Role of a Catholic Wife

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dianaballein

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I have been faced with many questions as I travel this new path leading to me to becoming an official Catholic. One of the things that has puzzled me is a conflict between what I feel in my heart should be the role of a good Catholic wife, and what the actions I see from “supposed” good Catholic wives at Church.

Although I do embrace many things that the woman of today is able to do (such as vote), I find I am cut from the cloth of a more traditional view of wife, and woman. I believe that a wife should be there to support her husband, emotionally and spiritually. She should never tear him down, belittle him, or make him feel as if he is anything less than the head of the household and the father of her children. As such, she should show him respect (and he as well to her), and love him deeply. I believe it should be my job to “lift up” my husband. There is no greater satisfaction in my mind than knowing my husband wakes up every morning, smiling and happy that he is married to me. What greater gift can a woman give?

I see women who project themselves as the perfect Catholic wife. They can quote scripture at the drop of a hat. They are friendly with all of the Priests, and have them over for dinner and even as overnight guests. They attend Mass like clockwork.

This aside, I see them criticizing their husbands, talking down to them, making them feel as if they are not good men. These women get to stay home all day with their children…a great luxury in this day and age. Their husbands work all day and when they come home, they are not greeted with a home cooked meal and a hug. They are handed the baby and expected to take over…and many times dinner is not even made for them. After a long hard day providing for their families, they receive no nurturing.

These are people I know personally…so I can say with some authority that these men are good people…and do not disrespect their wives or mistreat them.

How is this viewed in the eyes of God? I believe that as wives, we are held to a standard…or we should be. We take an oath to be a partner to our husbands…and vice versa. Maybe I am old fashioned, but the idea of the female walking all over the male and not allowing him to be the man he should be…respecting him as her choice in a life partner, and as the Father of her children…it really gets to me.
 
You should do what you feel is right, but don’t lose sight of your own self worth or think that you should have to forsake any rights or luxuries merely because of your gender.
 
Your idea of a “good wife” is the real one. Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a good example to go by. Granted, it’s a really high standard, but it’s worth the effort. At least, I think it is.
 
Detente said:
You should do what you feel is right, but don’t lose sight of your own self worth or think that you should have to forsake any rights or luxuries merely because of your gender.
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I’m sorry Detente. I didn’t mean to have anyone interpret a loss of rights or self worth with my post, as the wife in the equation. However, don’t you think the husband experiences somewhat of a loss of self worth when the one person he should be able to turn to…his “safe” place…does not make it so?
 
Christy_Beth said:
Your idea of a “good wife” is the real one. Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a good example to go by. Granted, it’s a really high standard, but it’s worth the effort. At least, I think it is.
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I just looked up Proverbs 31:10-31. That is perfect…really. You see? God smiles down on such a woman. How would he view a woman who behaves otherwise?
 
Yes, you should both view yourselves as equals to each other.
 
Diana,
I respect your views on what marriage is. I have encountered some of what you speak of. I have been one of those women who has criticized my husband and plopped the baby in his lap the minute he walks in the door. I have even taken it a step further and plopped the baby in his lap before giving him time to change out of his work clothes…then I left the house—without dinner made or the clutter picked up. I am only human and had 3 babies who demanded attention from me day in and day out. I needed to leave many times so that I could come back and be the wife and mother my children and husband deserved.

I do believe that my job is to lift up my husband-- while I am human I don’t believe that not being the perfect wife and mommy means that I am not allowing him to be the man he should be.

I believe that he, as a husband, is held to the same standards that I as a wife should be held to. I don’t make any big decisions without consulting him nor would he without consulting me. If he didn’t want me to purchase something or I didn’t want him to we would both respect each other enough to be considerate of each others wishes.

As for wives demeaning their husbands…I am sure I have done that to mine. I have never meant to but I sometimes speak without thinking and sometimes those words are hurtful. Maybe the church wives you speak of were just having a bad day?

I don’t know what the Church says about it all or how it is viewed in God’s eyes, but when my Hubby and I convalidated our marriage we promised each other to Love, Honor, and Cherish each other. I would guess that is what God and the Church expect from married couples.

My husband is not Catholic and is active in his church. When I read your post and my response to him he said that those behaviors (from the wives) is not just a Catholic thing…it is across the board. He said that it is important to remember that we are all sinners and if we were perfect we wouldn’t have a need for church or God. People should not expect perfection from any person regardless of the scripture that they can quote.

