Sad that I have to leave the Church

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KCT said:
None of the above. I was catechized in the 60’s and 70’s and learned very little of what I should have.

I know now, but had no clue 23 years ago. (and my mom has said under no circumstances would she not attend her child’s wedding)
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So, then your mother must have known that sometimes there are reasons that someone might not attend a wedding?

If you had attempted to marry outside the Church, don’t you think she might have sat you down for a talk, early in the engagement period?
 
KCT said:
I know now, but had no clue 23 years ago. (and my mom has said under no circumstances would she not attend her child’s wedding)
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In fact, none of my brothers (baptized and raised Catholic)
married in the Church, but we attended the weddings.

One was married in his wife’s home by a local minister. Another brother was married in a Congregational Church. One was married by a JP, and one was married on the beach in Jamaica.

The first 2 we attended as a family. The JP wedding was during work hours; no one could afford to attend the Jamiacan beach wedding. (though mom says she would have gone if she’d had the $$)

Not everyone grows up learning what they should.
 
jmcrae said:
So, then your mother must have known that sometimes there are reasons that someone might not attend a wedding?

**In the past, I don’t know. Presently, she has a couple new friends who did not attend their children’s second marriages, which were outside the Church w/o annulments of the first, Catholic marriage. She does not understand how those women could have refused to attend their children’s weddings. She says she would attend unless money prevented her from going. **

If you had attempted to marry outside the Church, don’t you think she might have sat you down for a talk, early in the engagement period?
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I think she would have said she preferred I marry in the Church, but I do not believe she would have refused to attend.
 
KCT said:
**In the past, I don’t know. Presently, she has a couple new friends who did not attend their children’s second marriages, which were outside the Church w/o annulments of the first, Catholic marriage. She does not understand how those women could have refused to attend their children’s weddings. She says she would attend unless money prevented her from going. **
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Okay - so the information got lost in her generation, too.

She doesn’t realize that there is actually no wedding to attend, since no marriage is taking place - rather, what’s happening there is a party in celebration of the start of their journey to Hell and final damnation.

Sorry to put it so bluntly - I know that the reality can be shocking, especially when it involves people we love.
 
EmersonMan said:
Here is the story. My wife I were married 8 years ago, in a Presbyterian Church. I am a Catholic, she was raised Seventh Day Adventist. She had been married civilly and divorced civilly about 20 years earlier. It was a late teenage wedding which she did to escape an abusive household. Plus there was some occult practices going on with her mother and step father. She feared for her safety and saw a wedding at city hall as a way out. The marriage didnt work out and she was divorced. Her husband was also not a Catholic.

In the intervening 8 years of our marriage, we have two awesome children who we had baptized Catholic and intended to raise Catholic. She wanted to go through RCIA and I had joined the Knights of Columbus. We were very involved in our parish. All the while not knowing that the church considered us adulterers. She met with our priest and was given docs to file for nullity. She and I reviewed the docs and we just felt so ugly. My wife doesnt want to contact her ex from 25 years ago, she doesnt even know where he is, last she knew, he had remarried a couple of times and she doesn’t want the strain of reliving the past to come upon us in our current marriage. I agree entirely, I don’t want her to have to think about her relationship with another man, or to be tortured by a past decision made to rescue her from a horribly abusive home situation. Plus there are no guarantees that we will get a favorable ruling, which means this will all be for naught. To add insult to injury, my Priest keeps referring to me by her exes name.

I guess there are no easy answers. I returned the nullity forms to the Monsignor today along with a letter indicating that we were going to leave the church and the faith.I am pulling my daughter who is 5 from Little Church classes, and I am going to resign my membership from KofC later this week. I am so sad right now. I feel like I am having my soul ripped apart, but I honestly never knew that the church viewed us as adulterers and my children as illegitimate. I can’t even bear to wear my St. Michael Medal.

I guess we need to find a protestant church but I feel like I am just going through the motions. I am not looking for answers here I guess I just needed to share…sorry
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I’m sorry that this is happening…but why would you need to leave your faith/the Church? This is solvable…with God, all things are possible…and with God, He will give your wife and you the grace and strength needed to go through the annulment process…imagine how much better she might feel, too, knowing that that was taken care of?

But, even if she chooses to not go through with it…why would you need to leave the Church??:confused: You wouldn’t be able to receive the Eucharist, but that doesn’t mean you need to leave the Church…I might be totally missing something and I apologize if I’m being ignorant…but just confused as to why you feel this is the only option?
 
jmcrae said:
Okay - so the information got lost in her generation, too.

She doesn’t realize that there is actually no wedding to attend, since no marriage is taking place - rather, what’s happening there is a party in celebration of the start of their journey to Hell and final damnation.

Sorry to put it so bluntly - I know that the reality can be shocking, especially when it involves people we love.
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I can’t help but wonder if you have enough pillows on your bed to hold your head? :mad:
 
Brother_John said:
I can’t help but wonder if you have enough pillows on your bed to hold your head? :mad:
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I don’t know what this is supposed to mean.

