Reparation and impure thoughts

[Melkite_Sword]

If man were to have impure thoughts about a woman, in other words treating here like a sexual object. Does he have the duty of reparation? It may seem silly but i suppose he did ‘harm’ her without her knowledge. By treating her like a sexual object in his mind would he have committed an ‘offence against justice’? What about if a man fornicated with a woman telling her that he loved her when in fact he only used her, should he tell her ‘I only used you as an object’? wouldn’t that cause more harm? … i hope someone gets the drift

 

[Carolus_Martell]

Well as the unofficial resident ‘impure thought’ master at arms just let me say…just confess to having impure thoughts and be done with it. Why take a chance with your eternal salvation?

 

[Melkite_Sword]

No, I mean tell the person in order to make reparation.

“2487 Every offense committed against justice and truth entails the duty of reparation, even if its author has been forgiven. When it is impossible publicly to make reparation for a wrong, it must be made secretly. If someone who has suffered harm cannot be directly compensated, he must be given moral satisfaction in the name of charity. This duty of reparation also concerns offenses against another’s reputation. This reparation, moral and sometimes material, must be evaluated in terms of the extent of the damage inflicted. It obliges in conscience.”

 

[cessnawag]

I would just confess it to the priest and do the penance. Unless of course you want to seem like the creepiest guy on earth

 

[Delaine75]

I don’t think I would mention it to the person you were having impure thoughts about ~~ as one poster already said, that would be completely creepy and weird! I know I’d be totally uncomfortable if someone came up and confessed something like that to me when I had no idea about it in the first place!

 

[Melkite_Sword]

I don’t think I would mention it to the person you were having impure thoughts about ~~ as one poster already said, that would be completely creepy and weird! I know I’d be totally uncomfortable if someone came up and confessed something like that to me when I had no idea about it in the first place!

haha well yeah i know it would be creepy. what about the second scenario though?

 

[Irishgal49]

No, I mean tell the person in order to make reparation.

“2487 Every offense committed against justice and truth entails the duty of reparation, even if its author has been forgiven. When it is impossible publicly to make reparation for a wrong, it must be made secretly. If someone who has suffered harm cannot be directly compensated, he must be given moral satisfaction in the name of charity. This duty of reparation also concerns offenses against another’s reputation. This reparation, moral and sometimes material, must be evaluated in terms of the extent of the damage inflicted. It obliges in conscience.”

I would say this is another temptation by Satan to make contact with the woman and “see how she responds”. It’s sort of a “holy attempt” to hit on her, “Just wanted you to know I’ve been thinking lewd thoughts about you.” How is this “hurting her”? What if she says she’s been thinking “hot thoughts” about you? What if this causes her to have impure thoughts and she hits on you? Now what do you do?

Did you trash her reputation? Did you lie about her? Did you talk badly about her to others? Then no reparation is needed, and, in fact, I would think that this “reparation” as you’re stating it would be an attempt to “hit” on her and, as a single woman, I would interpret it that way. She may then complain to the priest and you could cause scandal to yourself and others.

Confess it and “let her go”. That’s the reparation that is called for in this case. Oh, and tell your Confessor about this. When I get weird ideas I always run them by him and he will set me straight.

Lorrie

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Step # 9 of a 12 step program:

1. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
   so would injure them or others.

Good advice. Let it go…after confession.

 

[Bookcat]

Your confessor can guide you on what needs “reparation” on the human level – ask him…

(But no -I do not see that having impure thoughts about someone would involve “reparation” to the person…)

 

[Melkite_Sword]

Step # 9 of a 12 step program:

1. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
   so would injure them or others.

Good advice. Let it go…after confession.

what about if you lied to someone in order to manipulate them? does that mean you shouldn’t make reparation because doing so would cause greater injury? I mean should you go up to someone whom you are good friends with and say ‘listen I manipulated you… sorry’, wouldn’t that harm the friendship? I don’t fully understand which situation reparation should be made??? It would be a great help if someone could quote a church document specifying this!

 

[Melkite_Sword]

I would say this is another temptation by Satan to make contact with the woman and “see how she responds”. It’s sort of a “holy attempt” to hit on her, “Just wanted you to know I’ve been thinking lewd thoughts about you.” How is this “hurting her”? What if she says she’s been thinking “hot thoughts” about you? What if this causes her to have impure thoughts and she hits on you? Now what do you do?

Did you trash her reputation? Did you lie about her? Did you talk badly about her to others? Then no reparation is needed, and, in fact, I would think that this “reparation” as you’re stating it would be an attempt to “hit” on her and, as a single woman, I would interpret it that way. She may then complain to the priest and you could cause scandal to yourself and others.

Confess it and “let her go”. That’s the reparation that is called for in this case. Oh, and tell your Confessor about this. When I get weird ideas I always run them by him and he will set me straight.

Lorrie

ohhhh noo!! those aren’t my intentions at all, I just over think these things too much. thanks for the detailed response anyway

 

[presidentjlh]

It seems to me that confessing such thoughts to that person would probably cause damage to your relationship with them and possibly their psyche. As such, I would think it would be actually much better not to ever mention it to them.

However, certainly, absolutely, 100% confess it to a priest.

 

[underacloud]

What about if a man fornicated with a woman telling her that he loved her when in fact he only used her, should he tell her ‘I only used you as an object’? wouldn’t that cause more harm?

I think it may cause more harm and is unneccessary to say “I only used you”. But it may be appropriate to apologise nonetheless, without going into such unneccessary detail, such as “It was wrong of us to commit fornication and I apologise to you; I hope you can forgive me”.

Of course, if things have already ended badly, it may be best to let it slide. As bookcat said, your confessor would be able to help discern what is appropriate.

 

[underacloud]

I will also add…

Reparation is the correcting of a wrong. In the case of impure thoughts, the victim has not suffered a wrong except in your own mind, so that is where the reparation takes place. Apologising to the person does not repair anything in them, since they did not know about the wrong. Reparation is acheived through changing your own thoughts regarding this person; making an effort to view them as a child of God, not as a sex object.

Pointing your sin out to them, on the other hand, may actually bring your sin to bear on them. Even if you apoligise in doing so, they are probably left worse off (very creepy) so it’s not the way to go.