Return to Catholicism, stay Protestant, or combine the two?

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EliseNC

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Hello all!

This is my first post and I’m very excited to have found this forum! I’m hoping some of you will be able to help me and give some advice.

I was raised Catholic and have been confirmed. My husband and I were actually married in the Church. We soon had our first child, had her baptized, and then moved closer to my husband’s family. His family is absolutely wonderful and welcomed us with open arms. We have lived in the area since then (almost 17 years) and have gone on to have three more children.

Soon after we moved here I realized that we were in the minority as far as Catholics were concerned. I felt like an outsider. My husband’s family is Pentecostal and shared their faith openly. They were very involved in their church. I was definitely intrigued since I hadn’t really seen such an outward display of religion and I was impressed by the children’s programs and all that they had to offer for young families. I felt some subtle pressure to leave Catholicism and “be born again”. My husband and I freely left the Church and began attending the Pentecostal church. I have never felt like it was home but I always felt that it was just because I wasn’t “spiritual” enough.

Fast forward 15 years and my step father passed away in April. It was a very painful experience but it opened my eyes to a lot of things. I only have one life to live and it HAS to be authentic. I can’t be what other people want me to be. One Saturday afternoon I felt a sense that I was supposed to go to confession. I was terrified and didn’t want to go. I looked on the website of our local parish and realized that confession was in about an hour. I had no excuse not to go. I went in shaking like a leaf. I hadn’t been to confession in almost 20 years. The priest was SO kind. Through all my non-sensical blubbering he understood me and asked me some questions. He absolved my sins and I walked out feeling like I weighed 50 pounds lighter. It was amazing.

Since then I have been going to Mass sporadically. We are very involved at our Protestant church. My husband and I teach Sunday School every week. Our children don’t know anything but their church. They have gone to Mass with me a couple of times but they don’t really understand it. They are now 17, 15, 13, and 11.

My question is I really want to return but my oldest two do not want to leave their church. They are so plugged in and have a great group of adult leaders who encourage them. I don’t have any issues with the Protestant church. They are doing a wonderful job. It’s just not for me. My younger two are more open to going to the Catholic Church. I would need to get them into a Faith Formation class but I’m afraid they would have to be with the little kids getting ready for their first Holy Communion. I can’t see that working.

If I return to the Church my husband and youngest two will go with me but not my oldest two. We will be a house divided. Now we have all agreed that we can all be respectful and encouraging to one another. The oldest two agreed that they would come to Mass on special occasions and that I would attend the Protestant church anytime. I just HATE the idea of us being split up but I also HATE the idea of continuing in a church I have no connection with. We have always homeschooled our children so their church is a major social outlet for them. All of the oldest children’s friends attend the Protestant church. I simply cannot imagine taking them away from that. It has to be a matter of free will at their ages.

If you read all of this bless your heart!!! I need guidance, direction, anything!

Thanks so much!

EliseNC
 
Based on my personal experience (more than a decade), combining the two doesn’t work very well, not just because of the opposing theological systems, but also because it is time consuming and takes your energy.

As you know the Catholic Church requires weekly Sunday Mass attendance, so to try to keep up with volunteer work in the Protestant Church while attending Sunday Mass every week will eventually burn you out, even if there is no discernible difference in the teachings (although I like to hope that there is). You have to choose one or the other.

It is perfectly okay for you to be Catholic while the rest of the family is not. You simply go to Mass by yourself while they go to their Church without you. It’s okay to do that. Nobody is being a “bad person”. I am the only Catholic in my family, and actually I have to admit that going to Mass by myself is kind of nice - I like being able to stay and talk to people if I want to, without having to rush home because the children are hungry.

If your younger children decide they want to come with you, that’s fine, too.

