Really scared, please help

[beckycmarie]

Palm Tree, on what authority other than your own opinion and your misinterpretation of the words of our Holy Father do you declare that demons do not exist? Your opinion is at odds with the Church, and therefore, heretical.

 

[seeker_of_God]

Yay, I’m really happy this thread returned. Everyone’s advice was so valuable to me.

I will say that I have slowly been overcoming that fear over the last several days. I hung up some more personal items in my room, including my crucifix and second rosary, to remind me of God’s love and protection. I’ve learned to surrender to God and trust in Him.

It’s certainly not perfect yet, but I’m seeing a lot of progress.

One thing i’ve learned is not to give up ground. When that fear strikes me at night, if I hang out and get to sleep, then it goes away and I sleep well. However, the times I have given up and went out into the living room, it only got worse when I tried to go back to bed. That’s what happened the night when I started this thread.

So learning to face my fears when they arise has been instrumental in overcoming them.

I do still want to talk to a priest just to be safe.

I’ve noticed some disturbing phenomena in my thoughts. Sometimes I hear or read something, and my mind jumps to something terrible, sometimes blasphemous. It’s not of my own will because I would never want to think about such a thing.

Also when I have an image or something in mind, often times it morphs into something frightening, kind of like a bad dream that I just can’t control.

Often times the fear is worst when I’m practicing the piano for some reason, though not all the time. Sometimes I wonder whether something is actively trying to hold me back.

Anyway that’s how things stand right now. Again I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful advice.

 

[trophybearer]

Yay, I’m really happy this thread returned. Everyone’s advice was so valuable to me.

I will say that I have slowly been overcoming that fear over the last several days. I hung up some more personal items in my room, including my crucifix and second rosary, to remind me of God’s love and protection. I’ve learned to surrender to God and trust in Him.

It’s certainly not perfect yet, but I’m seeing a lot of progress.

One thing i’ve learned is not to give up ground. When that fear strikes me at night, if I hang out and get to sleep, then it goes away and I sleep well. However, the times I have given up and went out into the living room, it only got worse when I tried to go back to bed. That’s what happened the night when I started this thread.

So learning to face my fears when they arise has been instrumental in overcoming them.

I do still want to talk to a priest just to be safe.

I’ve noticed some disturbing phenomena in my thoughts. Sometimes I hear or read something, and my mind jumps to something terrible, sometimes blasphemous. It’s not of my own will because I would never want to think about such a thing.

Also when I have an image or something in mind, often times it morphs into something frightening, kind of like a bad dream that I just can’t control.

Often times the fear is worst when I’m practicing the piano for some reason, though not all the time. Sometimes I wonder whether something is actively trying to hold me back.

Anyway that’s how things stand right now. Again I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful advice.

The Holy Fathers do teach that the demons will suggest all manner of blasphemous thoughts to us, especially during prayer or when trying to focus on God in an attempt to turn our attention from God by presenting fantasies or otherwise just disturbing and troubling our soul. Don’t become upset or troubled: these thoughts do not come from you, but from the demons. As quickly as they come avail yourself of the sign of the cross and return your attention toward God. Don’t be afraid, the demons are like gnats flying around one’s head- more of an annoyance than anything when you realize how powerless they are against the sign of the cross and the Name of the Lord. Take courage!

That said, have you ever suffered from anxiety or possibly obsessive compulsive disorder? I ask because you mention it happening even during mundane things like playing piano. Unwanted and/or disturbing thoughts are often part of the parcel that comes with OCD, and OCD is common in people suffering from one anxiety disorder or another. The spiritual struggle is very real but you might consider consulting a doctor. Overactive imagination is not entirely out of the question either and I think particularly introverted persons might be especially prone to that.

