Reconciliation- what if you aren't truly sorry?

[happygolucky]

What if you go to confession and you confess a sin which you fully intend on committing again?
Like, take self injury as an example. They confess their sins to the priest, but they don’t plan on not harming themselves anymore. They just confessed it because they know it’s wrong and they shouldn’t be doing it and they don’t want to go to hell. And actually, maybe they feel like hurting themselves once they get home, and it’s already resolved in their mind that they’re never going to stop because they don’t know what to do without it or something. Is it then completely pointless to have confessed the sin in the first place, since you’re going to do it again anyways? And would it then invalidate the rest of your confession, since you weren’t really sorry but were just confessing it since you figure you don’t want to end up in hell, even though you’re probably going there anyways? Would it actually be some sort of double sin, because of the fact that you’re planning on doing it again?
What if the priest specifically says, “And you’re resolved to try as best as you can to not injure yourself again, right?” And then you lie and say, “Yes” because you don’t really want to get into it. Would that actually be like tripling the sin because of the fact you’re going to do it again plus you just lied, in confession no less?? (and actually, going along with this, short tangent-- does a lie count as more if you lie in confession? Like it would’ve been venial but since it’s in confession it’s mortal?)
Would it actually just be simpler to just skip confession instead of heaping even more sins on yourself for trying to go in the first place but not having the intent to stop a certain sin?

Sorry for all the questions and sorry for not being very articulate. 1) it’s almost 2 am and 2) I’m never very articulate anyways. Thanks for any responses.
:harp: ← i’m sticking this in here just 'cause I like it. =]

 

[colliric]

the first question is why even go to confession if you intend on doing the sin again?

The confession may not be valid in such a case. You have to be repentant…

I would suggest that the person wait until they become repentant of their sin of self-harm and then go back.

 

[AdriannaJean]

You do need to feel sorry in order for a confession to be valid, and that includes intention to commit the same sin again. I’m not sure if it invalidates the entire confession, I wouldn’t think so. If you confess some sins that you feel sorry about, then I would think those would be forgiven.

Lying to the priest is not the best way to go about it. If you are dead-set on intending to commit the sin again, you should wait until you are truly repentant to go through the steps of being forgiven for it. I would say to leave it out of the confession until you are willing to repent in your heart and try your best not to commit the sin again.

Now, there is a difference between intending to commit the sin again and acknowledging, that despite your efforts, you probably will sin again. Sin is in our nature. If I go in and confess the sin of pride, I feel truly sorry for it and will try not to commit it again, but I know that, in all likelihood, I will be back next month confessing pride again. That’s just a fact of life, we slip up and we will continue to slip up. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that, but giving up in the face of that is the issue.

 

[happygolucky]

the first question is why even go to confession if you intend on doing the sin again?

Because of any other sins they ARE repentant for.
And if they don’t confess the sin they’re planning on committing again, they’re withholding a sin which is another sin anyways.

So basically you’re saying so long as they plan on doing that one sin again, regardless of how they feel about their other sins, they’re just in a lose-lose situation and should just give up on reconciliation?

 

[happygolucky]

I would say to leave it out of the confession until you are willing to repent in your heart and try your best not to commit the sin again.

But I thought it was a mortal sin to intentionally withhold a sin?

 

[The_Otaku]

Now, there is a difference between intending to commit the sin again and acknowledging, that despite your efforts, you probably will sin again. Sin is in our nature. If I go in and confess the sin of pride, I feel truly sorry for it and will try not to commit it again, but I know that, in all likelihood, I will be back next month confessing pride again. That’s just a fact of life, we slip up and we will continue to slip up. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that, but giving up in the face of that is the issue.

This is exactly the point to be making. Good job.

As long as we’re sincere and being honest to the priest, even though we have doubts and concerns for the future, as long as we truly meant it in our hearts, at that point and time during the confession, then it counts and you are absolved because you have the intention to not do it again, even if you have doubts that you will be able to live up to the intention not to.

God understands how weak we are and how the enemy tempts us specifically, and that’s all the more reason we need confession to begin with. He realizes how often we’re going to need it, and He’s blessed us with holy priests who will continue to hear our confessions until the day they die, or retire and are no longer able to. Whenever I’m in sin, mortal sin especially, I think about this, and it lifts my spirits and I realize I have people pulling for me when I’m unable or unwilling to myself. Even if it’s a concern, problem, sin, etc, I cannot share with other people, I can share it with God and His holy priests, and they’re there to help me with my cross. Who better than these individuals, and who better than God to help me? No one.

