Receiving Communion as a couple

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My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years, I’m a revert (5 years ago) and my husband is now coming into the Church at the Easter Vigil.

Our question is about practical behavior. As he has been dismissing for about 3 years and I’ve been praying while kneeling, we haven’t really observed how married couples behave when going up for Communion. I realize that this is probably all very flexible and a matter of taste, but we would like to know what most people do.
  1. Do you stand beside each other the whole time, or maybe just while in line?
  2. Do you hold hands while in line, even if one is behind the other?
  3. Do you wait for your spouse behind you after you’ve received so that you can walk back to your pew together?
  4. If so, do you walk beside each other and hold hands then?
 
My husband and I act as individuals while receiving communion. In our parish, walking side-by-side in line would cause congestion in the aisles because they are narrow. It never occurred to me to try to hold his hand while in line or to stand together to receive. I don’t think I’ve observed other couples doing any of that before, either.
 
Thais said:
My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years, I’m a revert (5 years ago) and my husband is now coming into the Church at the Easter Vigil.

Our question is about practical behavior. As he has been dismissing for about 3 years and I’ve been praying while kneeling, we haven’t really observed how married couples behave when going up for Communion. I realize that this is probably all very flexible and a matter of taste, but we would like to know what most people do.
  1. Do you stand beside each other the whole time, or maybe just while in line?
  2. Do you hold hands while in line, even if one is behind the other?
  3. Do you wait for your spouse behind you after you’ve received so that you can walk back to your pew together?
  4. If so, do you walk beside each other and hold hands then?
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I am so happy that you and your husband will soon both in the Church 👍 Thanks be to God!

With regard to your questions:
  1. You walk in line single file just like all the other communicants.
  2. You do not hold hands at any time in line, or while receiving Communion.
  3. You might be able to wait for your husband, or he for you, without causing a traffic jam. But Communion is a time when you are intimately united with Christ, His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. In my humble opinion, you should be focused on that union, which is both unique and all too short. Your time of prayer after you receive Communion, while Jesus is still fully present in the host, should not be a time when you are talking with or touching your husband (e.g., holding hands). Just return to your place in silence and prayer.
  4. I’ve never seen any of the couples at my parish hold hands either to or from Communion. See my answer to #3 above.
God bless you and your husband in these final weeks before he is received into the Church!

Gertie
 
Thais said:
My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years, I’m a revert (5 years ago) and my husband is now coming into the Church at the Easter Vigil.

Our question is about practical behavior. As he has been dismissing for about 3 years and I’ve been praying while kneeling, we haven’t really observed how married couples behave when going up for Communion. I realize that this is probably all very flexible and a matter of taste, but we would like to know what most people do.
  1. Do you stand beside each other the whole time, or maybe just while in line?
  2. Do you hold hands while in line, even if one is behind the other?
  3. Do you wait for your spouse behind you after you’ve received so that you can walk back to your pew together?
  4. If so, do you walk beside each other and hold hands then?
Click to expand...
I’m not married, but as an EMHC, I have witnessed several married couples’ behavior when receiving Communion. I think the best witness is to those who walk in line alone and then walk up together and receive Communion as a couple. I smile whenever they come up to me because I believe it’s a valuable witness to the faith. They are showing their commitment to each other and bringing it to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. If I were ever married, this is how I would receive. 😉 In fact, Pre-Cana classes (from what my mother told me) talk about the importance of receiving Christ as a married person.
 
Thanks to both of you. That’s pretty much what we figured, since I do not recall ever seeing that, but I know I’m not very observant either.

My husband and I are just still in our honey moon, and used to holding hands everywhere, it’ll just take some getting used to it. I also think it will be a new level of maturity in our Marriage, realizing that we can be a couple without having to physically show it.

I also understand that the special “private audience” we get with Our Lord in the Eucharist must be enjoyed at its fullest. Jesus could never get in the way of a couple, or a spouse get in the way of the other’s relationship with Christ, but this is just a special moment where we meet Jesus, all the saints and even each other, in a more intimate, deep and mystical way than physical touch.
 
I have never seen couples hold hands while receiving Communion. This is not to say this would necessarily be wrong, but it generally just isn’t done. It would not be possible to do so in any case if either of you chose to receive the Host in your hands.
 
Just a suggestion. You might want to discuss in advance which of you will go first in the Communion line so that it’s not a surprise.