 

[Linda_Marie]

From the Catechism:

II. THE FALL OF THE ANGELS

391 Behind the disobedient choice of our first parents lurks a seductive voice, opposed to God, which makes them fall into death out of envy.266 Scripture and the Church’s Tradition see in this being a fallen angel, called “Satan” or the “devil”.267 The Church teaches that Satan was at first a good angel, made by God: "The devil and the other demons were indeed created naturally good by God, but they became evil by their own doing."268

392 Scripture speaks of a sin of these angels.269 This “fall” consists in the free choice of these created spirits, who radically and irrevocably rejected God and his reign. We find a reflection of that rebellion in the tempter’s words to our first parents: "You will be like God."270 The devil “has sinned from the beginning”; he is “a liar and the father of lies”.271

393 It is the irrevocable character of their choice, and not a defect in the infinite divine mercy, that makes the angels’ sin unforgivable. "There is no repentance for the angels after their fall, just as there is no repentance for men after death."272

394 Scripture witnesses to the disastrous influence of the one Jesus calls “a murderer from the beginning”, who would even try to divert Jesus from the mission received from his Father.273 "The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil."274 In its consequences the gravest of these works was the mendacious seduction that led man to disobey God.

395 The power of Satan is, nonetheless, not infinite. He is only a creature, powerful from the fact that he is pure spirit, but still a creature. He cannot prevent the building up of God’s reign. Although Satan may act in the world out of hatred for God and his kingdom in Christ Jesus, and although his action may cause grave injuries - of a spiritual nature and, indirectly, even of a physical nature- to each man and to society, the action is permitted by divine providence which with strength and gentleness guides human and cosmic history. It is a great mystery that providence should permit diabolical activity, but "we know that in everything God works for good with those who love him."275

Here it specifically teaches that demons are fallen angels. The Catechism teaches that they are created beings of pure spirit capable of acting in the world.

If you want to know what else it says about demons, go to this site scborromeo.org/ccc.htm and type demons in the search bar.

I don’t think Palm Tree is trying to insult you. He just doesn’t believe in the evil supernatural and views it as superstition. I think he is trying in his own way, to help you; to keep you from being scared. He certainly has gotten your dander up and is making you angry instead of afraid so that is a help. Direct that anger towards your fear and refuse to let it have any power over you. Christ has won the victory. You are washed in His Precious Blood.

He does have a point about all of us jumping in immediately and saying, without any investigation, that this is definitely demonic activity. That is why my first recommendation was to see a priest about it. I think it is highly likely from what you describe so I gave you the tools, things you can do, that I use to combat it, having experienced it myself. It is not superstition but faith in God, in Christ’s victory over sin and death.

Furthermore, nothing of what we have recommended is against any Church practice or teaching. Indeed, most of it is what we should be doing all the time anyway. If there were anything wrong with the pious use of sacramentals, the Church would have fobidden them long ago and we would have no holy water fonts at the entrance to the church. One of the first sacramentals, I think, were the pieces of cloth that had been touched by Paul that were used to heal people so the use goes right back to the scriptures.

I don’t know if you play any sacred music, or sing at all, but it might be time to start. There is a lot of good classical sacred music out there. I would recommend that you start and end your practice with a hymn to God. Offer your practice to Him in praise. (just say something like, Father, I offer You my practice today. May I play well for the praise and glory of Your Name. I ask this in the Name of Jesus, Amen)

So glad to hear that you are getting some relief. I’m continuing to pray for you.

 

[seeker_of_God]

The Holy Fathers do teach that the demons will suggest all manner of blasphemous thoughts to us, especially during prayer or when trying to focus on God in an attempt to turn our attention from God by presenting fantasies or otherwise just disturbing and troubling our soul. Don’t become upset or troubled: these thoughts do not come from you, but from the demons. As quickly as they come avail yourself of the sign of the cross and return your attention toward God. Don’t be afraid, the demons are like gnats flying around one’s head- more of an annoyance than anything when you realize how powerless they are against the sign of the cross and the Name of the Lord. Take courage!

Thank you. I will do that.

That said, have you ever suffered from anxiety or possibly obsessive compulsive disorder? I ask because you mention it happening even during mundane things like playing piano. Unwanted and/or disturbing thoughts are often part of the parcel that comes with OCD, and OCD is common in people suffering from one anxiety disorder or another. The spiritual struggle is very real but you might consider consulting a doctor. Overactive imagination is not entirely out of the question either and I think particularly introverted persons might be especially prone to that.

