Required Marital Sex

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ARFF

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In a Catholic marraige, does a woman have to conduct lovemaking with her husband although she does not find any enjoyment in it and only does it because she feels obligated as his wife and because of her Catholic faith?

This does not seem right. I don’t believe that God wants a woman to subject herself to intimacy with her spouse because she is forced by her religion to do so.
 
Has the woman in question discussed this with her husband?
 
Why are men always the bad guys? Don’t women enjoy sex too? Besides, why would she marry the guy if she doesn’t want to have sex with him?

Anyway, the Church doesn’t even require her to have marital relations. Mary and Joseph’s marriage was valid and she remained a perpetual virgin.
 
She only has marital intimacy with him because she thinks it is her duty as his wife. She does not want to hurt him because he is a good husband in many respects. She has confided in me as a close friend. She simply is not interested in the intimacy aspect of the relationship.
 
JPUSC said:
Why are men always the bad guys? Don’t women enjoy sex too? Besides, why would she marry the guy if she doesn’t want to have sex with him?

Anyway, the Church doesn’t even require her to have marital relations. Mary and Joseph’s marriage was valid and she remained a perpetual virgin.
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They have been married for many years. After the children were born she lost interest in any intimacy with him.
 
I think it"s normal for people to lose interest in sex as they get older. Anyway, It is not Catholic teaching that a wife has to have marital relations, especially if they already have children.
 
If she is having a libido problem, isn’t she obligated to go to the doctor and try to remedy the situation?
 
Let’s look at what St. Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians:

Now concerning the thing whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render the debt to his wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.

(1 Cor 7)
 
SourGrape said:
Let’s look at what St. Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians:

Now concerning the thing whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render the debt to his wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.

(1 Cor 7)
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“…lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.” Does this mean you will be tempted to have an extra marital affair?
 
SourGrape said:
Let’s look at what St. Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians:

Now concerning the thing whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render the debt to his wife, and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.

(1 Cor 7)
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…“Let the husband render the debt…”

The debt? What debt? A person should not be indebted simply because they are married. Should they?
 
JPUSC said:
I think it"s normal for people to lose interest in sex as they get older. Anyway, It is not Catholic teaching that a wife has to have marital relations, especially if they already have children.
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Says who? Is there a biblical or official Catholic reference? I could not find a scripture or reference on this one.
 
ARFF said:
…“Let the husband render the debt…”

The debt? What debt? A person should not be indebted simply because they are married. Should they?
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The debt of marital relations. When one gets married, one’s body is not his own, it also belongs to his spouse. So yes, it is the Catholic faith that a man must be willing to be intimate with his wife and vice versa, as St. Paul says. It sounds like it would be a good idea to get some good counsel on this issue from your priest.
 
DavidPalm said:
The debt of marital relations. When one gets married, one’s body is not his own, it also belongs to his spouse. So yes, it is the Catholic faith that a man must be willing to be intimate with his wife and vice versa, as St. Paul says. It sounds like it would be a good idea to get some good counsel on this issue from your priest.
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So why was Mary a virgin? She had no debt to Joseph? How about after Jesus was born, still no debt? No temporary abstinence I am aware of. Sounds like a hypocritical conflict.

Unwanted marital intimacy can only lead to pain and resentment. Then there is a lot of damage control, and loss of respect to be concerned with.
 
ARFF said:
So why was Mary a virgin? She had no debt to Joseph? How about after Jesus was born, still no debt? No temporary abstinence I am aware of. Sounds like a hypocritical conflict.
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One part of marriage is exchanging with another the right to sexual relations with you. It should be noted that, as was the case with Mary and Joseph, two people can exchange the right to sexual relations with each other while mutually intending never to exercise that right.

Having said that, the marriage debt is the responsibility of one spouse to consent to sexual relations when the other spouse requests it on reasonable grounds. The marriage debt does not exist until a person requests the relations. In other words, marriage, itself, does not incur a “mutual” marriage debt to necessarily be paid by the two spouses.
 
ARFF said:
Unwanted marital intimacy can only lead to pain and resentment. Then there is a lot of damage control, and loss of respect to be concerned with.
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If the husband does not share his wife’s undesire for the marital embrace, believe me, that can only lead to pain and resentment. Same goes with damage control and loss of respect. In order for a married couple to embrace complete abstinence after a time, it must be a JOINT decision.
 
ARFF said:
So why was Mary a virgin? She had no debt to Joseph? How about after Jesus was born, still no debt? No temporary abstinence I am aware of. Sounds like a hypocritical conflict.

Unwanted marital intimacy can only lead to pain and resentment. Then there is a lot of damage control, and loss of respect to be concerned with.
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Maam, with all due respect you aren’t the Blessed Virgin Mary and your husband isn’t St. Joseph. If in consultation with a very good and holy confessor both you and he agree to no marital relations then perhaps there is a case to be made for it. But otherwise, there is a marital obligation, although of course it would be best if you are able to pray for the grace to render this willingly.

I really think that you need to get some counsel on this matter outside of an Internet forum. It sounds like there are some weightier issues to be dealt with. Perhaps you can ask a good, orthodox priest to help you find some assistance to work through this with your husband.
 
If the answer to the OP is “no,” then the answer to:

“Should a marriage involve, to a significant degree, the meeting of the sexual needs of both spouses?”
is definitely also “no.”

Some people would phrase the original question, “Should I be required to give in to the sexual demands of my husband?”

Others would phrase it, “Does my husband deserve to have his sexual needs met by the fact of being married to me?”

It’s difficult, and all I know is, each spouse is being called to “die to self” irrespective of whether the other is doing so. That’s tough, but the question “Is the other doing as he or she ought to?” has NO bearing on one’s being the kind of husband or wife that God calls them to be.

Peace.
John
 
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