Really confused needing some help

[jet100]

Hi,
I’m really confused about my vocation. All my life i’ve had a calling from God to become catholic and serve as a sister. Now i’m questioning this calling! I’m really confused because i’m in love with two vocations and two men.
I’m falling for my best guy friend and he has been in my life all my life. Loves me to death and would marry me in a heartbeat and make a terrific catholic husband.
But then i’m worried if I make the wrong choice I will be unhappy or God will be unhappy with me for choosing this path.
I’m always loved God so much. I want complete intimacy with him and I love him so much!! He’s my life and constant. I feel like marrying wouldn’t be fulfilling my vocation to him or serving him enough.
I’m in love with two men and I don’t know what to do two persons who mean the world to me…

Please help and explain this to me,

Cameron

 

[Monica4316]

HI Cameron

oh I know what you mean! It’s so difficult to figure out vocations… I’m still trying to, lol! I think that it’s important to remember that God’s will is what is best for us… and also, that a desire for marriage is our natural desire. It will be there even if we’re called to religious life. Religious life is a supernatural calling, it requires supernatural grace, or it’s impossible to accept it and live it.

If God wants you to marry, of course that would be the best thing for you. Perhaps He brought this person into your life for that reason. Or, maybe He brought him into your life to help you figure out your vocation, which might still be religious life. Did you ever see the episode on Oprah with the Dominican Sisters? One of the Sisters said… at the time she discerned religious life, she was engaged to be married to a man… and they loved each other very much. It sounds like was a great Catholic guy. But she knew in her heart she must be a sister.

In the end, no one will be able to tell you what your calling is, but this is something you will have to discern within your heart. Talking to a good priest or a spiritual director helps. But if you don’t have access to a spiritual director, keep on praying, and pray for God’s will to be made clear to you. You don’t have to make a decision today! Don’t rush, and let God lead you, - don’t rush ahead of His plan. When it will be time, you will know.

God bless

 

[houston1]

Hi,
I’m really confused about my vocation. All my life i’ve had a calling from God to become catholic and serve as a sister. Now i’m questioning this calling! I’m really confused because i’m in love with two vocations and two men.
I’m falling for my best guy friend and he has been in my life all my life. Loves me to death and would marry me in a heartbeat and make a terrific catholic husband.
But then i’m worried if I make the wrong choice I will be unhappy or God will be unhappy with me for choosing this path.
I’m always loved God so much. I want complete intimacy with him and I love him so much!! He’s my life and constant. I feel like marrying wouldn’t be fulfilling my vocation to him or serving him enough.
I’m in love with two men and I don’t know what to do two persons who mean the world to me…

Please help and explain this to me,

Cameron

May I be frank? It sounds like you are being called to the married state or, at least, that decision is “to be determined”. The married state isn’t a “second best” state. It’s just depends on your calling. Please continue to pray for discernment. I am married with one son. This is God’s perfect will for me. It is so hard and includes a lot of penance! The Lord couldn’t have picked a more penance-filled way for me. Pray and listen to the Lord. He will show you the way you should go. I will pray for you also.

 

[Monica4316]

Maybe it might help to examine why you feel called to religious life, and why you feel called to marriage?

 

[jet100]

I feel called to religious life for my love for God. I’ve always been so in love with him, I would write love letters to him. talk to him all day, I love going to church and worshiping him, I love working for him, and I love dedicating my whole life to the church and him.

Marriage life. I would love to have the white picket fence, babies, catholic home, my own garden, a little house in town, I would be able to keep my job, be near my family and work in my parish.

Maybe i’m called to be a laywoman or a youth director ??

 

[Monica4316]

hey,

hmm well when I just read your post, I thought that your reasons for religious life, have more to do with God… more for His sake. But that’s just based on one post. Whatever you do, - whether religious life or marriage, - try to do it out of love for Him, and in such a way that you can say to Jesus - “I did what I believed to be Your will”. That’s just how I try to approach my own situation though… it might help to talk to a spiritual director, even if over email.

