School bullying

[tamarnp]

I am extremely frustrated. My son has been the target of excessive bullying at his school. The problem has been present for the past few years, but has escalated the past year and a half. My husband and I met with the principal and have decided the best situation is to remove him from the school. Home schooling is not an option as my income is required. There is no catholic school within 80 miles of our home. The only private school is a small anabaptist school, but it has exceptional testing scores and a good record. The problem is the tuition. Times are hard for everyone now. I can always take a second job on the weekend, but that would greatly diminish family time. I already work 50-60+ hours per week. Being a nurse practitioner, it would be more feasible for me to work extra than my husband who has a business degree. I would do anything for my children, but is decreasing the time I have with them the answer? I am torn in this situation. What should I do? Does anyone have any advise?

 

[Dempsey1919]

I am sorry to hear about this. Bullying is a terrible thing to go through.

I wouldn’t take your son out of the school. The school authorities have an obligation to stamp out bullying. It sounds as if the Principal is failing to tackle the problem head on. Instead of accepting your decision to remove your son from his school, he should be punishing those who bully others and encouraging your son to stay. It is the Principal’s responsibility to stop all bullying, and it is plain to see that he has failed to do this.

If you take your son out of the school, the bullys have won. They have made your son leave his school and will probably begin bullying another kid once your son leaves. They must not be allowed to get away with this. Why should your son have to leave a great school because of these horrible kids? Your son is the innocent party in all of this! The bullys are the one’s who should have to leave! Not your son! Why should you have to work more hours and sacrifice time with your family? Those bullys have already caused enough damage, don’t let them cause you anymore grief.

Bullys are a fact of life, and your son must learn how to deal with them. It will be the hardest thing he has ever had to do, but in the end he will be a stronger, more confident person. Your son needs to learn that you cannot run away from problems. You need to face your problems head on, and overcome them. The bullys are nothing but cowards, and I guarantee that they will back off the moment your son decides to take a stand and defend himself. He must fight fire with fire.

Send your son to the local boxing gym. He will learn how to fight properly and will be able to nip this thing in the bud. Your son will get stronger, fitter, and healthier. He will develop self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-discipline. Traditional martial arts are no good for street fighting. Contact sports such as boxing and Muay Thai are the way to go because he will get used to hitting people and being hit himself. These sports will really toughen him up, and teach him many valuable life lessons in the process. You may not agree with this course of action, but sometimes this is the only way to go. These bullys have really hurt your son, and they deserve to feel some of that pain themselves. I hope your son teaches these bullys a lesson they’ll never forget.

 

[GladCatholic]

If your son has to be removed from the only public school because of others’ bullying and there are no other public choices, I’d get an attorney and sue the school for the tuition for the private school or for them to provide a private tutor. This is not unheard of.

Glad

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

What GladCatholic said. I’ve heard of this happening more and more.

I would also look at your husband’s schedule and your schedule. There is no law I’ve seen in any state that says home education must be provided in daylight hours between the hours of 9 and 3. I’ve seen very detailed plans for it providing for the teaching of certain subjects and how many hours are devoted to those subjects, how record will be kept, etc., depending on the state. You can do part of the teaching, your husband can do part of the teaching, and you can pay a reliable baby-sitter or family member to ensure he does the work you assign.

 

[chevalier]

Schools have many “reasons” for not stamping out bullying. Just listen to some teachers. They think it’s natural. They think bullies are in reality oh so suffering kids that need to be allowed to bully others to ease their own suffering yadda yadda, that it is unfriendly to rat them out and that the one who tells on them is the real villain. That it’s unfriendly and antisocial to refuse to accept bullying from other people. I’ve had all this myself and this is the very reason why I decided to become a lawyer (working on Ph.D. in criminal trial now). You would be perfectly in your right to launch a massive tort action against every single bully, every single teacher who prefers to allow it than to stamp it out, every single official who decides it’s not worth bothering. And parents who think it’s cool their children are the bosses. If you don’t have the money, an attorney might take that case for a share of the damages, although I would generally discourage ferocious litigation unless you really need to do it (we oughtn’t be too feisty, after all…).