I do have some anxiety, but not really OCD, though I do have some compulsions, but not nearly as serious as they were when I was younger.

The thoughts I was talking about doesn’t come with playing the piano. That is usually when reading something of a religious nature, praying, or just when laying in bed. But there is that fear as I’ve been talking about throughout this thread, also when I am at the piano, which I should mention is in my room as well.

It’s hard to explain what exactly I feel with that, though. It is often intermittent, and though I try to ignore it, it often bothers me enough that I start to make mistakes.

Well a big part of it I think is that I’m blind and can’t see what’s around me, which can be frightening when I’m alone. But the fears are irrational, and I didn’t always have them.

And that doesn’t even take into account the sensory experience I have of these things again as previously mentioned.

 

[seeker_of_God]

From the Catechism:

Here it specifically teaches that demons are fallen angels. The Catechism teaches that they are created beings of pure spirit capable of acting in the world.

If you want to know what else it says about demons, go to this site scborromeo.org/ccc.htm and type demons in the search bar.

Thank you. I’ve been learning a lot about it as well from this book I’ve been listening to. It comforts me as well because none of this is as serious as the types of diabolical influences the book is talking about.

I don’t think Palm Tree is trying to insult you. He just doesn’t believe in the evil supernatural and views it as superstition. I think he is trying in his own way, to help you; to keep you from being scared. He certainly has gotten your dander up and is making you angry instead of afraid so that is a help. Direct that anger towards your fear and refuse to let it have any power over you. Christ has won the victory. You are washed in His Precious Blood.

Thanks. I usually try not to get so defensive, but it’s tough when someone tells me that my experience with this for the last 8 years was all in my imagination.

He does have a point about all of us jumping in immediately and saying, without any investigation, that this is definitely demonic activity. That is why my first recommendation was to see a priest about it. I think it is highly likely from what you describe so I gave you the tools, things you can do, that I use to combat it, having experienced it myself. It is not superstition but faith in God, in Christ’s victory over sin and death.

Furthermore, nothing of what we have recommended is against any Church practice or teaching. Indeed, most of it is what we should be doing all the time anyway. If there were anything wrong with the pious use of sacramentals, the Church would have fobidden them long ago and we would have no holy water fonts at the entrance to the church. One of the first sacramentals, I think, were the pieces of cloth that had been touched by Paul that were used to heal people so the use goes right back to the scriptures.

Thanks. I agree.

I don’t know if you play any sacred music, or sing at all, but it might be time to start. There is a lot of good classical sacred music out there. I would recommend that you start and end your practice with a hymn to God. Offer your practice to Him in praise. (just say something like, Father, I offer You my practice today. May I play well for the praise and glory of Your Name. I ask this in the Name of Jesus, Amen)

I don’t know any hymns. Maybe if I finish the pieces I have to learn for college for next semester, I can learn something.

I do try to remember to pray before my practice. But I’m never really sure what to say, so your suggestion really helps.

So glad to hear that you are getting some relief. I’m continuing to pray for you.

Thank you so much. I am very grateful.

It has been the case that I’ve occasionally been too afraid to pray a tnight before going to sleep. But I don’t want to stop doing that obviously. Fortunately I did pray last night.

 

[Shin]

Remember to trust in God above all else! Feel confident in His love and protection.

The only real harm that can be done is sin, nothing else should be feared. We should only be concerned about sinning because of some attack of the demons, not any of the barking and pranks.

The more prayer the better.

 

[danonwaveland]

I’ve noticed some disturbing phenomena in my thoughts. Sometimes I hear or read something, and my mind jumps to something terrible, sometimes blasphemous. It’s not of my own will because I would never want to think about such a thing.

God bless you, seeker. I used to – and occaisionally still do – have such problems at mass, even at the elevation during the consecration. I’ve heard of many people having this problem and recently heard a priest talking about this being a problem that some priests occaisionally encounter right before the consecration. The evil one works hard to discourage us.

