Screaming Babies at Mass

[Sarabande]

This happened often enough in my old huge urban cathedral parish that it became routine.

One day the Cardinal was in the middle of saying mass and some guy busted in the back and demanded to see him. An usher, without skipping a beat, turned to him and said, “He’ll be down here at the end of mass if you want to see him”. Brilliant.

Predictably, the guy disappeared in the mean time.

We’ve had this kind of thing happen at my former parish (also a cathedral in the city). They were mostly mentally disturbed individuals who’d act up during mass. There was one instance where a woman went crazy and started to attack the person next to her and a few men in the cathedral had to drag her out, hold her down and call the police while the mass was going on. I’ve seen police come in checking out the confessionals when there was some sort of disturbance going on during mass. Then we’ve had protesters come in if the Archbishop was saying mass. It was a normal occurrence.

 

[CompSciGuy]

Just a further recommendation for those who are really bothered by screaming babies in mass. From my experience, I have found that when something external, like screaming babies, really annoy me, it comes about 99% from my own attitude. Once I make up my mind that it’s OK, then it doesn’t bother me anymore. That’s probably the case for most people.

 

[pismopal]

Are you serious? The Mass is too important for children? What about the children’s parents? Our parish doesn’t have a sound proof room anyway.

It’s true. We never take our kids to movies (except the Smurfs :lol, but I like to attend Mass, and I feel that it’s important for me to do so. This means the kids have to come. Of course, I also think it’s important for them to attend Mass anyway.

Well…our priest’s cell phone went off during one of his homilies. I guess that means it’s okay for me to bring my kids to Mass then.

Our priest is sometimes nice about kids, sometimes a jerk, so I don’t really know where we stand with him. But, for the most part, the other parishoners have been really supportive. My husband got up to take a crying baby out once, and the man in front turned around to tell me not to worry about bothering people by taking crying babies out, that it was a sound we should hear more often. A priest in another parish, a lovely man, once said it was nice to hear the sounds of praise coming from the back (my baby was making happy baby noises). This morning, as I took my seat in the very back, the sacristan came and asked us to sit closer because the mikes weren’t working or something. Afterwards, I asked the couple in front of us if my kids had bothered them. The lady gave me a huge smile and said of course not, she’d had six herself and remembered what it was like.

Overwhelmingly, I have found that people are really nice about having kids at Mass. Reading threads like this makes me wonder how many are sitting, seething in the pews. I try to be very conscious of my kids bugging everybody else, and sit in the back. But I also want my kids to grow up with an appreciation of the Mass, and having it be a very normal part of their lives. I can’t do that if they never attend.

The quote was…" mass is too important to be INTERUPTED by children." Not that mass is too important for children…big difference that you have failed to acknowledge. And…babies can make noises that do not disturb or interupt…the parents should have some class and be able to distinguish the difference. Is this rocket science?

 

[zab]

…
One thing that I’ve always remember was what a former boss of mine said at mass. It was Christmas Eve and there were lots of children and babies. The church was filled with the sounds of little babies. During the homily he mentioned how wonderful of a sound it was to him to hear so many babies at mass. He stressed that those babies and the children were the future of the Church and he wished he heard more of those sounds at every mass.

This reminds me of the time our pastor was giving a homily and talking about abortion. One by one, the babies started crying. Our pastor, stopped, looked up and said, “The babies know !”

 

[ataylorfam]

I have to say, the uncharitable attitudes I have read on this post are so disheartening. I’m so glad that the parish I have begun to visit has been so warm and welcoming to me and my children - even my 2 year old boy who acts like a 2 year old boy! Of course I take him out if his behavior becomes too loud or distracting, and he does get in trouble for having to be removed (as the people around me probably could tell by him saying the whole time back “No time out! No time out!”). But I am concerned that people are expecting things of these young infants and children that is not even possible. As long as their behavior is age appropriate, they have every right to be in the mass. Parents have charity by removing their children when necessary, but those who do not have young children are also called to be charitable to those of us who are spending the entire mass working with our kids to make sure you are able to worship without undue distraction.

Here is an idea - at mass this past weekend a little baby, maybe getting close to 1 years old, was fussing in front of my family. The parents were having a hard time getting her to settle. She wasn’t too loud. She was acting her age. I smiled at her, and I waved and mouthed “Hi”. She smiled back and calmed right down and was quiet for quite a bit after that. I know as a mom, I would appreciate those kind of helpful things so much more than nasty glares. My 2 year old would respond very well to someone nearby just putting their finger and saying sshh or to just a kind wave or smile. That is what would be helpful, not kicking us out.

 

[ardis3958]

Well…our priest’s cell phone went off during one of his homilies. I guess that means it’s okay for me to bring my kids to Mass then.

Really? And did he put the chalice down and start talking on the phone?

Or did he just reach under his chasuble and shut it off?