These are just my thoughts…my husband thinks your husband is a very lucky man…but said he still wouldn’t trade me in for a different one—he loves me just the way I am. 😃
 
MomblessedX3 said:
Diana,
I respect your views on what marriage is. I have encountered some of what you speak of. I have been one of those women who has criticized my husband and plopped the baby in his lap the minute he walks in the door. I have even taken it a step further and plopped the baby in his lap before giving him time to change out of his work clothes…then I left the house—without dinner made or the clutter picked up. I am only human and had 3 babies who demanded attention from me day in and day out. I needed to leave many times so that I could come back and be the wife and mother my children and husband deserved.

I do believe that my job is to lift up my husband-- while I am human I don’t believe that not being the perfect wife and mommy means that I am not allowing him to be the man he should be.

I believe that he, as a husband, is held to the same standards that I as a wife should be held to. I don’t make any big decisions without consulting him nor would he without consulting me. If he didn’t want me to purchase something or I didn’t want him to we would both respect each other enough to be considerate of each others wishes.

As for wives demeaning their husbands…I am sure I have done that to mine. I have never meant to but I sometimes speak without thinking and sometimes those words are hurtful. Maybe the church wives you speak of were just having a bad day?

I don’t know what the Church says about it all or how it is viewed in God’s eyes, but when my Hubby and I convalidated our marriage we promised each other to Love, Honor, and Cherish each other. I would guess that is what God and the Church expect from married couples.

My husband is not Catholic and is active in his church. When I read your post and my response to him he said that those behaviors (from the wives) is not just a Catholic thing…it is across the board. He said that it is important to remember that we are all sinners and if we were perfect we wouldn’t have a need for church or God. People should not expect perfection from any person regardless of the scripture that they can quote.

These are just my thoughts…my husband thinks your husband is a very lucky man…but said he still wouldn’t trade me in for a different one—he loves me just the way I am. 😃
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Oh BlessedMom (I changed it a little heehee)…you are wonderful!

I supposed I came across as a bit over the top. I was speaking passionately due to a few isolated circumstances that do not mirror what you speak of, so let me clarify.

I do believe that all husbands and wives need their down time…their away time…their alone time. I have two children and sometimes, we need to be reminded that we are women and men, not just wives, husbands and parents. I have also had bad days where I have said “Dinner is whatever you can grab”. I work full time, but I was blessed for 4 years with being able to stay home. Mowing yards, pulling weeds, cleaning, cooking, volunteering at school…its all work that is just as hard as being away from home…almost moreso because you often do not have that day to day interaction with other adults.

The kind of belittling and criticizing I speak of is not generic “I am tired of picking up your socks” stuff. I am talking about literally making your husband feel like he is not good enough…like he has failed. The women I know who do this…it is not just “I had a bad day” stuff, and they will not apologize or ever admit they are at fault.

No one is perfect. Nothing has ever been more true or more real…and life is hard. I do believe the old saying “Treat her like a thoroughbred and she won’t be a nag”. It goes for our men too!!!

It sounds like you have a very healthy marriage, with lots of communication. That is so important. You realize that you do certain things, and I bet you both apologize on those bad days.
 
dianaballein said:
It sounds like you have a very healthy marriage, with lots of communication. That is so important. You realize that you do certain things, and I bet you both apologize on those bad days.
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Hmmmm…I believe we have a healthy marriage…it hasn’t always been roses but we work hard to continually grow.

I don’t know if my hubby would say that I apologize as often as I should. I just have to remind him it usually is his fault 😉

My hubby was home on lunch when I responded the first time so I was able to read him this. If he hadn’t gone back I would have included his response to the apology thing…I don’t think he would have agreed with me 😉

Back to the topic-
I do know of those who are so critical of their spouses…I try to just ignore them or if they are talking to me I will tell them that it isn’t my business.

Being married is a new adventure every day…I’ve been married over 15 years and I wouldn’t change a thing 😃
 
dianaballein said:
I have been faced with many questions as I travel this new path leading to me to becoming an official Catholic. One of the things that has puzzled me is a conflict between what I feel in my heart should be the role of a good Catholic wife, and what the actions I see from “supposed” good Catholic wives at Church.

Although I do embrace many things that the woman of today is able to do (such as vote), I find I am cut from the cloth of a more traditional view of wife, and woman. I believe that a wife should be there to support her husband, emotionally and spiritually. She should never tear him down, belittle him, or make him feel as if he is anything less than the head of the household and the father of her children. As such, she should show him respect (and he as well to her), and love him deeply. I believe it should be my job to “lift up” my husband. There is no greater satisfaction in my mind than knowing my husband wakes up every morning, smiling and happy that he is married to me. What greater gift can a woman give?