God bless

 

[po18guy]

Maybe call your Archdiocese and ask if there are any vocation retreats scheduled. You could also go and visit those living a life consecrated to our Lord. This may not tip the scale in either direction, but you will be much better informed about what you are pondering. Pray, pray, pray, as the answer often comes during intense prayer. Pray before our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Once you have your answer, do not doubt or look back. As Christians, we move ever forward in our faith. I am praying for your true vocation to be revealed to you.

Christ’s peace be with you.

 

[bnbkaine]

Have you ever read about Saint Faustina? If I remember the story correctly, she was told during a vision of Jesus that her suffering up to that point had assured her place in Heaven, but she could choose to suffer more and help save more souls or be spared more suffering. She chose to suffer more to bring more souls to Jesus.

I don’t think that marriage is suffering, just so you know.

I think that you are being offered two choices: to marry one man or marry another. I agree with Monica that the marriage to Jesus is a supernatural choice. I think that maybe you are being offered the same choice as Faustina, just with the same changes. God will be with you your whole life; if you marry this guy, then you could have that dream life that you imagine and you will raise many good Catholics. You could also marry the Lord and you have put aside the concerns of this life for the concerns of the next. Thanks be to God that we have spiritual directors. I highly encourage you to talk to one.

I will tell you that I am happily married and I have grown deeper in my Faith because of it. If my husband were to die, I would not seek to remarry. I can understand Paul’s writing about devoting yourself to God and not getting married. There is great solace in having that relationship with Jesus. I will be praying for you!

 

[houston1]

Have you ever read about Saint Faustina? If I remember the story correctly, she was told during a vision of Jesus that her suffering up to that point had assured her place in Heaven, but she could choose to suffer more and help save more souls or be spared more suffering. She chose to suffer more to bring more souls to Jesus.

I don’t think that marriage is suffering, just so you know.

I think that you are being offered two choices: to marry one man or marry another. I agree with Monica that the marriage to Jesus is a supernatural choice. I think that maybe you are being offered the same choice as Faustina, just with the same changes. God will be with you your whole life; if you marry this guy, then you could have that dream life that you imagine and you will raise many good Catholics. You could also marry the Lord and you have put aside the concerns of this life for the concerns of the next. Thanks be to God that we have spiritual directors. I highly encourage you to talk to one.

I will tell you that I am happily married and I have grown deeper in my Faith because of it. If my husband were to die, I would not seek to remarry. I can understand Paul’s writing about devoting yourself to God and not getting married. There is great solace in having that relationship with Jesus. I will be praying for you!

Let me back peddle a little, I agree with this poster that marriage isn’t “suffering,” per se. The married state does allow for ample opportunities for penance though. For example, suppose your newborn baby has colic and keeps you up all night, or suppose your husband says something unkind or forgets your birthday - these are opportunities for you to practice the “little way” of St. Therese and make true peace, act patiently during difficulties, and show the love to Jesus to your family.

I love being married. I also have grown deeper in my Faith because of it. This was God’s plan for me. I agree with the other posters that you should Pray, Pray, Pray about your vocation. I will pray for you.

 

[catharina]

I feel called to religious life for my love for God. I’ve always been so in love with him, I would write love letters to him. talk to him all day, I love going to church and worshiping him, I love working for him, and I love dedicating my whole life to the church and him.

Marriage life. I would love to have the white picket fence, babies, catholic home, my own garden, a little house in town, I would be able to keep my job, be near my family and work in my parish.

Maybe i’m called to be a laywoman or a youth director ??

Since you are now in the process of religious conversion,
this is clearly NOT the time to “choose” a vocation for your life.
Certain vocations (such as “nun”) are not even available to you
since you’re not yet a Catholic. Any desires that you might have
in that direction can only be youthful fantasy.

