Relatives "leaving signs" A little help?

  • Thread starter Thread starter thelibrarian
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
T

thelibrarian

Guest
I need your advice.

A relative lost a child in a tragic accident. 6-7 years have passed. They have other kids.

They believe that their child is on this Earth “leaving them signs” - by making flowers in the garden specific shapes - seeing “heart shapes” in clouds, in oatmeal, etc, whatever. It has gotten a little extreme and a bit much. There are enabling friends - there was a new version of the child’s favorite video game that came out and the friends were telling my relative that the child must have visited the company and whispered to them to make the game.

They are not Catholic - they are Lutheran and believers – the child was an older child and had a strong faith in Christ that was quite inspiring at times. The pastor does support the concept that their child is with Jesus as evidenced at the funeral.

I feel like telling my relative “Pick one. Either your child is stuck haunting the Earth and leaving little objects for you or they are with Jesus.” maybe in a less harsh way. In some ways I think it helped my relative at first to see “signs” as far as noticing things that are randomly occurring or done by someone else as a nice little reminder of what her child used to do (seeing other children finger painting and it nostalgically reminds her of the child), but at this point, it has taken on a life of its own and i think its impeding her healing.

I think if she were to accept that her child was safe in the Lord’s arms and not stuck in limbo it would help her healing. She had a drunken breakdown at a get together at my house and part of the one sided monologue sounded like she was desperate to follow these “signs” - and if she didn’t see one for awhile, etc…

Is there a way you think I could say what i am thinking? In “real life” i can sound less blunt. I just can’t see anywhere in the Bible that supports the trail of breadcrumbs. And i can see her unravel. They even considered adopting a boy because they miss him. (the husband put a stop to that because they would be adopting for the wrong reasons.

I am not saying she should ever stop grieving or missing her son, but the cycle she is caught in, its hard to watch.
 
Poor her. Maybe you could gently point her towards some form of bereavement counseling? Maybe you could also talk to her a little bit about what her pastor said at the funeral as well.
 
My aunt is a widow. My uncle liked butterflies. When she visits his grave, inevitably there is a butterfly. She feels he sends them to her. It could be true.

I can’t imagine losing a child.

Poor family.
 
This is such a difficult situation. Is it healthy? I don’t know. My dad passed away 2 years ago and we know he is with Christ in Heaven. That said, we often experience little “signs” or reminders that make us truly wonder. The spiritual world is all around us - I often visualize a host of angels around the alter during Mass. They are praising God and singing Holy, Holy, Holy. Prayers for all.
 
My stepmother is convinced that cardinals (the red birds not the clergy or baseball players) are reincarnated spirits of her deceased loved ones visiting her. I think she envisions a scenario where they are actually in heaven, but come to earth as a bird temporarily. I’m not sure what she thinks happens to the birds after her loved one’s spirits return to heaven. It’s the goofiest thing in the world and I have no idea where she got it from, but it makes her feel better, so whatever, I guess.
 
I don’t know where this came from either, but quite a few people I know believe the same thing.
 
I’d suggest reading the book “A Travel Guide To Heaven” & Peter Kreeft’s books on heaven and then gifting it to your friends.
 
It is an old folk legend of some sort, because pretty much everyone on my mom’s side of the family believes the same thing.
 
This could just be my unholy cynicism leaking through, but I suspect it came from a ceramic company that sells little cardinal figurines and bird baths.
 
Where I live, cardinals are so common, I can often see/hear four of them at any given time when I’m in my own yard. Why are all these dead people watching me?! I don’t even know that many dead people!
 
It sounds like the OPs situation might be a little beyond a “comforting fantasy” and delving into some more unhealthy behavoirs that are actually causing her distress.
 
Yeah, she does sound like she might be losing it. She needs grief counseling and tranquilizers. Her church might have a grief support group.
 
Allegra said:
My stepmother is convinced that cardinals (the red birds not the clergy or baseball players) are reincarnated spirits of her deceased loved ones visiting her.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it’s all over FaceBook, so that makes it true.
 
Allegra said:
Where I live, cardinals are so common, I can often see/hear four of them at any given time when I’m in my own yard. Why are all these dead people watching me?! I don’t even know that many dead people!
Click to expand...
Turn it to a positive - say a prayer for the souls in purgatory when you see cardinals 🙂
 
Agreed, but it does sound like this coping mechanism has become harmful rather than helpful. I don’t know how the OP could tell her so without causing more pain, though.
 
She lost a child. Let her believe in these things that help her get out of bed in the morning.
I think God is sending her these signs as a means of comfort.
Praying for her.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top