Refusal to attend Confession, yet still receiving Eucharist?

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Does anyone have quotes from Scripture and/or official teachings from the Vatican which explain the correlation between refusing to utilize the Sacrament of Reconciliation but yet still partaking of Holy Communion in regard to being a sacrilege? And how severe and important the meaning of sacrilege is for us as Catholics? Although a basically good man with a good heart, my husband seems to be one of many “Cafeteria Catholics” who simply only follows those teachings of the Church which he “agrees with.” And he does not agree with going to Confession. He cites the “hypocrisy” of the Church (and some Priests) regarding sexual abuse cases as one of the reasons. Unfortunately, despite my discussions about it with him, he has not utilized the Sacrament for several decades but yet continues to receive the Holy Eucharist on a weekly basis.

My attempts to discuss the spiritual implications of this for his soul have only led to arguments that go nowhere and cause major marital difficulties, partly because I’m not a skilled debater, and he is very steadfast in his beliefs…

Thanks in advance for any official teachings which might help.
 
Someone can definitely give you specific documents but it does not sound like your husband is interested. At this point I think all you can do is pray for him and do your best to live a good life. We are required to do our best to get our spouse into heaven and it sounds like you are trying. I don’t remember where I read it but the good deeds of a spouse can help in the salvation of one who does not believe.
 
You must also bear in mind that confession is only obligatory for those conscious of mortal sin (see Canon Law 989).

Confession of venial sin is highly recommended, but is not obligatory.
 
bmaj said:
Does anyone have quotes from Scripture and/or official teachings from the Vatican which explain the correlation between refusing to utilize the Sacrament of Reconciliation but yet still partaking of Holy Communion in regard to being a sacrilege? And how severe and important the meaning of sacrilege is for us as Catholics? Although a basically good man with a good heart, my husband seems to be one of many “Cafeteria Catholics” who simply only follows those teachings of the Church which he “agrees with.” And he does not agree with going to Confession. He cites the “hypocrisy” of the Church (and some Priests) regarding sexual abuse cases as one of the reasons. Unfortunately, despite my discussions about it with him, he has not utilized the Sacrament for several decades but yet continues to receive the Holy Eucharist on a weekly basis.

My attempts to discuss the spiritual implications of this for his soul have only led to arguments that go nowhere and cause major marital difficulties, partly because I’m not a skilled debater, and he is very steadfast in his beliefs…

Thanks in advance for any official teachings which might help.
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I’m in the same position, except that my husband doesn’t believe in mortal sin. :eek: So I guess he also doesn’t believe that receiving the Body of Christ unworthily will harm him in any way. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even believe in the Real Presence but yet he continues to receive. All I can do is pray for God’s mercy for him. Sometimes I wish he weren’t a baptized Catholic so God would look on him as being ignorant, but he doesn’t have that excuse.

Don’t get into arguments about this. If you can gather resources for a time when the Holy Spirit whispers to him, that might be helpful. My husband told me outright during one of our tense discussions, that I am not responsible for his salvation. He’s right but I would give anything if he would return to his faith. I just have to pray. My spiritual loneliness is what prompted me to find this on-line community.
 
bmaj said:
Does anyone have quotes from Scripture and/or official teachings from the Vatican which explain the correlation between refusing to utilize the Sacrament of Reconciliation but yet still partaking of Holy Communion in regard to being a sacrilege? And how severe and important the meaning of sacrilege is for us as Catholics? Although a basically good man with a good heart, my husband seems to be one of many “Cafeteria Catholics” who simply only follows those teachings of the Church which he “agrees with.” And he does not agree with going to Confession. He cites the “hypocrisy” of the Church (and some Priests) regarding sexual abuse cases as one of the reasons. Unfortunately, despite my discussions about it with him, he has not utilized the Sacrament for several decades but yet continues to receive the Holy Eucharist on a weekly basis.

My attempts to discuss the spiritual implications of this for his soul have only led to arguments that go nowhere and cause major marital difficulties, partly because I’m not a skilled debater, and he is very steadfast in his beliefs…

Thanks in advance for any official teachings which might help.
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You can’t force someone in what to believe and its not worth causing problems in your marriage, There is nothing in scripture that says sins need to be confessed to a priest.
 
Luvtosew said:
You can’t force someone in what to believe and its not worth causing problems in your marriage, There is nothing in scripture that says sins need to be confessed to a priest.
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There is in OUR faith, Luvtosew. Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut, but Catholics do confess to a priest.
 
