Screaming Babies at Mass

[zab]

+:twocents:

When my three children were little ones 15 and 19 months apart . . . for the most part . . . by God’s grace . . . they were well behaved in Church . . . but if a priest had taken it upon himself to act in the way described above . . . as the rather shy young mother that I definitely was . . . I wouldn’t have felt welcome to ever return to that church from that point on . . . probably even if the priest apologized at a later time I still would have felt that his real feelings had been expressed in his first conversation on the subject . . . and from that point on I wouldn’t have placed either the priest, the church or myself and my children in that situation again . . .

We live in a predominantly pagan society in this day and age where children are frequently openly called . . . “mistakes” . . . and are deliberately planned . . . “against” . . . and are more often than not . . . sadly most unwelcome . . . and as such are aborted/murdered by the millions and millions and millions . . . *we need to be thankful that there are children to be found amongst us as **God’s ***people in our churches during Holy Mass . . .

. . . all for Jesus+

​

I hear you. I liked what you had to say. But in all fairness to ATeutonicKnight, I think it all depends on the tone of voice used. “IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN-TAKE THE CHILD OUT!” or if he is really trying to be helpful and let them know they are welcome and it’s normal for kids to act up now and then but “if it happens again, simply take the child out ”
I think ATeutonicKnight had good intentions although I wouldn’t have put it quite the way he did. It is just sometimes difficult to determine the tone of voice on these threads unless they are SCREAMING.

 

[Faith1960]

I think that they would do everything that they could, just like you think that the perfect little family in the restaurant would.

Sorry, you think wrong. I’ve seen them do absolutely nothing, and it’s not just with scraming babies but with older kids.

 

[Faith1960]

+:twocents:

When my three children were little ones 15 and 19 months apart . . . for the most part . . . by God’s grace . . . they were well behaved in Church . . . but if a priest had taken it upon himself to act in the way described above . . . as the rather shy young mother that I definitely was . . . I wouldn’t have felt welcome to ever return to that church from that point on . . . probably even if the priest apologized at a later time I still would have felt that his real feelings had been expressed in his first conversation on the subject . . . and from that point on I wouldn’t have placed either the priest, the church or myself and my children in that situation again . . .

We live in a predominantly pagan society in this day and age where children are frequently openly called . . . “mistakes” . . . and are deliberately planned . . . “against” . . . and are more often than not . . . sadly most unwelcome . . . and as such are aborted/murdered by the millions and millions and millions . . . *we need to be thankful that there are children to be found amongst us as **God’s *** people in our churches during Holy Mass . . .

. . . all for Jesus+
​

Wow. How extreme.

 

[freddo]

The congregation in my parish understands that there are just things that children are going to disturb and rather than getting angry about it, we celebrate it. When a child starts crying, Father makes a kind comment to put the mortified parent at ease. In the case of an older child, he may ask the child to stand next to him and hold his rosary. When a toddler runs to her daddy as he’s reading from the lectionary, we all smile as he picks her up and continues to read. We purposely do not have a cry room because our priests want the children and their parents to be at Mass…in the same room…as part of the community of believers, not apart from it.

…and a sign of lax parenting. But it’s also a sign of death. A child who doesn’t know you’re supposed to be quiet in church is a child who who hasn’t been to church much.

I’m not sure how a crying baby could be a sign of lax parenting, given that babies cry within minutes of being born.

As for the other point, if you’re so concerned about kids making noise, when are they supposed to go to church to learn to be quiet? At any rate, my kids are, on average, at Mass four days a week including Sunday. They certainly know that they are supposed to be quiet, but, being young children, they forget/are distracted/whatever else. It happens, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t or shouldn’t be part of the community. They sometimes forget to use their quiet voices in the library; should I not allow them to borrow books any more either?

 

[MissRose73]

I would say it would be easiest if parents with infants and toddlers sat near the back to allow for a quick exit if a child cannot be calmed down by either being held and/or given something to drink like a bottle. Babies and toddlers don’t know better how to express themselves besides crying for the most part.

My issue is more with the preschoolers and older that have fits during Mass, want play with toys during Mass, make noise, talk and demand food/drink (even though they can play for hours without needing refreshments at times), and the parents make no decent good faith attempt to make them behave. I can understand if a child has a hidden mental disability of some kind causing behavior issues but even those children have the capacity to learn even if they have to be told constantly. I do not ask for perfection from young children but I’d rather notice a parent making a good faith attempt to get their kids to be good compared to ignoring the child(ren).

 

[pnewton]

I would say it would be easiest if parents with infants and toddlers sat near the back to allow for a quick exit if a child cannot be calmed down by either being held and/or given something to drink like a bottle. Babies and toddlers don’t know better how to express themselves besides crying for the most part.

