Really down on being Catholic

[OneAugustKnight]

OneAugustKnight

What is your idea on what a Catholic is suppose to be?

Jim

Someone who repents of his/her sins and tries to emulate Christ.

The ones who are good at that attract others because their virtue helps increase the spirituality of those around them.

Those who are at least trying to be good Catholics are always trying to reach out to others (helping them out with regular stuff). This is what I thought I was like.

The Catholics that are lukewarm seem to center more around the needs of their immediate family and established friendships. But when they meet somebody they click with they invite them into their lives.

The lapsed Catholics seem pretty okay with everybody, but they think religious people weird.

Catholics in general avoid people who are:

1. Completely annoying
2. Bizarre in a mediocre and uninteresting way
3. Notoriously corrupt

If there is something people don’t like about me it sure would be charitable of my husband or someone at my parish to clue me in so I could work on it.

People at this forum seem to assume I have a shyness problem, but I do talk to lots of people and remember their names and do them favors and try to get involved with things.

I make a special effort to be friendly without being pushy and have no problem being an Indian, since this parish has plenty of Chiefs and plenty of fellowship activities.

I just haven’t clicked with any Catholics and I went through RCIA for 2 and a half years at 4 different parishes in 3 different states. This is my 5th parish since I started this process and I haven’t met anyone who even would like to get a cup of coffee now and then and just shoot the breeze.

I’m going to try to make it to Mass tomorrow morning so I can talk to Father about this I suppose. Thanksgiving is coming up so quickly and it would really be nice if it were more than just me and the children, although it’s probably too late to establish a friendship where we would be invited over anywhere.

 

[Tonks40]

As a two-year revert back to the Church, I, too, don’t have any friends that I can “click” with and go out with in my parish. I don’t fret too much about it because the thing that warms my heart more than anything is the fact that I’m in a body of believers who worship, believe, and think like I do when it comes to worshiping God. To me, that is the greatest gift that can strengthen my own faith, which it has.

I do have a nice little group of people that I meet with for Lenten Bible studies - and it’s good to share about our faith journeys. But this group only meets during Lent. Otherwise, my primary focus is to continue in following Our Lord and his commands, and allowing the Holy Spirit, which resides in me, to move me along.

 

[Rebelecka]

I pretty much have the same problem as far as clicking with specifically Catholic folks. I click with some of those who have the same interests as I do…and I have some pretty unusual interests

For myself, part of the problem seems to be that I am not the standard, usual wife, mother, female. My husband likes to cook, so he’s the cook of the house. I work nights (in fact, I’m at work right now!) I make more money than my husband. I’m a martial artist. I run a youth organization. I’m outspoken. I am more than just a womb. (opps, sorry, my irritation came out:blush: ) In other words, I don’t fit the “traditional” female role. My friends are as varied as my interests. They know that I am Catholic but wether they are or not isn’t the most important thing to me. My friends are moral and good people who accept me as I am.

I’m hoping that my rambling on can give you an idea of possiblities for adjusting and finding new friends.

God bless you, and keep you!

 

[thecoach]

Someone who repents of his/her sins and tries to emulate Christ.

The ones who are good at that attract others because their virtue helps increase the spirituality of those around them.

Those who are at least trying to be good Catholics are always trying to reach out to others (helping them out with regular stuff). This is what I thought I was like.

The Catholics that are lukewarm seem to center more around the needs of their immediate family and established friendships. But when they meet somebody they click with they invite them into their lives.

The lapsed Catholics seem pretty okay with everybody, but they think religious people weird.

Catholics in general avoid people who are:

1. Completely annoying
2. Bizarre in a mediocre and uninteresting way
3. Notoriously corrupt

If there is something people don’t like about me it sure would be charitable of my husband or someone at my parish to clue me in so I could work on it.

People at this forum seem to assume I have a shyness problem, but I do talk to lots of people and remember their names and do them favors and try to get involved with things.

I make a special effort to be friendly without being pushy and have no problem being an Indian, since this parish has plenty of Chiefs and plenty of fellowship activities.

I just haven’t clicked with any Catholics and I went through RCIA for 2 and a half years at 4 different parishes in 3 different states. This is my 5th parish since I started this process and I haven’t met anyone who even would like to get a cup of coffee now and then and just shoot the breeze.

I’m going to try to make it to Mass tomorrow morning so I can talk to Father about this I suppose. Thanksgiving is coming up so quickly and it would really be nice if it were more than just me and the children, although it’s probably too late to establish a friendship where we would be invited over anywhere.

I can relate somewhat to what you are going through. In my experience, parishes as a whole are not overly welcoming. I have been in three parishes in my life, and as much as I tried to get involved, if you werent in the clique, then you were made to feel like an outsider. This is a common occurence, and it is what drives many away from the church. What many Christian churches have on us is that they are much more welcoming, and it appears more caring. I even heard of some who didnt go to their church for a bit and the pastor would call or go over to their house. I dont remember when any priest would ask for me if I wasnt there.

