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Eucharisted
Guest
Dose anyone know of any jokes saints have cracked? Or how about the sense of humor of some saints?
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CatholicCid
Guest
When St. Lawrence, a deacon and martyr of the early Church, was being burned to death on a grid-iron, it is rumored that he said “Flip me over, I’m done” just before he died. 
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AveSantaMaria
Guest
*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.
The Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ and St. Teresa of Avila, Carmelite nun and one of the 3 female Doctors of the Catholic Church, had many amusing conversations.
From: catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=208 Sometimes, she couldn’t help complaining to her closest Friend about the hostility and gossp that surrounded her. "When Jesus told her, “Teresa, that’s how I treat my friends” Teresa responded, “No wonder you have so few friends.” But since Christ has so few friends, she felt they should be good ones. And that’s why she decided to reform her Carmelite order.
From: holyhill.com/Basilica/History/HolyHill/Chapter10.aspx Teresa was once interrput by a little boy while at prayer in the coutryard of her cloister. The child asked, “Who are you?” She answered, “I am Teresa of Jesus, and who are you?” The child replied, “I am Jesus of Teresa” and disappeared.
St. Therese of Liseux, “Jesus isn’t doing much to keep the conversation going.”
Fulton Sheen, “Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.”
Free information on almost all I know on devoting oneself to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin montfort.org.uk/Writings/TrueDev.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Preparation for 33 day consecration to the Blessed Virgin saintlouisdemontfort.com/consecration.cfm
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#FIRST_POINT._.E2.80.94_The_ardent_desire_Jesus_Christ_feels_to_be_with_us.
Divine Mercy Chapletewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm
Cathechism of the Catholic Church vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm
Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.
*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.
The Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ and St. Teresa of Avila, Carmelite nun and one of the 3 female Doctors of the Catholic Church, had many amusing conversations.
From: catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=208 Sometimes, she couldn’t help complaining to her closest Friend about the hostility and gossp that surrounded her. "When Jesus told her, “Teresa, that’s how I treat my friends” Teresa responded, “No wonder you have so few friends.” But since Christ has so few friends, she felt they should be good ones. And that’s why she decided to reform her Carmelite order.
From: holyhill.com/Basilica/History/HolyHill/Chapter10.aspx Teresa was once interrput by a little boy while at prayer in the coutryard of her cloister. The child asked, “Who are you?” She answered, “I am Teresa of Jesus, and who are you?” The child replied, “I am Jesus of Teresa” and disappeared.
St. Therese of Liseux, “Jesus isn’t doing much to keep the conversation going.”
Fulton Sheen, “Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.”
Free information on almost all I know on devoting oneself to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary:
True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin montfort.org.uk/Writings/TrueDev.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Preparation for 33 day consecration to the Blessed Virgin saintlouisdemontfort.com/consecration.cfm
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#FIRST_POINT._.E2.80.94_The_ardent_desire_Jesus_Christ_feels_to_be_with_us.
Divine Mercy Chapletewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm
Cathechism of the Catholic Church vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm
Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.
*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
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ncjohn
Guest
I believe it was after falling off her donkey that Teresa of Avila commented:
“Lord, if this is how you treat Your friends it’s no wonder You have so few of them.”
“Lord, if this is how you treat Your friends it’s no wonder You have so few of them.”
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MarieVeronica
Guest
As she lay dying of Tuberculosis… 24 year old St. Therese of Lisieux remarked how her cough… resembled a train, roaring into the train station. The poor child could find humor in her illness… even while it was sapping her life away. Also, a great example of courage… in suffering.
This is a good thread. Thanks for posting it. God bless.
This is a good thread. Thanks for posting it. God bless.
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glenaitken
Guest
i have heard that Christ came to a person in a vision after recieving communion. in this particular vision Jesus had blue eyes. the person said to Jesus, " Oh, Lord, i didn’t realize that your eyes were blue", whereupon Jesus responded, “Yes, I get them from my Mother’s side…”
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puzzleannie
Guest
St Thomas More reportedly asked the executioner to assist him mount the block, but told him “I can fend for myself on the way down.”