I am speaking as someone who is just barely escaping from the flames of Hell, myself. If it weren’t for people speaking plainly to me, I’d still be wandering obliviously along the path to destruction. I’m glad that people took the time, and the risk of hurting my feelings, on my behalf. I’m just passing on the good deed that was done for me.
 
EmersonMan said:
Here is the story. My wife I were married 8 years ago, in a Presbyterian Church. I am a Catholic, she was raised Seventh Day Adventist. She had been married civilly and divorced civilly about 20 years earlier. It was a late teenage wedding which she did to escape an abusive household. Plus there was some occult practices going on with her mother and step father. She feared for her safety and saw a wedding at city hall as a way out. The marriage didnt work out and she was divorced. Her husband was also not a Catholic.

In the intervening 8 years of our marriage, we have two awesome children who we had baptized Catholic and intended to raise Catholic. She wanted to go through RCIA and I had joined the Knights of Columbus. We were very involved in our parish. All the while not knowing that the church considered us adulterers. She met with our priest and was given docs to file for nullity. She and I reviewed the docs and we just felt so ugly. My wife doesnt want to contact her ex from 25 years ago, she doesnt even know where he is, last she knew, he had remarried a couple of times and she doesn’t want the strain of reliving the past to come upon us in our current marriage. I agree entirely, I don’t want her to have to think about her relationship with another man, or to be tortured by a past decision made to rescue her from a horribly abusive home situation. Plus there are no guarantees that we will get a favorable ruling, which means this will all be for naught. To add insult to injury, my Priest keeps referring to me by her exes name.

I guess there are no easy answers. I returned the nullity forms to the Monsignor today along with a letter indicating that we were going to leave the church and the faith.I am pulling my daughter who is 5 from Little Church classes, and I am going to resign my membership from KofC later this week. I am so sad right now. I feel like I am having my soul ripped apart, but I honestly never knew that the church viewed us as adulterers and my children as illegitimate. I can’t even bear to wear my St. Michael Medal.

I guess we need to find a protestant church but I feel like I am just going through the motions. I am not looking for answers here I guess I just needed to share…sorry
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I’m sorry to read this. Praying for you. I hope that you decide to work toward reconcilliation with the church the Christ founded for you .
 
jmcrae said:
So, then your mother must have known that sometimes there are reasons that someone might not attend a wedding?

If you had attempted to marry outside the Church, don’t you think she might have sat you down for a talk, early in the engagement period?
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Let me tell you something you might not know…

My first marriage was to a Catholic (I wasn’t at the time) by a minister (can’t remember the denomination) at a Methodist Chapel. Her Mother INSISTED on being there. Neat thing about such a marriage. If things work out, you later have it convalidated. If it doesn’t, the Catholic was guilty of not properly following form and annulment is 15 min of paper work.

I know of people in our parish that have had their kids married that way on purpose “just in case.”

I find it very possible that he did not understand what had happened when he married her outside of the Church. Many of us are misinformed about various proceedures/processes. And I hope he sticks it out. IMO Leaving as a bitter person from the church he feels so connected with won’t make things better for him elsewhere. How can you love others as God desires while you harbor such ill feelings about another faith?

I’m sorry his wife had to go through that pain, too.
 
EmersonMan said:
Here is the story. My wife I were married 8 years ago, in a Presbyterian Church. I am a Catholic, she was raised Seventh Day Adventist. She had been married civilly and divorced civilly about 20 years earlier. It was a late teenage wedding which she did to escape an abusive household. Plus there was some occult practices going on with her mother and step father. She feared for her safety and saw a wedding at city hall as a way out. The marriage didnt work out and she was divorced. Her husband was also not a Catholic.
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I’m sorry you are feeling this way. You really should seek out a good priest and try to work this out. After all, you promised to raise your children catholic, in front of God at their Baptisms. Do you really want to break that promise?

You may very well be putting your children in a similar situation when they are ready to marry.

My prayers are with you. Most times the hard path is the correct one.
 
There has been no further comments by EmersonMan. Perhaps I smell a troll. The whole story sounded a little strange.
 
I think it is likely that the OP is not authentic. First, when a person files a nullity petition, they do not need to contact their former spouse at all. When he said that, I immediately became suspicious. I mean the documents are pretty clear, there is no need to contact the ex.

Scondly, to become “suddenly aware” that their marriage is not valid strikes me as, well, unlikely as well.

Next the pejorative phrase

All the while not knowing that the church considered us adulterers.

Was more an accusation against Catholic rather than an honest admission.

Finally, the overall conclusion, “We will disrupt our lives, I will quit the KoC (He said he was a member of the Knights of Columbus.), lets pull our little 5 year old daughter out of school and away from every friend she ever knew.” seems dubious.
 
I think it sounds totally authentic.

