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whatistrue
Guest
Except one very important one.
He is not free to marry, and will never be unless he goes against solemn promises he made to God. Do you really want to have any part in someone doing that?
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He is not free to marry, and will never be unless he goes against solemn promises he made to God. Do you really want to have any part in someone doing that?
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Fauken
Guest
That’s on him. What is on you is how you interact with him. You should be treating him for all intents and purposes as a married man.
If he was married and had a wife and children, would you be asking if this was still okay? Would it be alright if he left his wife and kids for you because of “true love”?
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CatholicLiving
Guest
I think I’m going to talk to him soon and tell him my feelings. He is a grown man that can make his own decision for what he wants.
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White_Tree
Guest
The sin would be to violate the will of God.
Given the recent scandals, no one would argue that there are some men who took on the vocation of the priesthood when they should not have. Likewise, there must be others who are not priests when they should have been.
So the question is, what is God’s will for that man? That is something no one here can answer for you.
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DeniseNY
Guest
He’s already made that decision: the Church.
And also, I’m sorry, but this is incredibly selfish. You think you have feelings for him, and all you are thinking about are your feelings. Not his priestly vows or the life he has freely chosen.
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Irishmom2
Guest
Absolutely NOT! It serves no purpose.
I don’t think you should continue your prayer sessions with him. I honestly don’t know why he is praying with you alone. Get a spiritual director if you need help, he is not the one that you should get direction from.
He is not in love with you, and you are not in love with him. That’s all there is to it. No need to speculate on something that should not happen.
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Irishmom2
Guest
He already made his decision. Don’t tell him anything about your feelings.
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Fauken
Guest
He practically is. His wife is the Church, his children his parishioners. And either way, he vowed celibacy to God. He has vowed to not marry.
He is a priest forever in the line of Melchizadek, whether he’s laicized or not. A vow is not something you go back on so easily.
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whatistrue
Guest
That is true. But I think that the conversation you described should be part of you telling him why you cannot be alone with him any more for any reason (possibly except for an anonymous confession, but even then as a last option) so that you put no pressure on him either way, whether intended or not. If he looks you up five years from now after a voluntary laicization and wants to pursue a relationship, and you happen to be available, then see how you feel then. Just don’t sit around making doe eyes at him in the meantime, but live your own life without any thought of “staying available just in case”.
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Fauken
Guest
Exactly. You don’t tell a married man you have feelings for him simply because he’s a “grown man who can make his own decision”.
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annad347
Guest
I was wondering if you actually talked to him about how you feel.
You really need to do that soon… because it sounds like for you this is more then just a crush.
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DeniseNY
Guest
Why should she tell him?
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MNathaniel
Guest
Is it unwise (prudentially) for me to think that maybe it could at least serve the purpose of snapping this priest to the reality of the situation he’s brought one of his parishioners into? And perhaps helping him avoid laying the paving stones to a similar situation in future? Assuming he really meant his vows and he’s a committed priest, maybe this’ll be just an early bump in the road to realizing that no, he’s not an exception, and he really does have to follow the advice that (I hope) older and wiser priests gave him about maintaining healthy boundaries with parishioners.CatholicLiving:
Absolutely NOT! It serves no purpose.
There’s the one side of this which is that if the priest is weak, I agree with not wanting a temptation to be put right in front of his face.
But there’s the other side where, if he’s reasonably strong, maybe he’ll be appropriately horrified by the woman’s confession. And ashamed of allowing this situation to arise with one of his spiritual children. And he’ll realize to stop inviting single women back into the rectory for drinks.
Honestly that latter detail (although we only have the OP’s description of it) is the one where I waver on whether the OP shouldn’t just tell the priest what’s going on for her, but should also tell his immediate superior. Obviously the OP is probably disinclined to do this, if she has a romantic fantasy that maybe this priest will reciprocate her feelings and leave the priesthood for her. But oh wow. I sure hope this situation doesn’t go on too long unchanged, and without a superior’s awareness, no matter what.
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MNathaniel
Guest
Yes and this could cause a WHOLE load of problems for a whole lot of people not just her or this Priest. This involves a Parish full of Parishioners who may have their Faith shaken by this., a Bishop who will have to deal officially with this . She needs to WALK AWAY for her soul as well as his.