In many cases, it seems that the husband gestures for his wife to go first, and he follows. That’s fine. I think that’s the norm.

I feel very strongly that for me and my husband, it is right for HIM to go first. Back when we were in RCIA, he is the one who first decided to definitely commit to the Catholic Church. I was still struggling, and I told him, “You go ahead. Don’t wait for me.” And he said…I’m still touched by this…“Of course I’ll wait for you. I won’t leave you behind.”

I’m still so touched that he was willing to literally go to hell for me. (Just like that Robin Williams movie.)

So allowing him to go first in the line recalls this moment to both of us.

Secondly, he is the spiritual head of our home. Our children are grown up now, but when they are home, they can see that I submit to my husband in all things, and consider him the leader.

So whenever we join the line for Holy Communion, if he is not already in place to go first, I step back and gesture for him to go first, and he does.

You and your husband should do what is right for both of you. But talk about it in advance.
 
Who goes first (sorry, Abbott and Costello just came to my mind:)) should be determined by how you return to the pew.

In our parish we go up one aisle, receive, and return to our pew by crossing and going down another aisle, entering the pew at the opposite end. The first person out is the first person back in.

If, OTOH, you return by the same aisle you went up then it makes sense to allow the last person in the pew to go to Communion first and return first.
 
Phemie said:
Who goes first (sorry, Abbott and Costello just came to my mind:)) should be determined by how you return to the pew.

In our parish we go up one aisle, receive, and return to our pew by crossing and going down another aisle, entering the pew at the opposite end. The first person out is the first person back in.

If, OTOH, you return by the same aisle you went up then it makes sense to allow the last person in the pew to go to Communion first and return first.
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It doesn’t matter for me or my husband who sits where in the pew. We hang up our coats in the coat rack, and I usually don’t bring in a purse. So it really doesn’t matter even if for some reason, we end up in the wrong pew. (Yes, this has happened, usually because someone gets a little mixed up and goes for our pew, and then we find a different pew…like I said, it doesn’t matter.
 
Thais said:
My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years, I’m a revert (5 years ago) and my husband is now coming into the Church at the Easter Vigil.

Our question is about practical behavior. As he has been dismissing for about 3 years and I’ve been praying while kneeling, we haven’t really observed how married couples behave when going up for Communion. I realize that this is probably all very flexible and a matter of taste, but we would like to know what most people do.
  1. Do you stand beside each other the whole time, or maybe just while in line?
  2. Do you hold hands while in line, even if one is behind the other?
  3. Do you wait for your spouse behind you after you’ve received so that you can walk back to your pew together?
  4. If so, do you walk beside each other and hold hands then?
Click to expand...
We receive Communion individually at Mass. The only time a “couple” would receive Holy Communion would be possibly during the Wedding Mass or a special mass for their (not as a group) renewal of vows for possibly a 50th or 75th when their might be a double kneeler.
 
Many Marriage Encounter couples prefer to receive side by side. I have never heard a priest object either at the time or later.

Depending on the width of the aisle and the traffic, one or two way, it is often best to walk up single file and then move side by side when you reach the minister of Eucharist.

At the Vigil mass when we receive people into the Church, I have those coming in receive first. Those who are married are accompanied by their spouse for this occasion. Sharing the Eucharist seems proper in view of their shared sacrament of marriage. My pastors have always agreed with this, as did the diocesan director of worship when he was in residence at our parish and oversaw the Vigil and other celebrations
 
Joe_Kelley said:
Many Marriage Encounter couples prefer to receive side by side. I have never heard a priest object either at the time or later.

Depending on the width of the aisle and the traffic, one or two way, it is often best to walk up single file and then move side by side when you reach the minister of Eucharist.

At the Vigil mass when we receive people into the Church, I have those coming in receive first. Those who are married are accompanied by their spouse for this occasion. Sharing the Eucharist seems proper in view of their shared sacrament of marriage. My pastors have always agreed with this, as did the diocesan director of worship when he was in residence at our parish and oversaw the Vigil and other celebrations
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Actually, what Marriage Encounter couples are doing is wrong. We should be lining up single file to receive Holy Communion.

Your last paragraph is a little troubling. We shoudl not be inserting things into the Mass just because we think that it is proper. I have worked with two priests who served as directors of Divine Worship for our dioceses and, unfortunately, both allowed strange things to happen. Not even the First Communicants (children) do this, so why should the adults?

