“I’m sorry we won’t be able to attend. Wishing you well. Thanks for the invitation.”
Pretty much this. From a moral perspective, you shouldn’t attend. You can love them, and wish the best for them, but you cannot pretend that their ceremony has any validity. It’s definitely a difficult situation to find yourself in.
I’d say go to the reception. They’ll never know you skipped the ceremony anyway. That way you won’t be putting up a fence between you and them. But you’ll still be able to be on the right side of this. You’ll still avoid watching a sacrilege happen. So your conscience should be clean enough.
I’d say go to the reception. They’ll never know you skipped the ceremony anyway. That way you won’t be putting up a fence between you and them. But you’ll still be able to be on the right side of this. You’ll still avoid watching a sacrilege happen. So your conscience should be clean enough.
And that way you can have their cake. And eat it too.
Peace durcris. Good luck.
-Trident
My vote is for politely declining without explanation. Going to the reception but not the wedding is a HUGE etiquette faux pas unless you have small children, a schedule conflict, or something else you’ve explained to the bride and groom (or in this case, grooms) beforehand.There is a reason that it is idiomatic that you cannot have your cake and eat it, too.I’d say go to the reception. They’ll never know you skipped the ceremony anyway. That way you won’t be putting up a fence between you and them. But you’ll still be able to be on the right side of this. You’ll still avoid watching a sacrilege happen. So your conscience should be clean enough.
And that way you can have their cake. And eat it too.
Peace durcris. Good luck.
-Trident
Even if I didn’t notice at the time, I would have been very hurt and offended if I had later found out that one of my guests came and partied at my reception but didn’t think the wedding was important enough to bother. That’s just insulting and makes you look like a mooch.
Oh oh. I’m on the hotseat now. Trying to be practical instead of principled. I’ve been caught reaching for cake I didn’t earn.
It’s certainly a difficult situation, however, I would recommend something like what Hoosier Daddy has said and I think that would probably be the best option for all parties involved.If need be, you may have to give a reason why, in which may be harder, but I think if you are honest about it and respectfully and kindly decline going and thank them sincerely for their invitation, I think you should be fine.
However, if the OP is anything like me, the first question that pops into my head is “What if they ask why?” and thus I wouldn’t be able to do that unless I had a plan B for if they ask why.
The other thing is too I believe, is that one will be there the whole time in disagreement with what is taking place and yet not say anything, I think it would also be unfair to them if they thought the whole time that I agreed and was congratulating them and after if they found out my views on marriage and family, they would likely be upset by the fact that I attended with those views and didn’t say anything, even worse, pretending as if I were congratulating them on this with everyone else.
Well thanks for letting me down gently you guys. I mean I understand what you’re saying. And maybe you’re right.
It’s not really shunning, though; it’s not attending an event that you can’t square with your moral perspective.Well thanks for letting me down gently you guys. I mean I understand what you’re saying. And maybe you’re right.
The thing is it just feels like I’d be shunning people I love. Yeah for a good reason maybe. But still.
Maybe it’s because I grew up that way. Being told to drop people who didn’t fit the mold. And maybe it’s because my family’s treating me the same way now. I don’t know. I guess I’m just not very good at following God ahead of people yet. I still feel like God would understand what I’m doing. That He wouldn’t get too upset.
Whereas the people wouldn’t.
But I guess it might make a guy look a bit odd to attend a thing he doesn’t want to later own. So maybe I should leave this thread to those better able to make those types of choices.
I never was much cut out for a leadership role you know? So standing up on a hilltop with my back to the crowd just makes me feel like I’ve abandoned them.
Instead of like I’m trying to lead them.
Peace guys.
-Trident
In polite society one need not be pressed for a reason of declining an invitation to a social event. I’m sorry but we can’t make it should suffice. If a pushy cousin does press the op further I suggest a diplomatic answer. But the cousin probably will not ask a question they may not want an honest answer to.
If need be, you may have to give a reason why, in which may be harder, but I think if you are honest about it and respectfully and kindly decline going and thank them sincerely for their invitation, I think you should be fine.
I hope this has helped.
God Bless You
Thank you for reading
Josh
That was actually s pretty good explanation.It’s not really shunning, though; it’s not attending an event that you can’t square with your moral perspective.
Shunning implies not inviting them to Thanksgiving dinner, striking them from the Christmas card list, and ignoring their very existence.
Let’s say that you really don’t like guns. They make you uncomfortable, you think that murder rates would drop astronomically if guns were banned tomorrow, you have a close relative who was murdered in a drive-by shooting, and you honestly believe that there is no moral reason to own one.
Fred, your cousin, is into guns. I mean,* really* into guns. This makes you uneasy, but you like Fred. He’s a nice guy. He’s generous to a fault, volunteers at the homeless shelter weekly, and, the gun thing aside, is the sort of person that you wish other people would be.
Fred decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of opening a gun store/shooting range, and throws a massive Opening Day bash to celebrate it. Of course, being Fred, he invites you, too. This is a Really Big Deal for Fred, who’s saved and planned for the last ten years to be able to do this. You realize that, and you also know Fred well enough to know that he’s got a solid business plan and will probably do well. Insofar as his doing well, you’re happy for him, but you still believe that private gun ownership is blatantly immoral.
Do you
a) announce that Fred is dead to you, the scum of the earth, et all?
b) send a note to the effect of “Sorry I can’t come, but I wish you the best!”
c) attend, feeling like a complete hypocrite the whole time because your presence implies support for something you cannot morally support at all?
Hint: when taking a multiple-choice test, answer b) is statistically most likely to be correct.
(Yes, I know that homosexuality and gun ownership are not the same thing. Go with it for the moment.)
That’s some messed up logic. I can’t follow your reasoning.
Well thanks for that Monicad. But I mean I’ve only been a Catholic for about 11 years. And 8 of those I was pretty much in freefall because of my addictions. So sometimes I get a bit shaky when I see myself on the outside of the ring of right opinion. I mean I figure I’d better step back and let someone else drive when that happens. I don’t want to be giving bad advice.
Yeah. I know. Boy do I ever.
I respect your courage and strength. Maybe one day I’ll have that kind of steady stand in the face of a hard push-back. I don’t know. But thanks for trying to make me feel better.