless you for your candor in expressing your frustration with your RCIA experience including your leaders your classmates and a parish you find unwelcoming. My prayer for you is that you will find a way to deal with all that. Understand that the reason you are in RCIA is because You have been called. Yes, you have. You don’t need to hear voices. Your presence is your affirmation. Bear this cross. But, undersatnd there will be others. The door to all you long for is open right before you. Walk through it. Angels in heaven will rejoice as will all your earthly brothers and sisters whose prayers support you. All Blessings to You and Your Family.
.

 

[Jimmygill88]

Forgive me but I don’t even know what RCIA is. Roman Catholic something (I guess)

 

[Della]

Forgive me but I don’t even know what RCIA is. Roman Catholic something (I guess)

Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. It’s the program most parishes use to bring unbaptized (catechumens) and non-Catholic baptized Christians (candidates) into the initial rites of the Church, although it is actually meant just for catechumens, but most parishes do both. Catechumens will be baptized, receive first communion and confirmation at the end of it, and candidates will receive first communion and confirmation. RCIA usually begins in the fall and ends on Easter Vigil, although some people go for more time than that.

 

[mrs_ahs]

I’m sorry you are not having the greatest experience in RCIA. Most people don’t know this, but going through RCIA is not actually required to join the Church. Another option is private instruction with a priest. He would be able to gauge your knowledge and where you are spiritually and possibly offer you more useful instruction. Once he feels you are ready (it doesn’t have to be at Easter, I have a friend who did it in November), he will give you your FHC and make arrangements for you to be confirmed. If you are interested in that, ask around in the more traditional Catholic circles and find out if there are any priests who would be willing to do this. Or just contact a few and ask them directly. I know people who have done this and sometimes it just works out better for some people. If it’s not an option for whatever reason, I would continue with the RCIA program you are in. You can always change parishes later if you want to.

 

[DKIN]

I have been in RCIA since August. I have been going to Mass. I was baptised Catholic but never finished the other sacraments due to family issues when I was a child. It has taken me alot of years to get over my fears and anxiety to do this. I have no doubt in my mind at all that I want to complete my sacraments and be a part of the Catholic Church. No doubts at all. I am however having an issue with this parish. I have posted before about being underwhelmed. I still am.
I do not feel a connection at all to this parish in any way. Nor to anyone in my RCIA group. I see all of the others in the group chit chatting and sitting with each at Mass and so on. I just don’t feel like a part of the group. The RCIA leader goes on and on in class about how joining the church is not a personal private thing, it has a community thing. We are not doing this for ourselves but to be a part of the community. We are doing this to be accepted by the parish members. This parish is very community oriented, with a ton of groups for people to join and so on. Every class starts with a reading from the bible and then the leader asks what we “heard” in that passage. How did we feel about it? And people are giving these profound answers and everything is so deep. And how they hear God speaking to them and so on. I don’t hear any of that. I hear the words that are being read. And I understand the words and I know what they mean. But I am not hearing the deeper things everyone else seems to. I don’t hear God talking to me.
I understand that joining the Catholic church is about being part of a community. I get that. And I think it is wonderful. But I am doing this for me. Not to be accepted by anyone. I have always been a very independent person. I have never in my life been a person who felt they had to be accepted by others. I, frankly, don’t care what others think of me. And I think that is a great thing. I am me. I am not here to worry about who will accept me. I am not wanting to complete the sacraments to be accepted by the people in the parish. I am doing it for me. Because it is right for me. It is my life and after life that I am concerned with. I have no problem being a part of the community. I think it is great. But that is not my reason for doing this.
So I feel like I am the one who is wrong. Because I don’t hear God. Because I don’t care about being accepted. So then I feel like if I am not doing it for their reasons, then I shouldn’t be doing RCIA. I don’t feel that I put off a leave me alone vibe. I join in conversations. I just feel like I am the only idiot who hasn’t read the entire bible and can quote it. Or I am the only one not hearing God talking to me.
I can’t even say what brought me back to the church. I don’t have solid answers. It just feels right. I am a go with your gut kind of person. I always follow my gut or follow my instincts and I have always been right. I don’t have a sign from Jesus story that lead me back to the Catholic Church.
I am rambling. It all made sense when I was talking to my husband the other night
So I feel like this parish is not the right one for me. So do I continue on with RCIA to get it done? Even though I have no connection to anyone or to the parish.

