Seeking Advice on Unfortunate Situation

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Well, I wasn’t going to say that. I’d try to work it in in a more natural way, if that’s possible, and even then not until we’ve established a solid friendship, but I’ve decided to abandon ship anyway.
 
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@swafan99.

I am probably not enthousiatic a lot, but I think it is likely that you will find many Catholics in your life who will hold similar views or dissenting from some catholics teachings, even non-negotiable.

Being Catholic alone, maybe the criteria that you want but it is not enough if you want someone who is 100% prolife and accept to follow all others teachings on family.

Maybe you will have to discern if you want a militant person who fight and defend Catholics views for every people and the society or if you may accept someone who may submit to these teaching personally because of conviction or to match yours, but no more.

It’s very possible that a Catholic who post this sort of agenda is pro choice, but will not like too much the idea of abortion for herself. But I think ot would be risky to be in a relationship with her because she will be carrying your babies.
 
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How sure are you this is the same person? People can have the same names.

But if you come to know her you could ask about this, as a friend. If you get to know her better and everything checks out and you both are into it, then I guess you could start dating to see if you’d be good married together.

Maybe talk to the priest or whoever is in charge of having catechists ready and ask if they make sure they hold orthodox views (slyly introducing “abortion” as one of many topics). And then go on from there, prayerfully.
 
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I’m 100% certain it’s her. People can have the same names, but not the same faces.
 
Try a few conversations with her as a friend. I would recommend that anyway to see it’s worth pursuing anything more. Maybe once challenged, it’ll get her to think. Maybe not. I think if you don’t try, you may always wonder what could have been.
 
I have read the whole thread and wanted to comment. Please don’t take this as an uncharitable remark, but does anyone else here think OP’s behavior has a bit of a creep-factor to it?

Maybe it is just me, but if I found out someone had:
  1. tracked me down on social media to the extent done, only to
  2. critique and critisize what they found to
  3. strangers on an internet forum, for
  4. discussion and “advice” on a relationship that didn’t even exist…
Well, I would not be “interested” and would probably take steps to avoid the person who did that.

Just saying. OP: If you are interested in a young lady, you introduce yourself and make some small talk, then you invite her to coffee, for a drink, for dinner, or whatever activity will help you get to know each other. That is how you find out about someone in a healthy way. Not sneaking around and trying to get information on them without them knowing. It is one thing to ask a mutual friend if they know if she is available or interested. But that isn’t what you were doing.

I realize in this day and age, looking someone up on FB is akin to looking them up in the highschool year book, years ago. I don’t think there is necessarily anything wrong with that. The level of scrutiny in this particular situation is what I find disturbing.

Again, I say this with charity.
 
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You should still be concerned about her soul. Someone mentioned it was a social issue…maybe for the world but not Catholics. Yes the primary concern is saving the lives of the unborn but we are also instruments in the salvation of souls (Spiritual Works of Mercy).
 
It’s pretty normal for a young person in high school or college to read someone’s public social media to see if they want to get to know them better. People make their public posts public for a reason. They expect others to read them. If someone doesn’t want potential dates reading their stuff, they set it to private, or post 10 pictures of themself with their boyfriend and change their status to not available.

In my day one would just hang around where the person was likely to be spending time (the gym after school, the local fast food or dining hall etc) and also ask others about the person. You want to find out whether they are in a relationship already and also whether they are into anything that is really a big turnoff to you. I suppose some would have seen that as “stalking” but many of us saw it as just a normal way to try to get to know people we were interested in. Of course, if the person made it clear they had a boyfriend or girlfriend and didn’t want us around, we were supposed to do the common sense thing and leave them alone.

However, where it gets creepy to me is when someone you just met criticizes or starts a sensitive discussion about something they read on your public social media. I realize that folks on this forum are always eager to “save souls” by “admonishing” the person or telling the priest on them, but when you barely know the person this is not your place to do. It’s also not a good way to make friends, and it’s unlikely to influence the person to change their behavior because you’re relative strangers, not a good friend of long standing or a family member.
 
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It may be normal, and actually a good thing to check out someone’s social media, I agree, but I understand what @JMMJ mentioned about a creep factor.

Starting a thread about it on a forum to discuss someone’s personality/beliefs that they haven’t even met is a bit strange. And a bit creepy. All of this is going on behind her back and she won’t ever know. To be plotting how and when he should bring up certain topics, again, with someone he doesn’t know is a bit weird. Things might be less creepy if this were someone he knew and had been speaking with, and then found out her views.

But she is a stranger to him.
 
If someone go to social media, can be identify there and make public comments, Why it would be wrong to see them to find if this person may be compatible or not? It would have save this person lot of time.

It seems voyeurism. It is probably, but a lot of social media is root on this.

And many don’t even known they are incompatible when they start a relationship. It’s latter, such as a hard case come, such as an unplanned pregnacy, or that one want to marry and the other not, that there were issues that had been ignored because they don’t speak a lot and jump on the relationship because of the desire.

So speak, and if you go on social media, you should always double check source such as simply raising the topic with the person concerned to really know her mind, position, actions.
 
