Roomate and masterbation

[pio_s]

This is kind of an odd question.

I am in college and i live on campus with a roommate. I accidentally walked in on him while he was masturbating (well he realized i was coming and stopped, but it was obvious).

Do you all think i should say anything to him?

 

[jmoburg]

Wow… tough question
Just speaking from my opinion --no Church opinion here…, but personally I think you should do nothing, except be open to dialogue in the event this ever comes up.

Now I don’t know the situation… if you were in seminary school, I think it might make sense to confront the roommate. If the roommate is Catholic, especially if he strives to live a great Catholic life and avoid sin… then maybe you could bring it up in a round about way.

If the roommate isn’t Catholic… then bringing up anything probably won’t be well recieved. If the roommate isn’t Catholic, I’d put effort into enlightening him to the Faith before I’d attempt bringing up the sin of masterbation.

I think if you were to come off as judgemental, you will loose all chance at ever actually helping the person. As a roommate, there is probably an “expiration” to your roommate situation… as the roommate might not be your roommate next semester. Unless the roommate is a good friend of yours, you’ll probably collapse all lines of communication.

Without a doubt, this is a very sensitive topic, but also an opportunity to help. Good Luck!

 

[teachccd]

I would have to agree that it is the type of relationship that you have with your roomate that would determine what you can say. It’s no different if you caught him with a girl or drinking or whatever. If you guys are open and can talk freely about anything then it might be o.k. to mention what our faith teaches about such practices. But otherwise it’s probably best for him to see your examples of moral living and then if the time permits you can discuss what you believe.

In the meantime, though, you can say to him that he might be more considerate so that the opportunity will not present itself whereby you might walk in on him. And what he does in the bathroom or other areas that are private is his decision and you can only be a good example and pray for him. Not all guys realize the seriousness of this action and even the Church exhorts pastoral advice when it pertains to this practice.

God Bless…teachccd

 

[StCsDavid]

This is kind of an odd question.

I am in college and i live on campus with a roommate. I accidentally walked in on him while he was masturbating (well he realized i was coming and stopped, but it was obvious).

Do you all think i should say anything to him?

If it was obvious then to what end does you saying anything help the situation.

Heard this story, today. There were a group of monks walking in the forest. Now these guys had taken a vow of silence and of course a vow of chastity and obedience. They came to a river and there was a young woman trying to find a way to cross for the river was swift. One of the monks broke from the group, went up to her and said, “Can I help you across” His brothers were stunned by one, his breaking the vow of silence, and two, his approaching the young woman so boldly. She accepted his offer and the other monks were stunned to see him carrying her across the river. They continued on their journey with the other monks fuming inside about what their brother did. Finally, they could stand it no longer and each broke his vow of silence berating their brother for breaking the rules. The helpful monk stopped, turned to his brothers and said, “I put her down on the other side of the river. It is you who are still carrying her.”

Silence may be the best charity in this case with your roommate. If it becomes more than the one episode, then you might address it, but for now you simply have an episode…not a pattern.

 

[Homebrew_roots]

How about a different idea:

If this dude happens to be Catholic, this is an excellent opportunity for some good old fashioned evangelism. Here’s what I recommend: If he is Catholic, or even trying to live a decent Christian life, you should bring it up. Sounds weird, right? Well of course it is gonna sound weird, two dudes typically don’t talk about that specific activity. And the problem here is that it doesn’t get talked about. I am in a chastity group with a few other guys my age and we talk very openly all about different areas of living chastely and it has been IMMENSELY helpful to everyone in the group. The group accomplishes many things like being able to be open about struggles with chaste living, provides outside advice, and (most important) provides ACCOUNTABILITY. Thats the whole thing right there, accountability. Think about it, if a guy is struggling with the idea of giving into his lustful feelings, it will be a lot easier for him to defeat these feelings if he knows that failure would result in him having to tell the other people in his group what he had done. So do him a favor (and yourself too, chaste living isn’t easy on anyone) and bring up the idea of maybe forming your own chastity group. Honestly, if more guys would form these groups and be open, there would be a whole lot more people living chastely.

It might be an awkward thing to bring up, but just do it. It’s worth it if it means helping souls in the journey for Christ. So don’t be a sissy, and just bring it up. Do these things, and prosper.

Later.

-daniel

 

[Island_Oak]

This is kind of an odd question.

I am in college and i live on campus with a roommate. I accidentally walked in on him while he was masturbating (well he realized i was coming and stopped, but it was obvious).