And if I were a bit suspicious I would keep it to myself because how hurtful would my comments be if I were wrong? 😦
 
I’m not trying to be hurtful. I’m saying that the post is suspicious. This is EmersonMan’s first and only post anywhere in Catholic Answers forums. He has little personal info listed except that he says he is Catholic. We have not heard anything from him since that original post. He totally misunderstands or misstates what a nullity is. Most people know especially if you have been involved in a nullity is that you’re children are not considered illegitimate. That was the second thing out of pastor’s mouth when I approached him about an anullment. The first thing he said was “Congratulations on deciding to pursue this”. And while I was considered to be in a state of continuing mortal sin by living with my present wife, I was not partaking of the Eucharist since I was not in full communion with the Church yet. And God knew I was working on it. Nobody ever referred to me as “that adulterer” I was just happy that the Church was there to help me clean up the mess that I had made.

I have been on these forums long enough to recognise that occasionally someone who professes to be a Catholic with a problem is actually a Non-Catholic with some kind of axe to grind. They dive in like a fighter bomber, strafe the area, then pull up into the sun never to be seen again. Then they sit back and read our replies of genuine concern and offers for help and get some kind of pleasure out of that…or something.

If I’m too out of line I would ask the moderator to delete my postings. If the moderator perhaps agrees with me then I would suggest he close the thread and lets move one to genuine matters.
I hope I have been charitable but honest in my discussion.

True humility is understanding who God is and understanding who I am.
 
rpp said:
I think it is likely that the OP is not authentic.
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I’m with you, friend. Forgive me for being suspicious, but I think this first-time poster has told a tale with holes in it big enough to drive a truck through (like, she went through RCIA and nobody picked up on this matter?). And it has all the overdone “touches” of a bad TV movie. Everything is there but the kitchen sink – we have the Knights of Columbus, a monsignor (not just a plain priest, naturally), a sweet small child in “Little Church,” abusive history, occult practices (I actually laughed when that was tossed in), removing his St. Michael Medal, the spector of illegitamate children, “ugly” questions in the annulment process, overblown emotions, and on and on and on.

As a former editor, I would have sent it back for some serious revision.

As one who went through the annulment process in recent years, it just isn’t that draconian.

On the other hand, people have answered sincerely and intelligently for the most part, so God bless you all for your willingness to help others as best you can – whether they are truly in need or not.
 
Do not speculate about the poster’s authenticity. Either remain on-topic or cease posting if anyone can’t contribute to the original purpose of the thread.
 
He totally misunderstands or misstates what a nullity is. Most people know especially if you have been involved in a nullity is that you’re children are not considered illegitimate.
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Just a correction: the OP is saying that the children he has with his present ‘wife’ are considered illegitimate because his marriage is not valid. His comments about his children have nothing to do with his wife’s petition for a decree of nullity. There is no indication from the OP that she had children from her first marriage.
 
EmersonMan said:
Here is the story. My wife I were married 8 years ago, in a Presbyterian Church. I am a Catholic, she was raised Seventh Day Adventist. She had been married civilly and divorced civilly about 20 years earlier. It was a late teenage wedding which she did to escape an abusive household. Plus there was some occult practices going on with her mother and step father. She feared for her safety and saw a wedding at city hall as a way out. The marriage didnt work out and she was divorced. Her husband was also not a Catholic.

In the intervening 8 years of our marriage, we have two awesome children who we had baptized Catholic and intended to raise Catholic. She wanted to go through RCIA and I had joined the Knights of Columbus. We were very involved in our parish. All the while not knowing that the church considered us adulterers. She met with our priest and was given docs to file for nullity. She and I reviewed the docs and we just felt so ugly. My wife doesnt want to contact her ex from 25 years ago, she doesnt even know where he is, last she knew, he had remarried a couple of times and she doesn’t want the strain of reliving the past to come upon us in our current marriage. I agree entirely, I don’t want her to have to think about her relationship with another man, or to be tortured by a past decision made to rescue her from a horribly abusive home situation. Plus there are no guarantees that we will get a favorable ruling, which means this will all be for naught. To add insult to injury, my Priest keeps referring to me by her exes name.

I guess there are no easy answers. I returned the nullity forms to the Monsignor today along with a letter indicating that we were going to leave the church and the faith.I am pulling my daughter who is 5 from Little Church classes, and I am going to resign my membership from KofC later this week. I am so sad right now. I feel like I am having my soul ripped apart, but I honestly never knew that the church viewed us as adulterers and my children as illegitimate. I can’t even bear to wear my St. Michael Medal.

I guess we need to find a protestant church but I feel like I am just going through the motions. I am not looking for answers here I guess I just needed to share…sorry
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Before you leave your RC church, I agree that you should take it to the local Tribunal–I hope that there is one. Your local priest prob isn’t the local expert in all of this.

Your wife’s marriage sounds that it doesn’t factor in this at all–she wasn’t Catholic, her husband wasn’t Catholic, the wedding wasn’t RC–nothing to annul. I don’t understand how the ex enters into it. YOU married outside. So YOUR marriage isn’t valid, so …you marry now in the RC church. I think that your kids were legitimate.

Get* all *the answers before you decide anything.
 
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