Rudeness factor: When are you having kids? or Are you done having kids yet?

[RedSparklyShoes]

For me, it depends on the tone of voice. As soon as we were engaged…as in not even set a date yet and we were asked when we were going to start a family. And it’s not like we took ages to set a date…we were engaged Dec 24th and set a date Dec 31st.

 

[sherimarie]

Thanks Mommamaree, for reminding us to use every situation we are given to give glory to God.
The lack of manners these days always shocks me, the worst of all for me has been since our 4th child (boy, preceded by 3 girls) arrived people have been asking us if we are done “now that we have our boy” . I’m glad my girls are still too little to get the implication that they must have been a major disappointment to us being born female! Even Father commented that “lightening finally struck” for us.
I don’t know how to counter this whole lingo in charity. I could be light hearted sometimes with other rude comments, but the thought that my girls would hear this and think for a moment that we wished they had been born any different then what they are…

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

To those who muster the courage to ask, it should be obvious that something about you is intriguing and interesting. It is a good opportunity to witness.

But I have made it a point, in conversations with strangers or acquaintances to be an open book. When people find that I have experienced pain and shame and fear and joy, just like themselves, they discover that it is okay for them to be open about their secrets.

That is one way we Catholics can contribute to cultivating a culture of life.

What an interesting perspective. I don’t know what to think of the questions discussed here. I guess I am just used to people asking them in a casual way because that has become socially acceptable in some cultures. I am personally not borthered by them but I can see why some people would be, if they are struggling with infertility, or have gotten too many negative comments about the size of their family. I have told some people who asked that my pregnancies were not planned and they always looked surprised. These days when pregnancies are planned with military precision, it is quite unusual to have someone do it differently. Maybe it made them think about life and that big stuff, who knows. Maybe they thought I was a nut and should be more responsible. But I agree that it encouraged them to share things that they perhaps would not otherwise.

 

[Luvz2travel]

The thread going right now about the people pestering the couple about when they were going to have kids (even though they want to and are having problems) has me wondering which is considered more rude and insensitive. That is ASSUMING that these 2 questions CAN BE sometimes rude and insensitive. I know that is not the case in all instances.

I think it is more rude to ask “Are you done having kids yet?” I have been asked both questions.

I used to get pested about having kids but the best thing about being over 40 is nobody bothers me about it anymore…lol

 

[doxielover70]

I used to get pested about having kids but the best thing about being over 40 is nobody bothers me about it anymore…lol

Lol yes that is one of the great thinks about being over 40!

 

[SamH]

I used to get pested about having kids but the best thing about being over 40 is nobody bothers me about it anymore…lol

Then you get really rude questions like I get. I’m constantly being asked if my children are my grandchildren.

 

[PatriceA]

I used to get pested about having kids but the best thing about being over 40 is nobody bothers me about it anymore…lol

Or if you were blessed with only one child and experienced secondary infertility, they presumed you used ABC and you have very liberal views. When people are rude, they are rude no matter the appearances of the situation.