I remember reading that St. Therese of Lisieux would sometimes be visited by a devil while she was sleeping. Awakening from her sleep, she would look at the devil and say something like, ‘oh, it’s only you,’ and then turn over and go back to sleep. While I don’t have that courage just yet, it does illustrate the point that the evil one has no power over us when we are under the protection of our Lord and His mother.

I also remember reading that St. Pio used to be attacked by devils. They worked overtime on that saint and caused him some suffering. Yet, his perseverence glorified God. So you are not alone in these sufferings. Hang in there.

Remember that the Lord knows you are a seeker seeking Him. He knows your heart and your desire to know, love and serve Him more and more each day. And just remember that, before you were created, He knew all the mistakes you’d make, all the ways you’d fall short of His plans for you, and all the pain He would suffer in His Passion and Death for you. In spite of all that, He still created you, knowing the pain He’d suffer for you. So, you must be very precious and dear to Him. Remember that. Call on Him and He will be there for you, even at times you do not percieve Him.

God bless,
Dan

 

[seeker_of_God]

God bless you, seeker. I used to – and occaisionally still do – have such problems at mass, even at the elevation during the consecration. I’ve heard of many people having this problem and recently heard a priest talking about this being a problem that some priests occaisionally encounter right before the consecration. The evil one works hard to discourage us.

I remember reading that St. Therese of Lisieux would sometimes be visited by a devil while she was sleeping. Awakening from her sleep, she would look at the devil and say something like, ‘oh, it’s only you,’ and then turn over and go back to sleep. While I don’t have that courage just yet, it does illustrate the point that the evil one has no power over us when we are under the protection of our Lord and His mother.

I also remember reading that St. Pio used to be attacked by devils. They worked overtime on that saint and caused him some suffering. Yet, his perseverence glorified God. So you are not alone in these sufferings. Hang in there.

Thank you so much. I just worry sometimes whether I am under God’s protection because of the times I have sinned in the past. I am trying to improve and am making a lot of progress, but still I fall sometimes, and I cannot confess since I’ve not gone through RCIA yet. I do say the act of contrition, though, but is that enough? I have totally rejected the sins I’ve committed in the past.

Remember that the Lord knows you are a seeker seeking Him. He knows your heart and your desire to know, love and serve Him more and more each day. And just remember that, before you were created, He knew all the mistakes you’d make, all the ways you’d fall short of His plans for you, and all the pain He would suffer in His Passion and Death for you. In spite of all that, He still created you, knowing the pain He’d suffer for you. So, you must be very precious and dear to Him. Remember that. Call on Him and He will be there for you, even at times you do not percieve Him.

God bless,
Dan

Thank you. That means mroe to me than you can know.

I know all of this, because I’ve experienced God’s love for myself. I just forget it sometimes.

God was there for me when I was out on my own in a new place, trying to find my way around and find my place there. He was there for me when I had no idea how I’d make it through, and everything always worked out. Even when I doubt and vere off the path, he is patient and leads me back. I keep forgetting, though. It is hard to trust and have faith.

Sorry to go off topic momentarily, but if I could ask anyone to please pray for me. I am really trying to find a reliable way to get to mass, and I’d really like to start going again this Sunday. I haven’t been to mass for months, and I think it’d do so much for me if I went. However, none of my family goes to church, and I am dependent on someone to take me since I am blind. We’re trying to work something out.

 

[organdy]

My roommate bought a used couch a couple of months ago. I thought it was lovely, until a friend came by and said that she’d never want a used couch in her house because what if it’s full of bedbugs? After she left, I walked into the living room and saw the couch and immediately felt something on my back. I scratched my back and then my scalp started crawling and I had to scratch and scratch my head.

I’m not crazy, and I didn’t imagine the crawly or itchy feelings - the feelings were real, but they were also generated by my own thoughts and anxieties.