By the way, I think you mean minister of Holy Communion and/or Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion. The only ministers of the Eucharist are the priest and bishop because only they can confect the Eucharist.
 
Joe_Kelley said:
Many Marriage Encounter couples prefer to receive side by side. I have never heard a priest object either at the time or later.
…
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Unfortunately, the marriage encounter groups teach a lot of liturgical aberrations. This is just one of them. Many priests do in fact object to it.
 
benedictgal said:
Actually, what Marriage Encounter couples are doing is wrong. We should be lining up single file to receive Holy Communion…
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I don’t think the GIRM requires this, but if you can quote the relevant paragraph I would be happy to stand corrected. The reason communicants usually line up single file is because that is the way that logistically works best when a large number of mobile communicants approach a single stationary priest.

In the opposite situation, where a single mobile priest approaches a large number of stationary communicants, such as communicants kneeling at a rail, it logistically works best if the communicants are side by side.
 
Leopard said:
I don’t think the GIRM requires this, but if you can quote the relevant paragraph I would be happy to stand corrected. The reason communicants usually line up single file is because that is the way that logistically works best when a large number of mobile communicants approach a single stationary priest.

In the opposite situation, where a single mobile priest approaches a large number of stationary communicants, such as communicants kneeling at a rail, it logistically works best if the communicants are side by side.
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Regardless of how they get there, each person receives Communion as an individual. The communicant is required to consume the host immediately. Waiting for the other half of the couple to receive the Host before actually consuming the Host would be in violation of the law which requires consuming “immediately.” That’s how I put a stop to this practice at my last change-of-assignment. I would not continue with the distribution (ie to the next spouse) until the first one had consumed. It took a few weeks, and some explaining, but eventually they got the point.
 
Leopard said:
I don’t think the GIRM requires this, but if you can quote the relevant paragraph I would be happy to stand corrected.
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Not really part of this discussion but … it’s found in Redemptionis Sacramentum
  1. As has already been recalled, “the only minister who can confect the Sacrament of the Eucharist in persona Christi is a validly ordained Priest”.254 Hence the name “minister of the Eucharist” belongs properly to the Priest alone. Moreover, also by reason of their sacred Ordination, the ordinary ministers of Holy Communion are the Bishop, the Priest and the Deacon,255 to whom it belongs therefore to administer Holy Communion to the lay members of Christ’s faithful during the celebration of Mass. In this way their ministerial office in the Church is fully and accurately brought to light, and the sign value of the Sacrament is made complete.
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  1. In addition to the ordinary ministers there is the formally instituted acolyte, who by virtue of his institution is an extraordinary minister of Holy Communion …
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  1. This function is to be understood strictly according to the name by which it is known, that is to say, that of extraordinary minister of Holy Communion, and not “special minister of Holy Communion” nor “extraordinary minister of the Eucharist” nor “special minister of the Eucharist”, by which names the meaning of this function is unnecessarily and improperly broadened.
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The full text can be found in multiple places including ewtn.com/library/CURIA/CDWRDSAC.HTM#Chapter%20VII

As for the conversation of the thread, we all receive as individuals and, as has been pointed out, we’re not to hold onto the Eucharist as we wait for our spouse or anyone else to receive.
 
Gertabelle said:
**But Communion is a time when you are intimately united with Christ, His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. **In my humble opinion, you should be focused on that union, which is both unique and all too short.
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When Pope John Paul II wrote the** Theology of the Body**, he wrote that the sacrament of marriage is a sign, a symbol, pointing us toward our heavenly union with Christ. **While the marital embrace is symbolic as a sacrament, our Eucharist is not symbolic, it truly is **the Body and Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our dearly beloved Lord Jesus. Once we are united with Christ, we no longer need a sign pointing us toward that union.

While the Sacrament of Marriage is a foreshadowing of the heavenly reality of total love and communion, Jesus said,
"In the resurrection men and women are no longer given in marriage,"

TotB author Christopher West writes on this:
“In the resurrection we will be raised male and female but we will not unite in that one flesh embrace, as we understand it here on earth…”

“Heaven is not going to be some eternally magnified experience of sexual union.** It will be a new experience beyond anything we can possibly comprehend.”**

… “we get no more profound window or icon of that reality than the union of men and women in one flesh.”

The Eucharist is the Source and Summit of our faith as Catholics. We are uniting with Christ.
 
Would you go to the Sacrament of Confession with your spouse?
 
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