Ditto regarding your thoughts/feelings about the married state -
a Sacramental marriage is an enormous blessing but also an enormous challenge.

Considering the conflicts in your life as you were growing up (other posts),
your priority should be to become grounded/centered in the Catolic faith.
Any spiritual director would probably suggest the same to you.
Put on the shelf any examination of what your life’s vocation might become.
Instead for the next few years, plan to pray, to study and to grow in the faith.

God bless you.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Since you are now in the process of religious conversion,
this is clearly NOT the time to “choose” a vocation for your life.
Certain vocations (such as “nun”) are not even available to you
since you’re not yet a Catholic. Any desires that you might have
in that direction can only be youthful fantasy.

Not so! They could indeed be God’s calling. Conversion feelings can be confused with vocation feelings, which is why the Church doesn’t allow people to enter religious orders until they’ve been Catholic for three years. However, that’s not to say one can’t have a true vocational calling at the same time as one has a conversion calling.

In any case, I agree with your main point, though, that it’s good to wait on making any vocational decisions yet.

Jet100, take time and discern about the possibility of the marriage calling. Maybe go on a retreat to discern it, possibly meeting with some nuns and finding out about the religious vocation and lifestyle, to help you in your choice. I also very much agree with catharina about the deep importance of prayerfully studying the faith and becoming thoroughly grounded in it at this stage.

You can’t join a religious order during the first three years after your Confirmation. So you have plenty of time to discern the religious vocation, and if during those three years it becomes clear to you that you are called to the married life, then you should go ahead and follow that path!

Praise God for your love of Him, your love of the Church, and for your love of this excellent fellow Catholic .

 

[Big_Dummy]

Read I cor 7

 

[jet100]

I have been studying the catholic faith for 6years now. Only reason I haven’t converted or joined the church is my family stopping me and refusing to let me join. They are anti catholic and hate the church.
I would have joined the church a long time ago. In my heart I feel at home with the catholic church.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Ooohhh . . .

How old are you?

 

[Student09]

I have been studying the catholic faith for 6years now. Only reason I haven’t converted or joined the church is my family stopping me and refusing to let me join. They are anti catholic and hate the church.
I would have joined the church a long time ago. In my heart I feel at home with the catholic church.

You don’t need your family’s permission to convert, especially if you are over 18, which it sounds like you are. If you are dependent on your family and they have threatened to cut you loose, that would make the situation more difficult. Have you spoken to a priest about this?

 

[jet100]

I’m almost 20. Yes i’m dependent on them right now. I don’t drive yet, and i’m kind of trapped. my mom pays for my college education and I live at home so I dont have any debt.

Priest told me I should pray about it and wait until I move out I have a priest who I email and talk with regularly. He has become one of my closes friends.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I’m glad you have a good friend in your local priest. That’s how it should be . It’s very pleasant to me to hear a positive story showing a priest living as God calls on him to live.

How much longer will you be in college and unable to move out?

 

[jet100]

I have two more years of Nursing school. I want to become a medical missionary before I decide to join a order. I want to work with a catholic mission group… I want to help the poor and suffering.

the priest is a hermit who runs Our Lady shrine. He emails me and calls me. I tell him everything and he guides me well… dear friend to my heart.

ourladyofsouthcarolina.net/

thats the shrine in my town he runs

 

[catharina]

Not so! They could indeed be God’s calling. Conversion feelings can be confused with vocation feelings, which is why the Church doesn’t allow people to enter religious orders until they’ve been Catholic for three years. However, that’s not to say one can’t have a true vocational calling at the same time as one has a conversion calling.

In any case, I agree with your main point, though, that it’s good to wait on making any vocational decisions yet.

Jet100, take time and discern about the possibility of the marriage calling. Maybe go on a retreat to discern it, possibly meeting with some nuns and finding out about the religious vocation and lifestyle, to help you in your choice. I also very much agree with catharina about the deep importance of prayerfully studying the faith and becoming thoroughly grounded in it at this stage.