Your older children have already been well trained in the way that they will go, so be supportive of their continued involvement in their church, and realize that you have done a brilliant job of raising them - you have teenagers who love to go to Church. That’s a rare accomplishment - you should be proud. 🙂
 
Wow, you do have quite a story. May I suggest that you make sure that you answer God’s call to you and that you attempt to be patient with your children. God will lead and guide you if you allow Him and right now He is working on you. Be completely transparent with your children, ask them to try to see your call and give them the information they need to understand where you are at this time in your spiritual journey. They are old enough that their spiritual journey make not be on the same path but you can work this out.
 
:tiphat: Welcome. Bless your heart for listening to the Holy Spirit in going to Confession and attending Mass. My advice would be to start praying the Rosary and Chaplet of Divine Mercy. Make the Stations of the Cross about once a week. Fasting is also important. These spiritual practices will help you and your family immensely. I think you should return to the Catholic Church as soon as you are able. Don’t put this off- the Holy Spirit is calling you now for a reason. Trust in the Lord. He will take care of everything. Read Rome Sweet Home by Scott Hahn if you haven’t already. All will be well.:gopray2:
 
It sounds to me like you really need to come home. Given what you have written it sounds like you have a wonderful family and - divided or not - your kids are going to have Christ in their lives.

As others have said - it will be kind of complicated, but it is doable - If God is truly your first love and you are willing to go where he is leading you.

Peace
James
 
49“I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing! 50* There is a baptism with which I must be baptized, and how great is my anguish until it is accomplished!u 51Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth?v No, I tell you, but rather division.w 52From now on a household of five will be divided, three against two and two against three; 53a father will be divided against his son and a son against his father, a mother against her daughter and a daughter against her mother, a mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”x

Luke 12:49-53

This is what happens when you meet Truth…it’s ok!

The main line in your post that REALLY stuck out to me was: " I only have one life to live and it HAS to be authentic. I can’t be what other people want me to be"

I think EVERYONE in your family should concentrate on those very words.

We’re all on the search for that authentic truth mentioned in Luke… Jesus said “I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life”.

If you found it in the Catholic church…you have an obligation to follow it. I would not split yourself up. Go to get togethers or maybe a prayer service with that protestant church for friendship sake …but you need to put your whole heart with the Church God is calling you to. If your older children are very responsible, and going to that church for the RIGHT reason… I personally wouldin’t force them to become catholics…leave that to them …so long as you are always inspiring faith and insisting they stick with whichever area they go. The younger ones…take to the catholic church…you are their parent and you know what’s best for them.

God bless and welcome home!
 
Hi Elise,

Come home, come home!

I can definitely understand not wanting your home to be divided, because that was actually the reason I initially began looking into Catholicism when I began dating my husband…

However… now I can’t imagine life without the grace that the sacraments offer. You’ve already felt that fifty pound lighter feeling! And the Eucharist is here, just waiting for you always!

I can imagine, a little bit at least since I left the Church I grew up in and am still close to many of the people from it (although we live across the country now), how difficult this move could be socially… but still… the sacraments!

And once you’re home you can storm heaven with your prayers for your older children too, that they might someday know the particular grace you’ve already felt that day when you left the confessional!

Prayers and God Bless!
 
wow such a tough situation I pray for you

aside from praying

my thoughts and take this with a grain of salt

That you should come back to the Catholic Church with those children that are willing and teach them about their faith and how to defend it - and eventually your other children will come around once given the truth as hard as that may be … again this is all my opinion

I grew up protestant and demanded to be Catholic at age 11 because my cousins were Catholic and told me the Catholic Church came first and my parents had no rebuttal …

hope this helps
 
I have a similar story. My Mother is Orthodox Christian and my Dad is Western Catholic. When I was to be baptised, my Mother wanted to have me baptised Orthodox, but my Father told her that while he wouldn’t have a problem with it, she didn’t go to church nearly as much as he did, so she accepted it. It was also because his family is really hostile to non-Catholics and they would’ve died if I were baptised Orthodox Christian, anyway.