 

[kage_ar]

Perhaps if you share the nature/specifcs of teh bullying. I watched a program on TV last night about bullying - and I am more confused than ever.

They mixed sexual harrassment in the same category as kids being kids and teasing.

 

[tamarnp]

I am sorry to hear about this. Bullying is a terrible thing to go through.

I wouldn’t take your son out of the school. The school authorities have an obligation to stamp out bullying. It sounds as if the Principal is failing to tackle the problem head on. Instead of accepting your decision to remove your son from his school, he should be punishing those who bully others and encouraging your son to stay. It is the Principal’s responsibility to stop all bullying, and it is plain to see that he has failed to do this.

If you take your son out of the school, the bullys have won. They have made your son leave his school and will probably begin bullying another kid once your son leaves. They must not be allowed to get away with this. Why should your son have to leave a great school because of these horrible kids? Your son is the innocent party in all of this! The bullys are the one’s who should have to leave! Not your son! Why should you have to work more hours and sacrifice time with your family? Those bullys have already caused enough damage, don’t let them cause you anymore grief.

Bullys are a fact of life, and your son must learn how to deal with them. It will be the hardest thing he has ever had to do, but in the end he will be a stronger, more confident person. Your son needs to learn that you cannot run away from problems. You need to face your problems head on, and overcome them. The bullys are nothing but cowards, and I guarantee that they will back off the moment your son decides to take a stand and defend himself. He must fight fire with fire.

Send your son to the local boxing gym. He will learn how to fight properly and will be able to nip this thing in the bud. Your son will get stronger, fitter, and healthier. He will develop self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-discipline. Traditional martial arts are no good for street fighting. Contact sports such as boxing and Muay Thai are the way to go because he will get used to hitting people and being hit himself. These sports will really toughen him up, and teach him many valuable life lessons in the process. You may not agree with this course of action, but sometimes this is the only way to go. These bullys have really hurt your son, and they deserve to feel some of that pain themselves. I hope your son teaches these bullys a lesson they’ll never forget.

He has studied karate for 4 years. He has used this to defend himself successfully after being jumped in the locker room. The video surveillance demonstrated he was the victim, but since he threw a punch, he was punished also. We talked the school out of suspension, but corporal punishment was provided to him and the two boys who started the bullying. Now, he will not retalliate out of fear of suspension. Also, in today’s enviroment, we worry about out of school retalliation. With the kids who are involved, this is a very real possibility.

 

[tamarnp]

If your son has to be removed from the only public school because of others’ bullying and there are no other public choices, I’d get an attorney and sue the school for the tuition for the private school or for them to provide a private tutor. This is not unheard of.

Glad

Our town is not overly large. There is only one public school system. If I sue to school system, I will be forced to close my practice due to people no longer supporting my business. I like the town were I live. I plan on retiring there. My in-laws and husband have grown-up there. I cannot do this to them or my children.

 

[tamarnp]

Much of this situation I blame on myself. For many years, my son was disruptive in class and emotional due to undiagnosed ADHD. I had my concerns and discussed this with his counselors and teachers, but was told repetively that he was simply “immature.” Finally, his 5th grade teacher thought he might be bipolar. We acquired a new pediatrician and psychologist who identified him as ADHD inattentive-type. Now that he is controlled, he is a great kid! No more emotional outbursts. The problem is, he has been labelled by his peers. It is extremely hard to overcome this. He has to eat alone at lunch because others don’t want to be labelled. They spit on him and his homework. They laugh and snicker when he walks by. And of couse, it has esclated to assaulting him in the public locker area. I am afraid if we do nothing, he will do anything to conform including joining the wrong clique. He is a good kid. He wants to work in missions after completing college (I know this will probably change) but he has his head on straight. I can see the early signs of depression setting in, though. As a parent, I need to intervene now, but I cannot harm my family in the process. At this point I am not interested in whether the bullies win or lose. My concern is my son and family only. Let them win. We would win, also. I have forced him to try to deal with this for the past 7 years. I think we are going to break down and ask for help from grandparents. We can afford most of the annual tuition. If we obtain a loan from them, we can work it off as a family.

