Received 50 Shades of Grey as gift, now what?

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upbeatjonm

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Ok, at a birthday party, one gift from a cousin was the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Neither my wife nor I are interested in reading it (not our “thing”). The cousin is asking how we are enjoying it. What is the best response, without hurting feelings?
 
upbeatjonm said:
Ok, at a birthday party, one gift from a cousin was the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Neither my wife nor I are interested in reading it (not our “thing”). The cousin is asking how we are enjoying it. What is the best response, without hurting feelings?
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The answer will depend on a lot of factors: how close you are to this cousin, whether or not the cousin is Catholic (or Christian), your usual way of handling awkward situations, etc.

Options include “It was so thoughtful of you to give it to us!” and change the subject, or say that line but add “However, neither of us like at all the philosophy behind BDSM,” or perhaps even a very innocent (but only if you can deliver this line straight) “Well, to be honest, it’s a bit awkward, and I’m not sure how to go about this, but it seems to be a book about pornographic BDSM-style material. We figured it must have been a mistake, and we didn’t want to embarrass you, but since you brought it up…” and finish with a kind of embarrassed chuckle. I’d go with the last one, personally. It indicates your opinion of such rubbish without making the other person feel bad.
 
Yes, a fairly close cousin, who brings us on hunting trips to their farm. Nice people, just a strange gift. The birthday was the 50th, so hence the 50 Shades, but they actually enjoyed the books and thought we would also. very awkward.
 
UbiCaritas said:
Options include “It was so thoughtful of you to give it to us!”
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What, 50 shades of grey? Hope you’re kidding.

If you are willing to read this kind of immoral stuff, then read it and tell your sincere opinion. If in truth you do not read this, then just tell as nicely as possible that you simply don’t enjoy this kind of literature.
 
If you don’t want to state why you haven’t read the book, I’d say something along the lines that you just haven’t had the time to read it. And hope the subject doesn’t come up again. If it does, then I’d say why its not on your reading list, that its just not something you’re interested in reading. You should be able to say that you don’t like something without hurting a friend’s feelings…if its a true friendship.
 
Say, “I started it, but found it so awkward to read I had to put it down! Come on, man, I have a weak stomach!”

Be lighthearted about it.
 
upbeatjonm said:
Ok, at a birthday party, one gift from a cousin was the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Neither my wife nor I are interested in reading it (not our “thing”). The cousin is asking how we are enjoying it. What is the best response, without hurting feelings?
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That is what they make trash cans for. Or you could give it back and just be honest and say you aren’t interested in " all that. " Linus2nd
 
I am a librarian and I will even say, burn it or throw it away. There have been many libraries that have banned it from their shelves. Best policy, honesty. Tell them it’s just not something you’re into. I’m not getting the appeal of an abusive sexual relationship.
 
Throw the book away into the trash bin. Don’t give it to anyone. Be calm but also state to your cousin in a reasonable and kind way - The material written in the book isn’t compatible with your faith, and of course be sincere in why you won’t read it if they ask.

It’ll seem like an innocent little thoughtful gift but that book is the devil in terms of immorality and fleshly desires. Roast it up into the flames.
 
upbeatjonm said:
Ok, at a birthday party, one gift from a cousin was the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Neither my wife nor I are interested in reading it (not our “thing”). The cousin is asking how we are enjoying it. What is the best response, without hurting feelings?
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I’d say something like:

“It burned nicely for 20 minutes!..We cooked marshmallows and enjoyed them thoroughly!
They went up much easier that the National Catholic Reporter…”
 
upbeatjonm said:
Ok, at a birthday party, one gift from a cousin was the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. Neither my wife nor I are interested in reading it (not our “thing”). The cousin is asking how we are enjoying it. What is the best response, without hurting feelings?
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When someone gives you a novel for a gift, they are putting themselves out on a limb. They had better be ready to hear, “I’m sorry, but I could not get into it” or even “I’m sorry, but that was just awful.”

Burn the book, and look at the bright side: It wasn’t homemade art. Then you’d really be stuck.
 