My issue is more with the preschoolers and older that have fits during Mass, want play with toys during Mass, make noise, talk and demand food/drink (even though they can play for hours without needing refreshments at times), and the parents make no decent good faith attempt to make them behave.

For me, it was around two that we transitioned to sitting as close as we could, no toys allowed. Okay, I did permit Goggy (the stuffed frog) to come along, but then he went everywhere. I found that the proximity to the front was better training. This did entail a few trips up and out the door, but not many.

 

[Hokomai]

I would like to say to my fellow unbelievers who are posting in this thread pretending to be Catholics who can’t stand normal families going to Church and who think babies can be ‘controlled’ that fake posting is unfair. Apologies Catholics - I know you would never say such things!

 

[Bearontherun]

I would like to say to my fellow unbelievers who are posting in this thread pretending to be Catholics who can’t stand normal families going to Church and who think babies can be ‘controlled’ that fake posting is unfair. Apologies Catholics - I know you would never say such things!

Thanks for pointing that out. I was also thinking that some of the posts in this thread are not the best advertisements for joining the catholic faith and being a member of the congregation…now we know that they might not be sincere posts.

 

[ColNY]

I’m wondering if there is something lost in the communication of the written word or that people are just not truly reading what each other is saying. I mean, I don’t think there is anyone here advocating allowing babies and toddlers to scream and make noise throughout the entire mass. Or are there actually people on here who truly believe that no sound is permissible and that babies/toddlers should be banned from mass, unless they are absolutely still and quiet, even if their parents can calm them down in a reasonable amount of time?

The thread started about one individual who was equating a crying baby to a horror flick—which would be a very extreme case IF the baby in question really lived up to that level of sound. We’ll never know. But it’s obvious that everyone on this board has a different level of baby/children noise they feel is acceptable or conversely, feels warrants the child’s immediate removal and any parent who doesn’t remove is being “selfish” to others. Noise tolerance is very subjective.

At the Mass I attend, there’s always at least one baby who will start to fuss or cry each week. Most of them are seated in the back. Most of the cries last under 5 minutes. Most of our young parents will step out until the baby is calm if it last longer. But even on the occassion when we get a really loud cryer who continues on for longer than a minute, but even at that, never would I equate child’s noise to Rosemary’s Baby (or whatever horror flick). That too me seems extreme.

 

[Defender1]

That’s rich considering this.

I didn’t and won’t refer to what Jesus said about judging. I just pointing out that your statement was rather… well lets just say 2 wrongs don’t make a right.

Your wrong and you know it , Jesus does not want parents bringing their children in mass disrupting him . He wants them there but in an area where they cannot disrupt his priests from the consecration .And if there is not a quiet room perhaps move to where their is one.Trying to make some of us look like the bad guys when it is you who condones disruption of the mass for prideful reasons

 

[Granola_Catholi]

At our parish parents who have loud babies tend to sit in the back. There is a small cadre of these families in one back corner. In fact it has been nicked named the Cherio corner as parents feed their kids cherios back there. If you attend mass and choose to sit among young families then you take the risk of having mass disrupted. I would suggest not sitting near families with kids or perhaps attending a different mass. Families with young children tend to flock together and go to a mass that is common, like the one near CCD time. Alternatively attend the Cathedral or a monastery mass, these either are very quiet or have so many people there that no one notices the noise.

 

[Defender1]

There must be some reason that the quiet rooms in your church are not being used more. Perhaps your priests should ask the parents what the problem with useing the rooms is. It is also rediculous to suggest that parents seek another church if the one they attend has no cry room. There are other things more important about a parish than whether or not it has a cry room.

ITs their pride what else could it be ? Its not ridiculous the mass is that important that we do not get disrupted more importantly that the priest dopes not get disrupted during mass. The mass is too important for disruption .

 

[Defender1]

This is why I tend not to sit near families. I’m there to hear the priest, not a kid screaming.

 

[PatriceA]

Your wrong and you know it , Jesus does not want parents bringing their children in mass disrupting him . He wants them there but in an area where they cannot disrupt his priests from the consecration .And if there is not a quiet room perhaps move to where their is one.Trying to make some of us look like the bad guys when it is you who condones disruption of the mass for prideful reasons

Did Jesus tell you this personally? Do you have scripture to back this up? Because it seems to me the scripture most quoted in this thread says otherwise.

 

[pnewton]

Your wrong and you know it , Jesus does not want parents bringing their children in mass disrupting him .

LOL. Did he tell you this Himself? If not, where in Catholic teaching do you find that Jesus can be disrupted in Mass by children?

