Reasons I don't want to stay with my MIL

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EasterJoy said:
No, no, no. My apologies if I read you wrong, but you do not mean you are going to “out” your in-laws on Facebook, do you?!?

No. Your husband and his siblings ought to install smoke and CO detectors in his parents’ home and see to their maintenance, even if they have to pay someone else to do it. No airing the matter outside the family, though.
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I completely agree. All that “outing” your inlaws would do is start a family war, make you, Allegra look bad, and make it impossible for the family to ever forgive you for it. Never air family laundry in public like this, especially when the inlaws haven’t had a chance to hear any legitimate complaints nor had a chance to tell their side of the story. I agree with EasterJoy–NO! NO! NO! NO! don’t do it!!!
 
Della said:
I completely agree. All that “outing” your inlaws would do is start a family war, make you, Allegra look bad, and make it impossible for the family to ever forgive you for it. Never air family laundry in public like this, especially when the inlaws haven’t had a chance to hear any legitimate complaints nor had a chance to tell their side of the story. I agree with EasterJoy–NO! NO! NO! NO! don’t do it!!!
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Even if they fight you tooth and nail about it, you don’t say anything negative about anyone else on public media, especially not your immediate family and particularly not your parents. Just Don’t Do It. You take care of these matters privately, and protect their dignities, their reputations and their feelings.
 
EasterJoy said:
Even if they fight you tooth and nail about it, you don’t say anything negative about anyone else on public media, especially not your immediate family and particularly not your parents. Just Don’t Do It. You take care of these matters privately, and protect their dignities, their reputations and their feelings.
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Exactly. 👍
 
EasterJoy said:
Even if they fight you tooth and nail about it, you don’t say anything negative about anyone else on public media, especially not your immediate family and particularly not your parents. Just Don’t Do It. You take care of these matters privately, and protect their dignities, their reputations and their feelings.
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I don’t want to step in and speak for Allegra but…

I definitely read the "this is going on Facebook " comment to be in reference to the fact that the poster she was talking about shared info about nifty long life batteries for smoke detectors and not her intentions to go rant about the in-laws.
 
kwitz said:
I don’t want to step in and speak for Allegra but…

I definitely read the "this is going on Facebook " comment to be in reference to the fact that the poster she was talking about shared info about nifty long life batteries for smoke detectors and not her intentions to go rant about the in-laws.
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That is what I am hoping.

I would caution her, however, that an innocent post on Facebook for “informational” purposes can still get a defensive relative’s nose bent out of shape when they read it. When in doubt, don’t post it. It is far more sensible than to assume that your relatives will be sensible.
 
EasterJoy said:
No, no, no. My apologies if I read you wrong, but you do not mean you are going to “out” your in-laws on Facebook, do you?!?

No. Your husband and his siblings ought to install smoke and CO detectors in his parents’ home and see to their maintenance, even if they have to pay someone else to do it. No airing the matter outside the family, though.

When you have to take your parents in hand, so to speak, it must be done with great respect and sensitivity.

My son, take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him; revile him not in the fullness of your strength.
For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, it will serve as a sin offering - it will take lasting root.
In time of tribulation it will be recalled to your advantage, like warmth upon frost it will melt away your sins.
Sirach 3:12-15
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I just shared the link on facebook so that MIL could see it. I’m not her mother and she isn’t elderly or incapacitated. She can buy her own batteries or not.
 
EasterJoy said:
That is what I am hoping.

I would caution her, however, that an innocent post on Facebook for “informational” purposes can still get a defensive relative’s nose bent out of shape when they read it. When in doubt, don’t post it. It is far more sensible than to assume that your relatives will be sensible.
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Besides, I know for a fact that my MIL can’t possibly be offended by informational posts on facebook, as she posts one or two a week herself, often directly to my wall.
 
Allegra said:
Besides, I know for a fact that my MIL can’t possibly be offended by informational posts on facebook, as she posts one or two a week herself, often directly to my wall.
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That does not follow.
 
Allegra said:
It follows that she can’t really complain about one without being a major hypocrite.
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Yes, that follows…in a purely logical sense devoid of genuine understanding of the way people ordinarily react to such things.

People are not always logical or rational. People are routinely hypocritical. And people are routinely offended when others do things that they do themselves and that make them hypocrites.
 
underacloud said:
Yes, that follows…in a purely logical sense devoid of genuine understanding of the way people ordinarily react to such things.

People are not always logical or rational. People are routinely hypocritical. And people are routinely offended when others do things that they do themselves and that make them hypocrites.
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I highly doubt my MIL is really dying to be seen as a hypocrite.
 
Allegra said:
People of reasonable intelligence can usually predict when they’re going to be seen as a hypocrite though.
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People of reasonable intelligence don’t make their precious grandbabies sleep in basement firetraps with no functioning fire alarm or exit.
 
Xantippe said:
People of reasonable intelligence don’t make their precious grandbabies sleep in basement firetraps with no functioning fire alarm or exit.
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I suspect we’re dealing with selective intelligence. It’s a disorder that’s fairly common, though it seems to be more prevelant in males.
 
Allegra said:
Besides, I know for a fact that my MIL can’t possibly be offended by informational posts on facebook, as she posts one or two a week herself, often directly to my wall.
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I would never conclude that someone always ready to offer helpful advice could not possibly be offended to get any!! That rule doesn’t even hold water in face-to-face communication, LOL!!
 
We tend to stay in hotels when visiting family/friends because it’s just easier when you have kids.

We like having our own space when we are done visiting. It’s easier to be on your own schedule than someone else’s.
 
Well if you don’t like the surroundings just stay in hotel. If you can’t afford a hotel then let them know due the age of your children and hassle of traveling with young children they should visit you instead. I’m sure your MIL has her own list of stuff and may even prefer to have you stay in a hotel just feels it would be rude to suggest it. Other option would be to make your visits as short as possible. If you have young children that’s a good excuse to do so or even to stay in a hotel. Don’t carry a grudge or expect other people to change their whole lives around for you when your staying at their house. Be thankful they want to know you and be involved. Many families don’t have or let personal drama cause rifts. When you marry someone you marry the family as well at least that’s what my dad always said.🤷
 
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