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kimaz
Guest
St. Lawrence is actually a patron of comedians and of course chefs…which to me is pretty funny as well. Or perhaps just ironic.When St. Lawrence, a deacon and martyr of the early Church, was being burned to death on a grid-iron, it is rumored that he said “Flip me over, I’m done” just before he died.
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Adoro_Te_Devote
Guest
St. Padre Pio was well aware of the talismanic-type of significance often attached by superstitious people to his holy cards. He was embarassed by this and of course condemned superstition.
One evening while at prayer, there was a disturbance outside the monastery, and indeed, they lived in scary times. As he was a known figure, at times the community feared for his life (as in assination). One of the brothers was frightened at at figure moving about just outside, but Padre Pio, always practical, said, “Oh,wait…I’ll bet I have a Padre Pio card around somewhere…”
One evening while at prayer, there was a disturbance outside the monastery, and indeed, they lived in scary times. As he was a known figure, at times the community feared for his life (as in assination). One of the brothers was frightened at at figure moving about just outside, but Padre Pio, always practical, said, “Oh,wait…I’ll bet I have a Padre Pio card around somewhere…”
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Tenebrae
Guest
Books have been written about the wit of Pope John XXIII, who has been beatified. Being a rather portly man, when he was elected pope they didn’t have large enough vestments ready for him. He remarked that everyone wanted him to be pope except the tailor.
When he was asked how many people work at the Vatican, he replied “About half of them.”
While visiting an orphanage he met a little boy whose name was Archangelo. “You are greater than me,” the pope said, “I am only Angelo.”
When he was asked how many people work at the Vatican, he replied “About half of them.”
While visiting an orphanage he met a little boy whose name was Archangelo. “You are greater than me,” the pope said, “I am only Angelo.”
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LilyM
Guest
My favourite of all times would have to be St Augustine, who wrote in his Confessions ‘Lord grant me chastity and continence - just not yet!’ 
I’ve read that Lazarus, Martha and Mary were wealthy. Which makes sense, what with Mary being the one who poured the costly ointment on Jesus’ feet.
I can imagine it was a joke on Our Lord’s part to name the poor miserable beggar in His story after Lazarus in such circumstances.
I’ve read that Lazarus, Martha and Mary were wealthy. Which makes sense, what with Mary being the one who poured the costly ointment on Jesus’ feet.
I can imagine it was a joke on Our Lord’s part to name the poor miserable beggar in His story after Lazarus in such circumstances.
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LilyM
Guest
There’s another one attributed to St Teresa of Avila - she was praying while using the little nuns’ room, and a devil appeared to her, mocking her for choosing to pray while on the can. Her reply? ‘What comes from my mouth is for God, what comes from the other end is for you, devil’.
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T700
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Nepenthe
Guest
I’m pretty sure he never got the St before his name, but Johannes Scotus Eriugena was a brilliant, innovative, well-travelled and influential medieval scholar (especially on several who did surely become sainted) and abbot in the 800’s, and had one wicked wit on him! Among other cracks, there’s this lovely epitaph:
Here lies Hinctus the Crook
But in his life he did one noble deed -
He died.
note - much funnier in Latin, but still, yow!
And more famously, and here I will give both the latin and the translation:
When asked by the King of France at dinner, “Quid distat inter sottum et Scottum?” (What separates a drunkard from an Irishman? which Eriugena certainly was, Irish that is), he replied without missing a beat -
“Mensa tantum.” (“Only a table!”) Hehe, nice shot, and bold as brass.
The legend has it that he was stabbed to death by the pens of his students - fitting, perhaps, but he was quite a guy!
Here lies Hinctus the Crook
But in his life he did one noble deed -
He died.
note - much funnier in Latin, but still, yow!
And more famously, and here I will give both the latin and the translation:
When asked by the King of France at dinner, “Quid distat inter sottum et Scottum?” (What separates a drunkard from an Irishman? which Eriugena certainly was, Irish that is), he replied without missing a beat -
“Mensa tantum.” (“Only a table!”) Hehe, nice shot, and bold as brass.