 

[Starbuck1]

The Bible says that if you want a friend then you have to show yourself to be friendly. (sorry, don’t have time to look up the reference, but I believe it is in Proverbs).

When it seems that everyone is turning their backs on us then sometimes we need to look within ourselves to see if we have any responsibility in what is going on. As we do that we also need to ask God to reveal to us what is going on within us. The Holy Ghost is the Spirit of Truth. He can reveal our hearts.

Ken

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Duuuuude, stop getting yourself down! Ask God for the strength/motivation/whatever you need to be a better Catholic. Stop relying on yourself so much! Lighten up! You’ve come Home, you can receive the sacrament of the Eucharist EVERY WEEK and more often if you choose! Grace abounds around you! By whose standards are you a bad Catholic, anyway? Just your own perceptions, from your original post. There are all kinds in the Church, and not everyone is going to have tons of Catholic friends or know everything there is about the Church. Chin up!

 

[Beachcomber]

Hello, OneAugustKnight,

I know what you are going through. I’ve come back to the Church after a long absence and when I look back on the Protestant churches I attended, they were much more with the out-reach and fellowshipping. Took me quite a bit to actually meet and develop pleasant relationships with a few people.

A lot of the groups I was interested in, I got the same response as you did, that there was enough people and they didn’t need me. I know it is hard and frustrating, but persevere. I will be praying for you!

Also, stay connected here. There’s lots of nice people to talk with and learn from. I’m glad I did.

 

[Cathryn]

My neice had the same problem when she moved back east. She finally put up a card on the church bulletin board to start a get together time with a few other mothers and their kids at the local park. She had her phone number on it and a few moms called her and she got to know them. Talk to Father and ask if this is OK. He may even know a few people who would be interested.

 

[Belle10]

As a two-year revert back to the Church, I, too, don’t have any friends that I can “click” with and go out with in my parish.

I’ve been Catholic my whole life but I don’t have any friends at church either. I know the whole congregation is a famiy of believers, but as far as people I “click” with and do things with, there aren’t any.

I see the problem as this: I’m 28 with a 21-month old daughter, and there are very few people my age in church. Everyone is either quite elderly or too young. There are families, but their kids are too old to play with my DD yet too young to be my friends. It’s a difficult spot to be in, but I’ve just come to accept that for now, that’s how it is. Perhaps a little loneliness is something I (and others?) will just have to deal with – something to unite to Jesus’ loneliness during His journey to the cross.

I’m sure once my DD is in school (and if we are blessed with more children) I’ll meet more people (I hope so!).

As far as “being good at being Catholic,” WE ALL FALL SHORT. WE ALL SIN. WE ALL NEED TO BE BETTER AT IT! Don’t beat yourself up – go to confession, go to Mass, receive Holy Communion, and keep trying. Pray that Jesus will give you the strength and courage to be who you are meant to be. I know it’s hard when you don’t have a support system helping, but you’ve got Jesus – call on Him and you’ll be fine.

God bless! :hug1:

 

[shannyk]

What kind of thing can I join that is compatible with being a pregnant mother who hasn’t got a babysitter, and whose husband works away from home for one month, and is home 100% of the time the next month?

This is the same thing gazillions of women around the world do every day, week, month, years and years. Being Catholic applies universally; to everyone in every concieveable walk of life. You may not have to change as much as you think about your life to be what you’d consider to be a ‘good’ Catholic, you might just need to change how you view yourself. There are MANY mothers, doing exactly what you are, and many in even harder circumstances(think MARY!!), and that is one of the things you will find in Catholicism that you won’t find equaled ANYWHERE ELSE; the respect for the vocation of motherhood. Maybe you just need to really pray and think about what you have and what you are doing right NOW, and not worry so much about changing. Not every Catholic has the same means, or circumstances, but anyone can live out the Faith in it’s fullness no matter what.

If you are looking for friendship, I’d suggest Opus Dei groups for mom’s. Back in the day when I was little (I’m 31 now…) my mom was active with Opus Dei mothers groups. We’d go to confession (all the mom’s and ALL the kids which were many because no family had less than 6 children), mom’s would have prayer groups and kids would play, the list goes on. There is also the aspect of accepting some degree of solitude as a mom sometimes. But that’s OK…it can be a great time for personal reflecting or extra mommy kids time.

Another great thing to do would be to read about the lives of the Saints, specifically female ones and mothers. St. Gianna, St. Monica, St. Anne, all can be of inspiration to wives and mothers.

Don’t be so hard on yourself The fact that you are concerned about being a good Catholic shows you sincere, and God knows that

 

[Coreopisis]

I have been Catholic since Easter, and I really suck at it. I moved right after my initiation, and I haven’t made any Catholic friends here. My husband and his family have all fallen away from the Church. I can’t inspire them to come back.

I joined this message board so I could practice identifying with Catholics, make Catholic friends and learn more about the Church. But I have failed. I am such a worthless Catholic I can’t even make a Catholic friend on the internet.