Obsessive, unwanted thoughts are common among those who suffer (even to a small degree) from OCD. Some people with OCD are heavy on the compulsions (handwashing, ritualistic touching, etc.) and for others, the emphasis is on the thoughts. It’s a pretty common tendency for people to have, and while I don’t suffer from this particular thing, I have friends who do. The unwanted thought tends to be the worst possible thing. Often new mothers with PPD will think about hurting their babies - not because they would ever do this, but because it’s the worst possible thought. Others will think of bizarre sexual or scatological things - because it’s the worst, grossest, most shameful thing their brains can come up with. Catholics, of course, think of blasphemous things, not because demons are planting bad thoughts in their minds, but because that’s how this thing works - you think of the thing that is most upsetting to you.

It might be helpful for you to read about this phenomena - although it would be best for you to share this with your health care provider.

 

[Matariel]

I’ve noticed some disturbing phenomena in my thoughts. Sometimes I hear or read something, and my mind jumps to something terrible, sometimes blasphemous. It’s not of my own will because I would never want to think about such a thing.

I know just what you’re going through. Although it’s happened a lot less since I recieved my First Holy Communion and entered the Church, I used to have the most obscene and blasphemous thoughts pop into my head, things that I’d never ever think about of my own accord. These thoughts usually came to me when I prayed, or most especially during the readings of the Gospel at Mass. Thankfully, it’s alot better now.

 

[seeker_of_God]

Thanks everyone.

My question is, well, can I still look to God for his love and protection when I have not been able to go to confession yet, since I’ve not finished RCIA?

Sometimes I still think of certain sins i’ve forgotten about, and I beg God for forgiveness and pray an act of contrition. But I don’t know if it’s enough.

 

[Shin]

Thanks everyone.

My question is, well, can I still look to God for his love and protection when I have not been able to go to confession yet, since I’ve not finished RCIA?

Sometimes I still think of certain sins i’ve forgotten about, and I beg God for forgiveness and pray an act of contrition. But I don’t know if it’s enough.

You can look to God for love and protection.

Try to do perfect acts of contrition. Keep learning and studying the Faith, the saints, and learn to pray often.

‘Oh, what ineffable love for humankind! He brought us from non-existence into existence; when we had fallen, he raised us up again; he has granted us a third grace: monastic completeness; and though we are still sinning, he does not therefore turn away, but he draws near and consoles us when we are afflicted, encourages us when we are sorrowing, massages us when we are running, strengthens us when enfeebled and heals us when wounded; and when we are about to fall into pit of Hell itself, he goes ahead and snatches us from dangers in his love for humankind; so that it would be appropriate for each of us to say, If the Lord had not helped me, my soul had almost dwelt in Hell [Ps.93:17]. And I was thrust down and overthrown so as to fall, and the Lord came to my assistance [Ps. 117:13]. And each one knows the temptations into which they have fallen, and how they have at once found the good God to be their helper in their afflictions.’

St. Theodore the Studite

 

[Linda_Marie]

Thanks everyone.

My question is, well, can I still look to God for his love and protection when I have not been able to go to confession yet, since I’ve not finished RCIA?

Sometimes I still think of certain sins i’ve forgotten about, and I beg God for forgiveness and pray an act of contrition. But I don’t know if it’s enough.

You have been Baptised and although you have sinned since, you have turned back to Him. You have repented and you would confess if the priest would hear it. You have the desire, deep in your soul, to be reconciled. It is through obedience to the authority left by Christ that you have not confessed. God loves obedience. This is enough at this time since you are following the instructions of the Church. Talk to your priest about this.

I earlier recommended that you read St. Faustina’s Diary. She is the one who brought us the Devotion to the Divine Mercy. I also suggest that you learn the Divine Mercy Chaplet, to pray along with the Rosary.

Jesus said later to Sister Faustina:

“Say unceasingly this chaplet that I have taught you. Anyone who
says it will receive great Mercy at the hour of death. Priests
will recommend it to sinners as the last hope. Even the most
hardened sinner, if he recites this Chaplet even once, will
receive grace from My Infinite Mercy. I want the whole world to
know My Infinite Mercy. I want to give unimaginable graces to
those who trust in My Mercy…”
ewtn.com/devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm

Remember that we are praying for you too.

Father,God of All that is, seen and unseen, may Your Name be praised,

I ask that Your loving protection be over seeker of God.
Through Christ our Lord.
Amen

Sweet Mary, Queen of Angels,
I beseech thee to send your angels to defend seeker of God in this time of trial.