 

[ardis3958]

Wow! What a comparison. I have two questions. Have you ever had children? How does one put a child on vibrate or mute?

Children are permanently on vibrate until they are 25.

 

[ardis3958]

Do you also get free upgrades to children if you renew your contract every 2 years?

Given that most families have kids spaced roughly 2 years apart…

 

[Faith1960]

Are you serious? The Mass is too important for children? What about the children’s parents? Our parish doesn’t have a sound proof room anyway.

That’s not what the poster said, my friend.

 

[anruari]

I’m a Dad.

My parish has a Hall that’s linked to the church, so parents can retire with their Little ones if they make to much noise. There’s also a not on the door that reads
“Boisterous Babies and Turbulent Toddlers and their Mothers are always welcome in this church no matter how much noise they make”.

Right beside it is another sign which reads “No Communion in the Hand”

It’s a very “Traditional” Parish, and hosts the bi-monthly E.F. mass - plus the normal Sunday mass has regular responses in Latin and some Gregorian Chant.

There is a Hall linked to the rear of the church where parents can retreat to with their babies, toddlers or children when they get too loud - if the parents want to. There’s no sign suggesting or requiring this. There are speakers in the Hall with the Priest’s mic. piped through.

Unfortunately there are some parents who go straight in there, with children very close to the age of reason who will try to chat their way through the whole of mass and then bring their child up for “a blessing” - having not listened to a word of the mass or made any attempt to get their child to be present for the mass.

There seems to be a lot of uncharitable talk on here suggesting that there is little or no difference between a babe in arms a toddler and a older mis-behaving child.

a 6-month old baby may make noise - hut he is not capable of misbehaving.

A 2 year old may be just starting to be able to mis-behave but teaching them what constitutes good behaviour and what is bad is a process that will take many more years.

If you have a problem with having babies and children at mass who behave like babies and children, or parents who want to attend mass rather than come to the church to then stand outside in the rain: may I suggest that you talk to your priest and arrange to set up a “family mass” in your parish that specifically welcomes and caters for young families. This will help make parents with young families feel welcomed, and catered for, while reducing the numbers of young babies at the other masses.
Perhaps you could volunteer to work as an usher or alter server at that mass, and then attend a second more adult mass for yourself later - or perhaps as a catechist who helps to prepare a simplified liturgy more suited to children. (there are rubrics available that are approved, and guidelines on how to apply them) . (thereby fulfilling part of your obligation as a catholic to cater to the material needs of your church, and your obligation as a Christian to evangelise / spread the Good News)

 

[utah_rose]

Right. I guess I’m talking about parents who are genetically immune to social expectations. We don’t have a cry room, but 99% of parents just take them outside. I always smile to myself as I hear the sound of an extended scream traveling down the aisle and disappearing. I actually think it’s cute, because obviously the baby can’t help it and the parent is in a familiar but awkward position. The looks on the faces of those parents as they carry them out is always calm, and that’s how I know *they *know they’re doing exactly the right thing. Everybody else in the congregation seems to take it in stride, but only when everybody sees that the parent is doing what we expect him to do. It’s only when the parent isn’t doing anything they start getting dirty looks.

I do get disturbed when they’re crying during the homily and you can’t hear the priest! Unfortunately, the parish we belong to doesn’t have a cry room.

However I remember when we were toddlers,I think my parents would take turns going to one Mass and the other staying home if we were too small. Then the other parent would go to a latter Mass, but then of course those were the when there were a lot of Masses said.

 

[Defender1]

Are you serious? The Mass is too important for children? What about the children’s parents? Our parish doesn’t have a sound proof room anyway.

It’s true. We never take our kids to movies (except the Smurfs :lol, but I like to attend Mass, and I feel that it’s important for me to do so. This means the kids have to come. Of course, I also think it’s important for them to attend Mass anyway.

Well…our priest’s cell phone went off during one of his homilies. I guess that means it’s okay for me to bring my kids to Mass then.

Our priest is sometimes nice about kids, sometimes a jerk, so I don’t really know where we stand with him. But, for the most part, the other parishoners have been really supportive. My husband got up to take a crying baby out once, and the man in front turned around to tell me not to worry about bothering people by taking crying babies out, that it was a sound we should hear more often. A priest in another parish, a lovely man, once said it was nice to hear the sounds of praise coming from the back (my baby was making happy baby noises). This morning, as I took my seat in the very back, the sacristan came and asked us to sit closer because the mikes weren’t working or something. Afterwards, I asked the couple in front of us if my kids had bothered them. The lady gave me a huge smile and said of course not, she’d had six herself and remembered what it was like.

Overwhelmingly, I have found that people are really nice about having kids at Mass. Reading threads like this makes me wonder how many are sitting, seething in the pews. I try to be very conscious of my kids bugging everybody else, and sit in the back. But I also want my kids to grow up with an appreciation of the Mass, and having it be a very normal part of their lives. I can’t do that if they never attend.