Armor_of_Light said:
I’d say something like:

“It burned nicely for 20 minutes!..We cooked marshmallows and enjoyed them thoroughly!
They went up much easier that the National Catholic Reporter…”
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I think this response actually would cause some hurt feelings. It would for me at least if I had no idea that a gift had not been someone’s taste. There’s humor and then there’s just plain being snarky.
 
R_C said:
What, 50 shades of grey? Hope you’re kidding.

If you are willing to read this kind of immoral stuff, then read it and tell your sincere opinion. If in truth you do not read this, then just tell as nicely as possible that you simply don’t enjoy this kind of literature.
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It’s called being polite without actually committing yourself one way or the other on something. It’s difficult to explain, but, basically, if you are concerned that telling the obvious truth about the situation (“Why in the name of all that is holy did you give us a pornographic novel?!”) would adversely affect the relationship to the point where you won’t exactly be able to help such a person change their mind later on in the relationship, then you say something to fill the space but that doesn’t make a positive statement, then change the subject. Technically, it’s true: presumably the gift-giver gave the set of books in the hope that the recipient would enjoy them, so it was a thoughtful gift, however flawed the thinking.

ETA: As I said before, I’d probably go with the last response I posted rather than this one, in any case. Also, I’m firmly in the “burn it” camp–just don’t, obviously, tell the giver that.

Remember, this garbage is seen as “normal” by most of the population. If you don’t know the person all that well, then ranting about how immoral it is might feel good, but won’t win the person to your way of thinking. If, when my husband and I got married, a distant relative or a friend (who I’d never met) of my in-laws gave us a book on marriage which promoted birth control and immoral sexual activities, I probably wouldn’t want to have a detailed discussion of those subjects with someone I didn’t really know. I would utter the proverbial polite nothing (“It was so thoughtful of you to give it to us”) and leave it at that. Courtesy never harmed anyone. The OP has subsequently made it clear, however, that he’s rather closer to this cousin than that, so the point is moot, anyway. 🙂
 
How about “Well, we heard it had very graphic sexual themes and though it was nice of you to give us a gift, it’s really more intense than we prefer to read.” Surely people have heard that some people don’t like to read that particular series of books.

And then roast marshmallows but don’t tell her about that part. If she asks just say “It’s around here somewhere . . .” which would be sort of true since some of the ashes would remain in your fire pit. 😉 Now if you’re like me, you have a little clutter here and there so you can get away with that. If you’re total neatniks, you’re on your own! Good luck! 🤷
 
How embarassing. I would go with something like: “It was very kind of you to give me a present, but I’m not sure it’s really my thing” I would quietly bin it, but not say that’s what I’d done - that would be a bit rude. The emphasis should be on how kind it was of your cousin to get you anything.

No need to go on about it being a terrible book, or offending your religious sensibilities or it being fit only for the bonfire, you might come across as a tiny bit pompous.

I have a lovely cousin who buys all his gifts in pound shops (dollar stores?) and every Chistmas we all get a bundle of some wonderfully eclectic bits and pieces, ranging from “oh that’s nice” to “what’s this for?” Right now I’m looking at a mini fan that you plug into a usb port on the PC (quite useful) and a set of cds of punk rock (also good). My umbrella wasn’t so good, I walk with a stick and a shopping trolley so don’t have a hand free - His mother traded me the rain poncho she got! I always look forward to his gifts anyway, you can never guess what you might get!
 
JackieMom said:
Say, “I started it, but found it so awkward to read I had to put it down! Come on, man, I have a weak stomach!”

Be lighthearted about it.
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I vote for this response;short sweet to the point and then move on.
It’s just not the book for us; we appreciate the thought.
Mary.
 
Why would someone give you pornography for a gift? And why would you be uncomfortable telling someone you would prefer not to receive pornography in the future?

It’s not like they simply gave you a type of book you are not interested in-- a crime novel when you prefer cookbooks-- they gave you PORN.
 
I’d say something like,“I prefer to call it 50 shades of WTF?”

Or just say, “I’m pretty sure if I tried that stuff on my wife I’d end up spending the night in jail.”
 
Why do you have to lie at all with the responses?

How about.
“I’m not really interested in reading the book. Thanks for the gift.”

You could even add a suggestion that you like other types of books and give examples.
 
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