Sorry for the babbling. I know what I am trying to say it is just not coming out well.

Heather

I hate to hear of your experience in RCIA as my wife and I went through this process last year and it was very positive. Based on many of the posts I’ve read here however, I feel our experience may have been the exception. That said, I’d like to address a couple of things you mentioned. First, you said you don’t hear God and also state that you don’t know what brought you back to the Church but that it just feels right. My thought is that you do hear God…that is why you are coming back to the Church. You are responding to the Holy Spirit…that’s why it feels right. Each time we get up on Sunday morning and go to Mass we are responding to the Holy Spirit working in us. When God speaks to us it is not always in a thundering voice like you hear in the movies…sometimes we don’t even recognize it, but we have been given the grace to respond to it none the less. Additionally, you shouldn’t be doing any of this for others in the Parish, you should be doing it for yourself and your salvation, but more importantly doing it to please God and to show obedience. The sacraments are wonderful gifts that have been given to us by God and it is up to us to accept these gifts. Please don’t quit RCIA…this is just too important. I believe as time goes on you will feel more connected to those in your parish as you will realize that these sacraments, these beliefs we hold in common are what make us a community and you will be a part of that upon entering the Church. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

God Bless!

 

[Aydan]

Hi Heather

I have a similar background to you I was baptized Catholic and I received first Eucharist but after that I didn’t receive confirmation. I was never raised in the Catholic faith I had no idea about Catholicism or even Christianity for that matter. I just knew that Jesus died on the cross but I did not know why. I didn’t understand why it was important to be Catholic at all. One night a friend from school invited me to attend Mass so I decided to go. That night I really felt that God was calling me to become Catholic. A couple weeks later I decided I wanted to go through the confirmation process and become a member of the Catholic Church. I didn’t go through RCIA because my parish had a separate program for people who were going through the confirmation process as an adult. I had the same experience you did. It seemed like everybody else was having these deep experiences every time they heard a Bible verse in class. I was just hearing the words just like you because that was the first time that I can remember reading the Bible. I couldn’t explain why I wanted to become Catholic either other than to say it felt right because that’s what God is calling me to do. I felt like the one on the outside looking in because everybody else in my class seemed to know so much more about the Bible than I did. My friend who had brought me to church initially became my sponsor and it was such a profound experience for both of us that it resulted in us being the best of friends. She loves to study everything about Catholicism she possibly can everything from Canon Law to the early church fathers. She reads the catechism on a regular basis and she suggested that I do the same. We found a catechism that was especially designed for converts to Catholicism that explained the basics of the Catholic faith in an easy to understand way. Reading the catechism on a regular basis really helped me get through those times when people in my class were having these profound experiences but I wasn’t. I was able to finish the confirmation process in May of 2004. It was one of the happiest days in my life. Today I have those profound experiences that my classmates had but it took me a few years to get there. It wasn’t until I finally understood the meaning of Christmas Easter and the crucifixion and experienced them in church that I finally was able to experience their profound meanings. Don’t worry so much about why you can’t explain why you came in the church you feel it’s right because that is where God has led you. Also don’t worry so much about not being able to socialize or relate to the rest of the group because I had a very hard time with that too. You will be in my prayers. Peace.

 

[RachaelM]

I’m in RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) now and have been for the past 2 years. I grew up in Judaism, and was baptized in 1993 in an Assembly of God Church. I have a marriage impediment which will take some time to straighten out before I can be received into the Catholic Church.

In our RCIA sessions, we go over the 2 Sunday readings and the Gospel we heard proclaimed plus the Priest’s homily before we’re dismissed after the homily. In the RCIA sessions, we also discuss Church doctrine via the theme of the week.

