Reasonable Standards

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sanctamaria17 said:
CS, I send you a hug for Valentine’s Day then. If only you lived in my area…I’d be up for chocolate and appropriate beverages 😃

I do have to work on Valentine’s Day. All day. I remind myself that I am making money for a love, my love of travel…

Remember, the ways of the world are not God’s ways. God looks in the heart.
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I second the hug! Happy Valentines day!
 
sanctamaria17 said:
CS, I send you a hug for Valentine’s Day then. If only you lived in my area…I’d be up for chocolate and appropriate beverages 😃

I do have to work on Valentine’s Day. All day. I remind myself that I am making money for a love, my love of travel…

Remember, the ways of the world are not God’s ways. God looks in the heart.
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Sends hug One of my friends are going to celebrate “Singles Awareness Day”.
 
I WISH I could take you to my church! They’re having a singles awareness day pub crawl!
 
CountrySinger said:
That is AWESOME! 😃 My church needs so need to do that. I’m so suggesting it at bible study tonight!
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DO IT!!!

“Where ere the Catholic sun doth shine, there’s always laughter and good red wine.”

My priest said he’ll keep Confessions open for afterward 😃
 
sanctamaria17 said:
DO IT!!!

“Where ere the Catholic sun doth shine, there’s always laughter and good red wine.”

My priest said he’ll keep Confessions open for afterward 😃
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I am so doing it! I was even thinking of having a get together at my apartment (my young adult group isn’t that large), and have a night if Wii, alcohol and fun.
 
CountrySinger said:
This guy is a former Catholic, who hates the religion. So it makes it difficult. :eek: I would have to sneak around to go to Mass.
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For me, that would be THE deal breaker. It shows a lack of respect for you and how dare he forbid you to practice whatever religion you choose. No, this is a mistake waiting to happen.

Since I’m here, I think you’re focusing on your appearance and should just stop that. Your looks will change over the years. If your attraction is built on that, you’re going to be disappointed at some point. Look inside the man, not at the outside. You don’t want to be repelled, of course, but pretty just isn’t important, and those who think it is are not worth your time or trouble.

Last thought. Don’t ever think that any man is better than no man. Just ain’t so.
 
daeve said:
For me, that would be THE deal breaker. It shows a lack of respect for you and how dare he forbid you to practice whatever religion you choose. No, this is a mistake waiting to happen.

Since I’m here, I think you’re focusing on your appearance and should just stop that. Your looks will change over the years. If your attraction is built on that, you’re going to be disappointed at some point. Look inside the man, not at the outside. You don’t want to be repelled, of course, but pretty just isn’t important, and those who think it is are not worth your time or trouble.

Last thought. Don’t ever think that any man is better than no man. Just ain’t so.
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I’m not looking for a gorgeous man. I was saying that since I’m not beautiful I shouldn’t expect anything higher than my station in life. 🙂 I want a guy who is kind, smart, funny, etc. But since I’m not a beautiful woman, my chances of landing a good guy are slim. Because all the guys with great personalities seem to want a model.
 
CountrySinger said:
I’m not looking for a gorgeous man. I was saying that since I’m not beautiful I shouldn’t expect anything higher than my station in life. 🙂 I want a guy who is kind, smart, funny, etc. But since I’m not a beautiful woman, my chances of landing a good guy are slim. Because all the guys with great personalities seem to want a model.
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Guys will like you more if you like yourself more-not saying you don’t-but start thinking that your beautiful.I assure you that your way more attractive then you think. I’ve always had a theroy that the prettiest woman think they are the most unattractive, and vice versa.

I date a fair amount, no one I would call my girlfriend. I ove, love, love a girl with an ego-we go well together.
 
*Countrysinger…oh no! Not this type of thread, again. :ouch: 😃 Sigh…you are a worthwhile person, don’t ever forget that. And don’t cave to the guy who is anti-Catholic, wanting you back…be strong, and know that you don’t have to ever settle. :tsktsk: You **will ***be happily married someday, not settling, and he will be a devout Catholic. Keep repeating that…😉 :hug1:
 
CountrySinger said:
I was talking with a friend about dating, how much it stinks, and being alone. I personally think that as a woman gets older, they are less desirable and less valuable in the dating market (come on, I can’t compete with hot young things). There are qualities that are pluses (hotness, money, power, charisma) and minuses (not being hot, not a lot money, no power, shyness). If a person doesn’t have very many good qualities, then they can’t expect to have a mate that is very good. You only attract quality if you have have lots to bring to a relationship. For example, I’m overweight (bad), 28 (bad, for a woman), smart (good or bad), have a bachelors degree (good), witty (good or bad), not conventially attractive (VERY BAD). So my standards shouldn’t be to marry a good Catholic man who is attractive. I should be happy with someone who isn’t very attractive and somewhat smart.
And people say I shouldn’t have low standards, and should hold out for a great man. But if I don’t posess high value qualities, I won’t get a man who has the qualities I’m holding out for. If I were better looking, I could find a better man, and barring plastic surgery, that isn’t going to happen. And being alone is not an option for me.
In the end, what is resonable? Is it even realistic for some single people to have high standards?
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Why do you think 28 is too old? In Canada the average age of marriage for a woman is early thirties. Didn’t you say you’ll be going to grad school? Highly educated people tend to marry later than average anyway. There’ll be plenty of unmarried male Ph.D. students around.
 
flyingfish said:
Why do you think 28 is too old? In Canada the average age of marriage for a woman is early thirties. Didn’t you say you’ll be going to grad school? Highly educated people tend to marry later than average anyway. There’ll be plenty of unmarried male Ph.D. students around.
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Not in my program (special education/elementary education). It’s 90% female, and the men are either married, gay, or old. 😛 I’m in the wrong career!
 