 

[zab]

ITs their pride what else could it be ? Its not ridiculous the mass is that important that we do not get disrupted more importantly that the priest dopes not get disrupted during mass. The mass is too important for disruption .

Our pastor spoke about pride and humility in his homily this morning. Humility is when we care more about what God thinks of us than we care what other people may think of us. Most parents worry what others think about them when their children are acting up. It is their pride that sometimes keeps them from bringing their children to church so they won’t have to deal with them and what others think about them. I don’t think neglecting or delaying to take the children to the “quiet room” has anything to do with pride. Most likely there are other reasons that the parents do not like taking their children to the quiet rooms in your church. Many good parents have learned that cry rooms often do not help when trying to teach children how to behave in church. There are also other factors why cry rooms may deter parents. Are the cry rooms filled with adults who don’t belong there? Do your quiet rooms have windows or at least sound so the parents can hear what is going on? Is it carpeted or have some sound barrier so that the noise of the children does not create more of a problem? Children love to hear their echo. Do the children learn anything from going to the quiet room, mainly how to behave in church? Or do they get the impression that the quiet room is where they are allowed to play and be loud? Cry rooms (or quiet rooms) can be of good use provided that they are a temporary place to go for the parent who is having difficulty with their children. But often the negatives out weigh the positives. Our pastor and the last pastor understood this and decided againstt putting in a cry room when our church was restored/remodeled a few years ago.

 

[Ohana]

One of the most heart-breaking episodes I ever had at Mass was watching a young mother with a severely handicapped child cope with the needs of the child during Mass. She had a companion helper with her, and while there was little noise, there was certainly some distraction. Much of my prayer at that Mass and at some since has been to ask God to strengthen her and hers through this ordeal. What was so disheartening was to have her companion turn to me after Mass and apologise for their presence. I tried to assure her that I thought they were just where they needed to be, but I don’t think she heard me. Now if I see someone like that near me at church, I make it a point to go over and say something to them afterward. Maybe the parents of these young disruptive babies need that also. You cannot know if that baby is suffering from colic, or some disorder which causes high-pitched cries, but if so, the parents really need the comfort of the Mass or they would not have made the effort to be there. What we can know/believe is that everyone has some burden and needs to be at Mass and the encouragement of the community.

Defender 1, if children are too difficult for you, perhaps you do need to find a different Mass time. Our early Mass is less populated by children and maybe that is true in your Parish also. You might also speak with your pastor about which is the quietest Mass. We all have different needs at different times, and your distress is evident

 

[Sarabande]

The thread started about one individual who was equating a crying baby to a horror flick—which would be a very extreme case IF the baby in question really lived up to that level of sound. We’ll never know. But it’s obvious that everyone on this board has a different level of baby/children noise they feel is acceptable or conversely, feels warrants the child’s immediate removal and any parent who doesn’t remove is being “selfish” to others. Noise tolerance is very subjective.

At the Mass I attend, there’s always at least one baby who will start to fuss or cry each week. Most of them are seated in the back. Most of the cries last under 5 minutes. Most of our young parents will step out until the baby is calm if it last longer. But even on the occassion when we get a really loud cryer who continues on for longer than a minute, but even at that, never would I equate child’s noise to Rosemary’s Baby (or whatever horror flick). That too me seems extreme.

I agree, that is extreme.

The thing is I believe most parents are doing their job. But I suppose for some, even a couple minutes of disruption while a parent is trying to soothe or trying to take the child out is enough to throw them off and make them angry. We all have our weaknesses and I do believe that this is a particular weakness, mainly because, as you have mentioned, people do have different levels of noise tolerance, some very weak and some fairly strong where they can zone it out if needed.

 

[Faith1960]

Most likely there are other reasons that the parents do not like taking their children to the quiet rooms in your church. Many good parents have learned that cry rooms often do not help when trying to teach children how to behave in church. There are also other factors why cry rooms may deter parents. Are the cry rooms filled with adults who don’t belong there? Do your quiet rooms have windows or at least sound so the parents can hear what is going on? Is it carpeted or have some sound barrier so that the noise of the children does not create more of a problem? Children love to hear their echo. Do the children learn anything from going to the quiet room, mainly how to behave in church? Or do they get the impression that the quiet room is where they are allowed to play and be loud?

Our cry room is carpeted, sound proofed, roomy, has pews, speakers, a fairly decent view of the church and a bathroom. What more could the parents want, for goodness sake?

 

[Faith1960]

Defender 1, if children are too difficult for you, perhaps you do need to find a different Mass time. Our early Mass is less populated by children and maybe that is true in your Parish also. You might also speak with your pastor about which is the quietest Mass. We all have different needs at different times, and your distress is evident

Why on Earth would Defender need to go anywhere else when s/he isn’t the one causing or allowing the disruption?