In the article “Who Can Receive Communion?”, see the section What must a Catholic do to receive communion and why?, which describes the importance of receiving communion in a state of grace, with references to the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

A Scripture passage commonly referred to is 1 Corinthians 11:27-28: “Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a man examine himself, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup."
 
bmaj said:
My attempts to discuss the spiritual implications of this for his soul have only led to arguments that go nowhere and cause major marital difficulties, partly because I’m not a skilled debater, and he is very steadfast in his beliefs…

Thanks in advance for any official teachings which might help.
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Of course he should be going to confession!
However, as you can see, he’s digging in his heals and you aren’t budging him. His heart is hardened. Pray for him every day (I’m sure you are!) and offer small sacrifices to God that his heart gets changed. His heart and many other Catholics! May they discover what a great and wonderful gift it is, to be able to talk to another human being (who cannot disclose anything about your confession, or that you even went! Friends and neighbors aren’t so kind!), to have access to graces to battle the sins that hold us down. To have kind words spoken, and good advice. Someone who knows what a struggle it is in daily living. It’s a wonderful gift, and we should be thankful for it!

Don’t fight over this but love him to the best of your ability and offer the ache in your heart to God as a sacrifice of love.

God can bring another *man *into his life who will be able to show him the benefits to going to confession. Someone who’s integrity and love will make an impression on him. Sometimes man to man is more effective!
 
Luvtosew said:
You can’t force someone in what to believe and its not worth causing problems in your marriage, There is nothing in scripture that says sins need to be confessed to a priest.
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Matthew 16:19 has Jesus speaking to Peter…
**I will entrust to you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you declare bound on earth shall be bound in heaven; whatever you declare loosed on earth shall be loosed in heaven. **

The note in my bible says…
I will entrust…kingdom of heaven; i.e., spiritual power to be exercised over the life of God’s people, in contrast to the previously mentioned ‘gates’, i.e. the evil power of death that would not prevail against the church. Simon Peter is the keeper of the keys, the one who has the power to open and to close, to ‘bind’ and to ‘loose’, to allow and to forbid; cf Is 22,22. The exercise of this responsibility is here compared to the disciplinary and doctrinal authority of the rabbis who in Jesus’ time interpreted the Old Testament for the faith and life of the people. The exact nature of the extraordinary power here conferred became clear through the historical development of the Christian community in terms of the primacy of Peter, i.e., his supreme authority in teaching, governing and sanctifying the people of God.
 
Luvtosew said:
You can’t force someone in what to believe and its not worth causing problems in your marriage, There is nothing in scripture that says sins need to be confessed to a priest.
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John 20:21-23

"Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.”
 
While I’ll agree auricular confession is a good thing when a person needs spiritual guidance, but none of those verses in Cor or Matt are talking auricular confession. One
can confess right to God himself.

My last years as RC barely anyone would be at confession but everonealways received communion, if they didn’t they were few and far between. While is a wonderful service, I think even the RCC are placing less imp. on it, years ago they had it in the evenings, now everywhere is 1 hour before the Sat Mass or make an appoint.

So your husbands are not the only ones. I do hope that yous can accept their feelings , after all all you can do is pray for them, but please don’t hurt your marriages over it.
 
Luvtosew said:
While I’ll agree auricular confession is a good thing when a person needs spiritual guidance, but none of those verses in Cor or Matt are talking auricular confession. One
can confess right to God himself.
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Regarding John 20:21-23, there is not a way for an ordained minister to forgive sins unless he hears what those sins are.

Excerpt from the article Confession:

Minor or venial sins can be confessed directly to God, but for grave or mortal sins, which crush the spiritual life out of the soul, God has instituted a different means for obtaining forgiveness—the sacrament known popularly as confession, penance, or reconciliation.

