We, as human-beings, are imperfect. You are no different. I would say that the first thing you need to recognize is this.
The second thing you need to know is that God longs to forgive you. Tomorrow is always a new day, and it is never too late to start over. Hell, if you wanted to, you could start over right now, at this very moment. Clearly, God knows you, is in you, because you are contemplating your sins, and you are sad because you are far away from him.
The third thing you need to realize is that, because you fall short of all that God can do, you must know that you cannot go this one alone. You do not have the strength or endurance to do so. None of us do.
The fourth thing you need to know is that, no matter what, you will always be God’s child. In the most important way of all, you are his little boy, and he delights in you, and is very proud of you. It makes him sad that you have chosen to stray from him, but he will always forgive you, especially knowing what kind of mind-set you are in right now.
You clearly love God. You need to know that he loves you, too, and that he will never stop loving you.
I know that this is hard for you. I also have a problem with pornography and masturbation, and am bi-sexual. However, I am trying to take steps to stop. I’m thinking of buying the series, “Pure of Heart.” I might be a woman, but I have the same problem as you do, and I hope that this series helps.
I have a little prayer that I had made up a couple years ago for occasions as difficult of yours. It is simple, but effective, and he answers me. It goes like this:
God, please help me, because I can’t do this by myself.
Usually, during times at which I recite this prayer, I’m at my lowest point, and have gone down as far as I can go. But, after I say it, I feel that I can talk to God. We ‘discuss’ the issue: I talk, and he listens, and, if I allow myself to open my heart to him, I can literally feel his presence around me.
Brother, we are both children of God, and, therefore, in a very spiritual way, that makes me your sister. Families were always meant to support each other in hard times, and I am supporting you.
Let’s support each other on this journey. Let’s start right now. Please understand that I want to get to know you better, that I want to help you. I know it’s hard. I know it hurts. I just want you to know: you are not alone.
I’m going to send you an invitation to be my friend. I get on my computer every day for several hours. Part of being a ‘brother’ or ‘sister’ in Christ means that we are a family, and families always help each other. They listen to each other. Brother, let me listen to you. Let me help you.
You don’t have to do this alone. We can walk this road together, and we may not be able to climb this mountain in a day, but, with team-work and faith that God wants to help us, we can make it to the summit. It’s not going to be an easy ride. It’s going to be a bumpy road, with a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. I can’t promise you a rose garden, because I’m not God, after all. But we’ll get there.
Together, we can do this. You and me. All you have to do is take my hand. Returning to God isn’t easy, brother, but I am here for you. You may not know me, but I am here, and I am here to help.
Dry your tears, get up, take my hand, and let’s start walking. A journey like this one doesn’t start with you just sitting around. It’s time to start again.