CountrySinger said:
Not in my program (special education/elementary education). It’s 90% female, and the men are either married, gay, or old. 😛 I’m in the wrong career!
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But won’t you be attending a big university with other grad programs? Take up an interest in physics, computer science, math and so on and go to a few of their social events. There will tend to be a few, probably every week with guest lecturers giving talks, followed by food and conversation among the attendees. They’re generally open to everyone and the majority of people there will be male. Even if you absolutely hate math and technical fields, physics talks can still be very fun.

Also, maybe even join school clubs, there are bound to be plenty of men there. Book club, ski club, gun club I don’t know! Just some ideas. Martial arts is a good way to meet men too, and you’ll be physically close to them haha (and they’ll be hot!).
 
Facebook is fun. Now in my 40s I can see how everyone turned out.

You’d be surprised how some average guys have gotten hotter during the years, and some hotties have really “disappointed.”

Eventually everyone looks the same.

It’s not about looks. And you’re hung up on yours. That communicates to guys as desperation.

Start telling yourself “I’m delightful!”

It will become so.

A lot of guys are tired of “hot model” types after a while who are too busy picking at a $40 dinner to enjoy it because they don’t want to gain weight, or too fixated on how they look. Some like a woman who is comfortable with herself. Then she is comfortable to be around.

DO NOT TRADE ON THE FAITH JUST TO HAVE A MAN. Take it from me, it ends badly.

Go have that party at your place. Be known as someone who is fun to be around. Guys love fun girls. If you are kind, outgoing, loving, you will become more beautiful to the man who gets to know you.
 
A positive attitude, cheerful disposition, and good self esteem will get you much farther than you think. If you think you need to lower the bar and settle, maybe you should try spending your Friday evenings in therapy rather than going out. Seriously.

I’ve spent my time in therapy. I did that before I ventured out into the dating world, following the end of a bad marriage. I am in my 40’s and a single mother of 4, and when I did start to date, it wasn’t difficult to find good men who were interested, including younger men with good careers. I had a list of what I was looking for and am happily in a relationship with someone who met every point on my list, save one. I was probably wrong on that one thing anyhow.

My priest told me before I started dating to not settle. Good advice. I recommend it.
 
CountrySinger said:
I was talking with a friend about dating, how much it stinks, and being alone. I personally think that as a woman gets older, they are less desirable and less valuable in the dating market (come on, I can’t compete with hot young things). There are qualities that are pluses (hotness, money, power, charisma) and minuses (not being hot, not a lot money, no power, shyness). If a person doesn’t have very many good qualities, then they can’t expect to have a mate that is very good. You only attract quality if you have have lots to bring to a relationship. For example, I’m overweight (bad), 28 (bad, for a woman), smart (good or bad), have a bachelors degree (good), witty (good or bad), not conventially attractive (VERY BAD). So my standards shouldn’t be to marry a good Catholic man who is attractive. I should be happy with someone who isn’t very attractive and somewhat smart.
And people say I shouldn’t have low standards, and should hold out for a great man. But if I don’t posess high value qualities, I won’t get a man who has the qualities I’m holding out for. If I were better looking, I could find a better man, and barring plastic surgery, that isn’t going to happen. And being alone is not an option for me.
In the end, what is resonable? Is it even realistic for some single people to have high standards?
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My antennae are sensing that you are down on yourself again. I can’t really explain how I know. 😉 I just had a comment about how you view yourself. Being conventionally attractive is often a bad thing - but sometimes unusual is cool, too. Being 28 is often considered bad - but some men prefer mature women. You are right that smart and witty can be good or bad. So, a bunch of things can honestly be looked at as good or bad, using your best guess; but ask yourself what is more adaptive? Since you aren’t sure what is absolutely correct in a given situation, which opinion of yourself will get you farther? And by farther, I don’t mean just what will get you a date. I’m expressing myself poorly, but I’m talking about quality of life. Ok, gotta run.

Best,
Dakota
 
CountrySinger said:
I’m not looking for a gorgeous man. I was saying that since I’m not beautiful I shouldn’t expect anything higher than my station in life. 🙂 I want a guy who is kind, smart, funny, etc. But since I’m not a beautiful woman, my chances of landing a good guy are slim. Because all the guys with great personalities seem to want a model.
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:confused:

You are beautiful in the eyes of God…and marriage is supposed to help you see your spouse with those eyes…so stop setting these low expectations!! 😛

(No, really, I know where you’re coming from - I’m an overweight, unmarried, 28-year-old girl myself.) 😃
 
I have to agree with Lib as well. You see, my parents were somewhat outsiders when they were young. I’ve seen pictures, they were good looking, but my dad was sooooooo skinny and my mom hated that she was tall, dark and not petite, while all the “pretty girls” in her grade were little and blonde.

Turns out, my parents aged better than anyone in their class. They both eat healthy, work out a ton, and dress fashionably, but in clothes appropriate to their age, coloring, and build. They also are still pretty young, but are seeing me finish college, my sister start college, and my brother enter high school. So they’re at the point where they can enjoy things, since their kids are pretty self-sufficient (even in high school, we knew that if we wanted to do anything or go out, homework was to be done and our chores were to be completed. Sad it has to be a surprise in this day and age). They’re a lot healthier and a lot more relaxed now than when they were younger. I think it’s because they know they’ve been doing their best by us but also because they really grew into themselves and into their marriage.

I hope that, when I get married, I have something like my parents have. They encouraged each other to become better people and to take care of themselves. I think that’s why they are so attractive to others. I think that’s why the years were good to them.
 
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