I see women who project themselves as the perfect Catholic wife. They can quote scripture at the drop of a hat. They are friendly with all of the Priests, and have them over for dinner and even as overnight guests. They attend Mass like clockwork.

This aside, I see them criticizing their husbands, talking down to them, making them feel as if they are not good men. These women get to stay home all day with their children…a great luxury in this day and age. Their husbands work all day and when they come home, they are not greeted with a home cooked meal and a hug. They are handed the baby and expected to take over…and many times dinner is not even made for them. After a long hard day providing for their families, they receive no nurturing.

These are people I know personally…so I can say with some authority that these men are good people…and do not disrespect their wives or mistreat them.

How is this viewed in the eyes of God? I believe that as wives, we are held to a standard…or we should be. We take an oath to be a partner to our husbands…and vice versa. Maybe I am old fashioned, but the idea of the female walking all over the male and not allowing him to be the man he should be…respecting him as her choice in a life partner, and as the Father of her children…it really gets to me.
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Your humility shines throughout your post. Thanks for posting.
 
There is no “perfect” or “good” catholic wife. And some of the “best” or seemingly “most perfect” among them, you know, the ones the priest are practically canonizing, you know what I mean. You will discover some horrible facts about these women if you just LOOK. I found this out when I went to college. All these children from these “good” or “perfect” catholic homes were doing things like drugs, serious alcohol problems, engaging in promiscuity, or worse! Trust me, in every “perfect” home their are still some major flaws!

I see myself as a catholic in good stance with the church, do everything required of me, and try to be a loving, supportive, catholic wife. But, honestly, I’m not seen as a “good” catholic wife. One main reason is that we don’t have a trail of children (on earth) tagging along with us. We don’t even have one. We are looked upon as contraceptors, enemies of God and the church, or not practicing catholics, etc. (None of which is true!) They are all just bad judgments and misconceptions. As is the silly misconception that any wife is a “good” or “perfect” one. Even Jesus did not allow Himself to be called “good.”

So, in other words, keep being the best YOU you can be, and quit comparing yourself to others, you’ll only make yourself worse and probably ruin the “good” that God is working in your life in a way planned from all eternity to be different from any other person in the church, and in the world. 🙂
 
This is a great and uplifting thread. Especially in a ‘me me me’ world, it’s nice to see threads like this.

I believe the role of myself as a Catholic wife, is to love God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength–and to love my husband as Christ loved the Church. (in however that translates to my own husband) To be selfless, but to not lose what makes me unique and what he fell in love with, and still loves.

To me, that is what the role of a Catholic wife is…or a wife, in general. If you want to have a forever marriage, live your vows. Sometimes, there are major bumps in the road, but if we continue to love our spouses the way Christ loved the Church–we will have forever marriages, filled with respect, love, peace, and devotion.

God bless all you married people on here!:blessyou: ❤️ :blessyou:
 
How is this viewed in the eyes of God? I believe that as wives, we are held to a standard…or we should be. We take an oath to be a partner to our husbands…and vice versa. Maybe I am old fashioned, but the idea of the female walking all over the male and not allowing him to be the man he should be…respecting him as her choice in a life partner, and as the Father of her children…it really gets to me.
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I dunno sweetie, some men like being dominated? Perhaps they come from a house where the dominant partner was the mother?

A young lady like you needs a man that is assertive, confident, and can make decesions without taking a poll. Not all men are that way, and thus need women in their lives that can help them in those areas. Your ideals are not old fashioned, but different from others, doesn’t make one right the other wrong.

I’d say knowing your traits is a good thing.
 
LovingHim said:
There is no “perfect” or “good” catholic wife. And some of the “best” or seemingly “most perfect” among them, you know, the ones the priest are practically canonizing, you know what I mean. You will discover some horrible facts about these women if you just LOOK. I found this out when I went to college. All these children from these “good” or “perfect” catholic homes were doing things like drugs, serious alcohol problems, engaging in promiscuity, or worse! Trust me, in every “perfect” home their are still some major flaws!

I see myself as a catholic in good stance with the church, do everything required of me, and try to be a loving, supportive, catholic wife. But, honestly, I’m not seen as a “good” catholic wife. One main reason is that we don’t have a trail of children (on earth) tagging along with us. We don’t even have one. We are looked upon as contraceptors, enemies of God and the church, or not practicing catholics, etc. (None of which is true!) They are all just bad judgments and misconceptions. As is the silly misconception that any wife is a “good” or “perfect” one. Even Jesus did not allow Himself to be called “good.”