 

[Yellow_Belle]

What if you go to confession and you confess a sin which you fully intend on committing again?
Like, take self injury as an example. They confess their sins to the priest, but they don’t plan on not harming themselves anymore. They just confessed it because they know it’s wrong and they shouldn’t be doing it and they don’t want to go to hell. And actually, maybe they feel like hurting themselves once they get home, and it’s already resolved in their mind that they’re never going to stop because they don’t know what to do without it or something. Is it then completely pointless to have confessed the sin in the first place, since you’re going to do it again anyways? And would it then invalidate the rest of your confession, since you weren’t really sorry but were just confessing it since you figure you don’t want to end up in hell, even though you’re probably going there anyways? Would it actually be some sort of double sin, because of the fact that you’re planning on doing it again?
What if the priest specifically says, “And you’re resolved to try as best as you can to not injure yourself again, right?” And then you lie and say, “Yes” because you don’t really want to get into it. Would that actually be like tripling the sin because of the fact you’re going to do it again plus you just lied, in confession no less?? (and actually, going along with this, short tangent-- does a lie count as more if you lie in confession? Like it would’ve been venial but since it’s in confession it’s mortal?)
Would it actually just be simpler to just skip confession instead of heaping even more sins on yourself for trying to go in the first place but not having the intent to stop a certain sin?

Sorry for all the questions and sorry for not being very articulate. 1) it’s almost 2 am and 2) I’m never very articulate anyways. Thanks for any responses.
:harp: ← i’m sticking this in here just 'cause I like it. =]

I think it is important for a person in this situation to schedule an appointment with a trusted priest and talk this matter through outside the Sacrament of Reconciliation, then make him their regular confessor and be guided by his advice.

Self-harm, as far as I understand it (and I am no expert), is a compulsion with many different psychological motivations. It’s possible that this compulsive aspect may play a part in how the sin of self-harm is to be judged, in much the same way as other, sometimes, compulsive behaviour, e.g. masturbation is judged. Regarding masturbation the Catechism says:

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

 

[surfgirlusa_200]

Not to derail the thread, but what would suggest if you aren’t truly sorry in regards to something else, like passionate kissing and petting with the person you plan on marrying? Still make an appointment to talk to a priest?

 

[Yellow_Belle]

Not to derail the thread, but what would suggest if you aren’t truly sorry in regards to something else, like passionate kissing and petting with the person you plan on marrying? Still make an appointment to talk to a priest?

If only better to inform one’s conscience, recognise the sinfulness of one’s behaviour and thereby bring about a firm purpose of amendment, then yes.

If to look for a get-out-of -jail-free card, no

 

[Holly3278]

The confession would not be valid if the person fully intended on committing the sin again.

 

[jmcrae]

Not to derail the thread, but what would suggest if you aren’t truly sorry in regards to something else, like passionate kissing and petting with the person you plan on marrying? Still make an appointment to talk to a priest?

If you mean to be sorry, it is enough. I should think that if someone is confessing it, then they mean to be sorry, even if they don’t feel sorry.

If they thought they were doing good, they wouldn’t think of confessing it as a sin, in the first place, so there is most likely a small degree of repentance, which is all that is required for Confession to a priest. (Perfect Contrition is a whole different ball-game, of course - but Perfect Contrition is not required, to receive forgiveness of sins in the Confessional.)

It would be wise to start making a plan about how to avoid the occasion of sin in the future, though, so as to avoid having to come to Confession every time you go out on a date.

 

[bugz2007]

If you mean to be sorry, it is enough. I should think that if someone is confessing it, then they mean to be sorry, even if they don’t feel sorry.

If they thought they were doing good, they wouldn’t think of confessing it as a sin, in the first place, so there is most likely a small degree of repentance, which is all that is required for Confession to a priest. (Perfect Contrition is a whole different ball-game, of course - but Perfect Contrition is not required, to receive forgiveness of sins in the Confessional.)

It would be wise to start making a plan about how to avoid the occasion of sin in the future, though, so as to avoid having to come to Confession every time you go out on a date.

