“once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.” If you have a particular inclination, sometimes it’s not possible to change it, only exert a measure of control over it.
Thank you for contributing to the conversation in an intelligent and thoughtful manner. You make an interesting point in comparing homosexuality to alcoholism, and that by analogy homosexuality is a similar sort of inclination that often cannot be changed. I’m homosexual, addicted to tobacco, and I still can’t tell whether or not that might be true.
The real question is whether homosexuality is actually something that requires ‘curing’ or is merely a natural variation of human sexuality.
Is it really good for a person to be schooled into avoiding the intimacy they need and desire as a human being, because it’s with the “wrong” gender?
I can understand your well-intentioned view. I do sometimes feel that many heterosexuals have adopted a view, however, which to an extent probably derives from our own wishful thinking as homosexuals, where we sincerely desire to see our alternative notion of sexual intimacy to be equally conducive to happiness. That, however, is not borne out in practice.
The major homosexual act involves one partner using the other’s body in a manner inconsistent with its evolution, and so demonstrable physical harm is indeed caused. If we include spiritual harm into the equation, then truly, even though consent may be given, causing such harm is not consistent with the virtue of love, which is the desire of the well-being of the other.
Aside from the immediately injurious aspects of the physical act itself, we also have the proximate risks of engaging in the lifestyle, such as that of infection with venereal disease. HIV prevalence among MSM in London, for example, is approximately 10%, and other diseases are rife as well. Even if we exclude all other reasons from consideration, that alone should be a sufficient and legitimate reason for a person with homosexual inclinations to desire to seek a method of being made capable of following an alternative path, even if we were to consider both paths morally equivalent. I hope you agree with me that even if there were nothing wrong with homosexuality in and of itself, it would be unfair not to offer homosexuals with a desire to do so, a means to change their inclinations if such a possibility existed.
When I was an active (but closeted) homosexual and an atheist (I was around 20 then; I’m 25 now), even from my perspective back then, it did not look too rosy. Homosexuals and heterosexuals alike, of course, fall prey to idealised notions of what it would be like to meet their ideal partner and the like, but again, whereas there are indeed a few lasting, happy heterosexual relationships, the picture on the other side is unfortunately a little more grim.
One problem is that for some reason, homosexual relations are mostly incompatible with long-term intimacy. I’ve mentioned that the reason why I believe this may be so is that the sexual act between two men ultimately necessitates the degradation, physical or psychological, of one of the partners, which is incompatible with the love and friendship that is necessary to form a lasting relationship.
Whether you agree with me or not on this is not that relevant, as the practical aspect is the same. However, there is nothing in a man’s mind that prevents him from forming long-lasting relationships with women, or indeed long-lasting, loyal, affectionate and intimate friendships with other men. But there does seem to exist something in homosexuality that militates against both these things.
When I participated in the homosexual lifestyle, there were indeed aspects of it that were very flattering, but I was acutely aware of the fact that I was not participating in anything meaningful, and once my youthfulness and attractiveness faded, there was nowhere to go from there. I could see older homosexual men who had had plenty of fun, sex, whatever, but they did not find what they had hoped for, and were now so desperate for intimacy that they begged to be degraded in unspeakable ways, merely so as to recapture some male attention. Seeing the terrible misery and despair of these men evoked a mixture of feelings in me, both of intense sympathy and, unfortunately, of revulsion. But placing one’s hopes in homosexuality could indeed be a dead end, and seeing it as a “disorder” to live with may indeed help avoid the pain caused by those hopes not being fulfilled.
Of the few men I met or knew of, who somehow managed to maintain truly long-term relationships, the vast majority of them turned into “open” relationships, and so both partners were exposed to the risk of disease. I’ve only met perhaps one or two examples of men who were in long-term monogamous relationships, which I believe to be a result of a strong will, motivated by good intentions, and perhaps still a temporary phenomenon.
Whatever the reasons for this may be, the outlook for a man who seeks true intimacy in homosexuality is poor. Fulfilment of his desire for sexual closeness with a man does not fulfil his deeper psychological needs, and may indeed act against them. And while a younger homosexual may be so flattered by the lifestyle that he may vehemently disagree with me, I believe the truth of my observations may only become evident when it is too late.
Even if one were to accept that homosexuality is in itself morally neutral, in consequence it is far more likely to lead those affected by it to depression and unhappiness. And even if that were not the case, happiness would be less likely because of the smaller pool of potential partners. And so I would still suggest that even from a secular perspective, it would be entirely reasonable to explore means to change for those who wish to become capable of following a different path for the sake of their own happiness.