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Oh I 100% agree on the walking away front (see my earlier comments).
It’s more I’m wondering whether it’s really ideal that the priest (and possibly his superior) not know why. Because at least if he knows, he can be horrified by what he allowed to happen, and maybe be jolted into never committing such behaviour with other parishioners again. Whereas if she just sort of disappears and he doesn’t realize his behaviour affected her (again: inviting a single woman (who probably isn’t that subtle about her affections for him) back into the rectory for one-on-one drinks)… what if he just finds a new ‘female friend’ to repeat the same behaviours with?
Maybe even if she doesn’t fully tell her feelings for him, but instead frames it as: “I feel uncomfortable that the way we’re interacting could lead to something that potentially isn’t consistent with living out your vows well”? Like a polite thing someone might say to a married man who seems a little too interested in a little too much closeness. Back away and make it clear that you see warning signs. Don’t necessarily just walk away without calling out that this is the type of situation he shouldn’t be initiating with anyone.
Edit if possible now that thread closed:
To be clear, even this speculation that any good could come from telling him, presupposed that he’s a strong enough priest to use the opportunity to reject this romantic advance and tell the woman clearly that this will never happen and they need to set new boundaries.
The idea of telling a priest you’re attracted to him in the hopes that he breaks his vows is an absolute no-go.
The only possible arguable reason I can imagine for speaking, is to explain why you’re leaving his parish or setting new boundaries.
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Oh I 100% agree on the walking away front (see my earlier comments).
It’s more I’m wondering whether it’s really ideal that the priest (and possibly his superior) not know why. Because at least if he knows, he can be horrified by what he allowed to happen, and maybe be jolted into never committing such behaviour with other parishioners again. Whereas if she just sort of disappears and he doesn’t realize his behaviour affected her (again: inviting a single woman (who probably isn’t that subtle about her affections for him) back into the rectory for one-on-one drinks)… what if he just finds a new ‘female friend’ to repeat the same behaviours with?
Maybe even if she doesn’t fully tell her feelings for him, but instead frames it as: “I feel uncomfortable that the way we’re interacting could lead to something that potentially isn’t consistent with living out your vows well”? Like a polite thing someone might say to a married man who seems a little too interested in a little too much closeness. Back away and make it clear that you see warning signs. Don’t necessarily just walk away without calling out that this is the type of situation he shouldn’t be initiating with anyone.
Edit if possible now that thread closed:
To be clear, even this speculation that any good could come from telling him, presupposed that he’s a strong enough priest to use the opportunity to reject this romantic advance and tell the woman clearly that this will never happen and they need to set new boundaries.
The idea of telling a priest you’re attracted to him in the hopes that he breaks his vows is an absolute no-go.
The only possible arguable reason I can imagine for speaking, is to explain why you’re leaving his parish or setting new boundaries.
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annad347
Guest
Because he’s a priest, he can help her realize that he doesn’t share her feelings. This isn’t a crush for her, she’s hoping for one person to give her hope that she can proceed with how she feels… the only one who can end that is him.
Sometimes the only way to get over a crush…is to face the truth…he’s not into you… it hurts but ever so often that’s what has to happen, for you to move on.
Tell her to ignore it, pretend she’s not feeling how she feels will make the situation worse.
God be with both of you.
Sometimes the only way to get over a crush…is to face the truth…he’s not into you… it hurts but ever so often that’s what has to happen, for you to move on.
Tell her to ignore it, pretend she’s not feeling how she feels will make the situation worse.
God be with both of you.
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Mark121359
Well-known member
OP, take a hard look at the bolded. Man, I don’t know about you, but that strikes me as an enormously dangerous and volatile situation developing here. You’ve already stated that you have a crush on him. And you’re asking members of this forum if it would be a sin if this man left the priesthood. If I were you, I’d reflect really long and hard on this. If you continue down this path, two lives could very well be drastically changed. And not for the better! You could end up being directly responsible for this man leaving the priesthood. You need to put the brakes on this thing…like yesterday!
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Pretend he’s a married man.
Also maybe you should distance yourself a little and try not to spend time alone.
No. Why would you do that? He is a priest and cannot respond to your feelings even if he has feelings too.
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RolandThompsonGunner
Guest
Getting them troll vibes here.
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DeniseNY
Guest
I respect your opinion, but disagree with it.
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