This sacrament is rooted in the mission God gave to Christ in his capacity as the Son of man on earth to go and forgive sins (cf. Matt. 9:6). Thus, the crowds who witnessed this new power “glorified God, who had given such authority to men” (Matt. 9:8; note the plural “men”). After his resurrection, Jesus passed on his mission to forgive sins to his ministers, telling them, “As the Father has sent me, even so I send you. . . . Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained” (John 20:21–23).
Luvtosew said:
My last years as RC barely anyone would be at confession but everonealways received communion, if they didn’t they were few and far between. While is a wonderful service, I think even the RCC are placing less imp. on it, years ago they had it in the evenings, now everywhere is 1 hour before the Sat Mass or make an appoint.
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You’re making a broad generalization here. At the downtown cathedral in my city, confessions are offered before every single Mass, both daily and Sunday Masses, 10 minutes before Mass. At my neighborhood parish, the sacrament of reconciliation is offered on a weeknight every week. In fact, if you go to www.masstimes.org and type in the name of a city, for many cities you will easily find numerous options for receiving the sacrament of reconciliation across times and days. Of course, more remote cities or smaller cities do not have as many options, but that is the way of life of a more remote or smaller place.
 
Victor2211 said:
John 20:21-23

"Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained.”
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You said it wasn’t in scripture, and here it is plain as day.
Of course it means telling a priest your sins. *How else *can he forgive them if you don’t come before him and tell them?
Note that it does not mean you can’t confess your sins to God! We have both, and it’s scriptural.
It’s OK if you do not wish to confess to a priest but understand that you cannot say “it’s not in the Bible” regarding confession and Catholics. Now you know.

There is a certain humility required to come before someone and speak our sins. That in itself is an effective tool to combat pride!

It’s a wonderful gift to have a ‘person with skin on’ to speak to us, encourage us, console us in the confessional. We should be so thankful that the Physician of our souls has breathed on his ministers so that they can minister to us, who are broken, hurting, struggling. (Matt 9:12) If people do not go to confession, they do not appreciate what Christ is offering. How very sad.

I see Daisybee has posted and spoken much better than I have. Thanks!
 
Well, it comes down to respecting the authority Christ gave the Church. Remember, one of the things He bestowed on the Church was the authority to forgive sins. Yes, one can pray to God for forgiveness, but auricular confession provides certainty.

John, chapter 20, 19-23

19 In the evening of that same day, the first day of the week, the doors were closed in the room where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews. Jesus came and stood among them. He said to them, ‘Peace be with you,’ and, after saying this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples were filled with joy at seeing the Lord, and he said to them again, 'Peace be with you. ‘As the Father sent me, so am I sending you.’

After saying this he breathed on them and said: Receive the Holy Spirit.

If you forgive anyone’s sins, they are forgiven; if you retain anyone’s sins, they are retained.

Note that the apostles taught this, the earliest Christians followed this teaching, and as so many things- it pre-dates the declaration of the canon of scripture.
 
No he did not give the church authority to forgive sins, confess your sins to God and they are forgiven, when you harm another reconcile with him, that is what is meant by confess your sins to one another.
 
Luvtosew said:
No he did not give the church authority to forgive sins, confess your sins to God and they are forgiven, when you harm another reconcile with him, that is what is meant by confess your sins to one another.
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In John 20: 19-23, Jesus is speaking to his ministers/apostles in particular, considering that in John 20:24 it is written that Thomas was not among them. (That is, Thomas was not among the group of apostles that Jesus was addressing.)

So, question–by what authority are you basing this understanding that when sin has occurred, you only have to seek reconciliation with someone that you harmed?

This understanding must have originated somewhere…is it a particular pastor’s interpretation, or…?
 
Luvtosew said:
No he did not give the church authority to forgive sins, confess your sins to God and they are forgiven, when you harm another reconcile with him, that is what is meant by confess your sins to one another.
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Please don’t turn this thread into an argument over one of the principles of our faith. This is a CATHOLIC forum and this poster deserves CATHOLIC answers to her question. She doesn’t need to be told, “Don’t sweat it, confession to a priest isn’t necessary.” Our Church counts this as a SACRAMENT and we don’t need your opinion on it, thanks just the same.
 
Luvtosew said:
No he did not give the church authority to forgive sins, confess your sins to God and they are forgiven, when you harm another reconcile with him, that is what is meant by confess your sins to one another.
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Thank you so much for this reply. You demonstrate exactly why Christ,* right at the beginning,* gave Peter the authority of the keys of the kingdom. Otherwise so many ideas of what is supposed to be come up and make confusion. There was no confusion for centuries. All believed the same.

By your post, you have created the opportunity for us to show the importance of confession. Thank you and God bless you on your journey.
 
Well your very welcome, I’d hate to see a marriage broke up over this, as I have seen several broken up over stuff like this.
 
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