1. I am serious please do not put words in my mouth
   . Children who can control themselves and are raised a little stricter of course are welcome .Sound proof rooms are in almost every church I have known of .
   2.Bring your kids to church in the mass if they are behaving themselves , nothing worse then a crying kid while the priest is performing mass .
2. They can attend of course , but without the crying and the loud noises . There has got to be a room like many other churches built after the 1950s in your church . Is there not ?

 

[jilly4ski]

1. I am serious please do not put words in my mouth
   . Children who can control themselves and are raised a little stricter of course are welcome .Sound proof rooms are in almost every church I have known of .
   2.Bring your kids to church in the mass if they are behaving themselves , nothing worse then a crying kid while the priest is performing mass .
2. They can attend of course , but without the crying and the loud noises . There has got to be a room like many other churches built after the 1950s in your church . Is there not ?

You think you can strictly raise an infant to not make noise during Mass? :ehh: So if you spank your 6 month old hard enough, they won’t cry when they are hungry, tired, too warm, too cold, etc. Or are you just saying children under 4 aren’t welcome in “your” church.

So what happens when ones child was behaving themselves but then had a break down in the middle of Mass?

In other words you cannot bring children until they can be perfectly quiet, meaning after 4. So good catholic parents who are open to life cannot attend church until their youngest child is 4 making them exiles from church for 10+ years. Not to mention, that is a classic recipe for the 4 year olds misbehaving in church because they have never been and don’t understand the solemnity.

Churches only have cry rooms if you attend a church built (or remodeled) after the 1970s and even then not all (I grew up in a church built in 1981 and it did not have a cry room. But many churches were built before that time. In fact I attended a Cathedral built around the turn of the century and all we had was a vestibule. I once found myself sitting on the choir loft steps in a very cold and drafty vestibule with a 4 week old baby, because he was fussy and needed to eat.

You obviously have never had children and have not been around children. Because your views are extreme in the worst sense. I think you need to spend some time looking in and see where you found such intolerant views towards children, and make sure you haven’t fallen into the secular view that children are burdens and annoyances only to be had if you decide you can put up with one.

As it has been pointed out, your understanding of what happens at mass is deficient. Not to mention Mass gets interrupted all the time (normally by adults), a babies cry does not interrupt mass anymore than an adult sneezing or coughing does. Please tell me you have never sneezed or coughed at mass. Or made any sort of involuntary noise at mass, like dropped a kneeler, snapped a hat clip loudly, dropped a hymnal, etc.

 

[Faith1960]

Just a further recommendation for those who are really bothered by screaming babies in mass. From my experience, I have found that when something external, like screaming babies, really annoy me, it comes about 99% from my own attitude. Once I make up my mind that it’s OK, then it doesn’t bother me anymore. That’s probably the case for most people.

So it’s okay to be unable to hear much of the homily as long as one has the right attitude?

 

[Faith1960]

You think you can strictly raise an infant to not make noise during Mass? :ehh: So if you spank your 6 month old hard enough, they won’t cry when they are hungry, tired, too warm, too cold, etc. Or are you just saying children under 4 aren’t welcome in “your” church. ]

So what happens when ones child was behaving themselves but then had a break down in the middle of Mass? ]

Um… Take them out?

[Churches only have cry rooms if you attend a church built (or remodeled) after the 1970s and even then not all (I grew up in a church built in 1981 and it did not have a cry room. But many churches were built before that time. In fact I attended a Cathedral built around the turn of the century and all we had was a vestibule. I once found myself sitting on the choir loft steps in a very cold and drafty vestibule with a 4 week old baby, because he was fussy and needed to eat.]

The church I was baptised in as an infant was built in the '50’s and, it had a cry room.
Many do. For those that don’t, parents have other options and a duty, really, to either walk around with their kids if that’ll keep them quiet, or take them out of the church until they calm down.

[You obviously have never had children and have not been around children. Because your views are extreme in the worst sense. I think you need to spend some time looking in and see where you found such intolerant views towards children, and make sure you haven’t fallen into the secular view that children are burdens and annoyances only to be had if you decide you can put up with one.]

I don’t know about the person you directed this to, but I have a daughter and my dh and I would never have thought to allow her to be disruptive at any age.

[As it has been pointed out, your understanding of what happens at mass is deficient. Not to mention Mass gets interrupted all the time (normally by adults), a babies cry does not interrupt mass anymore than an adult sneezing or coughing does.]

Wrong. Most of the time, people don’t have ongoing coughs or sneezes. When they do (and it’s happened to me) I went out into the lobby so I wouldn’t disturb others who were trying to see and watch the Mass.

 

[SusanRose]

I am really enjoying this thread because this has been on my mind the past few weeks.