You can’t join a religious order during the first three years after your Confirmation. So you have plenty of time to discern the religious vocation, and if during those three years it becomes clear to you that you are called to the married life, then you should go ahead and follow that path!

Praise God for your love of Him, your love of the Church, and for your love of this excellent fellow Catholic .

Excuse me, please, I respectfully disagree.
Considering the state of religious life today
and the fact that jett is not yet a Catholic
and is very vey young, it seems far more likely
that her notions of today re any future vocation
are related to her youthful imaginings and desires.

I’ve read many many of her posts in her public profile.
While it’s wonderful that there is a certainty in her that her desire
is to serve God in the best possible way, it’s much too soon - considering
her age, her upbringing, her history and her mixed feelings that any
of us should be willing to confirm a religious.

Before a full conversion there is no one in any community of Sisters
who would or could offer the encouragement of a religious vocation.

This young woman has moved through a number of churches.
Her family opposes her spiritual life in every way.

After conversion, after her entry into the Catholic Church,
there is unlimited time available for her to consider choices about “vocation.”

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Nineteen is not too young to be thinking about the religious vocation. It’s a good age to be thinking about vocation. St. Therese of Lisieux became a nun at the age of 15 and felt her call to the religious life many years before. I think she felt her call to the religious vocation at the age of 9, something like that. My grandparents got married in their late teens and lived a happy marriage all the way to today. The religious vocation is as serious as marriage. Successful religious discernment can happen that young, though obviously Jet100 isn’t even going to be allowed to join an order for three years after her Confirmation, so she’ll have plenty more time to think about it.

According to the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate at Georgetown University, 2% of all consecrated men and women religious are under the age of 20. And that’s people who are already religious who are that young. Pastors often encourage teenagers to think about the possibility of a religious vocation, and every religious order I’ve looked at in my own personal vocation search has said that 24 or 25 is a wonderful age to join an order. Seeing as Jet100 is almost 20 now and one has to wait for 3 years after Confirmation before the Church allows a person to join an order, she’s doing fine.

Pope Benedict XVI said to the youth at Malta, “In this Year for Priests, I ask you to be open to the possibility that the Lord may be calling some of you to give yourselves totally to the service of his people in the priesthood or the consecrated life. Your country has given many fine priests and religious to the Church. Be inspired by their example, and recognize the profound joy that comes from dedicating one’s life to spreading the message of God’s love for all people, without exception.” He encouraged them to be open to the religious life. He didn’t think they were too young to be thinking about such things.

Thinking and planning for what one is going to do with one’s life is completely fine at any age. I agree that teenage years are young to be deciding such things, in general, but that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t be thinking about them and discerning . And Jet100 is a young adult, not a young teen like Therese of Lisieux was (though Therese followed Christ’s will truly in her vocation search).

catharina:

Considering the state of religious life today

There’s a lot of variety amongst the different religious orders. Some are doing better than others.

catharina:

Her family opposes her spiritual life in every way.

I don’t see the relevance of that. Why should their enmity to Catholicism have a bearing on her vocation?

catharina:

her mixed feelings that any
of us should be willing to confirm a religious.

I don’t know anything about this. But if she has feelings like that, they are something for her and her priest to deal with, and she has years ahead of her to do so before she’d be accepted into a formation program. I’m not in a position to make any judgment on her mindset based on this.

catharina:

Before a full conversion there is no one in any community of Sisters
who would or could offer the encouragement of a religious vocation.

It’s fine for people of any age to be thinking about what they want to do with their life. Thinking about it and making final decisions are two different things.

catharina:

This young woman has moved through a number of churches.

So do many people on their way into conversion. I fully agree with you about the importance of faith formation and becoming better informed at this stage, as I said in my last post. This is very important.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on the matter, and they are what I believe, though I know I might be wrong.