So, in other words, keep being the best YOU you can be, and quit comparing yourself to others, you’ll only make yourself worse and probably ruin the “good” that God is working in your life in a way planned from all eternity to be different from any other person in the church, and in the world. 🙂
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I am not comparing myself to others. I am in the process of becoming a Catholic and I am finding the contradiction in expectations confusing and borderline irritating. I have an issue with people who preach to me as if they have all the answers but then don’t follow them. That’s all.

I am so sorry you and your husband are being viewed poorly because of the child issue. So sorry. 😦 That isn’t right either. You should be made to feel safe at church and with church members, not persecuted. You are in my prayers.
 
dianaballein said:
I am not comparing myself to others. I am in the process of becoming a Catholic and I am finding the contradiction in expectations confusing and borderline irritating. I have an issue with people who preach to me as if they have all the answers but then don’t follow them. That’s all.

I am so sorry you and your husband are being viewed poorly because of the child issue. So sorry. 😦 That isn’t right either. You should be made to feel safe at church and with church members, not persecuted. You are in my prayers.
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I’m sorry if I offended you. 😦 I really didn’t mean too. I understand being “preached to” and I’ve been catholic for quite some time. All I was saying is that there really isn’t a “perfect” catholic wife role model at your local church. Even thought they are all wives, and most of them mothers, they still don’t have all the answers. What’s “good” in the eyes of God for one woman isn’t necessarily whats “good” in His eyes for the next. It depends on many, many factors. So long as you are faithful to the teachings of the church in all things, and as a wife, especially those pertaining to marriage and openness to children (if that’s God’s will and plan for you,) and love your husband (and children if you have…or will have them) as you would Jesus Himself, then you are doing your job. 🙂

If you need a specific role model to follow, Mary the mother of Jesus is the tops. Also some other ones to follow are St. Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist, and St. Ann, Mary’s mother. 🙂

Thanks so much for the prayers. I wish you the very best in entering our wonderful faith! I converted many, many years ago and am still beyond happy I did (even if I have met a few “preacher wives” or bad apples along the way. :p)
 
What a wonderful thread. I will just share that my inspiration for living as a Catholic wife comes from Jesus’ teachings to the disciples on how to lead: Matthew 20:25-28 “But Jesus called them to Himself and said, 'You know that the rulers of the gentiles lord it over them, an those that are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Yes, I do agree that wives are meant to serve their husbands, but so too are husbands meant to serve their wives. Each will do it in a different way according to their abilities and their role, but it works for me and my non-Catholic husband.

God Bless you all!
 
God Bless You KMLeo!! I loved this reply. Yes, men and women should partner and serve one another, with love and for the greater good. I can think of no better thing. Blessings to you.
 
LovingHim said:
There is no “perfect” or “good” catholic wife. And some of the “best” or seemingly “most perfect” among them, you know, the ones the priest are practically canonizing, you know what I mean. You will discover some horrible facts about these women if you just LOOK. I found this out when I went to college. All these children from these “good” or “perfect” catholic homes were doing things like drugs, serious alcohol problems, engaging in promiscuity, or worse! Trust me, in every “perfect” home their are still some major flaws!

I see myself as a catholic in good stance with the church, do everything required of me, and try to be a loving, supportive, catholic wife. But, honestly, I’m not seen as a “good” catholic wife. ** One main reason is that we don’t have a trail of children (on earth) tagging along with us. We don’t even have one. We are looked upon as contraceptors, enemies of God and the church, or not practicing catholics, etc. (None of which is true!) They are all just bad judgments and misconceptions. As is the silly misconception that any wife is a “good” or “perfect” one. Even Jesus did not allow Himself to be called “good.” **

So, in other words, keep being the best YOU you can be, and quit comparing yourself to others, you’ll only make yourself worse and probably ruin the “good” that God is working in your life in a way planned from all eternity to be different from any other person in the church, and in the world. 🙂
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We have this “issue” too. We’re not seen as good Catholics either since we only have one child and therefore we must be practicing ABC. I agree too that we should stop comparing ourselves to others as well.
 
kmleo said:
Yes, I do agree that wives are meant to serve their husbands, but so too are husbands meant to serve their wives. Each will do it in a different way according to their abilities and their role, but it works for me and my non-Catholic husband.
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Well put.

And if spouses did that then their children would not have to hear one of their parents put the other down and experience the anxiety this can lead to, especially if the parent demands that they agree with them.
 
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