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Of course, there are also those on this forum who are more concerned about this life then the next. The point is not to break off all contact. One can still become a part of the social scene and proclaim the teachings of Jesus gradually in a general way. Who knows, this girl might only know wishy washy Catholic guys and find it refreshing.
 
Anicette said:
a lot of social media is root on this.
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This is true. Facebook is named “Facebook” after the booklets that some colleges have distributed to their classes with pictures of everybody in the class and some info about them, like name, where they’re from, etc. Students would use these to get to know fellow students, and often to decide which guys or girls they wanted to meet or invite to parties. Putting it online made it possible to invite a whole bunch of selected people to a party at once, or to try to be friends with selected people of your choice.
 
I think you have point, however I think this part of the issue. As another poster stated above a lot of people “have lofty idealization”. And then “they end up single fir a long time by their own making”.
Except this lofty idealization is the OP being concerned that a person might be partially pro-choice.

Honestly dating has a been an eye opening experience for me, everyone admonishes certain behaviors and then rationalizes the same behaviors when it works to their benefit.

I agree it’s better to not read someones social media profile, and make decisions about them, it’s better to be upfront. I also am single, while watching friend after friend get married (often in Churches) after engaging In behaviors I would call less than faithful.

So at some point I think there is holding to your ideals, but as a faith community recognizing our culture is pretty off base, and the dating pool is rather small if you hold to even basic faith based standards.

.
 
I always thought the point of Newman Centers was to have social events and gatherings, as well as Masses and worship, for Catholic students to meet other Catholic students. There is one near my work that I visit sometimes for Mass and they usually have lots of dinners, barbecues, field trips, Bible study, other ministries for students to join. That would really be the best way to meet other young people who go there. Of course, COVID has caused activities to be cut back somewhat so they’re not having as many get togethers as normal.
 
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I’m just worried that as I got to know her better I’d begin to feel more strongly attracted but ultimately verify that we couldn’t see eye to eye. I essentially feel like I’d just be torturing myself for no reason in that case.
 
I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. You might talk to her for 5 minutes and find out you can’t stand being in her presence. She also might not be interested in you.

How about just making friends with her and all the other girls at the Newman Center and not be building this up into a big Romeo and Juliet situation before you’ve even had a coffee date? You might even find you like one of the other ladies better.
 
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swfan99 said:
I’m just worried that as I got to know her better I’d begin to feel more strongly attracted but ultimately verify that we couldn’t see eye to eye. I essentially feel like I’d just be torturing myself for no reason in that case.
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You’re way overthinking this. Get out of your own head and stop standing at the edge of the cliff; either jump or walk away. I recommend jumping. What’s the worst that could happen? Things could end up pretty well.
 
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Why would you be attracted to her if you already know you have serious things you do not agree on?

I think you should just let it go. As others have said, you are really overthinking this.
 
OP if I was in your shoes I would forget about the social media stuff. I know a lot of people use it, but I deleted mine years ago and am happy I did. It doesn’t represent reality.

With this woman, if your interested, strike up a conversation. See how it goes. Tbh people sometimes repost things on impulse, she very well might be pro-life and came off incorrectly, at this point you really don’t know. But perhaps put this topic into something to ask at some point. You’ve seen a red flag, a possibly sizable one. But again your not really sure.

Other than that just get to know her a little. Who knows…good can come if it. Worst case scenario is it doesn’t work out, and your where you are currently.

Edit: but never compromise your values in the process
 
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swfan99 said:
I’m just worried that as I got to know her better I’d begin to feel more strongly attracted but ultimately verify that we couldn’t see eye to eye. I essentially feel like I’d just be torturing myself for no reason in that case.
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But this is just a girl you saw at Mass a few times, right? And you already have misgivings about her because of her political views and divergence from Catholic teaching on abortion. I feel you are possibly getting somewhat ahead of yourself if you are worried about “torturing” yourself by getting to know her better. In fact, it could be that getting to know her better would be a good idea. On the one hand, you could fall in love and live happily ever after, but on the other hand, actually getting to know her might be enough to convince you that you’re not right for each other and then you can just move on.

@Tis_Bearself You are probably right. From what you say, it does indeed sound like this woman is unlikely to be working in a capacity where her opinion on abortion is relevant. I guess I tend to expect a high degree of intellectual honesty. I would expect somebody who is a practising Catholic, let alone somebody who has a role of leadership in her parish, to assent to all the teachings of the Catholic Church. I do not belong to a denomination, but I feel that if I were to belong to a denomination either I would have to study all of the denomination’s beliefs to satisfy myself of their truth or I would have to accept that everything that the denomination teaches is true ipso facto. For example, I would feel dishonest if I became an Anglican, as I do not agree with Article XXXIX of the Articles of Religion, which permits the swearing of oaths. If I were to become a Sunday school teacher at an Anglican parish church, I probably would not be asked to provide instruction about swearing oaths, but I would feel fraudulent nonetheless knowing that I privately dissented. I can only imagine how much bigger a deal it must be to be a Catholic who is pro-choice.
 
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