My old church has a ‘crying chapel’ and so it wasn’t until I started attending my new church I experienced a higher level of noise! Also, my old parish priest did used to ask for crying children to be taken out, so that is the harder line I am used to.

I so want to be non judgemental and welcoming and so I try to follow my parish priest’s lead. He continues on and makes no big deal out of it, so I do the same. Sometimes I simply view it as a test of my patience. I don’t mind babies at all but 9 year olds having full blown tantrums last Sunday and being totally ignored test your faith But maybe that is a good thing, and it’s lovely to see young people in the church. The quieter masses I used to go to, I was the youngest there by a mile so I’m glad young families still put trust and faith in Catholicism.

I brought my 1 year old godson to mass last week and let him babble to the man next to me who didn’t seem to mind. I had to take him out during the homily though because he started to fuss and cry and it stressed me out not being able to comfort him properly because I was being quiet!
xox

 

[freddo]

The quote was…" mass is too important to be INTERUPTED by children." Not that mass is too important for children…big difference that you have failed to acknowledge. And…babies can make noises that do not disturb or interupt…the parents should have some class and be able to distinguish the difference. Is this rocket science?

Quote 1:

People need to learn to put their loud children in the sound proof rooms and that the mass is far too important for them to bring their loud children into to it .

and quote 2:

Mass is way too important to be interrupted by children .

Kids will always make noise, it’s just part of who they are. If the Mass is too important to have children making noise, then by extension it is too important for children to be there.

Also, it may not be rocket science, but people have different children and noise tolerances. What might not disturb me in the slightest might cause you to cringe, and vice versa.

1. I am serious please do not put words in my mouth
   . Children who can control themselves and are raised a little stricter of course are welcome .Sound proof rooms are in almost every church I have known of .
   2.Bring your kids to church in the mass if they are behaving themselves , nothing worse then a crying kid while the priest is performing mass .
2. They can attend of course , but without the crying and the loud noises . There has got to be a room like many other churches built after the 1950s in your church . Is there not ?

1. I don’t care how strictly you raise your children, a 6 month old can’t control her noise.
2. My kids mostly behave themselves, but they are kids. My baby has recently discovered how to say “goo” and thinks she is hilarious. She is not being bad, but she is making noise.
3. I have no idea when the church was built, but it’s a beautiful cathedral type, so I imagine not any time recently. I am absolutely sure that there is no cry room.

So what happens when ones child was behaving themselves but then had a break down in the middle of Mass? ]

Um… Take them out?

[Churches only have cry rooms if you attend a church built (or remodeled) after the 1970s and even then not all (I grew up in a church built in 1981 and it did not have a cry room. But many churches were built before that time. In fact I attended a Cathedral built around the turn of the century and all we had was a vestibule. I once found myself sitting on the choir loft steps in a very cold and drafty vestibule with a 4 week old baby, because he was fussy and needed to eat.]

The church I was baptised in as an infant was built in the '50’s and, it had a cry room.
Many do. For those that don’t, parents have other options and a duty, really, to either walk around with their kids if that’ll keep them quiet, or take them out of the church until they calm down.

So, which is more distracting to you…having my baby gooing, or having me troop out of the church with three of my kids (too young to sit by themselves)? I can’t manage the door properly by myself, and it’s too heavy for any of the kids, so usually the door ends up banging on my way out as well, despite my best efforts.

That’s really nice that your church has a cry room, but, again, not all of them do. The solution to walk the kids around works well, and I do stand up the back quite often, but makes me wonder if next people are going to be complaining that mothers are walking up and down the back of the church with their babies. Sometimes my 2 year old follows me, must drive people nuts to have all of that ruckus going on.

 

[freddo]

Really? And did he put the chalice down and start talking on the phone?

Or did he just reach under his chasuble and shut it off?

Haha…he looked rather embarrassed and switched it off. My baby may babble, but at least I’ve never had a phone go off!

 

[Faith1960]

So, which is more distracting to you…having my baby gooing, or having me troop out of the church with three of my kids (too young to sit by themselves)? I can’t manage the door properly by myself, and it’s too heavy for any of the kids, so usually the door ends up banging on my way out as well, despite my best efforts.

That’s really nice that your church has a cry room, but, again, not all of them do. The solution to walk the kids around works well, and I do stand up the back quite often, but makes me wonder if next people are going to be complaining that mothers are walking up and down the back of the church with their babies. Sometimes my 2 year old follows me, must drive people nuts to have all of that ruckus going on.

Is your baby “gooing” at a noise level quiet enough that other people can hear and aren’t distracted?

Walking out of the church and occasionaly accidently banging the door is far less distracting than a baby beibg allowed to scream for who knows how long.

 

[ConstantineTG]

So it’s okay to be unable to hear much of the homily as long as one has the right attitude?

What good is hearing the homily if you have contempt in your heart?