The legend has it that he was stabbed to death by the pens of his students - fitting, perhaps, but he was quite a guy!
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BarbaraTherese
Guest
Hi John…I have certainly read it in the context of the falling off the donkey into a stream, but I think it may be one of those myth type stories that can rise around saints and their stories and anecdotes and in the translation and travelling become a truth of kind - but I am unsure since I cannot recall where I read it. And the punch line remains the same happily, context another matter. But it would be interesting to know and when I get some time I’ll try to Google it.
Good to catch up with you again my friend…happy travelling…Peace…Barb
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MarieVeronica
Guest
There’s another one attributed to St Teresa of Avila - she was praying while using the little nuns’ room, and a devil appeared to her, mocking her for choosing to pray while on the can. Her reply? ‘What comes from my mouth is for God, what comes from the other end is for you, devil’.
Priceless…
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brigid12
Guest
Yup, I, too have read this context on some forums and also other contexts, however when I read a biography about her it said she said this after landing fully in a huge mud puddle while trying to avoid a passing carriage. I think that maybe she said this a few times and/or the context has become an urban legend (it’s had quite a few hundreds of years to become so). The only way to be somewhat sure is to read it in her own writings and even then - well, I forget contexts in which I’ve said things sometimes. I doubt it really matters since the “punch line” hasn’t changed. (I also love the line that she said to the devil
).
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Eucharisted
Guest
A peaceful man does more good than a learned one.
Anybody can be Pope; the proof of this is that I have become one.
Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.
I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart.
If God created shadows it was to better emphasize the light.
It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.
See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little.
The feelings of my smallness and my nothingness always kept me good company.
When I eat alone I feel like a seminarian being punished. I tried it for one week and I was not comfortable. Then I searched through Sacred Scripture for something saying I had to eat alone. I found nothing, so I gave it up and it’s much better now.
(On a visit to Roman prison inmates) You could not come to me, so I came to you.
Pope John XXIII
Anybody can be Pope; the proof of this is that I have become one.
Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.
I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart.
If God created shadows it was to better emphasize the light.
It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope.
See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little.
The feelings of my smallness and my nothingness always kept me good company.
When I eat alone I feel like a seminarian being punished. I tried it for one week and I was not comfortable. Then I searched through Sacred Scripture for something saying I had to eat alone. I found nothing, so I gave it up and it’s much better now.
(On a visit to Roman prison inmates) You could not come to me, so I came to you.
Pope John XXIII
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BarbaraTherese
Guest
St Teresa of Avila had quite a witty sense of the funny.
She travelled much and often stayed in homes of wealthy Catholic women. One day the nun who was travelling with St. Teresa came across her eating chicken and remarked that St. Teresa should do such a totally non penititential thing as munch on chicken. St Teresa replied that if God saw fit to give her chicken, then chicken she would eat and give thanks for it. (Apparently her hostess had given her chicken to eat).
As well as being witty, it is a profound lesson in theology and spiritual theology. All good has God as Alpha and Omega.
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She travelled much and often stayed in homes of wealthy Catholic women. One day the nun who was travelling with St. Teresa came across her eating chicken and remarked that St. Teresa should do such a totally non penititential thing as munch on chicken. St Teresa replied that if God saw fit to give her chicken, then chicken she would eat and give thanks for it. (Apparently her hostess had given her chicken to eat).
As well as being witty, it is a profound lesson in theology and spiritual theology. All good has God as Alpha and Omega.
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adstrinity
Guest
Another one by Pope John XXIII. Apparently he was at some dinner…or something, and there was a woman there wearing a low cut dress and he walks up to her offering her a fruit tray and asks her if she’d like any. ‘Oh, no Your Holiness, I couldn’t’. ‘Oh, please, go ahead. It was only after Eve ate the apple did she realize how little she had on.’
The priest teaching the RCIA class at the church I go to related that one.
The priest teaching the RCIA class at the church I go to related that one.
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