Well, fast forward about thirteen years and I decide that I want to become Orthodox Christian. Two years later I’m finally baptised and am practising Orthodox Christian. And that’s where the problems began…

My Father says he’s okay with it, but sometimes he’ll go too overboard with the “You’re leaving Holy Mother Church, eh?” but my Mother and I let it go. I think that he’s just confused that a teenager wants to practice anything, let alone a religion he deems more strict and more spooky (in his eyes, ethnic=spooky. In fact, one time when I told him that I’m studying to become a cantor, he asked if that was the choir or the ‘spooky Dracula music’ :rolleyes:).

A two-religion household is sort of awkward if both sides actually care about their religion, worse if they transcend healthy love into zealousness. My Dad is convinced that if my Grandmother were to find out that I was a practising Orthodox Christian instead of your average teen lapsed-Catholic, she’d die, like actually die. You don’t seem to have that in your family, so that shouldn’t be a problem with you. My Dad also gets a little snotty when I ask if he’d like to go with us on our holidays and he’s like “If I’m going to attend any church, it’s going to be my own,” but then he usually ends up oversleeping. I think what’s more irritating is the few times when my Mother can’t drive me, he gets kind of pushy and says I should go with him because any church is better than none. So, I usually end up going to the Anglican church that’s also walking distance, or unfortunately I’m the one that sleeps-in in this scenario. I’m not going to lie, it’s a bit sad when we have to split up to worship, but sometimes we meet up for breakfast afterwards and things end up all right.

So I would say go for it; I returned to Orthodox Christianity and nothing bad has happened to me so far. Your husband seems like a good guy—I doubt anything’s going to happen at all. Likewise goes for your children. They’re not going to get an emancipation or resent you forever or anything. The only advice I’d like to give is to allow your more-open children the choice to see if they like Catholicism or Pentacostalism. That’s honestly a reason that I was anti-Catholic for a few years; most Catholics I had encountered (which is to say my entire paternal family, grammar school, and its adjoining parish) were extremely pushy. You might genuinely run the risk of pushing your children away from religion in-general, which is a scary thought indeed.

Best of your luck to you and I know that whatever happens, Ma’am, you’ll make the right decision.
 
Wow, you truly have an incredible story!
Well first of all, I’m coming from a Pentecostal/Salvation Army background…and now, I’m on my journey to Catholicism.

You are absolutely right when you say you have to be authentic.
God’s Holy Spirit is the one who is convicting you on that. Even though it’s going to be difficult at times (i’m sure!) if I were you, I would return to your home church - the Catholic church.

As a person who understands how a Protestant thinks, I think I would explain things in terms of we need to be obedient to God’s Holy Spirit - - - Pentecostals, in specific can openly appreciate that expression… and tell your children, there are a lot of beautiful and meaningful things in the Catholic faith, and that God is calling you to that.

As for them converting… that’s where your ‘faith’ needs to apply.
Leave that with God - He’s begun a wonderful work in them, and who knows? Maybe God is planning on using your witness to them, to inspire their interests in the Catholic church.

Whatever God’s plans are, be assured that God wants the very best for you, and your children…Read Jeremiah 29:11

I should also mention that I have over 12 years of youth work experience within the Protestant church, including teaching doctrine.

God has challenged me…or rather “Awakened me” so I’m sure He can do the same for your children.

Blessings to you, and your family!
 
Be careful not to let your husband and family feel that your conversion closer to Christ is a rejection of them. I’d suggest stages here.

Stage 1. Go to 7:30am Sunday mass by yourself or with whichever kids want to come. Go also to services with your husband to a later service at his place. Finish out whatever Sunday school committment you have, but don’t re-up for the next semester. Expect some criticism, alarm and anti-catholicism from members of that congregation and prepare yourself. “Catholic and Christian” by Alan Schreck is a good read for this stage. If you are confronted by really combative protestants, get a copy of “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating. Feel free to skip the Rogue’s Gallery of early chapters (most of whom are now retired or dead) and get to the theological stuff. Outstanding defenses of catholic teaching against the most common protestant attacks.