Do you all think i should say anything to him?

How about, "Really sorry…next time I’ll knock!

There are signals roomates can leave each other when wanting privacy (something hanging on the doorhandle, etc. ) perhaps you could agree on one so you aren’t encountering this on a regular basis. Beyond that…how exactly would you approach him?!

 

[Mirdath]

“Really sorry…next time I’ll knock!”

This, if anything at all. You’re his roommate, not his nanny, father, or spiritual director. He’s not accountable to you except where it comes to the rent, and more importantly, the two of you have to get along well enough to live together until you go your separate ways. If there is any good to be gained by instructing the ignorant or admonishing the sinner, it must be done carefully and courteously, and in this situation ain’t no way no how.

Even if he is Catholic, broaching the subject of the morality of whacking it would still be tactless. If he’s ‘struggling with self-abuse’ and thinks you’d be a good confidant, he’ll open up about it.

 

[Homebrew_roots]

I respectfully, and fully, disagree. First off, if this dude isn’t Christian/Catholic, then yeah, you got bigger fish to fry than bringing this up to him such as trying to inform him in the ways of Christianity. But if he IS Christian/Catholic, you really should do something. The problem these days is that no one has the guts to ever say anything to anyone. As far as the idea of some signal when someone wants privacy: that’s the worst idea ever. That just promotes immoral behavior. Get a clue. This is the perfect opportunity to lovingly admonish the sinner, if you can’t see that than you aren’t looking hard enough. And as far as accountability goes: Every Christian is accountable to every other Christian. Why? Because we are all part of the ONE body of Christ. The sin hurts everyone in the Church, not just the person involved. Every opportunity in which we encounter others is an opportunity to either bring them to Christ, or to push them away. Never have neutral interactions with people, make it a point to always point them to Christ. To say nothing at all would be the secular/sissy thing to do, so man up, and do something. And bringing up the subject is not tactless, its called caring for a brother in Christ. The whole problem is that masturbation is considered to be such a taboo topic that no one ever talks about it. If a guy is struggling with this particular sin, he ain’t gonna bring it up to anyone, thats why you have to bring it up to him. So let’s break the cycle and do something proactive here.

Later.

-daniel

 

[Cabin4]

I would bring in some literature and leave it around in the bathroom, etc. Indirect help is considerate and would probably help the fellow out more than you would ever know.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

I can’t imagine what in the world you would say to him. It is clearly not your business at all. There are but a tiny few who would claim this to be a sinful act in the first place. My favorite priest wrote his doctoral dissertation on masterbation, and he laughs at the fact that in the early days, confessionals were the province each Saturday of dozens of boys all parading in to confess, only of course to return next week and do it again. It’s time we moved on to important subjects wouldn’t you say rather than worrying about someone’s personal sexual behavior. I would assume that you like most of us have enough on our own personal plates to avoid worrying about a grown man’s masterbation beliefs.

 

[francesco920]

I can’t imagine what in the world you would say to him. It is clearly not your business at all. There are but a tiny few who would claim this to be a sinful act in the first place. My favorite priest wrote his doctoral dissertation on masterbation, and he laughs at the fact that in the early days, confessionals were the province each Saturday of dozens of boys all parading in to confess, only of course to return next week and do it again. It’s time we moved on to important subjects wouldn’t you say rather than worrying about someone’s personal sexual behavior. I would assume that you like most of us have enough on our own personal plates to avoid worrying about a grown man’s masterbation beliefs.

There may be a tiny few, but God and the saints are part of that tiny few (if they really are a “tiny few.”)

 

[m134e5]

This is kind of an odd question.

I am in college and i live on campus with a roommate. I accidentally walked in on him while he was masturbating (well he realized i was coming and stopped, but it was obvious).

Do you all think i should say anything to him?

hmmm…I imagine that was quite an awkward experience! I’m not sure who it would be more awkward for- you, or your roommate. Maybe he’ll be more careful where he does that from now on. I wouldn’t say anything about it- maybe he’ll learn from this experience that if he’s going to do that (which he shouldn’t), he should at least go into the bathroom.

 

[m134e5]

My favorite priest wrote his doctoral dissertation on masterbation, and he laughs at the fact that in the early days, confessionals were the province each Saturday of dozens of boys all parading in to confess, only of course to return next week and do it again.