 

[seeker_of_God]

Oh, Linda Marie, thank you so very much. I am very grateful for your prayers.

I will definitely learn the Divine Mercy Chaplet.

Thanks,
Brandon

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

My dear friend

I’ve heard people tell stories like yours. It must be very painful being blind. The first thing you must do is confess every tiny little thing of an occult nature even if you do it 1 hour per week until done. This website is very good for help here too saint-mike.org/spcdc/default.asp it’s exactly what you need. I’m sorry if I doubled up on any posts.

I’ll pray for you.

God bless you
John

 

[seeker_of_God]

Sorry to bring up this thread, but I have a notable update.

I did my first confession last week, and of course confessed my occult activities in the past. I have been noticing for the last few days that my fear is all but completely gone as well as the things I was feeling.

I felt such peace come over me after my first confession. I was away at a retreat at the time, but nothing has returned even after coming home again.

 

[Victorious]

Sorry to bring up this thread, but I have a notable update.

I did my first confession last week, and of course confessed my occult activities in the past. I have been noticing for the last few days that my fear is all but completely gone as well as the things I was feeling.

I felt such peace come over me after my first confession. I was away at a retreat at the time, but nothing has returned even after coming home again.

Excellent. Keep up the good work, and pray the Rosary every day! Also, may I recommend the Brown Scapular and the Miraculous Medal, as well as the observance of the Nine First Fridays and the Five First Saturdays.

Hell and its denizens are real, as set forth in Scripture, and also as many saints have attested. It is incredible that we should have spent the last 40-50 years divesting ourselves of necessary weapons and protections against hell, such as the Rosary, the St. Michael prayer and various sacramentals, but we did. It is especially amazing when you stop and think about the horrors that hell had vomited forth in the previous 50 years, giving us absolutely nothing upon which to base such complacency. Fortunately, however, these weapons and protections are making a comeback, and we need them now more than ever.

P.S. I have supplies of holy water at home and at the office. During Lent, I also carry holy water in the car, in case I find a holy water font that is filled with sticks/stones/sand/nothing.

 

[mujacko2002]

Mabuhay!

God’s love goes beyond measure. As I sail through life, i am just blessed that God always remind me that He is OMNIPOTENT, OMNIPRESENT and OMNISCIENCE and i always forget this especially when i am having crisis in my life.

Godbless us always.

 

[seeker_of_God]

Excellent. Keep up the good work, and pray the Rosary every day! Also, may I recommend the Brown Scapular and the Miraculous Medal, as well as the observance of the Nine First Fridays and the Five First Saturdays.

Hell and its denizens are real, as set forth in Scripture, and also as many saints have attested. It is incredible that we should have spent the last 40-50 years divesting ourselves of necessary weapons and protections against hell, such as the Rosary, the St. Michael prayer and various sacramentals, but we did. It is especially amazing when you stop and think about the horrors that hell had vomited forth in the previous 50 years, giving us absolutely nothing upon which to base such complacency. Fortunately, however, these weapons and protections are making a comeback, and we need them now more than ever.

P.S. I have supplies of holy water at home and at the office. During Lent, I also carry holy water in the car, in case I find a holy water font that is filled with sticks/stones/sand/nothing.

Thanks!

Well, I was just enrolled in the Confraternity of the Brown Scapular last Thursday, when I was at my retreat. I just realized that was only one week before the memorial of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. I think she is trying to get my attention.

I have a rosary, but don’t yet pray it, though I want to begin. There are just so many things to do; I just started doing the Liturgy of the Hours as well while on the retreat, and decided to continue it as I got home. I absolutely love doing that. Especially Compline is so peaceful and makes me feel like God is watching over me as I sleep, just as the concluding prayer says.

I have a miraculous metal. I have had it for a while, but just got it blessed while on the retreat.

The 1st Fridays and Saturdays is something I’ll have to look into. I had heard about them but not looked into it much.

Thanks again.

One thing I don’t have is holy water. I don’t know how I can obtain some.