Stage 2. Continue with both mass and your family’s services, but taper off other involvement in activities and ministries there in favor of getting to know people in the catholic parish. Start a family bible study / faith group where you read and discuss the gospel of John, Luke and Acts. Try to explain impartially the similarities and differences between catholicism and their specific brand of protestantism. Where there are differences, don’t try to pursuade right now, just give the best arguments from each side and let the cards fall. You’ll have lots of homework to do in this phase as you’ll be getting heat from the kids and probably the pastor of the protestant community. Read “Catholicism for Dummies” and “The Lamb’s Supper” (Scott Hahn)

Stage 3. You’ll probably tire after a while of all your old friends trying to save you from the ‘Whore of Babylon’ (I hope I’m wrong and they aren’t that bad). Stick out going to both services until you are sure that your kids understand your faith journey and won’t feel that you’ve rejected THEM. They may or may not come along, but that’s in God’s hands more than yours. All you can do is love them and tell them about your own journey.
 
Hi Elise,Wow! I read your post followed by reading the replies.I thank you and everybody.I also was baptised Catholic.I went to Catholic school until my 4 siblings and I was asked to leave because we could no longer afford tuition and book cost.I 'm now 54.Despite that when EWTN came on the airways I started watching and saying the rosary with them and what programs were then available.Unfortunately I still harbored a bad feeling towards the Catholic church.Anyway I had learned about a non denominational church.So I started going there.Like you I liked the socialization, the ministries and the Bible teaching.The Bible teaching helped me understand the verses and life application.BUT, something is changing in me.I believe with my whole heart that I am being called Home.I 'm finding that denying the Blessed Virgin Mary,which my church does, doesn’t have a place for us is wrong.Yes, they acknowledge her as mother, but that’s it.I don’t like when they put down the Catholic church openly in their preaching.But when they’re not doing that I find alot of their preaching good.
I am being called home, no question about that.I agree with the reply of you goin, let ur family in as you go.For me, well I 'll need to call my parish to get help w transportation.I will not be able to put money in the plate often, but will try.When I 'm in church and the plate goes by I 'm triggered by the fact that the church dismissed my family.And the way the nuns and priests thought that they should treat us as children.I know things have now changed.They for the Most part have changed.I miss the traditions of the Catholic church.The desire to go back is well, Holy Spirit inspired.Speaking of which I had just downloaded a Bible /catechism reading guide.On the guide it recommends to say a little prayer prior to reading from the guide.The Holy Spirit prayerwhich I said.Then I hit upon this thread, yours is the 1st post I read.The Holy Spirit answered.
 
I would like to thank each and every one of you for your advice and kind words.

I still haven’t made a decision yet. When I talked to my oldest two they were both supportive of whatever I need to do for my own spiritual walk. But my oldest daughter teared up and said that if she was honest that it would make her sad if our family didn’t go to church together. That broke my heart just a little bit. I may end up doing what I’m currently doing, going to the Protestant church regularly and fitting in Mass when I can. It’s not ideal but I want to do what’s best for my family as a whole first. I hope God will understand that.

Thanks!

Elise
 
Is there not a 7:30am Sunday mass you can go to before the rest of the family heads off to their protestant services? As I said above, your instinct to ensure that your family doesn’t feel rejected is valid. But you must also be faithful to what God calls you to. I don’t think they have to be incompatible goals, but they won’t necessarily be convenient either. Jesus didn’t offer his body and blood as sacrifice for my sin and yours to be worked into our schedules when it is convenient for us. It wasn’t teribly convenient for the early christians to be eaten by wild animals in the arena either. You can do this. It’s not too much.
 
manualman said:
Is there not a 7:30am Sunday mass you can go to before the rest of the family heads off to their protestant services? As I said above, your instinct to ensure that your family doesn’t feel rejected is valid. But you must also be faithful to what God calls you to. I don’t think they have to be incompatible goals, but they won’t necessarily be convenient either. Jesus didn’t offer his body and blood as sacrifice for my sin and yours to be worked into our schedules when it is convenient for us. It wasn’t teribly convenient for the early christians to be eaten by wild animals in the arena either. You can do this. It’s not too much.
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I know you are right. There are many times either on Saturday night or Sunday that I could go. You’re right it won’t be convenient. I wish there was an easy answer but the more I explore this the more I realize there really isn’t an easy answer.