Out of the wide variety of Catholics, none of them click with me. In fact, it seems everyone is either vaguely uninterested in me or they just don’t like me.

I am thinking I should not tell that I am Catholic and probably sit in the back during Mass because I really am not a credit to the Catholic faith.

I don’t know how I am going to manage another 50 years of this. I guess I just have to.

I’ve read through the posts quickly so hopefully I didn’t miss to much, It seems your problem isn’t Catholicism per sai it is more a desire for deep friendships.

Personally, I’ve lots of friends through my church BUT I went to grade school in my parish as did my parents AND my Grandparents, on both sides helped to physically build the church. There is a lot of history there and so it is inevitable that I know people and have friends.

Becoming friends with these other people was a matter of long term evolution. Friendships don’t happen quickly, they happen because you might have something in common with someone else nad after a year or two or sometimes more you start to become friends wiht them. I think you are being to hard on yourself and expecting it to come to quickly.

If you prefer to be friends with people in the parish you’re going to have to join some groups and have patience. Maybe join a prayer group, or bible study or what not. After you’ve been meeting with these people for about a year you can invite them all over for appetizers or something. Show them that you want to invite them into your life and they will reciprocate.

Meanwhile pray for some help making friends as well as patience. You need not worry so much. You’ll be fine.

Also, the more you post on this forum you’ll get to know us all better. Eventually you can reach out via private emails and so forth and start planting friendship seeds. But remember it will take a while for them to grow.

Hope this helps!
Sarah

 

[Miserissima]

What kind of thing can I join that is compatible with being a pregnant mother who hasn’t got a babysitter, and whose husband works away from home for one month, and is home 100% of the time the next month?

I heard a story recently of a young mother whose husband is in the military. She moved to New England, and she felt the same way. How I wished I could talk to her.

You can take the lead. Call your priest and say you’d like to start a young mother’s club. Perhaps name it after St. Gerard or St. Anne.

Have coffee/tea and donuts in the church hall or a room in the rectory. Children welcome, too! Start the meeting with a decade of the rosary. Then do “ice breaker” questions, like, “you are stranded on a desert island and only allowed three comfort items. What do you have?”

There doesn’t need to be formal Bible study, but set the a theme for each meeting: before you meet again, have each mother notice something that God has done in her life that she can sare next week. It could be a moment of thankfulness when looking at her baby, or it could be a moment of peace when going out shopping. Set up questions for the next meeting, too, like, “How do you manage to make time for yourself?” Or, “Who is your faviorite saint?”

The parish secretary will have some name of people she can call to say, “Mrs. Jones, this is Ms. Smith from Saint Winifred’s. The parish has just started a young mothers club. Mrs. Jones, your children are welcome to come with you, can we have tea and cookies! Can we look for you on Thursday morning in the parish hall?”

Here is a Mother’s Club in a parish with a year’s worth of activities. Soon, you’re going to have a small committee of women who will be your BFF professionally and socially.

Advertise for mentors in the bulletin: perhaps parents who are facing the empty-nest syndrome will want to come along and reminisce and offer advice.

Take the lead, and others will fall in line.

 

[theweeper]

MONICA,
i know exactly how you feel!. i am not shy. i can start and carry on a conversation with just about anyone. but making real friends is very difficult. i sometimes wonder if i am annoying to people or if i come off too strong. i dont know how to be a friend to people who already have friends and they dont particularly want a new one. it is as if i have to market myself as a really good friend that you dont already have. ha ha. sounds silly i know. something that has helped me is looking to people who are not so close to my age. they dont already a friend my age and i can fill the niche. this sounds weird so i’ll stop now.
i’ll pray for u and ur family.
and it looks like u have lots of forum friends now.
a really good friend u dont already have,
toni

 

[Mark_Robert]

I’m going to speak frankly. Catholics are notorious for being unfriendly. I don’t know why that is especially because we have the fullness of grace and wisdom but it’s true. Many protestant denominations are much better at fellowshipping and providing support groups than we Catholics. In that respect, Catholics have much to learn from their often more charitiable and supportive protestant brethern. People are not islands. They are deeply social and need networking to become strong and whole. This is especially applicable to the spiritual life and the many challenges it entails. WE NEED fellow brothers and sisters we can confide in and have support us through the many trials and challenges life throws our way. I’d say, if you can’t find the social support you need inside the church then find a protestant support group. I’m sure they would include a Catholic with open arms. As long as you’re going to Mass and remaining Catholic, I don’t see a problem there. We all go through similiar struggles in the spiritual life whether we are Catholic or Protestant.

 

[fin]

Monica,

I understand how you feel. I’ve been praying for good Catholic friends. I’ll pray for you too. Pray to St. Raphael for this intention.

It seems I haven’t met someone(in person) who is a devout Catholic; I don’t have anyone to talk with about the faith.

There are Catholics online, I am subscribed to a group; but I don’t feel like I like the crowd there. They seem so highbrow; and I disapprove of some of their friends; it’s like I think they’re not truly devout, but kinda fake.