Bullying is a tough subject. In the private school, there will be only 14 others in his class. I am not as worried about him in this environment. Thank you to all who have replied. I think an interesting thread would be how do we as Christians deal with bullying? I have read all the government sponsored literature (doesn’t work). I know other parents here are going through the same issue.

 

[Scottgun]

I don’t want to make a sweeping condemnation of public schools, but in plenty of cases, public schools are an example of heathen inmates running the prison. Ideally, I’d say one of you stay home, take the economic hit, and homeschool. Other than that, I don’t know.

 

[Nordar]

I am sorry to hear about this. Bullying is a terrible thing to go through.

I wouldn’t take your son out of the school. The school authorities have an obligation to stamp out bullying. It sounds as if the Principal is failing to tackle the problem head on. Instead of accepting your decision to remove your son from his school, he should be punishing those who bully others and encouraging your son to stay. It is the Principal’s responsibility to stop all bullying, and it is plain to see that he has failed to do this.

If you take your son out of the school, the bullys have won. They have made your son leave his school and will probably begin bullying another kid once your son leaves. They must not be allowed to get away with this. Why should your son have to leave a great school because of these horrible kids? Your son is the innocent party in all of this! The bullys are the one’s who should have to leave! Not your son! Why should you have to work more hours and sacrifice time with your family? Those bullys have already caused enough damage, don’t let them cause you anymore grief.

Bullys are a fact of life, and your son must learn how to deal with them. It will be the hardest thing he has ever had to do, but in the end he will be a stronger, more confident person. Your son needs to learn that you cannot run away from problems. You need to face your problems head on, and overcome them. The bullys are nothing but cowards, and I guarantee that they will back off the moment your son decides to take a stand and defend himself. He must fight fire with fire.

Send your son to the local boxing gym. He will learn how to fight properly and will be able to nip this thing in the bud. Your son will get stronger, fitter, and healthier. He will develop self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-discipline. Traditional martial arts are no good for street fighting. Contact sports such as boxing and Muay Thai are the way to go because he will get used to hitting people and being hit himself. These sports will really toughen him up, and teach him many valuable life lessons in the process. You may not agree with this course of action, but sometimes this is the only way to go. These bullys have really hurt your son, and they deserve to feel some of that pain themselves. I hope your son teaches these bullys a lesson they’ll never forget.

They are getting away with it, no one is correcting them.
The school and the principal may be responsible, but they are not doing their job. How is she supposed make to make them do their jobs?
Who cares if the bullies have won if she pulls her son from the school? The bullies are not her concern her son is.
Her son must learn to deal with it? are you for real?
Are you not aware that children have committed suicide over school bullying, not to mention Columbine and other school shootings~~~~ which happened because of school bullying.
I want to know how her son or anyone can just learn to deal with it, School bullying can cause depression, poor self esteem, and other personally disorders. Telling her her son must learn to deal with this, is absurd.
How does he learn to not let it bother him when he has to eat alone, and being spat on? Going to karate etc will not make him stand up to them. This is not a fairy tale her son is being abused and it is very cruel.

 

[Dempsey1919]

Her son must learn to deal with it? are you for real?

I have mild cerebral palsy and I was bullied relentlessly throughout my childhood. I was called all kinds of names, I was threatened, and I was beaten several times. The bullies would throw rocks at my legs, and I was even set on fire by older thugs when I was eight years old. I know all about bullying, and I am simply sharing the way that I dealt with it.