Another clarification to make is that one can be repentant without being regretful. Regret is not a pre-requisite for the forgiveness of mortal sins. Rather, it is only a commitment of the will to change and an intention to not commit the sin again that is necessary for contrition and forgiveness.

 

[Rachaellupin]

I’ve had this hypothetical discussion with my priest several times, with several hypothetical versions. He says the bottom line is that if you’re not truely sorry (ie, you don’t intend to do it again), then you shouldn’t mention it in confession, because then you’ve made a bad confession – which is a sin as well. That goes from anything to addictions you have no intention of trying to stop to things you aren’t sorry for because you don’t believe they are sins. Hope that helps.

 

[baltobetsy]

OK, here’s the deal. All mortal sins must be sincerely repented and confessed in order for the entire confession to be valid. If you are sorry for one mortal sin but not another, and you therefore do not confess the one you’re not sorry for, or confess it with no contrition at all and a lie to the priest if he asks you, then none of the sins are forgiven, and an additional sin of sacrilege is added to the lot.

If the sin in question is something habitual with deep roots in some psychological problem, then AdriannaJean’s point about the difference between intending to sin and acknowledging that you will probably sin again is very important. It is a good thing to confess these sins with the intention of trying, even though you are likely to fail, because of the increase of grace you receive specifically to avoid the particular sins that you mention in confession. In this case, it is also highly recommended to find one confessor who understands the problem and stick with him exclusively.

For the person who intends to keep committing sexual sins with the person he or she intends to marry, I would say not to confess until you really intend to change your ways. Again, the temptation is very strong, but unless you are going to make an effort, taking it to confession will only make a mockery of the sacrament. It is possible, with true love and willing spirits, to recommit yourselves to chastity until marriage. When you’re ready to do that, by all means, make frequent use of confession to help you along.

Betsy

 

[happygolucky]

A few comments;

If you are sorry for one mortal sin but not another, and you therefore do not confess the one you’re not sorry for, or confess it with no contrition at all and a lie to the priest if he asks you, then none of the sins are forgiven, and an additional sin of sacrilege is added to the lot.

Ouch. Confession is a little more complicated than I initially thought. :hypno:

And, Rachaellupin, you said you had this hypothetical discussion with a priest many times, so maybe I could also bring it up next confession. If I ever go again jokes, of course. and if there was a sin I wasn’t sorry for, i could always tell the priest and ask him if maybe I should just leave.

Thanks, everyone, for your (name removed by moderator)ut and clarifications. =]

 

[baltobetsy]

if there was a sin I wasn’t sorry for, i could always tell the priest and ask him if maybe I should just leave.

Actually, I’ve done a similar thing myself more than once. I’ve gone to confession expecting not to receive absolution, and then just laid out the situation for the priest honestly, hoping for some advice to help me come around to having proper contrition. It was very helpful, and you can certainly do the same.

Betsy

 

[Elizabeth502]

While we’re hijacking or derailing threads (mentioned on previous page ), what if you are definitely sorry for a serious sin, but it is not for the same reason that you’re theoretically “supposed” to feel sorry for it?

(Not the same situation the OP is talking about.)

 

[jmcrae]

While we’re hijacking or derailing threads (mentioned on previous page ), what if you are definitely sorry for a serious sin, but it is not for the same reason that you’re theoretically “supposed” to feel sorry for it?

(Not the same situation the OP is talking about.)

Like, you’re sorry you took the cookie from your brother because you got caught and had to clean up your brother’s room, instead of because it offended your mother, your brother, and God, whom you should love?

This is called “imperfect contrition” and for the purposes of confession in the Confessional, it’s fine.

 

[baltobetsy]

Like, you’re sorry you took the cookie from your brother because you got caught and had to clean up your brother’s room, instead of because it offended your mother, your brother, and God, whom you should love?

This is called “imperfect contrition” and for the purposes of confession in the Confessional, it’s fine.

Actually, your reason for being sorry must include some reference to God in order to be called imperfect contrition. Most often, that is fear of God’s punishment for the sin.

Betsy

 

[jmcrae]

Actually, your reason for being sorry must include some reference to God in order to be called imperfect contrition. Most often, that is fear of God’s punishment for the sin.

Betsy

And where the fear of God is absent, the fear of Mom suffices.