Hello Julie,
First, obviously I don’t know you at all, so the best I can do is brainstorm a bunch of ideas and hope that you can adapt one or more of them to your situation. Let’s start with your question quoted above…
You can’t count on guys your age, or any age really, knowing how to be the leader. Many of the guys will be looking over at you from where they’re standing in the men’s group and thinking to themselves, “I’d like to talk to her but it’s intimidating to approach her.” So a place to start is to learn how to play the role of leader. I’m not suggesting you always have to be the leader, just that you should know how. Having this skill will make many more candidates available to you, which is important because…
Dating is a numbers game. The more guys you meet, the more guy friends you will make, and the more guy friends you have, the higher the chance of finding Mr. Right. So have faith, and work the numbers. Maybe start a chart that tracks how many times a week you’ve reached out to someone new. Go ahead, be nerdy, do whatever it takes. It doesn’t matter if you are accepted or rejected in any particular situation, it matters that you run the number of contacts up as high as you can. This mindset takes a complex psycho-social phenomena like dating and simplifies it dramatically.
Where to run your numbers up is probably worth considering. The guys you want to meet are probably doing charity work, not snorting coke in a nightclub. What would a guy that you’d respect being doing with his time? Figure that out and then put yourself in as many of those situations as you can. Define the quality zone, and then work the numbers there.
Let’s talk sales tools.
Start a blog and Facebook page if you don’t already have them. Give guys who are interested an efficient way to get to know you. If you feel more comfortable writing than talking, use that to your advantage. Maybe be like Jimi Hendrix, who was very shy in person, but let his real inner self shine like a bright light on stage. Find the place where you feel the most comfortable sharing the real you, and work it.
Get some business cards that list your URLs. Now when you meet an interesting guy you can give him the keys to your world in 15 seconds. “Hi, you look like fun, why don’t you stop by my Facebook page sometime so we can chat.” Buy 500 cards and get rid of them as fast as you can, obviously exercising some judgment about who the lucky recipients will be.
Develop a list of fun things to do on a first date. When the right guy comes along, be ready, even if he isn’t. Some of the most perfect guys for a good little Catholic girl will have no clue how to proceed. I know, as I’m one of those guys.
Solve the problem.
Let’s evaluate the candidates.
Look for a guy who can be your best friend. Look for a guy who would make a great roommate. Look for a guy you like spending a LOT of time with. Because that’s the bottom line of what marriage is.
Check out the guy’s parents. How’s their marriage? Not a hard and fast rule here, but information worth gathering.
Meet the guy’s former girlfriends if you can. How’d that work out? Do they still like him, or are they all pretty mad? How did he treat them? How does this fellow respond to not getting his way?
And finally, the most important advice of all. Get a pen and paper and be sure to write this down. Are you ready? Ok, here we go…
Never ever take advice from anonymous crazy old men on the Internet!
If you want more let me know, but I have to go now, because all the many girls I dated when I was your age (both of them) have fallen on the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter upon learning I’m giving dating advice, and I have to go dial 911.