My mother made me fight the bullies. She would send me out and make me stick up for myself. That is the way I was taught to deal with bullies. Bullies are cowards, and will nearly always back down if they are confronted. Telling the teacher may get rid of the problem for a few weeks but in my experience, it can make the situation worse. I have found that some bullies only understand one thing: aggression. This may sound harsh, but it is a reality in many cases.

I meant every single word I wrote. Bullying is a fact of life. You can be bullied in school, at work, and in any social situation. Everyone must learn how to cope with this sort of behaviour. Sometimes it is better to remove yourself from the situation, and sometimes it is worth staying put and fighting. The OP has stated that moving schools will bring financial burden, and that is why I advised her to keep her son at his current school.

Are you not aware that children have committed suicide over school bullying, not to mention Columbine and other school shootings~~~~ which happened because of school bullying.

I am well aware of the facts and I do not underestimate the seriousness of bullying. However, I think the best solution is to face the problem and nip it in the bud before it gets any worse.

I don’t think the OP’s son is going to shoot his classmates because he is being bullied. He sounds like a really nice kid who is going through a rough time. He obviously talks to his parents and has a good relationship with them. I don’t think he would do anything as bad as you mentioned, and that is why I will not retract my advice.

I admit that I am not as knowledgeable on school shootings and their causes because I am from the UK. We have never had any shootings and it is not really a reality for us (and I pray that this remains the case).

I want to know how her son or anyone can just learn to deal with it

I learned to deal with it, and so can everybody else. I believe everyone has experienced bullying at some point in their lives. Bullying can be very slight, but it can also be very serious. The way to deal with it is exactly the same. You must not put up with it, and you must stick up for yourself. Don’t just accept it, because if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.

Going to karate etc will not make him stand up to them.

I know that it will not make him stand up to them, but it will help. Aside from the ability to defend himself, it will build self-confidence and self-esteem. We already know that Karate has helped this boy defend himself. If he had not punched the bullies, there is no telling what they would have done to him.

This is not a fairy tale her son is being abused and it is very cruel.

I know very well that bullying is not a fairy tale. I have been through it myself, and I learned to deal with it in the best way that I knew how. My way may not be for everyone, but it worked for me. I know people will not agree with everything I wrote, but I just wanted to share my advice in the hope that it would be helpful.

 

[kage_ar]

In the type of small town you describe, you should be able to sit down with the parents of the other kids and work this out.

I would try everything before putting my Catholic child in a baptist school where his faith WILL be bullied every day.

 

[Blade_and_Blood]

What’s wrong with another public school? I know public schools are difficult to endure, but so is a private school. As I’ve always said, “Just because it’s based on religon doesn’t mean it’s heaven.”

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

 

[tamarnp]

What’s wrong with another public school? I know public schools are difficult to endure, but so is a private school. As I’ve always said, “Just because it’s based on religon doesn’t mean it’s heaven.”

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood

There is no other public school within 20 miles. Sorry. Rural communities are limited in resources. I would gladly enroll him in another public school. I have nothing against public schools. My daughter will remain in the public school system as she is thriving in her class setting. I am a product of public schools and received a fabulous education. Yes, some bullying, but nothing to the extent of now. I never felt threatened physically. Gangs are a real situation even in our small town setting. That is the primary concern for me.

Thank you to everyone who is responding. This is very enlightening!

 

[Brenda_V]

He has studied karate for 4 years. He has used this to defend himself successfully after being jumped in the locker room. The video surveillance demonstrated he was the victim, but since he threw a punch, he was punished also. We talked the school out of suspension, but corporal punishment was provided to him and the two boys who started the bullying. Now, he will not retalliate out of fear of suspension. Also, in today’s enviroment, we worry about out of school retalliation. With the kids who are involved, this is a very real possibility.

You are so right to pull him out. I agree with what others have said though, see if the school district will give you a tutor for his schooling for now without your fighting for it, otherwise, unfortunately you may have to.

Your son’s safety is first and foremost and if the school will not take the bullys out then you must take him out.