I hate to bash your favorite priest (or any priest, for that matter), but he is not doing any good for the Church or for humanity by condoning- perhaps even encouraging- people to do mortal sins. A doctoral dissertation is no ticket to heaven.

 

[Homebrew_roots]

I can’t imagine what in the world you would say to him. It is clearly not your business at all. There are but a tiny few who would claim this to be a sinful act in the first place. My favorite priest wrote his doctoral dissertation on masterbation, and he laughs at the fact that in the early days, confessionals were the province each Saturday of dozens of boys all parading in to confess, only of course to return next week and do it again. It’s time we moved on to important subjects wouldn’t you say rather than worrying about someone’s personal sexual behavior. I would assume that you like most of us have enough on our own personal plates to avoid worrying about a grown man’s masterbation beliefs.

Sinful acts of the people of God are the business of all of the people of God. We all have some sinful ways and they are the business of everyone involved in the people of God. It is absolutely incorrect to say that there are a tiny few who view masturbation as a sinful act. ABSOLUTELY incorrect. It is widely common knowledge that it is, in fact, sinful. The question of mortal or venial is a question relative to the person. But the fact that it is a sin is not relative to the person. And time to move on to more important subjects? There is not much more important than the morality of the people. Without that, how can we expect to change anything else? Your priest happens to be incorrect if he says masturbation is not a sin and he has a very flawed view of what chaste celibacy is. It is a shame that people have given way to the “sexual revolution” and are now regarding blatant offenses as not being sinful at all.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

I hate to bash your favorite priest (or any priest, for that matter), but he is not doing any good for the Church or for humanity by condoning- perhaps even encouraging- people to do mortal sins. A doctoral dissertation is no ticket to heaven.

LOL…well I never heard a single soul in my life suggest that any dissertation was. What an odd thought. I’m not at all sure that he condoned anyone to mortal sin. But then, I hardly think that masterbation is mortal sin. The church, and SOME of its adherents seem rather obsessed with the subject. I wonder if that is sinful?

 

[SpiritMeadow]

Sinful acts of the people of God are the business of all of the people of God. We all have some sinful ways and they are the business of everyone involved in the people of God. It is absolutely incorrect to say that there are a tiny few who view masturbation as a sinful act. ABSOLUTELY incorrect. It is widely common knowledge that it is, in fact, sinful. The question of mortal or venial is a question relative to the person. But the fact that it is a sin is not relative to the person. And time to move on to more important subjects? There is not much more important than the morality of the people. Without that, how can we expect to change anything else? Your priest happens to be incorrect if he says masturbation is not a sin and he has a very flawed view of what chaste celibacy is. It is a shame that people have given way to the “sexual revolution” and are now regarding blatant offenses as not being sinful at all.

I would grant you that some might consider masterbation sinful. I reject the idea that it is the duty of every day people to interpose their views on this subject and tell others that they are being sinful. I doubt other christian denominations feel this way.

The morality of people is of importance. I was referring to real issues such as war, poverty, health care, justice, and a plethora of real issues going on in the world.

I don’t know why people conclude that my priest claimed it was not a sin. He simply pointed out in his book and later to his seminary students that it was sad when confessionals seemed filled with almost nothng but young boys doing their weekly confession about masterbation.

And of course you should remember that the sexual revolution as you call it did not start masterbation. It’s been around as long as humans have been. And I rather doubt that the degree of masterbation has changed one whit in all those tens of thousands of years.

 

[Sideline]

There is about a 1% chance of that conversation going well, and about a 40% chance of it ending in screaming and profanity.

You might want to bear that in mind.

 

[Yerusalyim]

Wear shower shoes whenever in the room and harrass him mercilessly about it.

 

[jrnami]

I think you should keep your mouth shut and try to mind your own business. It’s embarrassing enough for him.

 

[CentralFLJames]

And of course you should remember that the sexual revolution as you call it did not start masterbation. It’s been around as long as humans have been. And I rather doubt that the degree of masterbation has changed one whit in all those tens of thousands of years.

Its not clear to me if you are condoning masturbation.

Some should remember that likely billions of people have been going to hell ever since Adam fell from grace. I rather doubt that God has changed His standards of judgement for 10s of thousands of years either.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11,6:18
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals *[ed opinion: pleasuring self is the same as homosexuality], *nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.
…
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.

Galatians 5 19-21
Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

It’s just not good business sense to trade an eternity of torment for a few moments of pleasure. God doesn’t want to suffer His saints the eternal company of fools. Let the wise man take heed as to what profits his soul.

James