I have been reading more about Catholic beliefs because I really didn’t think about it when I was younger. The more I read the more I see that my views line up with Catholicism. I appreciate your honesty.

God Bless,

Elise
 
Elise, thank you for sharing your story with us. It is so inspiring to me to read about the Holy Spirit leading someone back home – and that’s what happened to you! It reminds me of something I realized recently. Do you ever read scripture and something you’ve read many times before, suddenly jumps out at you in a way that you never realized? That happened to me the other day when I was having Christian fellowship with some of my Protestant friends. We’ve been reading the gospel of John together and discussing each week. We got to the part where Jesus rises from the dead, appears to his disciples and what does he do? He breathes on them, giving them the gift of the Holy Spirit and why? He states specifically so that whose sins they forgive are forgiven and whose sins they retain are retained. Of course, we all know this verse but it suddenly struck me with such importance – that’s the first thing he did when he had his disciples all together and it really nailed down the importance of confession and what a gift it is from the Holy Spirit. He could have done a lot of things first…he could have done a lot of things during that brief time between his Resurrection and his ascension but this is what he did when he appeared in that room. It is so vital to us and yet what other church offers confession in apostolic succession from the men in that room? Most Christians don’t even practice confession and yet how can they justify what Jesus did that day?

You are doing the right thing by coming home. There is only one chance at eternal salvation. While it may seem that your house is divided, understand that it takes time. Definitely pray for your older two and consider that the Holy Spirit may work in their lives to bring them home too. Just love them and be understanding. I’m sure that you will even without me saying so. There is so much you can do to work towards their conversion without being in their face and without disrespecting them. You can pray, use the intercession of your Holy Mother and the Saints. You can fast and you can do penance. Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is the one who does the work of conversion and the person has to be willing. But ultimately, you will love them and that’s the most important thing is to love everyone as the Lord has commanded us. It will be ok because the division is out of love and truth.
 
Also just wanted to recommend Marcus Grodi and his show the Journey Home on EWTN where he interviews people on their stories of conversion and/or reversion. If you don’t have the channel, the episodes are on youtube. I love to watch them as my husband was not Catholic for the first 7 years of our marriage. He converted to Catholicism 5 years ago. Any who, there are tons of stories of Pentecostal families converting and other denominations as well and many times they deal with situations like you describe. It could be helpful to watch. Here are some that came up for Pentecostal:

youtube.com/watch?v=CypJuCjn5FE
youtube.com/watch?v=aUQXHwndlyM
youtube.com/watch?v=cwkHxhCC9KU
youtube.com/watch?v=BpahDv5gl-M
youtube.com/watch?v=lJZ7nSWPSrc
 
I have seen the two combined, and combined well (in the sense of family harmony and even a good understanding of both religious backgrounds) Often involves a little blurring of the lines and a little walk in the gray area.
 
You could try thinking like a rational human being and dropping religion altogether. It’s a cancer of humanity, a control mechanism. Science leaves room for belief in a higher power, try reading some philosophy and scientific theory on nature of the universe. Narrow minded religious dogma is the most dangerous form of human thought, it chokes out inspiration and rationality leaving only blind faith in the superstitious and contradictory words of men.
 
You appreciate MY honesty? LOL! It’s easy to tell other people what they should do. Every egomaniac on earth finds that easy. 😃

What’s hard to to admit your struggles and ask for advice. Thank YOU for your honesty.
 
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