(Sorry for this disjointed post but so many thoughts are running through my head from outrage on down)

Oh, yes, now I remember, as someone else said, homeschooling doesn’t have to be done in the 9-3 time slot, maybe your schedule one day will allow for that and another day for your husband but if not, consider the evening hours - homeschooling also only takes 1/2 the time to teach/learn in than traditional schooling so, even if you devote 2 hrs. from the time you get home from work and start working on dinner (or your husband gets home) until you all sit down for dinner you can def. get it all in. Don’t forget, you can work on it on Saturday mornings too! Just write up a feasible schedule and stick to it as best you can (life will throw you some curve balls that will mess up the schedule at times but it messes up regular school days too!)

Also, if he is old enough, you can assign him certain tasks for school to do while you are not present and then correct them when you are there. If it is a math problem he has difficulties with then have hims skip it and wait until you are there to help.

I have done three kinds of schooling for my children, homeschooling, full time schooling and part time in school schooling. All done depending on the child and her needs.

Brenda V.

 

[tamarnp]

You are so right to pull him out. I agree with what others have said though, see if the school district will give you a tutor for his schooling for now without your fighting for it, otherwise, unfortunately you may have to.

Your son’s safety is first and foremost and if the school will not take the bullys out then you must take him out.

(Sorry for this disjointed post but so many thoughts are running through my head from outrage on down)

Oh, yes, now I remember, as someone else said, homeschooling doesn’t have to be done in the 9-3 time slot, maybe your schedule one day will allow for that and another day for your husband but if not, consider the evening hours - homeschooling also only takes 1/2 the time to teach/learn in than traditional schooling so, even if you devote 2 hrs. from the time you get home from work and start working on dinner (or your husband gets home) until you all sit down for dinner you can def. get it all in. Don’t forget, you can work on it on Saturday mornings too! Just write up a feasible schedule and stick to it as best you can (life will throw you some curve balls that will mess up the schedule at times but it messes up regular school days too!)

Also, if he is old enough, you can assign him certain tasks for school to do while you are not present and then correct them when you are there. If it is a math problem he has difficulties with then have hims skip it and wait until you are there to help.

I have done three kinds of schooling for my children, homeschooling, full time schooling and part time in school schooling. All done depending on the child and her needs.

Brenda V.

Thanks, Brenda.

I had not thought of that. He is a very smart child and would be able to do alot of the work himself. That is definitely an option I had not considered.

 

[chevalier]

He has studied karate for 4 years. He has used this to defend himself successfully after being jumped in the locker room. The video surveillance demonstrated he was the victim, but since he threw a punch, he was punished also. We talked the school out of suspension, but corporal punishment was provided to him and the two boys who started the bullying. Now, he will not retalliate out of fear of suspension. Also, in today’s enviroment, we worry about out of school retalliation. With the kids who are involved, this is a very real possibility.

He acted in defence and the school was way out of line. Retaliation may be considered wrong, but it shouldn’t get to technicalities such as striking with a fist instead of blocking. He has no duty to run away, no duty to scream for help and no duty to submit to beating or other abuse. The school has a duty to keep him safe, by contrast.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Thanks, Brenda.

I had not thought of that. He is a very smart child and would be able to do alot of the work himself. That is definitely an option I had not considered.

My very first instinct said “MOVE”, lol… but I have a feeling that Brenda’s great advice will be much more practical
**
It really does seem like the best option so far.**

 

[Zooey]

I would also look at your husband’s schedule and your schedule. There is no law I’ve seen in any state that says home education must be provided in daylight hours between the hours of 9 and 3. I’ve seen very detailed plans for it providing for the teaching of certain subjects and how many hours are devoted to those subjects, how record will be kept, etc., depending on the state. You can do part of the teaching, your husband can do part of the teaching, and you can pay a reliable baby-sitter or family member to ensure he does the work you assign.

I agree. I think this is your best option.
As long as you meet the minimum numbers of hours of work in a school week and weeks in a year, and hand in your paperwork, homeschooling should be your first choice.