For my first year, in addition to the RCIA material each Sunday, I took it upon myself to learn about the Church’s “people” (doctors, saints, martyrs, etc.), about the faith, and Church history. I was praying the Liturgy of the Hours (long story how that came about which ultimately led to my considering the Catholic faith), and was greatly impressed with the Office of Readings. During this first year, I also joined the Parish’s weekly bible study and not only learned about the Old and New Testaments from the Catholic perspective, but began to gain great fellowship within the Parish. Seeing the same people week after week opened the door to familiarity. I’m Introvert by nature, so it often takes me a while to warm up to people.

The second year, at times I felt like an overgrown 6th grader in the RCIA sessions having been through the first year cycle of the Church, but I continued to attend, especially because I liked several of the catechists. They clearly put time and work into the teaching and I felt it was only fair – I’m not there just for me. The catechists in order to effectively passing along the faith need someone receiving. Many times it was a one-on-one with the catechist as there wasn’t anyone else attending. Then I was able to go farther afield and dive into what else I had been studying on my own. Other times, RCIA-ers came and went after a few sessions, and that became very frustrating.

To “compensate” for the overgrown 6th grader feeling, I began to get involved in the Parish. I made it a point to attend one weekday mass (8 am). In the Communion line, I would go up and cross my arms over my chest, signaling to the Priest that I wanted a blessing. Since I’ve been working so closely with this one Priest on my marriage impediment, I always felt like I was getting an extra special blessing from God when this particular Priest was celebrating the Mass. The other Priest seemed to me to be merely going through the motions on celebrating the Mass and giving me a blessing. Yet he was always very excited to see me outside of Mass. After the weekday Mass, I stayed to pray the Rosary and other devotions with the “Rosary Group,” a dedicated group of people who were there faithfully every day. When my work schedule permitted (I’m in healthcare), I attended Masses at First Fridays, Adorations, and First Saturdays. Becoming more active in the Parish brought me a new family. People got used to seeing me often and genuinely inquired about how I was doing, and I became more acquainted with others. By the time I am received in the Church, I’m going to have a heck of a lot of invitations to extend to come witness the receiving because now I’ve established relationships.

It was well worth the wait in the RCIA group because now there are 5 other people besides me, and several have their fiancees (full Catholics) join us in the class after Mass is done while we’re still discussing. One member of the 5 RCIA-ers will be received into the Church on December 9. I can’t wait!!!

So, rather long-windedly, I highly recommend that you look into what you can do to participate in the Parish. Find ministries you might be interested in, or try a bunch of ministries and see what happens. I went to our Parish picnic and outdoor Mass. I’m no picnic-er but I went early to help with the Picnic and Mass set up, helped distribute the Worship aides and Parish bulletin, and then ended up staying 5 more hours just because I was having so much fun with the people I’d met. Some I already knew, the majority I didn’t. Many invited me to sit with their groups when they learned I was in the RCIA process.

Hope this helps!

 

[violetmarie]

i was not able to read everyone’s response but here is mine.
my first parish made me stand up and be dismissed after every mass. then they took me down a long corridor, down winding stairs to the basement with no windows. i suffer from panic/ anxiety/ claustrophobia. i thought i was going to pass out, not kidding.
i went to two more parishes before ending up at the last one, the final one.
if it had not been for the wonderful priest and rcia team i would never had made made it through the storm. mid november someone finally asked if my husband was divorced and he needed to get an annulment! no one at the first three parishes bothered to ask.i could have made it to Easter and found out i couldnt be baptized!
you are uncomfortable for a reason. BUT whatever you do DONT GIVE UP on the best thing that will ever happen in your life!

 

[shutterbugmom27]

Thanks to all who have replied. I am definitely going to stick with it. I posted another thread after my last class. It was the best class yet. I am encouraged. I will be sticking with it. No sense in turning back now. I am Catholic. I have no reason to not complete my Sacraments The Lord will be there holding my hand.

Heather