Required Marital Sex

[kage_ar]

Good advice but I believe the confessional session would take a very long time. Besides that, she would have to go to another church for fear that the Priest would recognize her voice.

As a Catholic, she does go to Confession, right? She would be best advised to go to her regular confessor.

 

[ARFF]

As a Catholic, she does go to Confession, right? She would be best advised to go to her regular confessor.

I asked her about that. She told me that she is only required to go to confession twice a year and she did not confess this marital problem in the past. She does not intend to confess it in the future either. She does not believe she is committing any mortal sin by submitting with consent to her husband. She believes that through prayer, the Lord will give her direction and inspiration. I hope she is correct. Until then, she will continue what she is doing.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I am not familiar with the term “Emotional Adultery”. I have never received any instruction from the church in this area. Is there scripture I can refer to?

The Church doesn’t have an official teaching on Emotional Adultery. However- emotional adultery is when someone extends romantic feelings towards a person who is NOT their spouse.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

Yes, as another female, I don’t believe she would understand. It would start an argument. I don’t want to go down that road. If the shoe were on the other foot and she had conversations like this with one of her co-workers about about their problems I would not care. I would hope she could talk to me about it but what I don’t know wouldn’t hurt me. Particularly if it wasn’t my concern. I am not insecure in my marraige.

Let me get this straight…
You would be completely ok with your wife telling a male friend that she despises having sex with you, and that she feels sexually used any time you all renew your marriage covenant?

Wow… um… I dunno what kind of man you are, but even then men I know who trust their wives implicitly would hit the roof if that ever occured.

 

[PatienceAndLove]

I agree she may be entitled… but that is at my discretion of presenting the information to her. There is nothing in any scripture that I am aware of that states I have to repeat everything I hear to my wife.

Not everything has to be Scripture based. Somethings are common courtesy. As her husband, you should tell her that you are having discussions with another woman regarding her sex life. If you already know that it would cause an issue, you already know you’ve crossed the line.

I agree with you that there is a gross “misunderstanding”. I believe my friend’s husband doesn’t understand his wife’s feelings towards intimacy because she is not sending the proper signals and effectively communicating her feelings because of guilt. I don’t understand why he can’t sense a problem.

Anything else from this point on should be this statement: “I understand you are having issues. However, as a man who is not your husband, I should not be privvy to such information, and can no longer have conversations with you regarding this. It is an occasion for sin. You should seek advice from your pastor, who can refer you to a specialist. Additionally, I have told that there is a program called Retrouvaille that is for couples in the position you and your husband are in. I suggest you call the diocese for more information.” Conclude with you are praying for her, and any further discussions regarding this matter should be with her pastor, counsellor or a female friend.

 

[kage_ar]

I asked her about that. She told me that she is only required to go to confession twice a year and she did not confess this marital problem in the past. She does not intend to confess it in the future either.

Your friend may want to study Confession, a good place to begin is the Catechism:

It begins here:

scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c2a4.htm#1440

While once per year Confession is the bare minimum, it is the rare adult human being who can go a full year without committing grave sin. Many Saints went to Confession daily.

To be dishonest with ones spouse seems like something that is a form of lying. The Catechism gives a good definition of a lie:

**2483 **Lying is the most direct offense against the truth. To lie is to speak or act against the truth in order to lead someone into error. By injuring man’s relation to truth and to his neighbor, a lie offends against the fundamental relation of man and of his word to the Lord.

 

[Cat]

ARFF, you are being deliberately obtuse. Why did you even ask if all you plan to do is argue with us?

You dismiss the answer “prayer and counselling” as the “politically correct answer.”

Well, it also happens to be an excellent answer and IMO, the correct answer in this case, along with seeking medical advice. Your cavalier dismissal of this response tells me that you are NOT qualified at all to “counsel” this woman and help her through this.

I personally believe that you are looking for a way to justify having sex with this woman some day, and I think she knows this and is just digging in waiting for you. Mark my words. Listen to all of us and get away from the situation now.

 

[CradleCath]

I asked her about that. She told me that she is only required to go to confession twice a year and she did not confess this marital problem in the past. She does not intend to confess it in the future either. She does not believe she is committing any mortal sin by submitting with consent to her husband. She believes that through prayer, the Lord will give her direction and inspiration. I hope she is correct. Until then, she will continue what she is doing.

She won’t talk to a priest, she won’t talk to her husband, she won’t see a counselor…yet she’s sharing these details with you, a male friend?? My first thought upon reading your OP., is that this woman must be VERY timid. However, she is sharing things about the intimacy in her marriage with you, a male friend? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

BTW., this woman is to be admired for her faith that the Lord will give her direction…but so much fear (of telling her husband, a priest, a counselor), suggests that sexual intimacy with her husband is not her only problem.

Also, since my 49th wedding anniversary is next month. As one who has had a lot of experience re Catholic marriage, I must take issue with your view of marriage. First of all, NO marriage stays static, there are periods of intense physical passion & periods when the stresses of life in general…money pressures, stress & worry related to one’s children or elderly parents, etc., ETC. affect one’s libido as do some illnesses…diabetes, treatments used for high blood pressure & heart disease can severly affect one’s sex drive. However, in a CATHOLIC marriage, one makes sacrifices for her spouse when these situations are present. I totally agree with the poster who said that “love is a choice”. I usually put it this way…love is a verb. Love is what you DO, not what you feel. Your friend is mostly DOING the right things, except for talking about personal sexual problems with a friend of a different gender. This is dangerous. If I ever found that my husband was discussing our sex life with another woman…he would be “dead meat”.

Since her problem could be physical illness, since it could be an emotional disturbance such as depression or anxiety disorder,you are WAY out or your league here. Tell your friend to see her family doctor & let him take it from there. He will suggest counseling if he thinks the lack of libido is caused by emotional illness…but, he MAY find a physical problem.

 

[Becks]

If I ever found that my husband was discussing our sex life with another woman…he would be “dead meat”.

If my wife ever found that I was discussing our sex life with another woman…let’s just say there wouldn’t be anything for me to discuss for a while.

 

[maryjk]

If my wife ever found that I was discussing our sex life with another woman…let’s just say there wouldn’t be anything for me to discuss for a while.

Or if he were discussing with a woman, her sex life. There would be problems, too.

And I trust my husband. Completely. That doesn’t mean that I trust everyone completely.

ARFF,
What you are looking for here is either to have someone tell you that she should say no to her husband. That way you can go to her and tell her.

Or you are not Catholic, have problems with the Catholic church and want something to bash over our heads. So if we say, yes, she should still have relations with her husband, we are bad.

To me, this sounds like a made up situation. She won’t talk to her husband, she won’t talk to her doctor, she won’t talk to her Priest. But she will talk to you???

If it isn’t, think about this. You are a man, not related to her. But you think there is nothing wrong with talking to her about her sex life. You haven’t told your wife, because she wouldn’t understand? Duh, there is a reason she wouldn’t understand.