Receiving Communion as a couple

[Leopard]

…I do think that is wrong because it’s treating people differently at the time of communion based on their marital status; “couples” do it one way, “singles” do it another… Everyone should be treated the same in so far as this is possible…

I have strongly abridged your remarks, not because I want to change the appearance of what you have said, but because I want to answer two related points that you wrote far apart.

In every situation I have seen at such masses, when one spouse from a mixed marriage receives communion and the other does not, no distinction is being made on the basis of marital status of any of the couples. The distinction is made on the basis of one of the spouses not being Catholic. Everyone is indeed treated the same in so far as this is possible. It’s just that it is not possible for us to offer Communion to non-Catholics. This is the same regardless as to what Mass they might go to anywhere. It also happens that sometimes all the spouses on the weekend are Catholic, in which case no distinctions occur at all.

…My other concern is that many married couples bring these practices back with them to Sunday Mass. They think to themselves (or say aloud) “this is what we were told to do at M.E.” and they behave the same way at a “regular” Sunday Mass. This causes confusion, disharmony in the Mass, and very often it’s a disruption to the other people who are receiving because it breaks the expected pattern (in other words people bump into each other).

As far as I have experienced, this is a non-concern. All of us couples know the way things are done in our home parishes, we know what is done differently at Marriage Encounter, and we know why. Nobody is told to behave any differently than they usually do when they go to Mass back home. And while I have occasionally seen unexpected behaviors of various sorts at “regular” Masses, I have never seen couples stand or kneel together to receive Communion except in places where this was appropriate and not unexpected.

 

[benedictgal]

I have strongly abridged your remarks, not because I want to change the appearance of what you have said, but because I want to answer two related points that you wrote far apart.

In every situation I have seen at such masses, when one spouse from a mixed marriage receives communion and the other does not, no distinction is being made on the basis of marital status of any of the couples. The distinction is made on the basis of one of the spouses not being Catholic. Everyone is indeed treated the same in so far as this is possible. It’s just that it is not possible for us to offer Communion to non-Catholics. This is the same regardless as to what Mass they might go to anywhere. It also happens that sometimes all the spouses on the weekend are Catholic, in which case no distinctions occur at all.

As far as I have experienced, this is a non-concern. All of us couples know the way things are done in our home parishes, we know what is done differently at Marriage Encounter, and we know why. Nobody is told to behave any differently than they usually do when they go to Mass back home. And while I have occasionally seen unexpected behaviors of various sorts at “regular” Masses, I have never seen couples stand or kneel together to receive Communion except in places where this was appropriate and not unexpected.

I am afraid that ME is suffering from the same thing that has plagued both LifeTeen and the Neocatechumenal Movement: excessive creativity and invention.

I am not married; however, I helped a priest friend of mine prepare his talks. He was always bothered by the odd communion practice that the ME couples employ.

The moment of the reception of Holy Communion is not the time for couples to make a statement about their marriage. If anyone is going to be thinking about marriage, at this point, it should be about the fact that they are individually receiving the Divine Spouse of their souls when they receive Holy Communion. Compounding creativity into this very sacred act shows a poor understanding of just Who it is we are receiving. We make it about ourselves instead of the True Bridegroom.

It is a strange practice like this that gives an otherwise good program like ME a bad light.

 

[FrDavid96]

I have strongly abridged your remarks, not because I want to change the appearance of what you have said, but because I want to answer two related points that you wrote far apart.

In every situation I have seen at such masses, when one spouse from a mixed marriage receives communion and the other does not, no distinction is being made on the basis of marital status of any of the couples. The distinction is made on the basis of one of the spouses not being Catholic. Everyone is indeed treated the same in so far as this is possible. It’s just that it is not possible for us to offer Communion to non-Catholics. This is the same regardless as to what Mass they might go to anywhere. It also happens that sometimes all the spouses on the weekend are Catholic, in which case no distinctions occur at all…

Here’s why it’s a problem. Everyone there forms half of a couple (maybe not some of the facilitators, but you get the point). The couples who are both Catholic are engaging in one “ritual” while they receive Communion, but the single members of the mixed-couples are engaging in a different “ritual” when they receive Communion. This is entirely different from saying “everyone who is Catholic may receive” and “everyone who is not Catholic may not receive.” It’s not a matter of distinguishing between Catholics and non-Catholics. The both-Catholic couples have a different ritual experience in receiving Communion. That’s not appropriate.

As far as I have experienced, this is a non-concern. All of us couples know the way things are done in our home parishes, we know what is done differently at Marriage Encounter, and we know why. Nobody is told to behave any differently than they usually do when they go to Mass back home. And while I have occasionally seen unexpected behaviors of various sorts at “regular” Masses, I have never seen couples stand or kneel together to receive Communion except in places where this was appropriate and not unexpected.

I can assure you that it is very much a concern because it is happening. Many couples return from these M.E. events under the impression that this is what they are supposed to be doing. Whether they learn it from direct instruction, or they learn it by the fact that this is what’s done at ME, they learn it nonetheless, and many do continue it in their home parishes. I personally have encountered a large number of couples who have their own “particular” ways of receiving Communion together. Every single couple with whom I’ve discussed this has the same answer: “that’s how we were taught to do it at M.E.”

Mass at Marriage Encounter should not be done any differently than at any other Mass. That right there is the source of this problem. There are no special “marriage encounter” rubrics for the Mass. Couples should be instructed (if any such instruction is even appropriate) that what they do at M.E. Masses should be the same as what they do at any other Mass–i.e. follow the rubrics as the Church provides them. There are no special types of Masses for special groups (unless the Holy See has specifically provided otherwise–and those are rare indeed).