With all due respect to Dr. Sultan, with whom I agree about some things, a former adherent who-- only a few minutes into the conversation-- cites unreliable source material is, unfortunately, not the most credible witness to what Muslims really believe.
The story of Asma bint Marwan comes from Ibn Ishaq’s biography of Muhammad, which I mentioned earlier in the thread. This biography is not hadith and not considered trustworthy by many Muslims, especially in matters of morality, conduct, and jurisprudence, in large part because Ishaq frequently uses phrases such as “it is alleged” and rarely cites his own sources. The story of Asma bint Marwan, in particular, is considered by many hadith scholars to be a fabrication, probably by Muhammad Ibn Al-Hajjaj. So even if you believe the story of Asma is true, most Muslims believe it is false, and they do not look to it for moral guidance in their own lives.
Later in the video, an unreliable hadith is related: “A woman’s paradise is under her husband’s foot.” It does sound horrible when phrased and presented that way, and I can understand why Dr. Sultan shudders. A more reliable hadith, however, puts the unreliable one in a different light: “a man came to the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! I intend to go on a (military) expedition, but I have come to ask your advice.’ He said, ‘Is your mother alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then remain with her, for paradise is under her feet.’” Such sayings are not about being tyrannized in the afterlife, but about gaining paradise through relationships. (The latter, more reliable hadith is the source of the Muslim feminist book title Paradise Beneath Her Feet.)
I’m sorry, but the credibility here is pretty low.